I found her history interesting, yet as she talked, I felt distant. My mind constantly returned from her story to my present nightmare.
By the time Aisha returned, the sky was brightening. The jinni manifested herself a few feet away from Julie and me, holding a thin violet weed.
“What took you so long?” I asked, eyeing the odd plant.
Dripping wet, Aisha approached me with a grumpy expression. She pulled away the brown sack containing the werewolf tooth that I had attached to my belt. Opening the sack, she slipped in the merflor before handing it back to me.
“Merfolk don’t exactly welcome trespassers asking for directions to their valuable resources,” she said, a scowl on her face. “I’m not familiar with these waters and it took a while to find.”
I should have just been relieved that she had found it. We didn’t have a lot of time left. My appointment with the witch doctor was already tomorrow.
I turned to Arron, who had been quiet ever since Julie and I had left him alone to talk. I found myself wondering whether he had overheard our whispered conversation.
“So now we are on to the dragon scale,” I said, trepidation filling my stomach. “Where do you suggest we get that from? Would we need to go to The Hearthlands?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Arron replied, clearing his throat.
“Then?”
I looked toward Aisha, wondering if she had any ideas. She looked blankly back at me. “My tribe hasn’t had dealings with dragons,” she said. “I don’t know a lot about the creatures. I’m not sure where we would find a dragon other than The Hearthlands.”
“I know one we could visit,” Arron said. All eyes turned on him as he continued. “His name is Breccan. He lives alone on a small, deserted island. He was banished from The Hearthlands many years ago for treason. He is an old beast, though still ferocious. However, we stand the best chance of getting what we’re after from an island populated by just one fire-breather than an entire country filled with them.”
“And do you know how to get to this island?” I asked the Hawk.
To my relief, he nodded. I’d never thought that I would feel grateful for a Hawk’s presence—least of all Arron’s—but this man was turning out to be invaluable to us on this crazy journey.
Chapter 21: Ben
Arriving on top of a cliff, we had a full view over Breccan’s mountainous island and the miles of ocean that surrounded it. We were silent as we took in the atmosphere. It was larger than I had expected. I wondered where exactly the dragon resided.
Arron clutched my shoulder as I moved to begin climbing down the rocks. “Wait,” he whispered. “Let’s agree on a plan.”
“Do you know where Breccan is?” I asked, hoping that we could procure the witch’s last request with the least amount of violence.
“That’s what we need to find out,” Arron replied. “He lives somewhere within the mountains. We need to scope out this place and find an entrance.” His eyes traveled to the steep slope. “Though if we’re lucky, we might even find a scale Breccan has already shed on the ground somewhere…. Let’s start looking around this peak. And keep a sharp ear out. The shifter might not be in his beastly form—which would make him quieter and harder to detect from a distance.”
With that, Arron walked forward, gesturing for us to follow. We made our way down the mountain, casting our eyes about for shed dragon scales or any sign of an entrance.
We searched for hours, long after the sun rose in the sky. Aisha cast shade over Julie and me, although the heat was unbearable. It seemed to be emanating not only from above, but also from beneath us. I wondered what kind of furnace there must have been within the mountain. After the sun reached its peak in the sky and sank low again, we still hadn’t found a scale, although Arron had spotted a tunnel entrance—about the shape and size of a normal doorway.
What we had to do next became clear. We couldn’t waste any more time hoping to come across a scale outside—we had to enter the caves and try to find one within. I hoped that there would be more lying around in there, and we wouldn’t actually have to come face to face with the creature. The four of us gathered together on a ledge just beneath the entrance.
“We can’t enter it now,” Arron whispered. “We should wait for when the dragon is most likely to be asleep.”
Wait. I never thought that I could despise a word so much.
“And when is the dragon likely to be asleep?” I asked tensely.
“In the early hours of the morning.” Arron looked sideways along the mountain slope. “I suggest that we set up camp nearby for the night… It’s evening now anyway. Before we know it, it’ll be time to return.”
It certainly wasn’t wise to set up too close to the entrance, so Aisha transported us about a mile away. We found another ledge of a neighboring mountain that was almost opposite to the tunnel entrance. The first thing I did was make sure Aisha concealed the enclosure with her powers so no onlooker could see us resting here.
Julie pushed back her bangs with the back of her hand, wiping beads of sweat away from her forehead. She let out a weary sigh and slumped down against the wall. Arron also took a seat, stretching out his legs. Aisha said she wanted to look around the area longer, assuring me that she’d return immediately if I touched my gold band.
I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t feel like sitting or standing. Heck, I didn’t feel like being.
I ended up pacing up and down the wide ledge until the sky darkened and the moon rose. Arron started a fire, after which Aisha soon returned.
She looked more irritable than ever. “I’m hungry,” she said, her voice bordering on whining.
I wasn’t sure what to suggest. With those jaws, I’d imagine that she could eat anything. “You should go eat some leaves, or bark or… rocks.”
“Jinn don’t eat those things,” she snapped, crumpling on the ground.
