"I was sent from the stalag to their farm to help with the harvest."
"Alone?"
"No. Originally there were seven of us."
"What happened to the others?"
"They were returned to the stalag."
"But not you."
"No. Their father knew someone. Pulled some strings. He realized he was going to be recruited into the army, and he wanted a man to help manage the estate when he was gone. Do the heavy lifting."
"You know how much trouble you're in now, don't you?"
"How so?"
"Well, I'm not going to kill you. But many other soldiers would. And if the Russians catch you, well, that wouldn't be pretty, either. In their eyes, you'd be either a collaborator or a spy."
"The plan--" Abruptly the POW stopped talking, alarmed that he was saying too much. But it was apparent now to Uri that there was a plan, or at least a vague hope, and it became clear in an instant to Uri what it was: This family, like so many others in this endless and tawdry procession, was going to cross the whole bloody Reich, if necessary, to reach the British or the American lines. And, when they made it, this Scottish paratrooper was going to be their goodwill ambassador. Their currency. Their proof that they weren't your run-of-the-mill Nazis. There was little doubt in Uri's mind that this Callum and Anna were lovers, and the reason the girl's parents were tolerating their relationship was because this paratrooper was going to be their daughter and son's ticket into whatever post-Hitler world awaited them. For all he knew, the girl's mother was actually hoping the two would marry someday, and they'd all live happily ever after on some Scottish moor. Or, perhaps, she was living under some delusion that in a few weeks' time this man's army would be joining hers to beat back the barbarians from the east. He'd heard people saying such things for a while now. Believing such things. It was, along with their pathetic faith in some wonder weapon that Nazi scientists were supposedly cooking up in underground tunnels somewhere, what kept them going.
Still, this girl's parents might be on to something. Not about the Brits and the Yankees ever aligning themselves with the Germans. And not about the wonder weapons. But he realized if he was still stuck in this German uniform when the end finally came, it would benefit him, too, to have a friend like Callum. He didn't honestly believe that would happen. That it could happen. But he had been a chameleon for so long, what if people didn't believe him when he insisted he was actually Uri Singer from Schweinfurt? What if he awoke one morning and the war was over, and he learned that all the Jews but him had been killed? What if he was actually unable to convince anyone who he was?
"Are you going to Czersk now, too?" he asked the paratrooper.
"Only because it's the next stop on the road."
"And then?"
"Stettin, eventually."
"I've never been to Stettin."
"Me neither."
"Well, why don't I go round up that Ragnit," he said. Gently he touched the toe of his boot to the dead horse at his feet. "And you can tell the family what happened to this one."
The Scot snuffed out his cigarette in the snow and nodded. He put back on his gloves and lumbered off, his shoulders slightly stooped by the weight of the news he was toting.
Chapter 11
callum walked beside anna along the path that linked a farmer's field to the road. There was hardpacked snow in the middle, but the innumerable wagon wheels that had preceded them had carved the two ruts on which they were leading the horses. They were down to three animals now, and so they had left behind a few bags of feed and one of the trunks. They had consolidated three trunks into two, with Mutti sacrificing most of her spare clothes. When they reached Stettin, she had said, her cousin would have plenty of coats and dresses to lend her.
It fascinated Callum. It fascinated them all. They were leaving a trunk by the side of the road packed with silks and linens and nightgowns, and no one was bothering to ransack it. No one cared. People could barely struggle forward with the few things they had: They couldn't have cared less about adding more. And so the trunk was just one more suitcase or bag or chest that would sit moldering in the snow until, perhaps, a Russian soldier finally got around to looting it.
On the surface, the Emmerichs seemed fine to Callum, even young Theo. But he knew they weren't. They were stunned by what they had seen and saddened by the loss of Labiau. Still, they were soldiering on, just as they had after Rolf and Helmut had left them at the Vistula. They were continuing now with neither hysteria nor histrionics, because, after all, they hadn't a choice. Nevertheless, he wanted to reach out and embrace them. Especially Anna. Since they had left the estate, it had been difficult to find moments when the two of them could be alone. They had found them, but the kisses and the embraces had been furtive. They certainly hadn't had either the opportunity or the inclination to make love. As a result, it had been the smallest of contacts that had mattered: One time Anna had removed her glove and taken his hand when he had still been riding inside the cart, smothered by all those bags of oats, and the connection--the rediscovery of her skin--had been electric. Another time, one of those nights in one of those barns, when it seemed as if everyone in the world was asleep but them, she had sat beside him and then curled against him, burrowing deep inside his jacket. For close to three hours they had whispered and dozed in their corner of the barn and imagined what their lives would be like when the war was behind them. And they had usually found brief moments to kiss: chaste kisses good night when no one was looking, as well as kisses that were wanton and moist and in other circumstances--simply being warm, perhaps, or being alone-- would have left them aroused and desirous of more.
