I almost let him lead me away, but instead, turned to face David. “One question. Which side did she choose?”
“Zoe picked us,” he answered.
Hayden poured me into his car and we took off. Once we got to his guesthouse, he guided me inside and coaxed me to sit, then tucked a blanket around me. “You want tea? Hot cocoa or something?”
It was almost dinner time but I couldn’t imagine eating anything. I needed something to battle the nausea though. “Cocoa would be nice.”
“I’ll be back.”
* * * *
I awoke disoriented in the dark silence of Hayden’s living room.
“You awake?” Hayden whispered.
“Yeah.” I stretched. “What time is it?”
“A little after seven.”
“I need to get home.” I moved to sit up and spotted the mug of cocoa I never had a chance to drink.
“You need to chill, that’s what you need.” Hayden stopped me with a hand on my shoulder. “I already called your mom. Sounded like she was at a bar or something. Bree’s with the babysitter.”
“How did you get her number?”
He grinned, sitting on the arm of the couch. “It’s in your phone under Mom.”
I laughed weakly, still groggy. “What did you tell her?”
“The truth. That you fell asleep on my couch and I didn’t want to wake you.”
“I’m going to sit up now.” I eyed him and he didn’t try to stop me.
“I could call her again and say that you didn’t wake up and you’re spending the night.”
“Hayden, I’m not sleeping here.”
“I don’t trust them.” His lips formed into a thin line.
“Who? Phillips and Linton? Or Chait and Rena?”
“All of them — especially Rena. I can’t shake the feeling that she’s whacked. When you leave, you’re vulnerable to her or any of them. What can I do to make you feel safe here? I have a guest room that locks.”
I closed my eyes a moment and considered it. If I stayed, lock or no lock, I’d end up in bed with Hayden. At the very least, I’d kiss him. My stomach tensed just thinking about his lips on mine.
All the more reason to avoid a situation that would make it too easy. He wouldn’t worry so much though if he stayed at my house. With Bree there and the possibility that either of my parents could come home early, little could happen.
“You can sleep on my couch. I’m sure my mom will be more than happy to have you there. Better yet, you can take my room and I’ll bunk with Bree.” I smiled. “That way, if anyone sneaks in my room, they’ll get a big surprise.”
Hayden chuckled. “Deal.”
“My mom probably won’t be home though. She’s hardly ever there at night.”
“Really?”
“Very rarely, like when she breaks up with a guy or something. She usually leaves after Bree goes to bed. She’s talked about getting a live-in babysitter, so she can come and go as she pleases.” I wasn’t sure if I should give him all the gory details. He’d given me the lowdown on his family so why not? “She’s almost never home before midnight. Sometimes, I don’t see her again until I come home from school the next day.”
“When she’s staying out all night with a boyfriend, where’s your dad?”
“With his girlfriend. It’s a marriage in name only.” I picked at my fingernail cuticles, wishing I hadn’t opened my big mouth. “I see him like once or twice a week. I see my mom more often but I think she only does that for appearances sake. You know, make dinner, pay the babysitter, pretend like we’re a family. But I mostly take care of Bree, like get her ready in the morning and take her to school. The babysitter does the rest. My mom barely knows Bree.”
“So we’re both basically orphans,” Hayden said, holding out his hand. “C’mon. I bet you want to get home to Bree before she goes to bed.”
Damn. I hated it when Hayden went all considerate on me. Why did he have to be such a player? I put my hand in his and let him help me off the couch. “Yeah. I need to get home.”
He nodded. “Give me one minute. I have to grab my bag.”
As soon as he left, it hit me. I’d fallen asleep in Hayden’s lair from exhaustion after remembering Zoe, my beautiful, sweet older sister. I recalled worshipping her and waiting each day for her to get home from school and how she read me to sleep.
I sank back onto the couch and covered my face with my hands, my sobs coming quick and hard.
“Hey.” Hayden sat beside me, laid my head on his shoulder and stroked my hair. “I’m so sorry.”
