It was different this time, not just a physical joining of two bodies fitting perfectly together. With this, I couldn't tell where he ended and I began. Like every cell in my body was merging with every cell in his. I'd never felt anything like it, not once. And, as I heard him saying my name over and over again, I knew he felt it too.
He wrapped his arms around me and rolled us onto our sides. “Thank you.” He pressed his lips against my neck and I shivered.
“For what?” I was still half-floating.
“For loving me, despite everything.”
I picked up his hand and kissed the back of it. “You're mine,” I said simply.
“Yes,” he said as he nuzzled behind my ear. “I am.”
Chapter 6
We made love two more times before we finally fell asleep, exhausted and satisfied. And that's what it had been, making love, not fucking, no matter how rough we had been with each other. Cade may have been the dominate one, but I wasn't exactly gentle. I hadn't seen it, but I knew his back would be covered with scratches. I knew he had hickeys on his neck and chest to match the ones he'd left on me. And, of course, every inch of me ached in a pleasurably used kind of way. I could only imagine what it was going to be like to have him as much as I wanted.
These were the thoughts buzzing about in my brain when I woke. I smiled a sleepy smile and rolled over to greet Cade. My hand hit the pillow and I frowned. I told myself not to freak out as I opened my eyes. He was probably just in the bathroom. Then I saw a piece of paper on the pillow. I grabbed it and sat up, ignoring the throb of pain in my ass as I did. No matter what had happened the night before, an empty bed and a note immediately made me think about Ronald and my wedding that hadn't been.
I relaxed the moment I read the first line.
My Aubree.
I settled against the pillows and pulled the blankets up to cover my breasts as I read the rest.
I wanted nothing more than to wake you so I could make love to you again, but you looked so peaceful sleeping there that I couldn't bring myself to do it. I’m going to my place because I have to call all my FORMER clients and let them know I'm no longer in business. I didn't think those were conversations you wanted to hear. Plus, I need a change of clothes, though I'm hoping not to be wearing much the rest of the weekend. When I'm done, I'll come back and we can talk about where things are going next because I don't know anything about my future except I want you in it. Well, first I plan on ravishing you. Then we can talk.
Heat coiled in my belly at the thought of all the ways we could ‘ravish’ me. I closed my eyes. Fuck. I'd never felt like this before. How was I supposed to get anything done when all I could think about was Cade's body, his hands and mouth on me? How could anyone function like this?
I opened my eyes and forced myself to look at the note again. There were only a couple more sentences left.
I'm going to stop by the loft too. I developed those pictures and want you to see how amazing you look. I shouldn't be long. I love you. Your Cade
I'd almost forgotten about those pictures he'd taken. I flushed and turned over the letter even though there was no one else around to read it. What would it be like, I wondered, seeing myself in those photos? Cade had made me watch myself in a mirror while we had sex, but I didn't think it'd be the same. That had been in the middle of things, the heat of the moment where I hadn't exactly been thinking clearly. The pictures were still frames of me in explicit positions, doing things and having things done to me that only Cade had ever seen. Even my ex hadn't seen me do any of that. He'd been very much a 'get in, get off, get out' kind of guy. Not in a rude way, but more of a 'that's how it is' way of thinking. And since he'd been my only lover, I thought it was normal. Until I met Cade.
I glanced at the clock and sighed. I needed to get up. I had papers to grade and if I wanted to be done by the time he got back, I needed to get started. And I definitely didn't want anything to get in the way of my time with Cade. My stomach growled. Besides, I was ready for breakfast.
I didn't know how I did it, but somehow I managed to concentrate enough to get my papers done in record time. I even went back and checked the first couple just to make sure I hadn't gotten distracted and missed things, but no. They were done and I had nothing to do but wait. It was getting close to noon, so I decided to tidy up and then took a shower, figuring Cade would be back by the time I got out. When he wasn't and it was now past one, I considered eating lunch but couldn't quite stomach it. I started pacing by one-thirty and by two I was getting really worried. Even if he'd left just minutes before I'd woken up, he should've been back by now. He didn't have that many clients. Did he? Even if he'd talked to each one for ten minutes, packed a bag, then loitered around the loft while collecting the photos, he should've been back by now.
