What was it about Hayden? I didn’t go for bad boys. They were bad. Nothing but trouble. I wanted a secure and peaceful future, maybe eventually get married and have kids. That wouldn’t happen with a guy like Hayden. Oh, but he was beyond sexy. I wanted him, bad or not.
“Hey,” he said softly, closing the space between us. He brushed a few strands of hair out of my face, then skimmed a thumb along my temple. Instead of withdrawing, his palm rested at my shoulder as if to support me. “What’s wrong? Did something happen?”
Yep. I’d fallen for the worst guy imaginable. I’d probably never be okay again. Then there was the arrival of my dead grandmother. But now wasn’t the time to go into what happened with my visitor or the fact that I’d used up all my resistance to Hayden.
Maybe he was right and if we gave in, we could work the inferno of desire out of our systems. Maybe next time he kissed me, it would be different and I’d see I wasn’t missing anything after all. Then I could move on. I tilted up my chin and focused on his charcoal eyes.
He shuffled his feet and drew closer. “You want me to take you home?”
“Not yet,” I whispered, still watching him. “My car’s here. Don’t want to leave it.”
He seemed unsure what to do as his eyes searched my face. Then he shifted closer, our bodies nearly touching. Pulling me into his arms, he rested his chin on the top of my head. “We can stay here until you’re ready to go back out there. Or until you want to leave.”
I pressed my cheek against his chest, grateful not to see his face. Surely, I’d kiss him.
“What happened?” he asked.
My grandma news could wait. And the last thing I wanted to tell him was how lonely my house had been without him. Besides, he’d had his chance to kiss me on the dance floor and again a moment ago, but he hadn’t done it. I couldn’t imagine Hayden taking the higher road. More likely, he was no longer attracted to me.
What had I been thinking? I pushed against his chest. “I’m fine now.”
His arms dropped and he backed up.
I couldn’t be alone with him any longer, but didn’t want to leave him yet either. “I’ll stay a while. I just got here.” Tomorrow I’d be rested and would see things more clearly. Slim chance I’d be less attracted to him — but I could hope. No doubt though, soon enough he’d once again become the jackass he was born to be.
“Hey.” He stared at me like he needed to say something.
“Yes?”
He rested his palms lightly at my hips. “Let’s try.”
“Try what?” Staying focused was difficult with his hands on me.
“The boyfriend-girlfriend thing.”
For an instant, I stood there, mouth parted. “What? You mean you want to be my boyfriend, like officially?”
“Yes.”
Breathing became more difficult than it should have been and I already anticipated his lips on mine. Maybe he had a different definition for boyfriend than I did. For all I knew, he meant that he’d dump me tomorrow. “But with no strings attached?”
“Not if you don’t want strings.” His fingertips skimmed along my neck. “But when I said boyfriend-girlfriend, I meant with strings. That’s usually the way it’s done, right?”
He’d probably never had a girlfriend before and didn’t understand all the ramifications of what he was suggesting. “If there were strings, then on Monday everyone at school would know you’re off the market. You’re okay with that?”
“Whatever it takes.” Hayden’s eyes smoldered.
“So…” Hayden was inviting me into a real relationship? If I gave in and we made it public, would I be ridiculed by his friends and possibly the rest of the school once it was over?
I couldn’t agree to his offer. It would only end badly. But was I capable of rejecting him at this point? “Whatever terms I want?”
His fingertips brushed my cheek. “We’ll play it however you say.”
“You have to agree to exclusivity,” I said.
Hayden’s brows furrowed.
“Meaning you won’t be with anyone else,” I said.
He looked into my eyes, both hands cupping my face. “Easy. What else?”
A huge part of me needed to say no, to protect myself, but who knew how long I could keep that up? Better to fall into a relationship when I was in control than to slip into it accidentally and lose my advantage. “That’s my only condition — for now.” I grinned.