“There’s no trace of her anywhere in the house. No pictures, nothing. It’s as if she never existed.” I snuggled into him, pressing against his chest.
“No wonder you forgot. It was years ago and you were young, right?”
“About Bree’s age, I think.” I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. “We should go.”
“We’re not in a hurry. Hang on.”
“No, I’m okay now.” I sniffed.
He ran a fingertip along my cheek. “We’ll find out who killed her.”
I nodded but all I could think about was kissing him. I’d feel so much better after a hot make-out session with my lust-buddy. He rose, pulling me up by my elbows. We stood toe-to-toe, his hands at my waist. I lifted my chin and waited for him to lay a lip-lock on me.
“C’mon.” He turned and slung a duffle bag over his shoulder, then took my hand on the way to the door.
How frightening I must have looked — red-rimmed eyes, splotchy skin. My hair was probably a mess from sleeping too. If I were him, I probably wouldn’t want to kiss me either.
Chapter Eighteen
Hayden
I should have kissed her. No, it’s good that I didn’t. In her right mind, Tessa wouldn’t have looked at me that way — like she wanted me to drag her off to my bedroom. Her eyes were still moist, her face still flushed from crying. Jumping her would’ve been taking advantage, kind of like if she were drunk.
Shaking it off, I concentrated on driving my mom’s SUV. As much as I wanted Tessa, seducing her wouldn’t work in the long run. Tessa wasn’t the kind of girl who did that sort of thing unless she wanted to and believed it was for keeps. Whatever happened between us needed to be her idea. Spending the night at her house was a much better plan. Her territory. She would be in control. If anything happened, it would be on her head.
But we’d probably never roll around in the sheets together. Make out maybe. I was totally into kissing her — as much as possible. Clothes would stay on though. If I needed sex, my cell phone was loaded with numbers of willing girls. Except that I couldn’t call another girl when all I wanted to do was see Tessa. I had to believe that those urges would pass. Soon.
I calmed, reaffirming my decision to take things slow and snuck a peek at her facing straight ahead in the passenger’s side. She looked good. Hot, actually. “Are you feeling better?”
“A little bit.” She sniffed. “I’m hoping my mom’s not there. I don’t trust myself to be around her.”
“Mad at her?” I asked.
“Mad is an understatement. What’s wrong with those people? How can you have a daughter and pretend she never existed and allow me to do the same? It’s so wrong. If my mom is there tonight, I won’t be able to stop myself from laying into her.” Her voice rose in pitch and she choked back a sob.
I steered to the curb in front of her house.
“That’s my mom’s car.” Her hands clenched and unclenched.
“Then it’s a good thing I’m here.” Noting she didn’t move, I went around to her side and opened the door. She exited and I closed the car door for her. “You know, from what you say and what I’ve seen, your parents are very…” I searched for the right word. “Detached. Honestly, maybe they couldn’t help themselves. Maybe that was the only way to deal with the pain.”
The lines between her brows vanished. “I didn’t think about it that way.”
I took her
hand and walked but jerked back when she stopped unexpectedly.
“Actually, that explanation doesn’t make me feel any better. That’s no excuse for deserting your kids who are still breathing, that you can still talk to. Except for the token dinner and ‘How was your day?’ she’s barely aware we’re alive.”
“See what she has to say before you jump on her.”
“I’ll try.” She nodded. Her mom met us at the door. “Hey.”
“Hi, sweetie. Are you two hungry? Should I warm up some dinner?”
“Yes, thanks. I’m starving. What about you, Hayden?” Tessa asked but her eyes were fixed on her mother.
“I’m okay. I ate while you were sleeping.”
Vivienne smiled and made her way to the kitchen. Tessa let go of my hand and followed. Uh-oh. Here it comes.
“Mom. What did you do with all the photos of Zoe?”
Vivienne’s head snapped to Tessa. “What?”
Tessa closed in like a panther. “The pictures of my sister, your daughter.” The flow of Tessa’s words slowed and she enunciated each one carefully. Her voice rose in volume. “What did you do with them?”
