CHAPTER XVII
A TEA PARTY
Mrs. Harding had not succeeded in finding some chance of "casually"asking Mrs. Potten to have tea with her, but she had secured theDashwoods. That was something. Mrs. Harding's drawing-room was spaciousand looked out on the turreted walls of Christ Church. The housewitnessed to Mrs. Harding's private means.
"We have got Lady Dashwood in the further room," she murmured to someladies who arrived punctually from the Sale in St. Aldates, "and wenearly got the Warden of Kings."
The naivete of Mrs. Harding's remark was quite unconscious, and was dueto that absence of humour which is the very foundation stone ofsnobbishness.
"But the Warden is coming to fetch his party home," added Mrs. Harding,cheerfully.
Harding, too, was in good spirits. He was all patriotism and full ofcourteous consideration for his friends. So heartened was he that, aftertea, at the suggestion of Bingham, he sat down to the piano to sing aduet with his wife. This was also a sort of touching example of Britishrespectability with a dash of "go" in it!
Bingham was turning over some music.
"What shall it be, Tina?" asked Harding, whose repertoire was limited.
"This!" said Bingham, and he placed on the piano in front of Hording theduet from "Becket."
The room was crowded, khaki prevailing. "All the women are workers,"Mrs. Harding had explained.
Gwendolen Scott was there, of course, still conscious of theten-shilling note in the pocket of her coat. Mrs. Potten had gone, alongwith the Buckinghamshire collar, just as if neither had ever existed.Boreham was there, talking to one or two men in khaki, because he couldnot get near May Dashwood. She had now somehow got wedged into a cornerover which Bingham was standing guard.
At the door the Warden had just made his appearance. He had got nofurther than the threshold, for he saw his hostess about to sing andwould not advance to disturb her.
From where he stood May Dashwood could be plainly seen, and Binghamstooping with his hands on his knees, making an inaudible remark to her.
The remark that gentleman was actually making was: "You'll have a treatpresently--the greatest surprise in your life."
Mrs. Harding stood behind her husband. She was dressed with strictregard to the last fashion. Dressing in each fashion as it came intoexistence she used to call quite prettily, "the simple truth about it."Since the war she called it frankly and seriously "the true economy."Her face usually expressed a superior self-assurance, and now it worealso a look of indulgent amiability. Her whole appearance suggested ahappy peacock with its tail spread, and the surprise which Binghampredicted came when she opened her mouth and, instead of emittingscreams in praise of diamonds and of Paris hats (as one would haveexpected), she piped in a small melancholy voice the following patheticinquiry--
"Is it the wind of the dawn that I hear in the pine overhead?"
And then came Harding's growling baritone, avoiding any mention ofcigars or cocktails and making answer--
"No! but the noise of the deep as it hollows the cliffs of the land."
Mrs. Harding--
"Is there a voice coming up with the voice of the deep from the strand, One coming up with the song in the flush of the glimmering red?"
Mr. Harding--
"Love that is born of the deep coming up with the sun from the sea."
Bingham was convulsed with inward laughter. May tried to smile alittle--at the incongruity of the singers and the words they sang; buther thoughts were all astray. The Warden was here--so near!
No one else was in the least amused. Boreham was plainly worried, andwas staring through his eyeglass at Bingham's back, behind which MayDashwood was half obliterated. Gwendolen Scott had only just caughtsight of the Warden and had flushed up, and wore an excited look on herface. She was glancing at him with furtive glances--ready to bow. Nowshe caught his eye and bowed, and he returned the bow very gravely.
Lady Dashwood was leaning back in her chair listening with resignedmisery.
May looked straight before her, past Bingham's elbow. She knew the songfrom Becket well. Words in the song were soon coming that she dreaded,because of the Warden standing there by the door.
The words came--
"Love that is born of the deep coming up with the sun from the sea, Love that can shape or can shatter a life till the life shall have fled."
She raised her eyes to the Warden. She could see his profile. It lookednoble among the faces around him, as he stood with his head bent,apparently very much aloof, absorbed in his own thoughts.
He, of all men she had ever met, ought to have understood "love that isborn of the deep," and did not. He turned his head slightly and met hereyes for the flash of a second. It was the look of a man who takes hislast look.
She did not move, but she grasped the arms of her chair and heard nomore of the music but sounds, vaguely drumming at her ears, withoutmeaning.
