‘Little shits,’ Jake said, and then flushing slightly, he murmured, ‘Sorry, I shouldn’t be making remarks like that.’
‘It’s okay, Jake, I understand, and I’ve often thought the same thing. Anyway, I wanted them to celebrate their twenty-first birthday with me, and I had written to Hannah, some weeks ago actually. When I didn’t hear from her, I phoned her. You came in on the tail end of my conversation. The upshot is that she and her twin brother Peter are going to spend their birthday with their father. He’s taking them to some beautiful inn in Sonoma for the weekend.’
‘And you’re not invited.’
‘No.’
‘I’m sorry, Maggie, really sorry they’re hurting you in this way. I wish I could make it up to you.’
‘Thanks, Jake,’ she said, squeezing his hand. ‘But I’m better now, I’m over it. Well, more or less.’ Maggie sighed and said in a low voice, ‘In a way, I think I’d written them off … they haven’t shown much interest in me ever since all this happened.’ Forcing a laugh, she added, ‘I guess I wasn’t a very good mother.’
‘Knowing what I know about you, I bet you were a hell of a mother!’ Jake exclaimed. ‘And kids in this kind of situation can be very … treacherous. I think that’s the best word. I know my sister Patty is going through something similar. She got married a couple of years ago. Her husband was a divorced man, and his children have been behaving very badly lately. Not only towards him but Patty as well. And she had nothing to do with their parents’ divorce. Bill had been single for four years when she met him. Things were apparently relatively okay between him and his kids until he married Patty. Then they turned nasty and adopted a very hostile stance.’ Jake shook his head. ‘God knows why.’
‘You said you were separated, Jake. Do you have children?’
‘No, I don’t. Sadly. Well, perhaps I shouldn’t say that now that we’re getting divorced. I wanted children, though. Amy didn’t.’
‘I see,’ Maggie murmured, looking at him through thoughtful eyes, then she said, ‘You must have been married very young.’
‘Nineteen. We were both nineteen. We’d been friends since we were twelve, sort of childhood sweethearts in high school.’
‘I married young, too, just after I left Bennington College, when I was twenty-two. I had the twins a year later.’
‘And you were living in Chicago all those years?’
‘Yes, that’s Mike’s home town. I come from New York, I grew up in Manhattan. Where are you from, Jake? Kent?’
‘No, Hartford. I was born there. After Amy and I were married we lived there for a while, then we moved to New Milford. Once we separated last year I lived in a studio apartment on Bank Street. Until I found the house on Route 341, that is.’
‘Where does Amy live now?’
‘She’s still in New Milford.’ Jake took a long swallow of his iced tea and went on, ‘Do you know Samantha from New York? From when you were growing up, I mean?’
‘No, we met at Bennington. And we became instant friends. Best friends.’ Maggie smiled as she thought of Samantha with affection. ‘I don’t know what I would have done without her. Especially in the last couple of years. I don’t think I would have managed to survive without her.’
‘Oh yes you would,’ Jake remarked in a knowing voice. ‘You’re a born survivor. That’s one of the things I admire about you, Maggie. Your strength of character, your resilience. You’re a very special woman. I’ve never met anyone like you.’
‘Thank you. I’ve never met anyone quite like you, Jake.’
He stared at her.
She stared back.
Jake said softly, ‘You do care about me then?’
‘Oh yes, I do,’ she answered.
‘Is everything all right between us?’
She nodded, smiled.
He also smiled, relief flooding his eyes. ‘I couldn’t stand it if you were angry with me.’
Suddenly Maggie laughed, feeling relieved herself. ‘I feel the same way.’
‘Can I see you tonight?’
‘I’d love it.’
‘Would you like to come to my house? I could make pasta and a salad. I’d like to go over the final lighting designs for The Crucible with you.’
‘That’s a good idea! I’d like to show you my drawings for the sets and finalize everything with you. There’s not much time left, especially since Samantha and I are going away.’