A mean voice in the back of my head suggested that maybe this had been the way he'd decided to get rid of me. That he'd left me too. I put my hand on the place where my shoulder and neck met. The bruise there was dark, a reminder that I was his and he was mine. Nothing else mattered. He wouldn't have left me. If he hadn't wanted to be with me, he never would've come back, never would've said he loved me. All he'd had to do was walk away; he wasn't the kind to play games. If I knew nothing else about him, I knew that. He was straightforward, had been from the moment we'd met.
No, something was wrong. I could feel it in my gut.
I called his cell and, after several rings, it went to voicemail. I frowned, but refused to let myself panic. He might've been in the middle of something. I waited five minutes and then called back. Same thing. Now I was getting really anxious. I couldn't imagine him letting it ring and ring twice in a row. It wasn't like he'd sent it to voicemail after a single ring because he was busy.
I might've been overreacting and I hoped I was, but something deep inside me said I wasn't. I needed to find him. I didn't know where he lived, but he'd also said he was going to his loft. That's where I'd start. If he wasn't there, I'd have to figure out a way to get his address.
I practically ran down the stairs, unable to stomach being in the elevator, just standing there while it went down, the memories of the previous night playing in my head. No, I needed to be moving. To my relief, I spotted a taxi almost immediately and waved it down.
I quickly gave him the address and promised a big tip if he got me there in ten minutes. The driver glanced at me and I could tell he was doubtful I could afford a tip that would make that kind of driving worth it. Then he saw my face and realized I wasn't asking for the fun of it. He nodded and pulled away from the curb fast enough to throw me back in my seat. I spent the entire trip with my nails digging into the seat, my knuckles white, my stomach churning. I didn't usually believe in premonitions or anything like that, but I couldn't deny this horrible feeling that Cade was in trouble and I was going to be too late to stop it.
When I got to the loft, I quickly paid the cabbie and gave him a big enough tip that he asked if I wanted him to wait. I thanked him and told him if I wasn't back in five minutes to go ahead and leave. It'd take me less time than that to see if Cade was there. The loft was spacey, but it was only one room and a bathroom. And it wasn't like he could hide from me.
I took the steps one at a time, but it was all I could do not to run up them. I knocked on the door, then sucked in a breath when the knock pushed the door open. My heart was in my throat as I pushed the door open even further, my hand shaking. I tried not to think about what could've happened here as I took my first step inside. This place held a lot of good memories, but I wasn't thinking about any of those when I saw the mess.
At first, I couldn't figure out what was covering the floor, but when I took a closer look, my blood ran cold. They were my pictures, the ones Cade had taken just last week. The ones he'd come back here to get. I pressed my hands together as I forced my head up to look around.
I scanned the room, stopping when I saw a shape on the bed in the back. I reached over and switched on a light. It confirm
ed what I thought. Cade was lying on the bed and the knot in my stomach eased. He'd just fallen asleep, I told myself. Not surprising, we'd had a long night. Maybe the pictures had been the result of a break-in and he'd fallen asleep waiting for the cops.
I was halfway across the room, thinking of enjoyable ways I could wake him, when I realized he wasn't alone. But it wasn't a woman in bed with him. A sandy-haired man with a scar on his cheek had his arm thrown over Cade's stomach.
I almost bolted, sickened by the thought I'd been lied to. Then I realized what was really wrong with this picture.
The man's arm wasn't moving.
Cade wasn't breathing.
Chapter 7
I forgot about what this looked like. Forgot my questions as to why Cade was in bed with a man. Forgot about everything but the fact that the man I loved wasn't breathing.
“Cade!”
He didn't respond when I yelled his name.
