That was the first thing he’d said that I truly believed, and my anger cooled. Slightly. “Do you still have them? Can I read them?”
Hayden hesitated before answering me. “No.”
I cocked my eyebrow, confused. “No you don’t have them, or no I can’t read them?”
He let out a soft sigh. “No, I don’t have them. I delete whatever she sends me.”
His answer warmed me, but at the same time it made me wonder…was he trying to hide something by deleting them? I almost wished he’d kept them, just so I could see for myself what was going on behind my back. “What does she say to you?” I asked, then immediately wished I hadn’t.
Hayden cringed, like he also wished I hadn’t asked. “Don’t go there, Kenzie. Please.”
There was a sudden lump in my throat that I had to swallow three times to get rid of. “Why?” My heart began to pound with anxiety as I waited for him to answer me. What do you say to her?
Hayden’s eyes drifted to the floor before returning to mine. “Because…I don’t want you to get hurt. I don’t want to tell you…about another woman wanting me. That can’t be something you want to hear about.”
It was a perfectly reasonable response, and a one hundred percent correct assumption. I didn’t want to hear about Felicia’s desires for my boyfriend. Just seeing it in her expression was bad enough. But was that all that was going on here? Was this truly as one-sided as he was making it seem? “Do you want her back?” I whispered.
He immediately stepped forward and gently placed his hands on my arms. “No, of course not, Kenzie. I want you. That’s why I’m with you.” Was that true? Or was he with me because he felt guilty about everything I’d sacrificed for him? Did he feel obligated to love me? Was his loyalty the only thing holding us together? And did that loyalty extend to our sex life? Or was being my boyfriend enough in his mind, and he felt free to…dabble…in that area? Jesus, I hoped not.
My voice tight, I asked him, “Then where do you go all the time? Where were you really going tonight?”
Looking away, he let out a heavy exhale. Was there still guilt in it? I couldn’t tell. “Keith’s parties, Kenzie.” Returning his eyes to mine, he said, “It’s work, you know that.”
I felt like a rock had firmly settled in my belly. Was he being honest with me? “I know you tell me that,” I quietly answered.
His face was a mixture of sadness and remorse. “You don’t trust me now.” It was a statement, not a question.
“That number that you always said was Keith’s…the fives and sixes…that was Felicia, wasn’t it?” Hayden nodded, and I felt something in my heart crack. “You’ve been lying to me about who was texting you. For months. That kind of destroys the whole trust thing.”
His gaze drifted to the space between our bodies; even though we were only a foot apart, it felt miles wide. “I know…and I’m so sorry, Kenzie.” Eyes pleading, he looked up at me. “I know you don’t agree with what I did, what I kept from you, but I swear I did it to protect you. Everything I’ve done is to protect you. You’re my world.”
The naked sincerity in his eyes, in his voice, it softened the split in my heart, began melting the hurt, filling the chasm. “Then let me in, Hayden. Tell me the truth, always.”
Worry morphed his face, and when he opened his mouth, I knew he was going to tell me something big, something I wouldn’t like; my heart started beating faster in anticipation. But then his face relaxed into a warm smile. “I will…I promise.”
I wanted to question him about that look he’d just given me, but his mouth lowered to mine, and the memory of his face evaporated under his tender touch. I was still angry, still hurt, but I loved him so much…I needed the sincerity I’d seen in his gaze to be the absolute truth, the real bond holding us together. I needed him to love me, needed him to mean every word he’d just said, because that was how I felt about him, and I couldn’t handle this being one-sided. I couldn’t handle losing him too.
The passion in our argument spilled over into our kiss. It was fiery heat, splashed with a drizzle of chilly ice; the combination instantly ignited me. I ran my fingers through his hair, pulling him into me. His hands explored my body, one running up my back, the other running over my ass. I wanted his fingers over every inch of my bare skin, wanted his mouth over every section of my body, wanted to drown in the ecstasy that would consume us.
Desire overcoming my senses, I moved my mouth to his ear, “Hayden…” I murmured.