She did not even notice Bingham's movement, the slow cautious movementwith which he turned to see what had aroused her emotion. When he knew,he made a still more cautious and imperceptible movement away from her;the movement of a man who discerns that he had made a step too far andwishes to retrace that step without being observed.
May did not even notice that the song was over and that people weretalking and moving about.
"We are going, May," said Lady Dashwood. "Mr. Boreham has to go and huntfor a ten-shilling note that Mrs. Potten thinks she dropped at ChristChurch. She has just sent me a letter about it. She can't remember thestaircase. In any case we have to go and pick up our purchases there, sowe are all going together."
"She's always dropping things," said Boreham, who had taken theopportunity of coming up and speaking to May. "She may have lost thenote anywhere between here and Norham Gardens. She's incorrigible."
The little gathering was beginning to melt away. Harding and Bingham hadhurried off on business, and there was nobody now left but Boreham andthe party from King's and Mrs. Harding, who was determined to help inthe search for Mrs. Potten's lost note.
"Miss Scott is coming back with me--to help wind up things at the Sale,"said Mrs. Harding, "and on our way we will go in and help you."
Gwendolen's first impulse, when Mrs. Potten's note was discussed, was toget behind somebody else so as not to be seen. Would Mr. Harding and Mr.Bingham remember about the extra note? Probably--so her second impulsewas to say aloud: "I wonder if it's the note I quite forgot to give toMrs. Potten? I've got it somewhere." Alas! this impulse was short-lived.Ever since she had put the note in her pocket, the mental image of anumbrella had been before her eyes. She had begun to consider that mentalumbrella as already a real umbrella and hers. She walked about already,in imagination, under it. She might have planned to spend money that hadfallen into her hands on sweets. That would have been the usual thing;but no, she was going to spend it on something very useful andnecessary. That ten shillings, in fact, so carelessly flung aside byMrs. Potten, was going to be spent in a way very few girls would thinkof. To spend it on an umbrella was wonderfully virtuous and made thewhole affair a sort of duty.
The umbrella, in short, had become now part of Gwendolen's future.Virtue walking with an umbrella. Without that umbrella there would be adistinct blank in Gwendolen's life!
If she obeyed her second impulse on the moment, that umbrella wouldnever become hers. She would for ever lose that umbrella. But neitherMr. Harding nor Mr. Bingham seemed to think of her, or her note. Theywere already rushing off to lectures or chapels or something. Theimpulse died!
So the poor silly child pretended to search in the rooms at ChristChurch with no less energy than Mrs. Harding and Mrs. Dashwood, andmuch more thoroughly than Boreham, who did nothing more than put up thelights and stand about looking gloomy.
The Warden was walking slowly with Lady Dashwood on the terrace belowwhen the searchers came out announcing that no note could be found.
Boreh
am's arms were full of parcels, and these were distributed amongthe Warden, Lady Dashwood, and Mrs. Dashwood.
Mrs. Harding said "good-bye" outside the great gate.
"I shall bring Miss Scott home, after the work is over," she said; andGwendolen glanced at the Warden in the fading afternoon light with someconfidence, for was not the affair of the note over? What more couldhappen? She could not be certain whether he looked at her or not. Hemoved away the moment that Mrs. Harding had ceased speaking. He bowed,and in another moment was talking to Mr. Boreham.
May Dashwood had slipped her hand into her aunt's arm, making it obviousto Boreham that he and the Warden must walk on ahead, or else walkbehind. They walked on ahead.
"I've got to fetch Mrs. Potten from Eliston's," he said fretfully, as hewalked beside the Warden. All four went along in silence. They passedCarfax. There, a little farther on, was Mrs. Potten just at the shop'sdoor, looking out keenly through her glasses, peering from one side ofthe street to the other.
She came forward to meet them, evidently charmed at seeing the Warden.
"I'm afraid I made a great fuss over that note. Did you find it,Bernard?"
Boreham felt too cross to answer.
"We didn't," said May Dashwood. "I'm sorry!"
"No, we couldn't find it," said Lady Dashwood.
"You really couldn't," repeated Mrs. Potten. "Well, I wonder---- But howkind of you!"
Now, Mrs. Potten rarely saw the Warden, and this fact made her prize himall the more. Mrs. Potten's weakness for men was very weak for theWarden, so much so that for the moment she forgot the loss of her note,and--thinking of Wardens--burst into a long story about the Heads ofcolleges she had known personally and those she had not knownpersonally.