“I’d offer you some of my blood, but—”
She threw me a look of disgust before I could finish my sentence. “Not even your blood could tempt me, dear,” she said. “I’d rather eat rocks than drink vampire blood.”
“Then why not just magick yourself some bones? Fulfill your own wish.”
“I want my sister to cook for me,” she moaned.
What a fusspot.
I shrugged and sat down close to the edge of the platform, my feet hanging down. Julie was curled up in one corner, resting her head against a stone. Although her eyes were closed, I doubted that she was sleeping. I wondered when she’d last had blood.
If Arron was hungry, he didn’t show it. He just sat in front of the fire, staring into the flames.
I turned my back on everyone and looked out toward the mountain opposite us.
Aisha continued grumbling to herself for the next hour before she slid up against a corner and closed her eyes. That left just me and the Hawk awake. I had been avoiding looking at him, but to my dismay, he stood up and approached me. He sat down three feet away, joining me in watching the tunnel opening.
I shifted a few inches from him, feeling unsettled by his presence. He cleared his throat.
“There’s probably a fifty percent chance that you would survive the surgery if the witch agrees to do it,” he said in a low voice.
Thanks for that piece of information. As if my mind wasn’t already weighed down enough. I gritted my teeth and shot him a glare. “And your point is?”
He shrugged. “No point in particular…” His hand traveled into the folds of his robe, and when it reappeared, he was clasping a small glass bottle filled with a light blue, transparent liquid. I stared at it, wondering if it was some kind of alcoholic beverage he’d carried with him from Aviary. But he made no motion to break open the lid and take a swig. He just held it in his hand, cradling it in his palm and swishing the liquid as he stared down at it.
“Fate doesn’t have to be as straightforward as life or death,” he said slowly.
I furrowed my brows.
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“Sometimes there can be… other choices,” he continued. His eyes took on a glaze, his expression calm and relaxed, as he continued rolling the liquid. “Like humans, supernaturals can sometimes contract dangerous and fatal diseases. Diseases that make life unworthy of living. That make one wish he could give up his body entirely just to no longer feel the pain… But death is a scary thing.” He glanced at me casually, though his grey eyes gleamed. “Nobody knows what truly lies beyond death. So, understandably, it’s the nature of living beings to want to cling to what they know, however miserable an existence they might be leading.”
I still wasn’t sure where he was going with this, though I understood why he was talking in such a hushed tone. He didn’t want Aisha to overhear what he was saying.
He held the potion higher and looked at it thoughtfully. He let out a slow, deep breath. “This potion,” he said, “I considered taking it a number of times after the war with the Elders, and after I lost half of myself…” His expression filled with bitterness as he eyed the stump where his arm had been, and gestured his head backward to his missing wing. “The physical pain was only half of the agony. It was the mental pain that crushed me. The feeling of defeat, it was enough to destroy anyone’s soul.” He twisted to face me fully and caught my gaze again, his sharp eyes filled with intent. “Do you know what this is, Benjamin?” he asked, more quietly than ever.
“Why would I know?” I looked back at him warily.
“Would you like to know?”
“What is it?” I asked, taking the bait.
“It’s a remedy administered by witch doctors. I picked up this bottle from Uma’s sister while we were on her island. It’s intended for those who no longer wish to live, but are too afraid to die. It allows for a kind of existence between the two states, in that elusive place between life and death. Where there is peace, lightness, absence of pain… ”
Slowly I caught on to his train of thought. “You mean, like… a ghost?”
He looked pleased by my question. He nodded. “Like a ghost. This remedy detaches a person’s soul from their body and allows him to continue living in a subtle state, without a physical, tangible form, and hence also without pain.” He must have noticed the dazed expression on my face. “Understand, Benjamin, that there is much more to all of us than flesh and blood. There is the mind, the consciousness, the soul. Do you really think that when this body expires, you cease to exist? That you fall into some oblivion, as if you had never been alive at all? No. There is a place beyond death for all of us, whether we be humans, or supernaturals… But as I said, most aren’t willing to find out.”
He paused, and as he did I realized just how engrossed I had been in his words, in spite of how strange they were. I found myself impatient for him to continue.
He nodded back down to the potion. “Those who take this elixir wish to stay in their former lives, but without the burden that comes with the physical body.”
My mouth felt dry as he picked up the vial and placed it on the ground, close to me. He stood up. Again his movement was casual as he glanced down at me, though his eyes were anything but. “Just something to think about,” he said, before turning and heading back to the fire, where he resumed his seat in front of it.
I stared down at the small glass bottle. The firelight danced in the innocent-looking light blue liquid.
My mind was still reeling from what Arron had told me. Ghosts? And this potion… That was what he’d seen Uma’s sister for. A potion created by the witch. It appeared as though, if there was any truth in Arron’s words, supernaturals used this potion as a kind of mercy killing… except it wasn’t exactly killing. The person was supposed to live on as a ghost.
My fragmented mind, already blown to pieces by revelation after revelation over the past few days, had just splintered further. I didn’t know how much more my brain could handle before it exploded.