A smile teased his lips before they met mine, softly as though it were a test. Hayden released me abruptly and bolted for the door. I’d agreed to be his girlfriend and he was leaving? I should’ve known better.
When he reached the doorknob, he turned the button, locking it. He spun, his gaze fixing on me, and headed back. Grabbing my waist, he lifted me onto the sink.
I closed my eyes and let him take over, allowing the sensation and emotion to be the victor until my insides ached for him. My knees rested against Hayden’s hips; my hands at his waist brought him closer, so I could take the kiss deeper.
He leaped away. “Jesus, Tessa.”
“What?”
Hayden backed against the wall, running his hands through his hair.
“What did I do wrong?” Had I screwed up already?
“Maybe you should be a little less… uh… cooperative.”
“You mean easy?” I squinted, praying that’s not what he meant.
“No.” In a flash, he positioned himself where he’d left off. “I’m having a hard time holding back. So unless you want to be mauled, try not to be so…”
“Easy?” I suggested again.
He chuckled. “Incredibly persuasive.” He lifted me off the sink and set me on the tile floor. “Let’s get out of here before you’re compromised.”
I followed him out the side door where the noise intruded a little less.
“It might not be such a good idea to sleep in the same house.” Even though I wanted him nearby. The withdrawals would be awful, as I’d already discovered earlier that evening. I pressed the button on my clicker and the lights came on in my car across the street. “I… I don’t work that way, Hayden.”
“What way?” He stepped off the curb with me.
“It’s hard for me to… you know.” I realized how that might sound and quickly pushed on. “I mean, I’m not frigid or anything.”
“You’re anything but frigid,” he said firmly, stopping in front of my car.
Leaning an arm on the driver’s side rearview mirror, I stared at my toes. “If we slept together too soon, I might freak. Of course, that wouldn’t matter if you were done with me anyway—”
“It’s not like that, Tessa.”
Hayden hadn’t thought this through. Otherwise he wouldn’t give up other girls for me. It wasn’t his way.
“It doesn’t seem like that to you right now.” I took a deep breath, knowing I was about to give him a way out. I didn’t want him to take it. Still, he needed to know it was there.
“It isn’t as simple as giving in to each other, then breaking up later,” I said. “Hayden, they’ll figure out what you are and when they do, you’ll have to make a decision. And what if we choose opposite sides? Until then, we’ll have to work together and we can’t let ourselves get so screwed up over each other that we mess up somewhere. One stupid mistake could get either of us killed.”
He tipped my chin up and looked into my eyes. “I realize that.”
I nodded and sagged against the car door in relief.
“What’s your plan? Any idea yet which side you’ll choose?” he asked.
“First, I want to find out who killed my sister. I also need to find out why there’s more than one witch in my family. Then I have to figure out a way to raise Bree without putting her in danger. Somehow, I need to be the exception and not have to choose sides.”
“Choose Frank and Lila and you’ll be safe. Simple.”
“And if I learned that one of them killed Zoe?”
Hayden’s jaw tighte
ned. “Then don’t poke around.”
“Can’t do that.” I shook my head. “If something’s wrong, I can’t sit on it and do nothing. I’m not made that way.”
He nodded. “As much as I hate that about you right now, it’s the thing I like most about you. I’m in. But I didn’t hear you mention an actual plan. Do you have one?”
“No. All I know is that you can’t distract me, so we need to keep things light. Which means you can’t spend the night.”
Hayden took a deep breath, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I hate to admit it, but you might be right. We need to concentrate on staying alive.”
“So we sleep at our own houses from now on?” I said, not quite believing he’d agree to it. Hoping he’d shoot down my plan.
“Nope. Because I won’t sleep if I’m somewhere else worrying about you. Nothing has changed. You’ve still got sorcerers with questionable intentions watching you.”
“Do you really think they’d hurt me? They have no reason to do anything until I choose sides.” As the words came out, my stomach clenched. Everyone had assumed that Zoe had been killed for choosing wrongly. Maybe there was some other reason we weren’t aware of. If I didn’t have all the facts, I could make the same mistake and die too.