I ran the rest of the way, nearly falling as my feet skidded on the torn photographs. With each step, another detail of the scene imprinted in my mind, seared there in such a way that I knew I'd never forget any of them.
Cade's skin was pale, too pale.
The man wrapped around Cade was stretched out, like he'd lain down, but Cade wasn't laying. He was slumped like he'd been sitting and fallen over.
There was a glass on the floor, pieces of it broken, drops of liquid splashed across the wood. The smell of alcohol was in the air.
I reached the bed, my heart pounding. “Cade!” I said his name again before reaching out to touch him. I almost didn't want to, afraid his skin would be cold, that I waited too long to look for him. No, I told myself. I couldn't lose him, not when we'd just found each other.
I shoved the stranger's arm off Cade, barely glancing at the other man as he rolled onto his back. I heard him exhale and then ignored him. If he was breathing, I wasn't about to pay any attention to him. I didn't know if I would've anyway. All of my attention was on Cade.
I reached out, my hand shaking. I pressed my fingers against the side of his neck and nearly sobbed with relief when I felt his pulse. It was weak, but it was there. Then I put my hand on his chest and my heart skipped a beat. My first assumption had been correct. He wasn't breathing.
I dug my phone out of my pocket and dialed 911, putting it on speakerphone as I leaned over Cade, trying to remember what I'd learned about CPR during my freshman year health class.
I tilted his head back, opened his mouth and pinched his nose shut. I blew in a single breath before a woman's voice came over the air.
“Nine one-one, do you have an emergency?”
“I need an ambulance.” My voice trembled. “Something happened to my boyfriend. He's not breathing.”
“Okay, ma'am, what is your location?”
I rattled off the address, then leaned down to blow another breath into Cade's lungs. I could barely see through the tears burning in my eyes.
“I've dispatched an ambulance to your location.”
“Two,” I said, suddenly remembering the other man. “There's someone else here too.”
“There are two people who need assistance?”
I gave him another breath before answering. “I got here a couple minutes ago and found my boyfriend and... a friend of his.” I wasn't about to try to figure out who this person was or why he'd had his arms around Cade. “They were both unconscious. The other guy, I don't know who he is or why he was here. He's breathing. Cade isn't.”
“Are you doing CPR?”
I wanted to snap at her that I was trying to but she kept asking me stupid questions, but I focused on giving Cade air and just gave a short answer. “Yes.”
“The paramedics are on their way, miss.” Her voice took on a soothing tone that grated on my nerves. “Everything's going to be okay.”
The tears spilled over onto Cade's cheeks and lips as I kept breathing for him. It wasn't going to be okay, not if he didn't wake up. I didn't look at his mouth as I tasted the salt from my tears. If I looked, I might see that his lips were blue from lack of oxygen. If I saw that, I wasn't sure I'd be able to hold it together. And if I fell apart, Cade would definitely die.
And there was no way in hell I was going to let that happen.
I was vaguely aware that the operator was going on in the background, giving additional life-saving instructions and telling me all of the encouraging things her job told her she was supposed to say, but I wasn't listening to her. There were only two sounds I wanted to hear right now. Ambulance sirens and, more than that, Cade taking a breath.
“Please, baby,” I whispered, my lips brushing against his as I spoke. “Please don't leave me.”
I gave him another breath and then took a shuddering breath of my own. I wasn't sure how much longer I could hold it together. Then, in the distance, I heard the wail of sirens. They were coming. I just needed to hold on.
“I love you,” I said before covering his mouth again.
I had to keep going. I couldn't even bear to think about what would happen if I stopped. I'd been living my life in the dark before I'd met Cade, barely knowing myself, not knowing everything the world could offer me. I wasn't going back to that. I couldn't go back to that. I wouldn't.
“Damn you, Cade.” I hit his chest with my fist. “Don't do this to me!”
He gasped and I gave a little cry.
“Cade?” I shook his shoulders harder than I probably needed to, but he took a shuddering breath, then another. I almost cried with relief, but then I heard footsteps behind me.
