r
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a thing in the whole village that won't melt in a good hard rain. And I could see Mommy Mommy, the top of her. I could see everything she was thinking, like Jesus does. She was thinking about
animals.
Sometimes when you wake up you can't tell if it was dreaming
or real.
Adah
GOD WORKS, as is very well known, in mysterious ways. There is just nothing you can name that He won't do, now and then. Oh, He will send down so much rain that all his little people are drinking from one another's sewers and dying of the kakakaka.Then he will organize a drought to scorch out the yam and manioc fields, so whoever did not die of fever will double over from hunger. What next, you might ask? Why, a mystery, that's what!
After the Independence cut off our stipend and all contacts with the larger world, it seems God's plan called for Mother and Ruth May to fall sick nigh unto death. They grew flushed and spotted and thick-tongued and tired and slow-moving near unto the lower limit of-what is generally thought to constitute a living human body.
The Reverend seemed unconcerned about this. He forged ahead with his mission work, leaving his three older girls in charge of hearth and home for days on end -while he sallied out to visit the unsaved, or to meet with Anatole about imposing Bible classes upon boys of tender years. Oh, that Bible, where every ass with a jawbone gets his day! (Anatole evidently was not keen on the plan.) Often the Reverend simply went out and walked along the river for hours, alone, trying out his sermons on the lilies of the field?who understand him about as well as his congregation and frankly are better listeners. All in all, being God's sole and abandoned emissary to Kilanga was keeping Our Father very busy. If we plagued him with our worries about Mother, he merely snapped that she would heed God's call soon enough, and get herself up and around. At
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night we overheard strange, tearful arguments, in which Mother spoke in a quiet, slurred, slow-motion voice, like a phonograph record on the wrong speed, outlining the possibilities for our family's demise. In a small fraction of the time it took her to form her plea, Our Father irritably countered that the Lord operates in mysterious ways. As if she did not know.
Serious delirious imperious weary us deleterious ways. Our neighbors seemed fairly indifferent to our reduced circumstances, as they were occupied with their own. Leah's friend Pascal was the only one who still came around occasionally, wanting Leah to come out and scout the bush for adventures with him. While we labored over changing beds or washing up dishes, Pascal would wait outside, teasing for our attention by shouting the handful of American phrases Leah had taught him: "Man-oh-man! Crazy!" It used to make us laugh, but now we cringed for having trained him in insolence.
Our childhood had passed over into history overnight. The transition was unnoticed by anyone but ourselves.
The matter of giving us each day our daily bread was clearly up to us girls to figure out, and the sheer work of it exhausted me. I often felt like taking to bed myself. My sisters were similarly affected: Rachel became hollow-eyed and careworn, sometimes combing her hair only once per day. Leah slowed from a run to a walk. We had not understood what our mother had gone through to get square meals on the table for the past year. Father still didn't, as he thought nothing of leaving it in the charge of a cripple, a beauty queen, and a tomboy who approaches housework like a cat taking a bath.What a family unit we do make.
Sometimes in the middle of the night Leah would sit bolt upright in her bed, wanting to talk. I think she was frightened, but she frequently brought up her vexation with Mama Mwanza, who had spoken so matter-of-factly about having a strong husband at home. It troubled Leah that people thought our household deficient, not because our mother was parked at death's door, but because we lacked a bakala mpandi?a strong man?to oversee us.
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"Father doesn't hunt or fish because he has a higher calling," Leah argued from her cot, as if I might not have thought of this. "Can't they see he works hard at his own profession?"
Had I felt like entering the discussion, I would have pointed out that to Mama Mwanza his profession probably resembles the game of "Mother May I?," consisting of very long strings of nonsense words in a row.
It took less than a month for our household to fall into chaos. We had to endure Father's escalating rage, when he returned home to find dinner no farther along than an unresolved argument over whether there are or are not worms in the flour, or any flour at all. After his displeasure had reached a certain point, the three of us rubbed our bruises and called ourselves to a womanly sort of meeting. At the great wooden table where we had spent many a tedious hour studying algebra and the Holy Roman Empire, we now sat down to take stock.