Her assumption that Heads of colleges were of any importance was all themore distasteful to Boreham because May Dashwood was listening.
"Come along, Mrs. Potten," he said crossly; "we shall have to have thelamps lit if we wait any longer."
But they were not her lamps that would have to be lit, burning _her_oil, and Mrs. Potten released the Warden with much regret.
"So the poor little note was never found," she said, as she held out herhand for good-bye. "I know it's a trifle, but in these days everythingis serious, everything! And after I had scribbled off my note to youfrom Eliston's I thought I might have given Miss Scott two ten-shillingnotes instead of one, just by mistake, and that she hadn't noticed, ofcourse."
"I thought of that," said Lady Dashwood, "and I asked Mrs. Harding; butshe said that she had got the correct notes--thirty shillings."
"Well, good-bye," said Mrs. Potten. "I am sorry to have troubledeverybody, but in war time one has to be careful. One never knows whatmay happen. Strange things have happened and will happen. Don't youthink so, Warden?"
"Stranger than perhaps we think of," said the Warden, and he raised hishat to go.
"Come, Bernard," said Mrs. Potten, "I must try and tear you away.Good-bye, good-bye!" and even then she lingered and looked at theWarden.
"Good-bye, Marian," said Lady Dashwood, firmly.
"I am afraid you are very tired," whispered May in her aunt's ear, asthey turned up the Broad.
"Rather tired," said Lady Dashwood. "Too tired to hear Marian's list ofnames, nothing but names!"
They walked on a few steps, and then there came a sound of whirring inthe sky. It was a sound new to Oxford, but which had lately becomefrequent. All three looked up. An aeroplane was skimming low oversteeples, towers, and ancient chimney stacks, going home to Port Meadow,like a bird going home to roost at the approach of night. It was goingsafely. The pilot was only learning, playing with air, overcoming itwith youthful keenness and light-heartedness. They could see his littlesolitary figure sitting at the helm. Later on he would play no more; theair would be full of glory, and horror--over in France.
The Warden sighed.
When they reached the Lodgings they went into the gloom of the darkpanelled hall. The portraits on the walls glowered at them. The Wardenput up the lights and looked at the table for letters, as if he expectedsomething. There was a wire for him; more business, but not unexpected.
"I have to go to Town again," he said. "A meeting and other educationbusiness."
"Ah!" said Lady Dashwood. She caught at the idea, and her eyes followedthe figure of May Dashwood walking upstairs. When May turned out ofsight she said: "Do you mean now?"
"No, to-morrow early," he said. "And I shall be back on Saturday."
Lady Dashwood seated herself on a couch; her letters were in her hand,but she did not open them. Her eyes were fixed on her brother.
"Can you manage somehow so that I can speak to Gwendolen alone?" heasked. "I am dining in Hall, but I shall be back by half-past nine."
Lady Dashwood felt her cheeks tingle. "Yes, I will manage it, if it isinevitable." She dwelt lingeringly upon the word "inevitable."
"Thank you," said the Warden, and he turned and walked slowly upstairs.Very heavily he walked, so Lady Dashwood thought, as she sat listeningto his footsteps. Of course it was inevitable. If vows are forgotten,promises are broken, there is an end to "honour," to "progress," toeverything worth living for!
At the drawing-room he paused; the door was wide open, and he could seeMay Dashwood standing near one of the windows pulling her gloves off.She turned.
"I have to be in town early to-morrow and shall not return till thefollowing day, Saturday," he said, coming up slowly to where she wasstanding.
She glanced up at him.
"This is the second time I have had to go away since you came, but it isa time when so much has to be considered and discussed, matters relatingto the future of education, and of the universities, and with the futureof Oxford. Things have suddenly changed; it is a new world that we livein to-day, a new world." Then he added bitterly, "Such as was the morrowof the Crucifixion."
He glanced away from her and rested his eyes on the window. The curtainshad not yet been drawn and the latticed panes were growing dim. The dullgrey sky behind the battlements of the roof opposite showed no memory ofsunset.
"Of course you have to go away," said May, softly, and she too lookedout at the dull sky now darkening into night.