“Th-they’re in a box. In my room.”
“I want to see them. Can you get the box for me, please?”
Vivienne nodded and numbly departed the kitchen. She returned and placed a dusty box on the kitchen counter then served up the food. Keeping her back to us, Tessa’s mom stuck the food-filled plate in the microwave.
“Why, Mom? Why not let me share her with you?”
Her mom remained silent so long, I wondered if she’d heard Tessa.
“I had Zoe when I was twenty. We planned for her a year ahead, waiting until we could afford to have a baby. We were so excited. We painted the nursery and bought tiny little outfits. My marriage was good. I didn’t think life could get any better. Then Zoe arrived and I fell in love with her, more than I thought possible.” Vivienne’s voice held a wistful tone as though she were in a faraway place. Then she met Tessa’s gaze. “You were an accident, but we loved you anyway.”
“But not enough,” Tessa said softly.
The microwave dinged. Vivienne stood fixed to the tile floor, her palms spread over the granite counter. “When we lost Zoe, we sort of died as a family. I-I couldn’t hold it all together. Then your father and I began having problems and… It was so hard. Then there wasn’t anything left of me to love anyone.”
Tessa looked mortified and I couldn’t blame her. She stared at her mother so intensely I was positive she’d forgotten I was there. “But you got pregnant again.”
Vivienne sighed and looked out the window. I doubted she noticed the dark outside or realized she couldn’t see anything. “I was over forty when I got pregnant with Bree. I thought… I thought maybe it would be different, that I’d feel something other than my grief over losing Zoe.”
“So, for Bree’s sake…” Tessa inched toward her mother, “if I ask for custody when I turn eighteen, you’ll give her to me?”
“Yes,” Vivienne answered quietly but without hesitation.
I couldn’t imagine how a person could be so damaged that they’d give up their own child that easily. It would be different if she were a single unwed teenager. But to be financially secure and married, then give up your kid without another thought seemed so terribly wrong.
“That’s all I needed to know.” Tessa pivoted, picked up the box and left the kitchen.
I followed her, but glanced over to see Vivienne pick up her purse and walk out the front door, face devoid of any emotion. I wondered if I should leave Tessa alone to look at the pictures or if it would be better to keep an eye on her.
From the doorway, I peered in. Tessa sat on the bed, the box lid behind her. She reached into the box, gingerly lifting a pile of pictures. It seemed like such a private moment.
“Would you like me to leave? Like go watch TV in the living room or something?” I hovered outside her room, fully prepared for her to tell me to get lost.
“No. Let’s go check on Bree.” Tessa set the photos back in the box and sprang off the bed. We traipsed down the hallway, following the sound of laughter and running water. She knocked on the bathroom door. “Everyone decent in there?”
“Yeah. Come on in.” I didn’t recognize the voice. The door opened and Tessa led the way inside.
“Tessa.” Bree squealed and set her toothbrush on the counter.
“I brought Hayden.” She kneeled in front of Bree who was already wearing her neon pink pajamas. “Do you mind?”
Bree spotted me and giggled, while pushing her tongue into the open space between her two front teeth. “Will you read me a story later?” she asked me.
“Sure.” I noticed the babysitter sitting on the toilet seat lid ogling me as she held a hair brush in mid-air.
“Then you can stay,” Bree squeaked in her already high voice.
“Hi,” I said to the redhead. “I’m Hayden.”
“I’m Isabella.” She fidgeted, her eyes darting around the tiny bathroom.
“My mom left money for you on the counter. I’ll finish up here. See you tomorrow after school?” Tessa asked.
She nodded, plucked up a paperback book and exited the small bathroom, but not before glancing back at me.
“Thanks, Isabella,” Tessa called out then whispered, “Do all girls fall madly in love with you so quickly?”
I grinned. “She’s young and impressionable.”
“She’s our age.” Tessa rolled her eyes.
