But none of that compared to how it felt to watch the racers greet their fans. Seeing Maxwell and Rodney giving guys high-fives, seeing Hayden tousle the hair of young kids, and seeing the fans’ faces as they approached their idols—it was an excruciating reminder of what I’d lost. Watching Felicia’s table was the worst. Hearing the fans tell her how excited they were to see her race, the young girls looking at her with dreams in their eyes…it was utter torture being forced to take a back seat while she lived the life I wanted.
My heart was cracked to pieces by the time we got back to Hayden’s hotel room, and I fell onto his bed, absolutely drained. As I stared up at the ceiling, I felt Hayden compress the mattress beside me as he sat down. “You all right?” he asked, concern in his voice.
With a great amount of effort, I shifted my gaze to him. “No. Take this off me. Now.” When I’d gone back to the Benneti garage to change into my street clothes, I’d discovered that some jackass had “moved” them. Everyone claimed they didn’t know anything, but, by the way Rodney and Maxwell had been chuckling, I was sure they’d had something to do with it. Just as easily could have been Keith though, or Felicia. Regardless, my clothes were AWOL, and I’d had to return to the hotel in my eye candy outfit. The cherry on top of the suck-fest that was my day.
Hayden’s jade eyes brightened at hearing my command. “Gladly,” he murmured.
While I laid on my back, comatose, he slowly peeled off the black, knee-high, motorcycle-style boots that Keith had decided completed the outfit. Once my feet were bare, he started on the atrocious spandex shorts. He didn’t just rip them off like I’d hoped though. No, he folded them down, inch by inch, pausing to kiss the new skin as it was exposed. The exhaustion started shifting into something a lot more stimulating, and my body tingled with alertness. A satisfied murmur escaped me as I wriggled my hips in anticipation. This was as good a way as any to forget my horrendous afternoon.
A soft laugh escaped Hayden as he pulled the shorts all the way off. Leaving my underwear on, he moved up to my ridiculous top. Kissing each breast through the fabric, he lowly said, “I know you hate this outfit, but damn, baby, you look good in it. I was hard during the entire autograph session.”
A smile broke over my face as he unhooked the back. “Well, good thing you were sitting. That probably would have surprised your fans otherwise.”
Hayden began pulling the hated fabric off my skin. As he did, he quietly said, “You had fans there…did you see?”
His words froze me, and I looked down to see him peeking up at me. “I had fans there?”
Sitting up a bit, Hayden nodded. “Yeah, they had your shirt on, and were holding photos of you. Keith, he…”
He looked away, and a knot of anger stirred in my belly. Whatever Keith had done, by the look on Hayden’s face, I was positive I wasn’t going to like it. “Keith what?”
Looking back at me, Hayden sighed. “He told them all you weren’t available for autographs. Said it would interfere with your new job…then he directed them all to Felicia.”
I sat up on my elbows, incensed. “Those were my fans. He had no right! And he sent them to Felicia? That son of a bitch!” I sat up so suddenly, Hayden had to scoot away to avoid getting injured. Storming away from the bed, I tossed out, “I need a shower.” I suddenly felt like I was covered in filth.
“Do you want me to join you?” Hayden asked. Without answering him, I briskly shut the bathroom door. No, I really didn’t want him around me right now. I needed to decompress in peace.
The steaming water helped me cool down, but it didn’t change the bitterness in the back of my throat. Everything I’d once loved was slowly being stripped away from me, and I hated it. But I also didn’t know how to change it. My life was tumbling out of control in a direction I’d never expected it to go, and just when I thought I was on my way to stabilizing my trajectory, something else came along to knock me off course. Where I was going to end up now was anyone’s guess.
I dressed in a Cox Racing T-shirt when I emerged from the shower—maybe I was feeling nostalgic. Hayden had a concerned expression on his face the entire time he watched me cover up. “You okay?” he asked. I was getting really tired of him asking me that.
“I’m great,” I said, my voice tight. “But I could really use a drink.” Grabbing my phone, I texted Nikki and asked her where this speakeasy bar was. The sooner I had alcohol in me, the better.