"First of all, we have to keep boiling the water, no matter what," announced Rachel, our elder. "Write that down, Adah. If we don't boil our water for thirty full minutes we'll get plebiscites and what not."
Duly noted.
"Second of all, we have to figure out what to eat."
On the pantry shelves in the kitchen house we still had some flour, sugar, Carnation milk powder, tea, five cans of sardines, and the Underdown prunes; I recorded all this in a column in my notebook. Wrote it, for the benefit of my sisters, left to right. Leah added to the list: mangoes, guavas, pineapples, and avocados, all of which came and went in mysterious seasons (not unlike the Lord's ways) but at least did grow in our yard, free of charge. Bananas were so abundant around the village people stole them off each other's trees in broad daylight. When Mama Mwanza's children cut down a bunch from the Nguzas' big garden, Mama Nguza picked up the ones they'd dropped and brought them over later. Thus emboldened, Leah and I cut down a bunch the size of Ruth May from behind Eeben Axelroot's outhouse, while he was inside. Fruit, then,
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was one thing we could have without money. Oranges we had always bought at the marche, as they grew deep in the jungle and were difficult to find, but Leah claimed to know where to look. She appointed herself in charge of fruit gathering, not surprisingly, this being the category of housework that takes place farthest from a house. She pledged to collect palm nuts also, even though these taste to us exactly like candle wax, however much the Congolese children seem to prize them. Still, I wrote "Palm nuts" in my book, to prolong the list. The point of our exercise was to convince ourselves that the wolf was not actually at the back door but perhaps merely salivating at the edge of our yard.
Resting up between crucial observations, Rachel was studying the tails of her hair very closely for split ends. She resembled a cross-eyed rabbit. At the mention of palm nuts she whined, "But, you all, on a diet of just fruit we could plumb die or even get diarrhea."
"Well, what else is free?" Leah asked.
"The chickens, of course," Rachel said. "We can kill those."
We couldn't kill them all, Leah explained, because then we'd have no eggs for omelets?one of the few things -we knew how to cook. But if we let some of the hens brood, to increase our flock, we might get away with frying a rooster once a month or so. My sisters put me in charge of all chicken decisions, thinking me the least likely to act on a rash impulse that would cause regrets later. The rash-impulse portion of my brain was destroyed at birth. We did not discuss who would be in charge of killing the unfortunate roosters. In earlier times our mother did that, with a flourish. Back when she was a happier woman, she used to claim Father married her for the way she wrung a rooster's neck. Our mother used to have mystery under her skin, and we paid not the slightest attention.
Next, Leah raised the difficult issue of Nelson: nearly half our eggs went to him for his pay. We discussed whether we needed Nelson more, or the eggs. There was not much now for him to cook. But he did haul our water and cut wood, and he elucidated for us the many daily mysteries of Kilanga. As I was not good at hauling
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water or cutting wood, I could not personally argue for a life without Nelson. My sisters,
I think, had separate fears of their own. In secret ballot we voted unanimously to keep him.
"And I will bake the bread. Mother will show me how," Rachel announced, as if that finally solved all our troubles.
Mother had wandered unnoticed into our meeting and was standing at the front window, looking out. She coughed, and we all three turned to regard her: Orleanna Price, former baker of our bread. Really she did not look like someone who could teach you how to button your shirt on straight. It's a disturbing thing, after a decade of being told to tuck in shirttails and walk like a lady, to see your own mother unkempt. Feeling our silent disapproval, she turned to look at us. Her eyes had the plain blue look of a rainless sky. Empty.
"It's okay, Mama," Leah said. "You can go on and lie back down if you want to." Leah had not called her "Mama" since we cut our first molars. Mama nee Orleanna came over and kissed us on the tops of our heads, then shuffled back to her deathbed.
Leah turned to Rachel and hissed, "You priss, you couldn't even sift the flour!"
"Oh, the girl genius speaks," Rachel said. "And may I ask why not?" I chewed on my pencil and witnessed the proceedings.
"No special reason," Leah said, scratching her shaggy pixie haircut behind the ear. "I'm sure you won't mind sticking your hand down in the flour bag with all those weevils and maggots in there."