“Then the answer is obviously yes.” I chuckled. “Everyone except you, that is.”
Tessa grabbed the thick, oversized blue towel draped over the side of the bathtub, then cast me a glance. “It comes from having my heart broken. I can’t go through that again.” She hung the towel on a hook then poked Bree’s belly, her tone softening. “C’mon, Bree. Let’s get you to bed.”
Tessa whisked her little sister away, then came out a few minutes later rubbing her temples.
“Sit,” I said, grasping her shoulders and aiming her toward a stool. She obeyed and I warmed up the food her mother had abandoned earlier. Tessa ate slowly, stopping now and then to stare at nothing. When she’d finished, she shuffled to her room. I hovered in the doorway while she returned to the bed, her attention riveted to the box of pictures.
“How can anyone not love Bree, someone that sweet and beautiful?” Her hands rested on the edge of the box. “I don’t get it, Hayden.”
And then there were the opposite type of people who loved the undeserving ones. Like my mother with Sam. I leaned against the doorjamb knowing I should go, but not quite comfortable leaving her alone yet. Tessa’s question was rhetorical, but I couldn’t stay quiet.
“You never know who they’ll love or not love. I gave up the second time I went into the hospital and my mom stayed with the bastard, even though she’d almost lost an eye the same night.” My chest constricted as I remembered what he’d put her through. “People have their baggage. Trying to analyze it won’t make it better. No matter what goes on in our heads, theirs will be just as screwed up. All we can do is make peace with the situation.”
“I’ve been applying your philosophy for years. Tonight, my mother only confirmed what I already knew. I mean, yeah, it stung hearing the words out loud. But nothing’s changed, except now I’m panicked, because I could never move out and leave Bree behind.” Tessa picked up the first picture and studied it with a faraway smile, then set it aside. “I have to be able to support myself and Bree too. My scholarship won’t feed us or pay our rent. I don’t know how I’m going to make enough by working at Delia’s part time. I could quit school and work full time, but minimum wage still isn’t going to cut it.”
“Won’t your parents help?”
“We’d need an apartment. That’s a lot of money. To an outsider, it looks like we do fine. But they blow so much on themselves, there isn’t much left. I think the only reason they bought me a car was so they wouldn’t have to wa
ste time driving me anywhere. Plus, they figured they could use me to cart Bree around.”
My family had so much money and Mom pissed it away on scum like Sam while people like Tessa, who deserved help, struggled. There had to be a way for Tessa to make it. “You could apply for government help. People do it all the time. By law, don’t your parents have to give you child support?”
“I guess. But once I leave, I won’t want that connection.”
“Lesser of two evils though, right? Their money could go a long way,” I said. “I’ll go watch TV. Let me know if you need anything.”
She nodded, her attention drifting to the photo in her hand. I made a quiet exit.
As I got comfortable, a phone went off at the other end of the couch. I leaned over and reached into Tessa’s purse to see who it was. Chait. OK if Rena & I stop by in a few min to talk?
Hell, no. Still, I took the phone and lurked in the doorway until Tessa realized I was there. “Chait wants to come over with Rena right now.”
“Just Chait. I don’t like her.” She carefully gathered the pile of photos, put them in the box and replaced the lid.
I texted Chait with, Fine, but only you.
“And Hayden? From now on, don’t go into my purse without asking. Any other girl would slap you.”
I tried to suppress a smile, but couldn’t. “I usually keep them too busy to notice things like that. Apparently, you’re not challenged enough.”
We heard the tap at the same time. Chait worked fast. I darted over to the window and opened it so Tessa wouldn’t have to get up.
“Still hiding from Frank and Lila’s people?” Tessa leaned against the headboard, knees up. “Because you could’ve come in through the front door.”
“We’d rather be discreet.” Chait gave me a nod and I returned it. I didn’t like him.
Tessa smiled and pointed to the foot of the bed. “Sit? I was looking at pictures of my sister. My memory could’ve been jogged a better way but I’m glad to remember everything now.”