He considered the other girls he had known. He had had girlfriends before, but neither he nor they had ever thought that their relationships might have longevity, and he had made love with only one woman before Anna. The closest thing he had had to a serious relationship had been with the widow nearly twice his age with whom he'd been sleeping--clandestinely--until she had found a more suitable partner and remarried. Her name was Camellia, and her husband had been a friend of his uncle's. That was how they had met. She was tiny: small breasts and boyish hips and dark hair she kept bobbed in a manner that he understood was no longer fashionable. But she was ravenous in bed in a way that, until he was with her, he hadn't realized women could be. She had taught him an awful lot. But he had also understood that their relationship-- perhaps even that was too strong a word, perhaps even in his mind he should use the term that she always had, which was dalliance-- had never had any sort of future. Which, given the fact he was eighteen and nineteen years old at the time and he was being trained to hurl himself from an airplane above blokes who wanted to shoot him like quail, had seemed to make sense. She had actually remarried three weeks before he jumped over France, and he and his mother and his uncle had of course been at the wedding. Her new husband was a few years her senior and worked for the chancellor of the exchequer. The last time he saw her was as he was leaving the reception, and he had kissed her once on each cheek before returning to his barracks. It hadn't felt all that odd. She didn't even wink slyly at him, and he had murmured nothing to her about their past. Already she was back to being a friend of his uncle's. A woman from a different generation.
He thought now about how good it felt to be walking. To be on his feet. With this Wehrmacht corporal accompanying them, he hadn't even considered climbing back under the sacks of feed or the few bags of apples and beets that remained. Before they had set off again he had wanted to tell Anna or Mutti that this soldier knew he was a British POW, but there hadn't been the chance--and the corporal seemed in no hurry to confront anyone. Besides, with only three horses remaining it was clear that the Emmerichs wanted to burden their animals with his weight only when they absolutely had to. With any luck, he told himself, the German soldier's presence would actually prevent anyone from challenging his identity.
When they reached the end of the path through the field, they turned onto a
paved road with a sign for Czersk. A teenage boy in a Hitler Youth uniform--no coat, Callum guessed, because he wanted to show off his dagger and his black scarf and his starched white shirt--was barking orders, but no one was listening. He was telling people to keep moving and to continue on to the northwest, but it wasn't as if anybody was going to stop, or anyone in his right mind would even consider turning left and traveling toward the southeast. Still, Callum was careful not to meet his eyes as they passed near him.
"I don't know what we would have done if you and that soldier hadn't rescued the horses," Anna said to him suddenly. Mutti and the corporal were leading the wagon ahead of them, well out of earshot.
"Wasn't all that much. Theo was already up and at them."
"Still . . ."
"It was all reflex," he went on. "Besides, my sense is those that lived were going to be fine, regardless of what we did. Really. There is, it would seem, a good measure of luck involved when you survive something like this."
She nodded. "Imagine if you'd been killed by one of your own planes."
"It wouldn't be the first time someone was. And it wouldn't be the last."
"Mutti was right. What you did--what you and Manfred did-- was very brave."
"He knows I'm no one named Otto," he told her. He spoke suddenly, surprising even himself.
She turned toward him, alarmed, her eyebrows collapsing down around her eyes. "How do you know that?"
"He told me when we were rounding up Ragnit."
"What did he say?"
He recounted for her the conversation he had had with the soldier over the remains of poor Labiau, occasionally pausing to listen, almost curiously, to the way the Hitler Youth lad was continuing to scream at no one in particular. The boy was behind them now, and as they had passed him it had grown clear to Callum how very much he was reveling in this role he had been given. He wondered why the boy was having so much fun. Did he really not understand that the end was near? Good Lord, he shouldn't be wearing that ridiculous uniform, Callum thought, he should be burying the damn thing.
"What do you think the corporal's going to do?" Anna asked him, her voice buoyed by little eddies of worry, when he had finished telling her about Manfred. She looked beautiful to him, despite the small, dark bags that had grown beneath her eyes. There were wisps of her lovely yellow hair emerging from underneath her scarf near her ears, and the cold had given her cheeks a rosy flush.
"I don't think he's going to do anything."
"He doesn't care?" She sounded more incredulous than comforted.
"What? Does that seem irresponsible to you?" he asked her, smiling. "Do you want him to shoot me? Turn me in?"
"I'm just surprised. I'm relieved. But I'm also surprised."
"I think he has perspective."
She seemed to consider this. He knew how hard it was even for her to contemplate the end. Then: "Can we trust him? Can we trust him completely?"
"Well, I don't think we have a choice. And, as you observed, his helping me rescue the horses was a rather thankless task. It would certainly suggest he's a good egg."
"Sometimes . . ."
"Yes?"
"Sometimes I wish you were German. Or I were English."
"I know."
"Everything would be easier."