"There's not always maggots in the flour."
"No, you're right. Sometimes the tarantulas eat them."
I laughed out loud. Rachel got up and left the table.
Having broken my silence in Leah's favor, though, I felt I had to scold her for the sake of balance. "IF WE DO NOT ALL HANG TOGETHER ..." I wrote on my pad.
"I know. We'll all hang separately. But Rachel needs to get ofFher high horse, too. She's never lifted a finger around here and now all of a sudden she's the Little Red Hen?"
True enough. Having Rachel in charge was very much as if Mrs.
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Donna Reed from television suddenly showed up to be your mother. It had to be an act. Soon she would take off her apron and turn into someone who didn't give a hoot about your general welfare.
Poor tyrannical Rachel keeps trying to build a big-sister career upon a slim sixteen-month seniority, insisting that we respect her as our elder. But Leah and I have not thought of her in that way since the second grade, when we passed her up in the school spelling bee. Her downfall was the ridiculously easy word scheme.
Leak
AFTER THREE WEEKS of the doldrums I made Ruth May get out of bed. Just like that, I said, "Ruth May, honey, get up. Let's go poke around outside awhile." There wasn't much to be done about Mother, but I've spent a lot of time in charge of Ruth May and I think I should know by now what's good for her. She needed something to boss around. Our pets had mostly escaped by then, or been eaten up, as in the case of Methuselah, but the Congo still offered a wealth of God's creatures to entertain us. I took Ruth May outside to get some sunshine on her. But she slumped wherever I put her, with no gumption in her at all. She acted like a monkey-sock doll that has been run through the machine.
"Where do you think Stuart Little's gone to?" I asked her. I used that name just to please her, practically admitting it was her mongoose. She hadn't captured it or taken any special care beyond naming it after an incorrect storybook animal, namely a mouse. But I couldn't deny it followed her around.
"He ran off. I don't care, either."
"Look-a-here, Ruth May. Ant lions."
In the long, strange drought we were having in place of last year's rainy season, soft dust had spread across our yard in broad white patches. It was pocked all over with little funnel-shaped snares, where the ant lions lay buried at the bottom, waiting for some poor insect to stumble into the trap and get devoured. We had never actually seen the ant lions themselves, only their wicked handiwork. To amuse Ruth May I'd told her they looked like lions with six legs
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and -were huge, as big as her left hand. I don't really know what they look like, but given how things grow in the Congo, that size seemed possible. Back before she got sick, Ruth May thought she could lie on her belly and sing to lure them out: "Wicked bug, wicked bug, come out of your hole!" shouted in singsong for whole afternoons at a time, even though it never worked. Ruth May's foremost personality trait was stick-to-it-iveness. But now when I suggested it, she merely turned her head to the side and laid it down in the dust.
"I'm too hot to sing.They never come out anyway." I was determined to rile her up someway. If I couldn't find any spark left in Ruth May, I was afraid I might panic, or cry.
"Hey, watch this," I said. I found a column of ants running up a tree trunk and picked a couple out of the lineup. Bad luck for those poor ants, singled out while minding their own business amongst their brethren. Even an ant's just got its own one life to live, and I did consider this briefly as I crouched down and dropped a partly squashed ant into an ant lion's trap. They used to feed Christians to the lions, and now Adah uses that phrase ironically, referring to how I supposedly left her to be eaten up on the path. But Adah is no more Christian than an ant.
We squatted over the hole and waited. The ant struggled in the soft, sandy trap until a pair of pincers suddenly reached up and grabbed it, thrashed up a little dust, and pulled it under. Gone, just
like that.
"Don't do any more of them, Leah," Ruth May said. "The ant
wasn't bad."
I felt embarrassed, being told insect morals by my baby sister. Usually cruelty inspired Ruth May no end, and I was just desperate to help her get her spirits back.
"Well, even wicked bugs have to eat," I pointed out. "Everything has to eat something." Even lions, I suppose.
