With each thrust, the pleasure turned catastrophic; my balls tightened.
“Oh, fuck…” Lightning shards shot up my cock, spurting inside her. “Hell, yes.” Waves of release crippled me as I splashed inside the woman I wanted forever. I bit my lip as my legs seized, my cock impaling her over and over again.
The last spurt left me lightheaded, but it’d been the shortest, sharpest, and most rewarding orgasm I’d ever had.
“Goddammit, it’s good to see you.”
Having her in my arms, coming inside her, knowing we were together again, helped wipe away my worries and just be.
“Where’s Moth and Wings?”
Nila’s voice wrapped around my satisfaction, dragging me back to her. The chill of the stables faded thanks to the heat lamps I’d turned on above.
I rolled over to face her; my unbuckled belt and jeans clinked.
Somehow, after I’d orgasmed, we’d stumbled down the corridor of the stables and collapsed on top of one of the hay bales in a spare stall. Nila had lost her shoes, and her black jacket was rumpled and dusty from rubbing against the wall but she’d never looked more beautiful. She still hadn’t removed her hood though, and strange emotions trickled from her—hidden and quiet—scaring me more as minutes ticked past.
I was exceedingly aware of her every thought and also intimately mindful that Nila hadn’t come.
I mean to rectify that.
Her mind raced, sending flickers of ideas and questions in every direction. I let them wash over me, not wanting to focus on reality just yet.
This might be the only time we get to steal perfection like this before it’s over.
I meant to indulge as long as I could.
“They’re in the paddock behind the chase. If they’re not needed for regular riding, they’re turned out.”
She relaxed. “Oh, that’s good. I had a horrible thought that they might’ve hurt Wings—because you’re de—well…” She smiled. “…you were dead.”
Gathering her close, the sweet smell of clean hay threaded around us. “I still am dead according to my father. Kes, too.”
My forehead furrowed thinking of my brother. He has to wake up. Being away from the hospital went against my desire to watch over him, but I had to trust that Doctor Louille knew what he was doing. That eventually, once Cut was dead and things had been dealt with, Kes would wake up and I could rib him for sleeping through all the hard work.
Wake up, brother. Don’t leave me when we’re so close.
“How is he?”
I glanced at Nila. The simplistic beauty of her onyx eyes and sexy lips twitched my cock again. “He’s still alive.” My voice hung in the stagnant quiet. No horses were hobbled tonight—the dogs slept across the yard, and the witching hour gave us our own seclusion from reality, hiding us from nightmares.
Nila plucked at the plaid blanket that I’d placed over the hay bale. “Will he remain that way?”
My heart clenched. I hope so. “He will if he knows what’s good for him.”
She smiled but didn’t laugh, too full of melancholy to lighten the mood. There was no lightening the mood—not when a brother and friend was dying.
Changing the subject, I looped my fingers with hers. “Can I ask you something?”
She nodded slowly. “Of course.”
“Can you take off the hood? I want to see you. You’re in too much shadow.”
Instantly, her emotions scrambled. Fear drenched, followed by despair. Sitting up, she shook her head. “I’d prefer to keep it on. I’m cold.” To add value to her lie, she gathered her coat tightly and hugged herself.
I soared upright. “Bullshit. I know when you’re lying. Just like I knew you were lying in most of the texts you sent.”
Her shoulders hunched. Her hands went to either side of her hood, keeping it tight around her face.
Moving in front of her, I tugged on the black material. “Nila…take off the hood.”
“No.”
“Nila…” My voice dropped to a growl. “What are you hiding from me?”
Tears glassed her eyes.
My heart splintered. “Nila, please. I can’t stand it when you don’t tell me the truth.” My hands pulled again, fighting against her hold.
A single tear slipped down her face. “Please…don’t make me.”
My heart stopped beating.
“What happened to you? When I first saw you, you were almost dead inside. I feel you coming back to life, but something’s changed.” My voice turned heavy. “Please, Nila. Let me fix this. Whatever happened; let me try to help.”
More tears ran silently down her face. She looked away. “I—I was weak. I gave in. I didn’t think I had anything left inside me.” Her breath caught. “But then I saw you, and I remembered why I was fighting. You gave me purpose again. You reminded me that I’m still cared for and it’s my duty. Not to stay alive for myself, but for you. You’ve already helped, more than you know.”
“Fuck…Nila…” My chest seized as her sadness crested over me. “What can I do to make this right?”