Should she now tell him that she had kept her word, that she had notseen the cathedral because she had not been alone. She had had a strongdesire to tell him when it was impossible to do so. Now, when she hadonly to say the words for he was there, close beside her, she could notspeak. Perhaps he wouldn't care whether she had kept her word--and yetshe knew that he did care.
They stood together for a moment in silence.
"And you were not able to go with me to the cathedral," he said, turningand looking at her face steadily.
May coloured as she felt his eyes upon her, but she braced herself tomeet his question as if it was a matter about which they cared nothing.
"I didn't want to waste your time," she said, and she drew her glovesthrough her hand and moved away.
"Bingham," he said, "knows more than I do, perhaps more than any man inOxford, about mediaeval architecture."
"Ah yes," said May, and she walked slowly towards the fireplace.
"And he will have shown you everything," he persisted.
May was now in front of the portrait, though she did not notice it.
"I didn't go into the cathedral," she said.
The Warden raised his head as if throwing off some invisible burden.Then he moved and came and stood near her--also facing the portrait. Butneither noticed the large luminous eyes fixed upon them, visible even inthe darkening room.
"I suppose one ought not to be critical of a drawing-room song," saidthe Warden, and his voice now was changed.
May moved her head slightly towards him, but did not meet his eyes.
"I was inclined," he said, "but then I am by trade a college tutor, tocriticise one line of Tennyson's verse."
She knew what he meant. "What line do you object to?" she asked, and theline seemed to be already
dinning in her ears.
He quoted the line, pronouncing the words with a strange emphasis--
"'Love that can shape or can shatter a life, till the life shall have fled.'"
"Yes?" said May.
"It is a pretty sentiment," he said. "I suppose we ought to accept it assuch."
"Oh!" said May, and her voice lingered doubtfully over the word.
"Have we any right to expect so much, or fear so much," said the Warden,"from the circumstances of life?"
May turned her head away and said nothing.
"Why demand that life shall be made so easy?" Here he paused again."Some of us," he went on, "want to be converted, in the Evangelicalsense; in other words, some of us want to be given a sudden inspiringillumination, an irresistible motive for living the good life, a motivethat will make virtue easy."
May looked down into the fire and waited for him to go on.
"Some of us demand a love that will make marriage easy, smooth for ourtemper, flattering to our vanity. Some demand"--and here there was atouch of passion in his voice that made May's heart heavy andsick--"they demand that it should be made easy to be faithful."
And she gave no answer.
"Isn't it our business to accept the circumstances of life, love amongthem, and refuse either to be shaped by them or shattered by them? Butyou will accuse me of being hyper-critical at a tea-party, of arguingon ethics when I should have been thinking of--of nothing particular."
This was his Apologia. After this there would be silence. He would beGwendolen's husband. May tried to gather up all her self-possession.
"You don't agree with me?" he asked to break her obstinate silence.
She could hear Robinson coming in. He put up the lights, and out of theobscurity flashed the face of the portrait almost to the point ofspeech.
"Do you mean that one ought and can live in marriage without help andwithout sympathy?" she asked, and her voice trembled a little.
He answered, "I mean that. May I quote you lines that you probably know,lines of a more strenuous character than that line from 'Becket.'" Andhe quoted--
"'For even the purest delight may pall, And power must fail, and the pride must fall, And the love of the dearest friends grow small, But the glory of the Lord is all in all.'"
They could hear the swish of the heavy curtains as Robinson pulled themover the windows.
"And yet----" she said. Here a queer spasm came in her throat. She wasmoving towards the open door, for she felt that she could not bear tohear any more. He followed her.
"And yet----?" he persisted.
"I only mean," she said, and she compelled her voice to be steady, "whatis the glory of the Lord? Is it anything but love--love of otherpeople?"
She went through the open door slowly and turned to the shallow stairsthat led to her bedroom. She could not hear whether he went to hislibrary or not. She was glad that she did not meet anybody in thecorridor. The doors were shut.
She locked her door and went up to the dressing-table. The little ovalpicture case was lying there. She laid her hand upon it, but did notmove it. She stood, pressing her fingers upon it. Then she moved away.Even the memory of the past was fading from her life; her future wouldcontain nothing--to remember.
She moved about the room. Wasn't duty enough to fill her life? Wasn't itenough for her to know that she was helping in her small way to build upthe future of the race? Why could she not be content with that? Perhaps,when white hairs came and wrinkles, and her prime was past, she might becontent! But until then....