Hayden came up behind me and started playing with my damp strands; the waves were a lot curlier when I let them air dry. Wrapping a dark section around his finger, he leaned down to kiss the crook of my neck. “Let’s go get you a drink then.”
Forcing myself to relax, I turned and gave him a soft kiss. This wasn’t his fault, so I shouldn’t take it out on him.
Hayden changed into some going out clothes while I waited for Nikki to text me back with an address. When she gave it to me, we made our way down to Hayden’s sporty rental car. “You want to drive?” he asked, opening the driver’s side door. It warmed me that he was being so sweet, and normally I would have leaped at the chance to drive this racy-looking thing, but I just wasn’t in the mood.
“No, I’m good,” I said, opening the other side.
A small sigh escaped Hayden as he slid behind the wheel. I knew he wanted me to perk up, to be sunny and bright like I usually was, and while I was trying to fake happiness, I just couldn’t fake it to that degree right now. Maybe after a few margaritas.
While Hayden drove us to this place called The Shoppe, I put my hand on his thigh and tried to focus only on the fact that we were together, and about to spend a fun evening with our friends. Well, with my friends who had grudgingly accepted the fact that Hayden was my boyfriend.
When we got to the address Nikki had given me, Hayden frowned. “You sure this is the right place?” The brightly lit building was clearly a candy store, with rows of shelves full of yummy treats visible from the outside.
“Yeah…she did say it looked real,” I said, stepping out of the car. Hayden stepped out with me, and we both stared in silence at the unlikely bar before us.
As we were staring, a couple cars pulled into the parking lot. Seconds later, I was surrounded by people I knew and loved—Nikki, Myles, and a bunch of ex-Cox Racing team members. I was struck with painful memories as I hugged Ralph, Eli, and Myles’s mechanic, Kevin. God, it was good to see them.
Kevin, always the practical one, gave Myles a confused glance once we separated. “Are you sure about this, Myles? It seems like a candy store to me.”
Myles raised a playful eyebrow. “Would a candy store have a bouncer?”
We all took another look, and, sure enough, there was a burly guy standing by the front door, arms crossed in a classic posture of intimidation. Myles gleefully clapped his hands before grabbing Nikki’s hand and pulling her toward the store; she giggled the entire way. Ralph, Eli, and Kevin gave Hayden a once-over before following them. While the ban between our old team and Keith’s was no longer an actual thing, it had to be strange for them to be hanging out with a Benneti. Maybe it would be a little easier for them since Nikki was one now too. And me, I supposed.
Hayden and I brought up the rear of the group. The bouncer by the door eyed our group, then said in a monotone voice, “Password.”
Everyone looked around at everyone else. We needed a password? Seriously? Myles scratched his head, then slowly said, “Let us in so we can get fucked up?”
The bouncer eyed him for a second, then turned and opened the door. Nikki gave Myles a high-five as we all stepped inside. A girl wearing a crisp uniform that looked like it was straight from the 1800s greeted us on the inside. “Welcome to The Shoppe,” she said. “Right this way.” She led us behind the counter and into a back room. Just as I was beginning to think we’d all been duped and we were about to be murdered, she pushed something on the wall, and it swung open to reveal a spiral staircase. “Have fun!” she said, her voice bright.
Myles and Nik
ki headed toward the sound of thumping music. Hayden and I glanced at each other, and he held my hand extra tight before we followed them. The actual bar of the speakeasy was like some gothic fantasy come to life. Thick black curtains separated areas into private rooms, every source of light was fashioned to mimic candle flames, and all the chairs in sight were plush, throne-like pieces straight out of a Dracula movie. Considering where we’d just come from, it was a pretty spectacular sight.
The waitresses were all in black corsets and shorty-shorts that made my Benneti spandex briefs look like sweatpants. Myles flagged one down and ordered a round of shots for everyone, then found us a table in a back room that looked like it belonged in some medieval nobleman’s dining room.
Hayden and I sat down across from Myles and Nikki. Eli and Kevin sat next to Myles, while Ralph sat down next to Hayden, although he left a chair between them. I rolled my eyes at my ex-teammates, but I didn’t say anything; they’d get used to Hayden eventually.