I picked up Ruth May and dusted off her cheek. "Sit in the swing and I'll comb out your pigtails," I said. I'd been carrying the comb around in my back pocket for days, meaning to get to Ruth
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May's hair. "After I get your braids fixed up I'll push you awhile in the swing. Okay?" '
Ruth May didn't seem to have strong feelings one way or another. I sat her in the swing, which Nelson had helped us hang with a huge, oily rope he found on the riverbank. The seat was an old rectangular palm-oil drum. All the kids in the village used our swing. I beat some dust off the comb and began to tease out the yellow mass of knots her hair had turned into. I could hardly do it without hurting her, yet she hardly whined, which I took as a bad sign.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Anatole half hidden in the cane thicket at the edge of our yard. He wasn't cutting cane, since he doesn't chew it?I think he's a little vain of his strong white teeth with the handsome little gap in the center. But he was standing there watching us anyway, and I flushed red to think he might have seen me feeding the ant lions. It seemed very childish. In the light of day, almost everything we did in Kilanga seemed childish. Even Father's walking the riverbank talking to himself, and our mother drifting around half dressed. Combing out Ruth May's hair at least seemed motherly and practical, so I concentrated on that. In spite of myself I pictured a father with shiny black arms pulling fish from the river and a mother with dark, heavy breasts pounding manioc in a wooden trough. Then out of habit I fired off the Repentance Psalm: Have mercy upon me, O God, according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies. But I was unsure which commandment my thoughts had broken?Honor thy father and mother, or not coveting thy neighbor's parents, or even something more vague about being true to your own race and kind.
Anatole started toward us. I waved and called to him, "Mbote, Anatole!"
"Mbote, Beene-beene," he said. He has special names for each of my sisters and me, not the hurtful ones other people use, like Termite and Benduka, for Adah, which means Crooked Walker. Anatole wouldn't tell us what his names meant. He tousled Ruth May's head and shook my hand in the Congolese way, with his left hand
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clasping his right forearm. Father said this tradition was to show they aren't hiding any
weapon.
"What's the news, sir?" I asked Anatole. This is what Father always said to him. In spite of how badly that first dinner had gone, Father relied greatly on Anatole and even looked forward to his visits, somewhat nervously, I think. Anatole always surprised us by knowing important news from the outside world?or from outside Kilanga, at least. We weren't sure where he got his information, but it generally turned out to be true.
"A lot of news," he said. "But first I have brought you a pig in a
sack."
I loved hearing Anatole speak English. His pronunciation sounded British and elegant, with "first" corning out as "fest," and "brought" more like "brrote." But it sounded Congolese in the way it rolled out with equal weight on every syllable?a pig in a sack?as if no single word wanted to take over the whole sentence.
"A poke," I said. "Mother says that: Never buy a pig in a poke. I guess a poke is a sack."
"Well, at any rate it's not a pig, and you don't have to buy it. If you guess what it is, then you may have it for your dinner." On a string slung over his shoulder he had a brown cloth sack, which he handed to me. I closed my eyes and assessed its weight, bouncing it up and down a little. It was the size of a chicken but too heavy to be a bird. I held the bag up and examined the rounded bulge at its bottom. It had little points, possibly elbows.
"Umvundlal" I criedjurnping up and down like a child.This was jungle rabbit. Nelson could make a rabbit stew with mangwansi beans and mangoes that even Rachel couldn't help eating, it was that good.
I'd guessed right: Anatole smiled his thrilling white smile. I can scarcely even remember how he first looked to us, when we were shocked by the scars across his face. Now I could only see Anatole the man, square-shouldered and narrow-hipped in his white shirt and black trousers, Anatole with his ready smile and lively walk. A man who was kind to us. His face has many other interesting fea-
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tures besides the scars, such as almond-shaped eyes and a finely pointed chin. I hadn't realized how much I liked him.
"Did you kill it yourself?"
He held up both hands. "I would like to say yes, so you would think your friend Anatole is a good hunter. But, alas. A new pupil brought it this morning to pay for his schooling."
I looked in the sack. There it was with its small, furry head curled unnaturally backward due to a broken neck. It had been trapped, not shot. I clasped the sack to my chest and looked up at Anatole sideways. "Would you really have taken it back if I hadn't guessed right?"
He smiled. "I would have given you a lot of chances to guess right."