His response was a nearly a pant. “Yes?”
“I need you to do something for me,” nibbling on his earlobe.
Both of his hands squeezed me tight as an erotic noise left his lips. “God…anything, Kenzie.”
Pulling back, I looked him in the eye. His were sizzling with lust; it nearly changed what I was about to say…but there was something I desperately needed from him. “Take me to the track. Race me. Let me feel the rush with you. Then make love to me on the track…and make me feel truly alive.”
He groaned, but didn’t say anything. He just scooped me up and carried me out the door.
***
CHAPTER 13
~Hayden~
I was fucking up. I knew it, but I couldn’t stop it. Not when I was so close to victory. I had enough money stockpiled from street racing, that I finally felt like I could approach Jordan. What I was going to say to convince him to sell the track to me, I had no fucking clue, but the money was nearly there. Step one was almost complete.
But at what cost? Kenzie was suspicious, even a blind man could see that. If I told her what I was really doing though, she’d ask me to stop. She’d say it was too dangerous, say she didn’t need my help bailing her out, tell me that making a deal with Keith would never work and everything I was doing was pointless. Yeah, if I did the right thing and told Kenzie the truth, she’d never get her old life back. And if I kept lying to her…I’d probably lose her. Rock. Me. Hard place.
It didn’t help matters any that I’d been juggling so much lately, I’d let something fall through the cracks. Nikki and those damn texts. Goddamn, I wish I’d seen that one coming. I wish I’d told Kenzie about Felicia getting on my case from the beginning. But for some reason, the words just wouldn’t form around Kenzie. How could I tell her something that I knew without a doubt would hurt her?
Kenzie was still sleeping beside me. She looked peaceful for once, a small smile on her full lips. It had been far too long since I’d taken her to the track. I was failing as a boyfriend, on multiple levels. All for a good reason, but that would hardly hold up in court.
Carefully getting out of bed, I made my way to the living room to grab my cell phone. Kenzie and I had taken off so quickly last night, I’d left it behind. Good thing too. After I plucked the contraption out of my coat pocket, I saw about a million missed calls and texts from Hookup. I didn’t need to read or listen to them to know he was pissed at me. I’d bailed on the race, and he’d had to forfeit the entrance fee. Hookup hated losing money, which was why he’d done what he’d done last year. But being a no-show had been unavoidable. There was just no way I could have gotten away from Kenzie last night, not with her that riled up. So, I’d made a split-second decision, and now I was going to get my ass chewed out for it.
Kenzie finding me at home when I was supposed to be out with Keith had only doubled her suspicions. Problems compounding problems. I’d have to hang out with Hookup from now on before races, to prevent that from ever happening again. That, or come up with a different lie to tell Kenzie. God, I really hated that those were my options. The lie was still working, though, so my best bet was to keep going with it. And besides, Keith was backing me up.
When I’d ask him about talking to Kenzie about it, he’d simply said, “I don’t want to know what the hell you’re doing, so long as you’re doing it to get me Jordan’s side of the track.”
I’d assured him that was exactly what I was doing, and he hadn’t said another word about it. He had to know I was
street racing again—he wasn’t stupid—but I guess the potential benefit for him outweighed the risk of him losing me if I got caught. And didn’t that make me feel special.
Irritated with the complexities of my life, I decided I’d deal with Hookup when I saw him again for the next race in a couple days. Right now, my priority was making sure Kenzie was happy, and figuring out what to say to Jordan to convince him that I was somehow a better option than Keith. No problem.
“Hey, why didn’t you wake me?”
I turned around to see Kenzie in the doorframe, wearing one of my T-shirts, and nothing else from what I could tell. Her wavy hair was wild, crazy, unrestrained, just like she’d been last night when we’d shucked all our clothes and had sex on the track. Fuck. That memory was going to stay with me for the rest of my life.
“I thought you needed your rest. We were up pretty late, after all.” Slipping my phone back into my jacket pocket, I walked over to her. Kenzie’s eyes tracked the movement of my cell, but she didn’t ask me anything. The question was burning in her eyes though.