I spun around, spreading my arms out as I took a defensive stance in front of Cade. It took my brain a moment to process what I was seeing, and then I moved out of the way to let the paramedics through. I stumbled, then put my hand down. I felt a sharp pain in my palm, but didn't acknowledge it. Cade was my only concern.
“Do you know what happened?” The male paramedic asked.
I shook my head as I straightened. “I came in and saw them like this.” I gestured toward the stranger. “I don't know who he is or why he's here.”
The female paramedic leaned over the stranger. “His pulse is weak.”
“Him too,” the man said. He glanced at me. “You know this one?”
I nodded, fighting back tears again. “He's my boyfriend.” My hip bumped against the bedside table and I realized my phone was still on. I reached down and hung up, then slid my phone into my pocket.
“Does he do any drugs?” he asked. “Be honest.”
“No,” I said firmly. Glass crunched under my feet and I remembered the liquid I'd seen on the floor. “He might've had a drink.”
“Does he have any allergies?”
“I don't know.” I pressed my hands against my chest. “Please, don't let him die.” I whispered the plea over and over as the paramedics worked.
As they moved Cade onto a gurney, the first paramedic who'd come in looked over at me. “You said you gave CPR?”
I nodded.
“If he lives, it'll be because of you.”
I barely heard the praise. All I heard was the “if.” My heart clenched. No, please, no. Not “if.”
“Come on,” the paramedic called as they started to take Cade down the stairs. “You can ride with us.” His eyes flicked down to my hand. “And you're going to need to get that looked at.”
I looked down, puzzled. Blood was dripping from my hand. When had that happened? I raised my hand and wrapped the bottom of my shirt around the wound. It'd do until I knew Cade was okay.
I climbed into the ambulance, taking the seat the paramedics offered. I started to reach for Cade's hand, then hesitated, unsure if I should touch him. He'd always looked so strong and invincible. Now, with oxygen being given to him through a portable tank and mask, his skin pale and gray, he looked so weak. Almost frail.
“It's okay,” the paramedic said. “You can hold his hand.” He reached for my wounded one. “Gives me a chance to take a look at this.”
&nb
sp; “I'm okay,” I said absently as I took Cade's hand with my good one. I hissed as the paramedic started looking at the cut.
“You're lucky is what you are,” he said. “It's deep, but I think you'll be good with steri-strips. Unless you want stitches.”
“Bandage is fine,” I said. Especially if it meant I could stay with Cade. I hardly felt the paramedic doing his work or heard the sirens as the ambulance raced through the streets. When he said I was done, I put both hands around Cade's. “Come back to me,” I said softly.
The ride to the hospital and the rush that followed felt like a dream. The nurses pulled me away from him and led me to a seat to wait. Time lost all meaning as I waited. Nurses and doctors walked past, ignoring me as much as I did them. The only one I wanted to listen to was the one who'd tell me that Cade would be okay.
It was late evening, however, before that one came out.
“Are you here with Cade Shepard?” An older man walked toward me.
I nodded and stood, adrenaline flooding through me. “Is he okay?”
The doctor nodded and the relief that washed over me nearly made my legs buckle.
“He's resting now,” the doctor said. “You can sit with him.”
“Thank you,” I said. I followed as the doctor led me back through the doors. “What happened?”
The doctor gave me a sideways glance. “Are you family?”
“Yes,” I said without hesitation. And as far as Cade was concerned, that was true. He didn't have anyone else.
Something about the way I answered must've convinced the doctor not to inquire any further. “There was a high quantity of narcotics in his system.”
“What?”
“Along with some alcohol. Not a lot, but still a dangerous combination.” He opened a door and motioned for me to enter. “And,” he hesitated, then continued, “the other young man had the same in his system.”
“You think they were partying,” I said with a scowl.
“It's not my place to say,” he said. “But you should know that the police will probably want to investigate.”