While we waited for our shots to arrive, I asked Myles, “So how do you like Stellar Racing? Is it as bad as you thought?”
Myles groaned. “It’s worse. Luke Stellar is a dick, and Jimmy’s a stuck-up asshole. The only decent people there are Kevin and Eli.” He tilted his dark head in their direction and they both grinned at me. “But I’m surviving, and it’s good to be racing again.” Myles’s brown eyes locked onto Hayden, and I could see the gears turning as he studied my boyfriend. “So…should we expect any mishaps this year, Hayden? Or is everything back to status quo?”
Silence blanketed the table. It was broken only by the shots arriving. Hayden kept his eyes locked on Myles while the waitress doled them out. I wanted to kick Myles under the table, but I resisted the temptation. Instead, I lifted my shot glass. “Cheers!” I exclaimed, once everyone had theirs.
Hayden and Myles took their drinks with their gazes still focused on each other, and I knew this conversation wasn’t over. When Hayden set down his glass, Myles shrugged. “So? What do you think, Hayden?”
Hayden looked around the table before meeting Myles’s eyes again. “I’m certainly no expert on the subject, but yeah…I think it will be a normal year.”
Myles narrowed his eyes. “As opposed to last year?” Myles knew Hayden had somehow been involved with the tampering last year, and he wanted answers, but here and now was not the place to get them.
Interrupting, I said, “Next round is on me. What would everyone like?”
Ralph, Eli, and Kevin seemed grateful that I was breaking the tension in the room, and eagerly gave me their orders. Nikki piped up with her request, and eventually Hayden and Myles let go of their conversation and gave me theirs too. Just as I was scooting my chair back to head to the bar, a voice to my left said, “I’ll take a whiskey Coke, Mackenzie. Diet please.”
I looked over to see who had spoken, and my heart almost stopped beating. Felicia? What the fuck was she doing here? While I gaped at her, dumbstruck, she calmly settled herself in the empty seat beside Hayden. Even though every person was staring at her, Felicia looked perfectly at ease, like she wasn’t crashing a party she hadn’t been invited to.
Minutely moving his chair away from her, Hayden asked the question that was blazing through my brain. “What are you doing here, Felicia?”
She smiled, like his tone had been warm and friendly. “It’s the night before a big race. I’m unwinding, same as you guys.” Looking around the table, she asked, “Is everyone ready for the big day?”
Ralph, Eli, and Kevin looked unsure if they were supposed to answer that. Myles looked annoyed, while Nikki kept flicking heated glances between Felicia and me; she looked like she was ready for a throw down…I just had to say the word. While I scooted my chair back to the table—hell if I was going anywhere now—Hayden said, “You should go, Felicia. This is a private function.”
Looking over at me and then Nikki, she answered with, “Looks like a Benneti function. I’m a Benneti now.” Lifting her hand in the air, she flagged down the waitress. “Another round of shots, please,” she said, indicating the empty glasses on the table.
Eli, Kevin, and Ralph relaxed since she was buying them alcohol. They even smiled and thanked her. Myles and Nikki were staring at me, waiting to see what I wanted. Hayden narrowed his eyes at Felicia, then turned his gaze my way. Leaning over, he said, “Want to leave?”
Yes. And no. It was clear Felicia wasn’t going to go anywhere voluntarily, but I didn’t want her to chase me away either. If she wanted to be stubborn, well, two could play that game. Locking eyes with Felicia on the other side of Hayden, I told him, “No, everything’s fine here.” Unless she tries to kiss you again. Then we’ll have an issue. Hayden let out another long exhale, then shook his head in disbelief.
Felicia and I stared at each other until the drinks arrived; I didn’t even let myself blink until she did. As the waitress passed out the shots, Felicia coolly said, “So, Mackenzie, how did the autograph session go? I was too busy with my line to see much of you. Did you enjoy yourself?”
Did I enjoy looking like a play toy in my old workplace? Fuck no, I didn’t enjoy that. I wanted to sling back my shot as soon as it was in front of me, but I refused to take mine before Felicia took hers. Tension built around the table again as people waited for my answer; Myles and the guys looked confused…they didn’t know what my job today had been. “I think I made a real impact with the fans,” I finally said. God, was that the right thing to say? I wished I could have just said, “Go to hell.” That felt more appropriate.
