And so—at last—he did.
When he moved closer, her eyes flickered with surprise before falling shut, and he closed his, too, so that as their lips met and their hands found each other’s, it was once again just the two of them in the dark, a blackness complete but for the sparks behind his eyelids, which were so bright they might as well have been stars.
46
“No seriously,” he said, pulling away after what felt like no time at all. “You’re early. I had all these plans. We were going to meet in the lobby and then have a picnic in the park, and then we were gonna get ice cream at that place—the one from the blackout—and come up here to eat it, and then—”
Lucy, still inches from his face, leaned back with a smile. “Well, we’re already up here, so…”
“But there was going to be ice cream.”
“I don’t care about ice cream.”
“And a picnic.”
“Owen,” she said, laughing.
“And we were going to lie on our backs and stare at the sky and look for stars.”
“There are no stars,” she pointed out, “but we can certainly stare at the sky.”
He gave her a helpless look. “But I had all these plans.…”
“It’s okay,” she said, taking his hand again. “This is better.”
47
They sat together against the ledge, their knees touching.
“So do you come up here a lot?” he asked, and Lucy glanced over at him, her face difficult to read. She seemed to be weighing something, and it took her a moment to decide on an answer.
“Actually,” she said, “I just got in this morning.”
Owen stared at her. “I thought you were…”
“No,” she said. “Our plans changed.”
“So you’re just here—”
“For a couple of days,” she said, ducking her head. “To see you.”
He smiled. “Really?”
She nodded, wincing already, and he understood why; he knew better than anyone how it sounded, realized how crazy it was to fly halfway around the world to see a person you hardly knew. But he also knew exactly what to say to make her feel better.
“Me too,” he said, moving close so that there was only the rustle of clothing and limbs and beating hearts as he looped an arm over her shoulder. “I only came to see you.”
48
“So,” she said later, after the sky had gone fully dark and the birds had all gone to bed and the lights of the city made the whole world glow. “What else don’t I know about you?”
He looked thoughtful. “I can juggle.”
“No, I meant—wait, you can?”
“Yup. And I also hate peanut butter.”
“Who hates peanut butter?”
“People with refined palates,” he said. “And I know some good card tricks. And jokes.”
“Like what?”
He considered this a moment. “Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize?”
“Why?” she asked, wrinkling her nose.
“For being outstanding in his field.”
In spite of herself, Lucy laughed, but Owen’s face had gone serious again.
“And I decided to go to college next year.”
At this, she sat up. “Really?”
“Really,” he said with a smile. “University of Washington.”
“That’s perfect,” she said. “Your dad must be really happy.”
“He is,” he said. “We both are.”
“Okay, then,” she said, shaking her head. “So there’s apparently a lot I don’t know about you. But I was actually talking about the smoking thing.”
Beside her, Owen stiffened. “What smoking thing?”
“The morning after the blackout,” Lucy explained, “there was a cigarette on the kitchen floor. I’d totally forgotten about it, but I found it again on the plane, and—”
His face had gone ashen. “You still have it?”
“Yeah,” she said, a little embarrassed. “I guess it was sort of like a souvenir.…”
“So you kept it,” he said, watching her intently.
She nodded. “It’s downstairs in my wallet.”
To her surprise, a look of genuine relief passed over his face. “Thank you.”
“Sure,” she said, frowning. “But what’s the deal? You’ve been waiting for a smoke all this time?”
“Something like that,” he said, his eyes shining, and she realized just how much there was she didn’t know about him. He was like one of her novels, still unfinished and best understood in the right place and at the right time.
She already couldn’t wait to read the rest.
49
Later, they lay on their backs, their shoulders pressed together, laughing up at the charcoal sky. There were tears running down the side of Owen’s face.
“Wait,” he said, trying to catch his breath, the whole thing inexplicably hilarious. “You live in London now?”
“Yeah,” she said, curling into him, giggling uncontrollably. “And you live in Seattle?”
“Yeah,” he said. “What’s so funny about that?”
“Nothing,” she said. “What’s so funny about London?”
“Nothing,” he said, and just like that, they began to laugh again.
50
“Right there,” he said even later, pointing up.
“Really?”
“Yeah, I see one.”
She squinted. “Where?”
“You don’t see it?” he said, using his hands to trace something across the night sky, which was fixed tight as a lid over the simmering city. “It’s right there.”
“That doesn’t help,” she said, propping herself up on her elbows.