“Is it really worth the chance that someone like Rena might decide to get rid of you?”
“No.” I grasped the handle of my car door.
“I’ll follow you home.”
Chapter Twenty-six
Hayden
Bad idea. Worst plan yet.
We were about to spend the night in the same house, as boyfriend and girlfriend. I had Tessa right where I wanted her. But if her cravings were even half as intense as mine, we’d end up in bed together. I had no problem taking our relationship to the next level, but she would — as she’d already said. The last thing I needed was Tessa feeling guilty over what she’d done. Guilt could make you do things you wouldn’t normally do and I couldn’t risk her breaking things off with me.
Tonight, I would be the most patient guy in the world.
After parking my car around the corner, I retrieved my overnight bag from the trunk, thankful I’d planned ahead for all possibilities. Tessa waited for me at the front door and let us in then proceeded to her room, glancing back at me.
“You can still sleep here.” Tessa went straight for her dresser and pulled out what looked like pajamas then bunched them against her chest. “I’ll sleep in Bree’s bed, as usual.”
The idea of closing the bedroom door and stripping her naked flashed through my mind. I almost slapped my forehead at that line of thinking.
“I can’t stay in here with you. I...I’m sorry.” She made her way back to the door, careful not to touch me as she passed.
“Hey,” I said before she disappeared. “You’re welcome to join me later. If you want to. I won’t say no.” Good going, Hayden. Way to make her feel comfortable.
“Exactly what I needed to hear. Thanks for that.” She gave a short hysterical laugh and bolted.
It was after midnight, way past my bedtime. At least I wouldn’t have hours of lying awake and missing Tessa.
Two hours later, I stared at the ceiling of Tessa’s room as if jacked up on caffeine. Only because I was stupid enough to keep hoping she’d come in and slip under the covers beside me. It wasn’t going to happen. I knew it. People like Tessa thought ahead, planned their future. They didn’t have gross lapses of judgment or spontaneous acts — like giving into their cravings — that they paid for later.
What was I doing with her anyway? We were nothing alike, except for our common bond — we were virtual orphans who stepped up and got the job done when it needed doing. She could have refused to tutor me. Instead, she helped, because she felt compassion. Then she blackmailed Brad into behaving to protect a boy she didn’t even know. I couldn’t forget her commitment to Bree either.
Tessa was a survivor. And a helper. I loved that about her.
“Hi.” The hallway light silhouetted Tessa’s frame. “Can’t sleep either?” she asked.
“No.” I held my breath, waiting to see what she would do. But it was too late — I’d already gotten a whiff of her shampoo. She smelled too good not to touch and my body tensed in an effort to stay still.
Tessa hesitated, then cautiously moved toward the dresser in her baggy sweats and oversized t-shirt. I couldn’t read her face. I tried to peek in her head to see what she was thinking, but I hit a brick wall. What did she want?
I prayed it was the same thing I wanted.
“My vision is freakishly good,” she murmured. “I could wander around the house in the middle of the night and never turn on a light. Crazy, huh?”
“Yeah.” I lay perfectly still, my body unsure if it should gear up for fun or disappointment.
“Hayden, I’m scared.”
“We’re not in immediate danger.”
“No.” Her hand cut through the air, as if to wash away what I said. “Not about that.”
Okay…
“When Blane broke my heart, I thought it couldn’t possibly hurt any worse, but I never liked him half as much as I like you.”
“You think I’m going to hurt you,” I said, “but I don’t want that to happen any more than you do.”
“It’s hard for me to trust myself, much less someone else. If I let myself go, let myself feel… if it goes wrong, I don’t know if I can come back from that.”
At that moment, I could’ve killed Blane for using Tessa the way he did.
“I’m damaged goods, Hayden.” She moved closer to the foot of the bed. “Maybe you should bail while it’s easy.”