So ghosts really do exist? But, according to Arron, not everybody became a ghost. When a human or supernatural died a normal death, they left for… the beyond, wherever Arron thought that was. Becoming a ghost wasn’t a natural consequence of dying. It had to be forced… by this potion? Could this really be true?
If taking it separated a person from their body, if I took it and became a ghost, my vampire form would become a corpse I guessed. Elders couldn’t inhabit the corpses of vampires. Corpses were useless to them. That much I knew from what my parents had told me of the creatures, and all that I’d learned so far from the oracle and the jinn. Elders needed both body and soul together in order to take over. That was why they abandoned vessels when they became too weak from habitation and the vampire expired.
Despite myself, I reached toward the potion and held it in my palms.
Could this small bottle of liquid really contain that sort of power?
I wondered what taking it would feel like. Would there be pain? Would it be like dying except you remained conscious? Can other people see ghosts? Can ghosts even see, talk, or feel in any way?
I shuddered, disturbed that I’d fallen into thinking in such depth about Arron’s words. I swallowed hard, a part of me tempted to plant the bottle right back down on the ground where Arron had left it.
But another part of me, the more desperate part, gripped the small bottle more tightly and stowed it in the pocket of my robe.
Chapter 22: Ben
I tried to turn my mind to other thoughts than the conversation I’d had with Arron. I reached for the brown sack fastened to my waist and opened it up, gazing down at the two ingredients we had managed to gather so far. I reached inside and wrapped my fingers around the merflor. I’d expected it to be slimy, but now that it was dry, it was soft, almost velvety.
“Hey.” Julie’s soft voice came from behind me. “Are you okay?” She approached and took a seat on the ledge by my side.
Okay? I wasn’t sure that I would ever be okay.
“Yes,” I muttered.
I continued examining the merflor before moving on to the tooth, not paying much attention to Julie. I didn’t want companionship. I just wanted to be on my own. If it had been possible, I would be around no one right now. I’d be on this journey alone, as I’d sensed that I ought to be right from the start.
Julie wasn’t intrusive, however. She kept her distance and looked away from me, fixing her eyes on the rocky landscapes surrounding us.
I was surprised that it was me who ended up breaking the silence.
“Don’t you have any plans for your life?” I asked.
She looked my way before releasing a sigh. “I’m not sure what plans I could have,” she replied, her voice subdued. “I’ve lived the last decades of my life—ever since I became a vampire—in the shadow of my father. I’ve hardly been in an environment conducive for making dreams… or friends for that matter. You’ve probably noticed that I’m socially awkward.”
Julie was shy and hesitant at times, though I wouldn’t have described her as socially awkward. She’d struck up a conversation with me back in the pub in The Tavern, and then extended her help to me—a total stranger. Not exactly what an introvert would do.
“I hadn’t noticed,” I muttered.
A small smile curved her lips. “Good. Because I’m trying to leave behind the old me. The me who lived at the mercy of my father, bending over backward to satisfy his every demand… When I was younger—at least, when I was still a human, before we all got turned—he was strict and concerned that I always studied hard at school, like any good Chinese parent, but he was nowhere near the control freak he is now. Something just… switched in him after he became a vampire. I guess sometimes the newfound strength goes to people’s heads. They become monsters—not just on the outside, but on the inside too.” She paused, glancing at me. “Sorry, I’m rambling. I don’t mean to bore you with more about me.”
Truth be told, I was starting to feel grateful for her interrupting my silence. Her talking helped to distract me from the conversation I’d had with Ar
ron, which was still playing in the back of my mind.
“That’s all right,” I told her honestly. “You’re not boring me… I have to say that in spite of your sheltered upbringing, you have uncommon courage to follow me on this journey.”
She smirked. “Or uncommon desperation. I do mean it when I say I have nowhere else to go. But, somehow, I came across you and we wound up getting stuck together… I don’t know. Call it fate, guts, or desperation… This just feels like the right path for me to take at present.”
She pulled her dangling legs up from over the edge of the ridge and twisted to face me. Her expression became serious. “I overheard what Arron said to you,” she said, dropping her voice to a whisper. “I hope that you wouldn’t consider doing it.” She leaned in closer to me, her eyes wide with concern.
I didn’t answer.
“I don’t know you well, Benjamin. But I don’t need to in order to feel that you’re a good person,” she pressed. “I would to hate to see you go down that path… You deserve so much more.”
She placed her right hand over mine where it rested on the ground. I flinched, withdrawing my hand. I felt uncomfortable with her sudden proximity, almost claustrophobic, despite sitting out in the open. I averted my gaze and stood up, turning my back on her. I walked away, past the fire where Arron sat, and moved as far away from everyone as I could on this mountain ledge. I stared down at the steep drop near my feet.
My fists clenched, my hand tightening around the brown sack of ingredients that was still in my hand.
The surgery has to work. It just has to…
I almost lost my footing as a stabbing pain surged in my stomach. It was excruciating, as though someone was twisting a knife into my gut. I staggered back, dropping the brown sack. I let out a low groan, falling to my knees and doubling over.