‘Oh. When is that?’ he asked swiftly, sounding surprised.
‘In about six weeks. In July.’
‘Where are you going?’
‘To Scotland. And then we’re stopping off in London for a few days, on our way home. The trip’s been planned for a long time. It’s partly business.’
‘I’ll miss you,’ Jake said. But he didn’t really know how much until she had gone.
CHAPTER
9
IN HIS WHOLE LIFE Jake had never missed anyone the way he missed Maggie Sorrell. She had only been gone five days, but to him it seemed like five months.
It would be another ten days before she returned to Kent, and he knew he was going to be miserable until then. He was glad they were involved professionally as well as personally, working on the remodelling of Havers Hill. It made him feel closer to her, especially when he went to the old farmhouse. Her presence was everywhere.
For the same reason, he’d been up to the Little Theatre in Kent twice, to tinker around with the lighting for the play, and he planned to go there again before she returned.
The woman designing the costumes, Alice Ferrier, was a friend of Samantha’s and Maggie’s, and he enjoyed chatting to her, and to the stagehands working on Maggie’s sets. It gave him a sense of belonging to Maggie’s group, was like being part of a large family, and he enjoyed the camaraderie. Also, it helped to deflect the loneliness he was feeling in her absence.
Until he met Maggie, Jake had been self-sufficient, going about his business, doing his own thing, occasionally seeing the odd male friend, and he’d had a couple of short-lived affairs. But he had never relied on anyone for anything.
Now he felt that Maggie was necessary to his well-being, his very existence, and this bothered him. He disliked being dependent on another human being; it made him feel vulnerable.
At the outset of their relationship, the night they had slept together for the first time, Jake had come right out and said it – told Maggie that he loved her. It was true, he did.
But Maggie had not declared herself. He was not really worried, although he would like to hear her say it, because he knew she cared about him. Cared a lot. She gave herself away constantly.
Thoughts of Maggie continued to swirl in his head as he went out of the kitchen and crossed the yard, heading for the old red barn in the field at the back of the house. He had turned it into a studio and workshop, and he wanted to complete the plans he was drawing up for the exterior lighting at Havers Hill Farm. He wished Maggie had been with him at the farm today; finally he had come up with solutions for some of the more intricate lighting problems and he would have enjoyed explaining them to her.
Jake paused as he walked down the path, staring at an unusual brown-coloured bird with an orange breast that had just flown out of the giant oak which shaded the lawn. As the bird hopped along at the edge of the grass he wondered what species it was. He had never seen this kind of bird before. The garden and fields surrounding his house were full of wildlife, as were the wetlands that stretched beyond. Canada geese and ducks made the wetlands their habitat.
Wandering on towards the barn, he stopped again as a chipmunk skittered across his path and disappeared into the innards of an old stone wall; the entire place was a haven for these funny little creatures and squirrels and rabbits. A fleeting thought crossed his mind – that this place would be a natural wonderland for a child.
As Jake struggled with the lock on the door, which was stuck, he could hear the phone ringing inside, but by the time he managed to get the door opened it h
ad stopped.
Could it have been Maggie phoning from Scotland? he wondered. He hoped so; she had said she would give him a call this week. He depressed the button on the answering machine.
‘It’s me, Jake,’ he heard Amy’s voice saying. ‘I’ve got to talk to you. It’s urgent. Please call me.’
Immediately he dialled her apartment. The phone rang and rang. There was no answer. Just as there had been no answer yesterday, even though he had received the same kind of message on his machine last night. Obviously she wanted to talk to him about something, but when he returned her calls she was not there.
Walking over to the long table which served as a desk for him, he resolved to buy her an answering machine. Since she hadn’t bothered to get one, as he had suggested months ago, he was going to have to do it for her.
Jake sighed under his breath. That was the story of his life with Amy. For as long as he could remember, ever since they were twelve, he had always been the one to take care of everything, and he had always had to look after her. She was like a baby. She couldn’t manage to do the simplest task. Eventually it had begun to irritate him.