“Is that what you want?” I asked.
“No,” she answered quickly, “I just think we should wait to sleep together.”
I inwardly groaned. I wanted her so badly, my body hummed with anticipation. But if we went too far and she freaked, I’d lose her. “Okay, our clothes stay on.” I ran my fingers through my hair. “For how long?” But could I do it?
“I don’t know. A few weeks?” She laughed softly. “If you can put up with me that long without sex, you earned it.”
A few weeks? Was she kidding? Because of the strings attached, our exclusivity, I couldn’t go elsewhere for satisfaction. Not that I wanted to. I only wanted Tessa. “If you’re all over me begging for it, I won’t say no. What then? I’m the bad guy because I broke my word?”
“I need you to be stronger than me,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “You already know I have trust issues with you.” She turned and fiddled with something on her dresser. “A part of me thinks that, you know, you only want me because I didn’t fall all over you.”
“It didn’t help, that’s for sure. We always want what we can’t have. Which means that’s going to be a really hard promise to keep.”
“Try. Show me it’s not about getting laid.”
“It’s not, Tessa.”
“Show me.”
I grinned. “Come over here and I’ll get started on that.”
One side of her mouth lifted. “You know what I mean. I can’t compromise. I need you to help me.”
“Okay. I’ll help as much as I can.” And I would, too. I knew we were very different and we wouldn’t last forever. But I wanted to keep her as long as possible. I wanted to ride it out, take our relationship as far as it would go. I’d only accomplish that by giving her what she thought she needed.
“Can I sleep in here with you?” she asked. “You know, with that understanding?”
I inhaled and slowly released my breath, grateful I hadn’t been able to sleep. If she’d come in and found me snoring, she probably would’ve gone back to her own bed. “Come here.” I held out my arms. “I’ll be good. I promise.”
She crawled under the covers and into my arms, scooting low with her head on my chest. It didn’t look like I’d get a kiss goodnight to close our evening, but if we started that…
I held her tighter, trying not to fee
l her breast against me. Girls didn’t usually wear bras to bed and Tessa was no different. I squeezed my eyes shut, doing my best to ignore the scent of Tessa’s hair and her arm draped over my chest. If my body stayed on alert, aware of her every move, it would be a very long night.
So long as she stayed, I’d gladly suffer.
* * * *
Tessa smiled sleepily. “I’m so impressed,” she said in a husky voice. “You didn’t cop a feel even once all night.”
“That you know of.” I chuckled, knowing she’d remained unmolested. I’d finally fallen asleep about an hour after she’d snuggled up to me. She smelled so good, I was amazed I slept at all. My scratchy eyes told me it was too early to get up. “What time is it?”
“Shhh.” She held a finger against my lips. “I have parents,” she whispered. “They might be home and, as strange and disconnected as they are, I’m pretty sure that having a guy in my room is still against the rules. It’s almost eight.”
I should’ve been exhausted. But I wasn’t. The only thing going through my head was how beautiful Tessa looked in the morning. “Hey. You were great last night.” I grinned. “You’re pretty good in bed.”
“You too.” The corners of her mouth curled up. “In a minute, I’ll check and see if they’re around. Get dressed in case you have to sneak out the window.”
She moved to get up and I rolled over, pinning her to the bed.
Tessa giggled. “No kissing until I brush.”
“Okay.” I gazed at her face and brought my hands up to cup each side. “Our mouths won’t touch.” Instead, my lips gently brushed her cheek, then along her jaw to her temple.
A breathy moan escaped her lips. “Oh, my God. You really need to get off me.” But her hands under my shirt said differently, as if they willed me to stay.
I chuckled softly as she leaped off the bed, blushing.
“Be right back.” She vanished and returned moments later to hover near the door. “My parents aren’t home and Bree’s sleeping.”
I sprung from the bed, caging her in against the wall. “Then you’d better go brush. We don’t have much time.”