“No messages from Felicia,” I assured her, and it felt so good to finally tell her the truth about something. I should have fessed up to that one a long time ago.
Kenzie smiled, but it was a sad one. I wished there was more I could do to let her know she had my heart—my full heart. Felicia was just…a loose end, dangling from my past. One I had every intention of snipping.
“Good,” she murmured, but I could tell by the way she was fidgeting that talking about my ex wasn’t the way she wanted to start her day. I didn’t blame her; I’d rather not talk about her either.
Smiling, I leaned down to give Kenzie a soft kiss. “What are you going to do today?” I asked when our lips parted.
The look of reluctance didn’t change as she shrugged. “Don’t know. Hang out with Izzy, I guess.”
I wasn’t too surprised by her answer; Kenzie often spent her free time with Izzy. Keith had relaxed his stance on Kenzie coming to the track, since she was technically an employee now, but he still wouldn’t allow Kenzie to use the track—not even on her own bike—so she hadn’t come by. I gave her another kiss, since it was all I could do. For now.
We went our separate ways after breakfast, and while Kenzie looked better than she had last night when she’d wanted to rip my head off, I could tell she wasn’t happy. I didn’t know how long I had until that unhappiness turned to resentment, but I knew the clock was ticking. I needed to fix this, fast.
While Kenzie took off in her truck, I took off on my bike. Not for the track though. I had a pit stop to make first. One that I hoped went well, even though I knew it was a long shot.
Nerves started tugging at my stomach as I rode up Jordan Cox’s driveway. The last time I’d attempted this, it hadn’t gone so well. And considering what I was about to ask him, I didn’t think this time was going to be any better.
When the two-story farmhouse came into view, I let out a long, slow exhale. Compared to all the things that I’d done in my life, this was easy. It was also the most difficult; I’d never cared so much before, never wanted something so much before. I didn’t see Jordan anywhere when I pulled up, but his truck was in front of the house, so I figured he was home. Everywhere I looked, I saw something that was broken or breaking. Jordan was doing everything he could to hold onto the track, even let this place fall by the wayside. This wasn’t going to be an easy sell.
Pulling my bike up next to his truck, I turned off the engine, removed my helmet, and hopped off. The minute my feet touched the gravel, they felt like they were incased in concrete—every step was a challenge. I couldn’t give up and turn back though. I needed Jordan to cave on this, needed him to come through and help me make Kenzie’s dreams a reality. I needed a win.
Stepping up to his front door, I paused a moment, then banged on it. I could hear shuffling and grumbling inside, so I waited as patiently as I could for Jordan to appear. In my head, I began running through what I might say to him, but by the time the door cracked open, I still had nothing good.
Jordan’s steely blue-gray eyes focused on me, then narrowed into lasers meant to slice me in half. “You’re back. Didn’t you get the message the first time?”
I couldn’t help but frown at that. “Yeah…loud and clear.”
“Then what the hell are you doing here?” he asked, his voice gruff.
Trust me, old man. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t have to be. “I have an offer for you.”
He immediately interjected, “And in return you’ll leave my daughter alone? Sold.”
My mouth shifted from a frown to a scowl. “Not on the table. If you’ll hear me out, I think you’ll find that my offer is to your benefit.”
Jordan folded his arms across his chest. Lips pursed in amusement, he said, “My benefit. Really.”
Glad that he at least hadn’t kicked me out, I nodded. “Yes.” I inhaled a big breath, then crossed my fingers and blurted out, “Sell me the track.” Jordan’s eyes widened to almost twice their size. He opened his mouth to speak, and I held my hands up to stop him. “I know the track is sucking you dry, and I know you don’t want to sell it to Keith. Sell it to me instead. You’ll get that burden off your back, you’ll be able to breathe easier, and you’ll be able to say that you didn’t cave to Keith.” God, I hoped that last part wasn’t taking it too far, although, it seemed a valid reason to me.