The odd thing was he wanted to take care of Maggie, to look after her, even though there was no need. She was such a competent woman and well able to take care of herself. Over the last few months he had come to know her well, and he was aware that she was clever and practical, but he still felt the need to protect her. Certainly he saw a vulnerability in her, a softness he found most appealing.
Pushing aside thoughts of Maggie and Amy, Jake turned on the architect’s lamp he used on the old oak table, pulled a drawing pad towards him and began making sketches for the exterior lighting systems at Havers Hill Farm.
The red barn where he was working had become a refuge for him since he had moved into the house. He found the big open space conducive to work, whether it was designing lighting effects, tinkering with lamps and other electrical equipment at the bench, or painting at the easel under the big window situated at the far end of the barn. These three areas were quite separate and self-contained, and he had furnished the barn sparsely. It was austere, painted white, and only the things required for his work had been used. His one luxury was a CD player, so that he could listen to music whenever he felt like it.
Jake concentrated on the plans for lighting the trees at Havers Hill for an hour, and then he tried Amy’s number again. There was still no answer, and immediately he turned his attention back to the plans in front of him. He had always had tunnel vision, and this had served him well.
At nine he stopped working, shut off the lights, left the barn and went back to the house. He found a cold beer in the refrigerator, made himself a cheese-and-tomato sandwich and took his evening snack into the living room. After turning on the television, he sat down in the chair, ate his sandwich, drank his beer and absentmindedly channel surfed. He was preoccupied with thoughts of Maggie, missing her, wanting her, longing to see her.
When the phone rang again Jake jumped up, grabbed it and exclaimed, ‘Hello?’ hoping it was she.
‘It’s me,’ Amy said. ‘I’ve been trying to get you for two days. Why haven’t you called me back, Jake?’
‘I have, Amy,’ he answered, striving not to sound impatient. ‘I got your message when I came home from work last night. I phoned you. No answer. I tried you at the store this morning and was told it was your day off. I just missed your call by a few seconds tonight. You must have gone out immediately, because there was no answer and I dialled you within minutes.’
‘I went to the movies with Mavis.’
‘I see.’ He cleared his throat. ‘You said you wanted to talk to me urgently. What about?’
‘Something important.’
‘Then tell me, Amy, I’m listening,’ he said, sitting down on the arm of the sofa. When there was no response from her, he said in an even tone, ‘Come on, Amy, tell me what this is about.’
‘Not on the phone. I need to talk to you in person. Can’t you come over?’
‘Now?’
‘Yes, Jake.’
‘Amy, I can’t! It’s too late! It’s turned ten, and I have to be up very early. Let’s talk now if it’s so important to you.’
‘No! I have to see you.’
‘Well, I’m not driving over to New Milford at this hour, so you can forget that!’
‘Can I see you tomorrow? It’s really urgent that we meet.’
‘All right,’ he agreed, although he did so reluctantly.
‘Tomorrow night, Jake? I could make you supper.’
‘No, no, that’s not necessary,’ he replied and, thinking swiftly, he improvised, ‘I have to go to New Milford tomorrow morning to pick up some equipment. I need it for the job I’m doing in South Kent. How about if I come to the store around noon? I’ll take you to lunch.’
‘I guess so … I wish you could come over now …’
‘I’ll see you tomorrow,’ he said firmly. ‘Good night, Amy.’
‘’Bye, Jake,’ she muttered and hung up.
Later, as he undressed, Jake asked himself if he had made a mistake, agreeing to see Amy. There was no question in his mind that she was going to grumble about the divorce, try to talk him out of it. She was already procrastinating; there had been no word from her lawyer. He wasn’t even sure she had been to see him again. He was going to have to do something about it himself, take matters into his own hands, he decided, if he ever wanted to be free. As usual, Amy was incapable of handling it.