He thought of the first time they had kissed by one of her family's apple trees. And then of the time they had kissed beside a horse chestnut. And, once, near a beech. Always the air had been crisp because they had fallen in love in the autumn. "In weeks or months," he said, "it won't matter."
"But it will."
"No. It's--"
"It's the truth," she corrected him. "Where could we even live, if . . ."
"Go on."
"If we even live through this?"
He saw Mutti and the soldier were engrossed in a conversation of their own and Theo was quietly singing one of his folk songs to himself. And so he took the liberty of actually reaching out his free hand and taking Anna's fingers in his as they walked. Instantly Anna glanced at Theo, saw her brother was oblivious of them, and allowed him to hold on to her.
"We'll live in Elgin," he reassured her. "I've told you, we've plenty of castles in Scotland. You'll think you've never left home." He had thought often about what would happen to them when the war ended. He had even imagined introducing Anna to his mother--his chic, stylish, well-traveled mother who, these days, didn't have a particular fondness for Germans. Nevertheless, he continued to believe that eventually they would all do well together: Although Anna viewed herself as a country girl, the reality was that by any standards but her own she was a bloody aristocrat. A horsewoman par excellence. Even her gloved fingers seemed elegant to him right now.
Still, he understood her fears. He knew she still didn't want to believe the rumors that were spreading fast now about what the Germans had done--for all he knew, were still doing--to the Jews. But he also knew she was beginning to realize there might be some truth to even the most horrifying stories. And so, like many of her neighbors, she had begun to wonder about what sort of retribution might be awaiting her. Not just from the Russians. But, perhaps, from the Yankees, the Brits, and the French, too. He could almost hear in his head his uncle's quiet but intense interrogation of this young German girl he had brought home from the war like a souvenir. Well, then, tell me, Anna: Precisely where did you think the Jews were going? Oh? What about the Poles, then--you know, your help? And what's this about your mother and the fuhrer? She really seems to have been quite enamored of the old boy.
And yet Anna really didn't know much, did she? Insinuation. Hearsay. Stories. It was he who had first told her that the Jews were being sent to the camps. And what in the name of heaven was she supposed to do about it--about any of it? She had only just turned eighteen. She had led a life that was at once sheltered and isolated. It wasn't as if she had grown up in a city where she could see the discrimination that was occurring on a daily basis: watch the SA smash the glass windows of the Jewish businesses, round up whole families and send them away. Make them wear those bloody stars. It was more like naivete, wasn't it? He almost stopped where he was and shook his head, as if he were trying to shed the idea from his mind like chill rain from his hair. Naivete, indifference. What did that really mean?
He felt her fingers massaging his and exhaled. He told himself that right now he should be focusing on nothing but survival: his survival, and this family's.
Behind them, his hoarse voice finally disappearing into the clamor of the wagons and the animals and the general murmur of the refugees, the Hitler Youth squad leader continued his shouting, despite the fact that no one was listening.
mutti couldn't recall when she had ever been more tired. Her legs felt like giant blocks of granite she was trying to lift with her thighs, and her back was aching in a way it hadn't since she had been thrown from a horse when she was a child and been laid up in bed for six weeks. She remembered the slicing pain well. Then, however, she hadn't had to trudge westward all day long, leading the remnants of her family through the cold, the wind always pricking at their faces and wanting to freeze any exposed flesh.
She half-heard the horse behind her snort in the chill winter air and was vaguely aware of the animal as he shook his long winter mane. Mostly, however, she was focused on this handsome corporal who, like a guardian angel, had appeared out of nowhere and helped to salvage three of their horses and was now leading Ragnit so she could rest her arms. She had been telling him stories of her own sons, of Werner and young Helmut, to pass the time, and he had been telling her about some of his own experiences in the war. She was aware that he was consciously shying away from whatever he had endured in battle, and she surmised this was both because he was such a modest young man and because he wanted to spare her any images that might cause her to worry even more about her husband and her boys. Besides, as Rolf had said on more than one occasion, real soldiers didn't talk about war. It was only the cowards who felt the need to tell people stori
es about what they had done. And clearly this Manfred was a real hero of the Reich.
Now he was helping to buoy her spirits with his conversation, and to ensure that the Emmerichs kept their place in the stream. There had been rumors that Cossacks--not merely Russians, but Cossacks!--had been sighted nearby.
"Where are your parents?" she asked him. "Are they still in Schweinfurt?"
"They are."
"Have they lost much in the bombing? Until recently, we've been spared this far east. But I know that the western cities are a frightful mess."
"I haven't been home in a while. But my sense is I wouldn't recognize my old neighborhood."
"My cousin said Stettin is largely unscathed."
"Good. You and your family should be safe there for a while."
She thought about this. For a while. He hadn't emphasized those words, but they had seemed a meaningful coda.
"Where do you think we'll stop the Russians?" she asked, longing for the sort of reassurance she had once gotten from her husband and her oldest son.