“It’s—I think—it might be—” He paused dramatically. “Yup, it’s the Big Dipper.”
She gave him a dubious look.
“No, really,” he said, grabbing her hand and using it to draw shapes across the middle of all the uninterrupted black. “There’s the tail, and there’s the cup. It’s a cup, right?”
“I’m pretty sure it’s a ladle,” she told him. “But you’re the science guy.”
“A cup, then,” he said, moving her hand to the left and making three dots. “And there’s Orion’s belt.”
“You’re crazy,” she said. “There’s nothing.”
“What happened to all that relentless optimism?” he said. “Aren’t you supposed to be the positive one?”
“Right,” she said, looking up again. “Okay.”
He was studying her closely. “Anything?”
“I think, maybe… yup, I see one.”
“Where?”
She took his hand and guided it toward the highest part of the sky. “Right there,” she said. “It’s a big one. And it’s really bright.…”
When he spoke, there was laughter in his voice. “That’s the moon.”
“Is it?”
“It is,” he confirmed, and she smiled.
“Even better.”
51
“There’s something else you don’t know,” he said later. Her head was resting on his chest, and he was running a hand through her hair.
“What’s that?” she asked, stifling a yawn.
“You don’t know this yet,” he whispered, his mouth close to her ear, “but we’re going to have an amazing week. We’re gonna walk across the Brooklyn Bridge and go see the Statue of Liberty and wander around Times Square like a couple of tourists.” He paused. “Or a couple of pigeons.”
There was a smile in her voice. “And we’ll get you an I♥NY T-shirt.”
“The T-shirt is optional,” he said, which made her laugh.
“And then what?” she asked, though this time the words were quieter, smaller; they were heavy with things unspoken: questions without answers and promises without assurances.
Owen wanted to say this: “And then we’ll be together forever.”
Or this: “And then we’ll live happily ever after
.”
But he couldn’t. Instead, he fixed his eyes on the empty sky, feeling his once heavy heart go floating off like a balloon.
“And then we’ll have to go home,” he said eventually, because it was the truth, and after everything they’d been through, it was the only thing he could give her.
They were both silent for a long time. She twisted at a piece of his T-shirt, then let it go and laid her palm flat against his chest, right over his heart, and he could suddenly feel it again: the steady thump of it drowning out all his other thoughts. It was more drumbeat than countdown, more metronome than ticking clock, and he felt himself carried forward with each muffled beat, as if hope were a rhythm, a song he’d only just discovered.
He tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, then leaned forward and kissed the top of her head. “But it’ll be okay,” he promised. “We’ll keep writing. And we’ll figure out a way to see each other again.”
“You think so?”
“I do,” he said, the words thick in his throat. “We’ll make it happen. Maybe I’ll come to London. Or you can come to Seattle. Or we’ll meet up somewhere else entirely.”
“Okay,” she said after a moment. “Let’s make it somewhere exciting then. Like Saint Petersburg. Or Athens. Or New Zealand.”
“Or Alaska,” he suggested. “We could wander around the tundra.”
“Like a couple of penguins.”
“Exactly,” he said with a laugh.
“Or maybe Buenos Aires.”
He nodded. “Or Paris, so you can show me the exact center of the city.”
“And you can make a wish, too.”
“What was yours?” he asked. “To go back again someday?”
“Not exactly.”
“What then?”
She lifted her head to look at him. “To come back here someday.”
He smiled. “The only problem is, I think we’re about fifteen yards off,” he said, pointing at the spot where they’d sat the last time, where he’d made a star appear in the unlikeliest of places. “I’m pretty sure the exact center of the world is just over there.”
“I don’t know,” she said, and he could see that she was smiling, too. “I think this might be it.”
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
This book would not have happened without the guidance, encouragement, and support of so many people, including Jennifer Joel, Elizabeth Bewley, Farrin Jacobs, Megan Tingley, Frankie Gray, Stephanie Thwaites, Sophie Harris, Binky Urban, Hallie Patterson, Sam Eades, Libby McGuire, Jennifer Hershey, Josie Freedman, Liz Casal, Pam Gruber, Clay Ezell, and Jenni Hamill. I’m also very grateful to my pal Owen Atkins for allowing me to borrow his name, and to my family: Mom, Dad, Kelly, and Errol. Cheers to all of you.
Jennifer E. Smith, The Geography of You and Me
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