When they met the following day, the first thing Jake noticed about Amy was that she had made an effort with her appearance. Her wispy blonde hair was pulled back in a ponytail and tied with a blue ribbon, and she had applied a little make-up.
Nevertheless, as he sat looking at her across the table in the Wayfarers Café in New Milford, where he had brought her for lunch, he thought she looked tired. She was only twenty-eight, but it struck him now that she appeared older, a little worn down. But this was nothing new, really; there had been something lack-lustre about her for the past few years. Amy had faded quickly. It saddened him really, and he couldn’t help feeling a little bit sorry for her. She wasn’t a bad person, just unfocused, disorganized and isolated.
They chatted about inconsequential things, looked at the menus, discussed what they would like to eat. In the end they both settled on the Cobb salad and iced tea.
Once the waitress had taken their order and they were alone, Amy said, ‘So what’s the job you’re doing in Kent?’
‘A farmhouse,’ he explained. ‘A very old place, actually. It’s picturesque and has beautiful grounds. It’s a challenge, especially the interiors. I’m also doing the outside, creating lighting for the landscaped areas and the pool. It’s a big job for me and I’m pretty excited about it.’
She nodded. ‘I know you like doing intricate work, the fancy stuff, and you’re good at it, Jake.’
‘Thanks.’ He gave her an appraising glance and said, ‘What is it you want to talk to me about, Amy?’
‘Let’s wait until after lunch.’
‘Why? You’ve been calling me for two days, asking me to meet you, saying it’s urgent, and now you want to wait.’
She nodded. Her mouth settled in a stubborn line.
Jake let out a small sigh. ‘Whatever you say, Amy, but I do have to go back to work you know. In a couple of hours.’
‘My mother doesn’t think we should get a divorce,’ she blurted out, and then took a quick sip of water, eyeing him over the rim of the glass.
‘I know that,’ he replied, his eyes narrowing slightly. ‘Is that why you wanted to see me? To discuss the divorce? Has your mother been going on at you?’
She shook her head. ‘Not really.’
Jake leaned forward over the table and pinned her with his eyes. ‘Look, Amy, I’m sorry it didn’t work out, really sorry. But there it is … these things happen, you know that.’
Before she could answer the waitress was back, placing the salads in fr
ont of them, returning a second later with the glasses of iced tea.
They ate in silence for a while. Or rather Jake ate; Amy picked at her food.
Finally she put down her fork and leaned back in the chair.
Jake glanced at her, frowning slightly. Suddenly she looked pale, paler than usual, he thought, and she seemed to be on the verge of tears.
‘What is it, Amy? What’s wrong?’ he asked, putting his fork on the plate. When she didn’t answer, but gaped at him oddly, looking scared, he pressed, ‘What’s the matter, honey?’
‘I’m sick,’ she began and stopped with abruptness.
His frown intensified. ‘I’m not following you. Do you mean you feel nauseous at this moment? Or are you saying you have an illness?’
‘Yes. I went to the doctor, Jake. I haven’t been feeling well.’ Her eyes brimmed. ‘It’s cancer. He told me I’ve got ovarian cancer.’
‘Oh my God! Amy! No! Is he sure?’ Jake leaned forward and took her hand, holding it tightly in his. ‘Is the doctor certain?’
‘Oh yes,’ she whispered.
For a moment Jake was at a loss for words. A compassionate man by nature, he filled with sympathy for her. He wondered how he could comfort her, and then realized there was no way. His words, if he could find the right ones, would be cold comfort. Far better to leave them unsaid. And so he sat there, holding her hand, patting it from time to time, hoping he was making her feel less alone.
CHAPTER
10
IT HAD RAINED EARLIER, and as Maggie walked down the path that led through the garden of Sunlaws House Hotel she paused for a moment and lifted her eyes to the sky. The sun was coming out again, penetrating the light clouds, and quite suddenly a rainbow trembled up there above the trees, a perfect arc of pink and blue, violet and yellow.