“What do you want, Felicia?” Hayden suddenly asked.
Felicia’s gaze swung from me to him, and the awkwardness at the table tripled; everyone but the three of us started downing their drinks one by one.
“I want to have an actual conversation with you, Hayden, where you say things, and then I get to say things in return. I want to explain what happened four years ago.”
Shaking his head, Hayden looked away from her. “You’re barking up the wrong tree. No need to explain anything…doesn’t matter anymore.”
Somehow, the tone of his voice sounded all wrong, and I knew he was lying. Felicia knew it too. “I’m sorry I left, Hayden. And I hope that one day you can forgive me…like Izzy has forgiven me.”
Hayden’s eyes snapped back to her face. “Izzy forgave you? I don’t believe it. She’s pissed that you took off when Antonia needed you most. She said she’d never forgive you for that.”
Felicia’s eyes sank to the table, and she started slowly turning the glass in her fingers. “Yeah, well…I talked to her before we left to come here. She forgave me, and she said she thought you would too,” she added, her voice almost too quiet for me to hear.
“Why would she possibly think that?” Hayden snapped, a hard edge to his voice.
Myles suddenly slapped his hands on the table. “Who wants to play darts?” The others shot to their feet, and, within seconds, they were all gone. I didn’t blame them; the concrete-like tension in the air would have had me bailing too.
To my surprise, Hayden slowly stood up after them. “Darts sound great.” He held his hand out for me. “Kenzie, want to play?” From the look in his eye, I knew what he was really asking was, Want to sneak out the back and leave now?
Felicia was still staring at her glass, and the curiosity was killing me. Why had Izzy so readily forgiven her? And why the hell did Izzy think Hayden ever would? Felicia had abandoned him, made him afraid to let people in again. She’d scarred him. That sort of pain wouldn’t easily go away.
Taking Hayden’s hand, I let him pull me to my feet. “Sure,” I whispered, wondering if we should actually leave.
Felicia looked up when we started to move. “Hayden.” He stopped, exhaled a deep breath, then looked back at her. Heart in her eyes, she told him, “You’re right, it was wrong of me to leave. I have so much to atone for…to everyone. I’m trying to make things right. That’s all.”
Even as she said it, I knew that wasn?
??t entirely accurate. She was trying to make things the same…big difference. But Hayden looked genuinely affected by her statement, and there was clear turmoil in his eyes; the depth of the pain I saw there worried me.
“It’s too late for that, Felicia,” he said, his voice unsteady. Grabbing my hand tighter, he yanked me away from the table. As I glanced back at Felicia, I saw my own internal question reflected in her shimmering eyes.
Was it really?
***
CHAPTER 8
~Kenzie~
I didn’t sleep well that night. I kept tossing and turning while my mind spun. While Hayden never acted like he was awake as well, I got the feeling sleep had evaded him too…there was something in the haggardness of his eyes the next morning that confirmed long hours of restlessness.
Not wanting yet another outfit of mine to go missing, I dressed in my sleazy Benneti gear at the hotel. Hayden let me wear his jacket over the top, which helped a lot, but I still felt skanky and underdressed as I walked through the hotel lobby. I’d only just begun, and I was ready for the day to end.
When we got to the track, Hayden still looked speculative. I wanted to ask him what he was thinking about, but I already knew what—or who—he was thinking about, and I didn’t really want details on his thoughts. Especially if they were along the lines of: maybe I should talk to her, maybe I should forgive her, maybe I should get back to together with her. Just the thought of him thinking that, even only for the briefest moment, made me feel sick to my stomach. We were so great together, everything the two of them hadn’t ended up being, and he knew that. He had to know that.
The second Keith saw me, huddled up in Hayden’s jacket, he snapped his fingers and said, “That comes off the second you’re at the event. I want everyone to see the goods.” For a horrible instant, I wasn’t sure if he meant the logo plastered all over me, or my body. Both amplified the queasiness in my gut.