From the stony look on Jordan’s face, I wasn’t sure he agreed with me. “I’m not selling you the track just so you can give it to Keith, kid. Don’t think I don’t see the leash around your neck.”
I hated that analogy—I was no one’s pet—but I understood his fear. “You wouldn’t be giving it to him directly. He’s making me a partner in the business, so you’ll be giving it to me.” He still didn’t look convinced, so I hastily added, “Please…if you do this for me, I can give Kenzie her life back. I can get her back on a bike. She’s drowning without it…”
As my voice trailed away, his smile grew. It was like he was pleased that she was unhappy. “I can get Mackenzie back on a bike with one phone call.”
Irritation broke through my calm. “Then do it!”
He stubbornly shook his head. “Not until I know she’s thinking clearly. And she’s not yet.” Scowl on his face, he spat out, “Prancing around in Benneti underwear, ignoring the fact that she’s hurting her family. You’ve changed her.”
I couldn’t believe what he was trying to blame on me. Did he really think I was the cause of all that? “Are you serious? You’re the one who changed her. Everything she’s been doing—you forced her into it!”
“Did I?” he asked, calmness returning to his expression. “Or did her pride send her on this journey?”
Her pride? How delusional was he? “Your pride, her pride…what difference does it make if you’re both miserable?”
Jordan’s eyes fell to his feet at hearing that. Good. Maybe I was finally getting to him. “Please, Jordan…let me help her.”
He didn’t do or say anything right away, and a surge of hope flared through me. If he’d just say yes, if he’d just help me do this, then I could get to work on fixing everything.
Finally, Jordan let out a soft sigh and slowly raised his head. I’d been hoping to see resignation in his eyes, but what I saw was about as far from that as you could get. “Selling you the track is essentially giving the track to Keith—partnership or not. And letting Mackenzie race for Keith isn’t helping her. My answer is the same as it’s always been for Keith. No.”
“But, Jordan, I’m not—”
Lifting his hand, he pointed to the driveway. “I’ve heard your offer, and rejected it. Since there’s nothing else to say, you can get off my property now.” Lowering his hand, he said in a quiet, lethal voice, “If you come back again with some inane offer from Keith, I’ll have you arrested for trespassing.” A small smile graced his lips. “Of course, that might be a blessing in disguise. You being locked up might finall
y help spur Mackenzie to the correct choice of action.”
With a shake of my head, I bit out, “Go to hell, Jordan,” and turned and walked away. If I didn’t leave, I might slug him. His preferred “choice of action” was for her to leave everything in Keith’s world behind, including me, and hell if I was going to sit back and let that happen.
I was fuming as I peeled out of Jordan’s driveway; I always seemed to leave his house that way. He just exceled at getting under my skin, and no matter how much I thought I was prepared for him, I never was. Kenzie would never fully accept Keith, but I didn’t think I’d ever fully accept her dad.
Slightly speeding, I headed straight to the practice track after Jordan’s. I needed to work out my aggression in a productive way. When I got to the parking lot inside the compound, I skidded to a stop in shock. Hookup and Grunts were standing there, arms crossed over their chests, looking pissed at everyone and everything. What the hell were they doing here, and how the hell had they gotten inside? You needed a key card and a code to get through the outer gate, and as far as I knew, they didn’t have those.
After looking around to make sure no one else was in the parking lot, I pointed my bike in their direction. Stopping beside them, I ripped off my helmet. “You guys shouldn’t be here,” I hissed. “And how’d you even get in?”
Hookup rolled his eyes like I’d asked him how he’d tied his shoes. “Please. You’re not the only one who knows about your secret back door into this place.” That surprised me. Years ago, I’d cut a hole into the chain-link fence that surrounded the property, but I’d never told Hookup about it; he knew more about me than I realized. Shit. Was he spying on me?
Shaking my head, I repeated, “You shouldn’t be here. Why are you here?”
Hookup’s gaze grew icy. It matched Grunts’s expression; he always looked annoyed. “To collect you, asswipe. Apparently, we’ve got to make sure you go to races now, since you feel like they’re optional. Where the fuck were you last night?”