She smiled weakly. “You’ve already done it. I’m piecing myself back together. I’m better now. I’ve remembered who I am.” Her fingers tightened. “Just…please, don’t ask me to take off the hood.”
I couldn’t stand it. My temper thickened. “Take it off. I have to know.”
She shook her head.
“Don’t make me tear it off you. You have to show me. We’re in this together, remember? That means sharing our pain and telling the truth.”
Her shoulders hunched. She hesitated for too long. Finally, her head bowed. “Please…please don’t find me ugly.”
“What?” My air exploded. “Why would you ever ask such a thing?”
Sucking in a shaky breath, she let go of the hood.
My condition soaked up her thoughts—despair, pain, confliction, anger. But most of all, paralyzing hopelessness. My soul pulverised as I slowly slipped off the shadowy material and saw what she’d tried to hide.
I couldn’t speak.
I couldn’t think.
All I could do was stare and fill with such fury, such motherfucking hate, that tears sprang to my eyes.
She couldn’t look at me, her shoulders hunched dejectedly. “I—I—” She gave up, hiding her face in her hands and letting go of her sadness.
Her stunning hair had been replaced with multiple different lengths and shapes. The bedraggled strands cascaded over her hands.
They would pay. They will fucking pay for this.
Trembling with rage, I gathered her to me, crushing her in my arms. “Those fucking bastards.”
She turned in my embrace, wrapping her arms around me, crying silently into my neck. I stroked her back, her neck, the scruffy locks of hair. It felt so different, so strange.
That was what was so wrong. Why she felt so peculiar.
Her courage had been stripped, just like her beautiful hair.
I have to fix this.
I had no idea how, but I couldn’t let her suffer.
Letting her go, I stalked to the end of the stable and grabbed a pair of scissors from the tack room. Stalking back, I sat behind her on the hay bale and without a word, brushed out the tatty strands with my fingers and kissed her neck.
With silence heavy between us, I snipped the mismatched ends.
I poured my love and commitment into her with every cut, sacrificing myself for every strand I snipped.
My heart raced as her hair fell to the hay, entwining gold with black. She shivered and hiccupped with teary breaths, but she didn’t stop me. If anything, her shoulders relaxed and she let me fix the agony my family had caused.
I took my time.
I stroked her like I would any broken filly, reminding her that I cared and adored and would never hurt her. The soft thickness of her hair slipped through my fingers, slicing into uniformity the more I tended.
Not only did I fix her hair, but I fixed her soul, too. I sensed h
er reforming, gluing her scattered pieces, slipping back into the Nila I knew and worshipped.
I fell in love with her even more at the strength it took to come back from the brink of losing herself.
And she did it for me.
Under my touch, she came alive.
Under my willpower, she breathed freely and with a smidgen of happiness.
It didn’t take long, working my way around her jaw, I combed the ebony strands. With a final snip, I sat back, drinking her in, reacquainting myself with this new woman who held my heart as surely as the one I’d left behind.
Cupping her face, I brushed aside the jaw-length hair and kissed her softly. “You’re somehow even more beautiful, Needle.”
She gasped.
The nickname I’d used in our texts slipped off my tongue effortlessly. The word symbolised everything I loved about her. Everything I’d grown to adore.
Her lips parted, welcoming me to kiss her deeper.
I groaned as I slinked my tongue into her mouth, licking her sadness and doing my best for her to see the truth.
I would never be free of her. Ever.
Silently, we lay on the hay, face-to-face, kissing gently. My fingers slipped into her hair, massaging her scalp, keeping her there in my arms instead of in her head with torment.
Time passed, and still, we kissed and existed. Silent and safe, falling in love all over again. We gave each other a sense of normalcy we’d never had before—pretending this was our world where nothing could ever touch us.
Finally, I pulled back, stroking her cheek with my knuckles. “I take it Bones delivered my message.”
“Bones?”
“The kestrel.”
Nila’s face lit up for the first time since I’d seen her. The pain of her shorn hair faded a little. “Yes. I had no idea birds of prey could be trained to do that.”
I flopped onto my back, hiding the wince of agony. Fucking Nila standing up hadn’t exactly been recommended for a healing patient. “They can do all manner of things.” My lips twitched, remembering what we’d done to Jasmine when we were younger. I over animated to keep Nila entertained, doing my best to forget about her hair and enjoy our peace together. “For example, Kes once trained a hawk to fly into Jasmine’s room and deliver dead voles every evening just to piss her off. She’d screech and chase the bird all the way back to the mews.”
“Mews?”
“Aviary.” I waved my hand in the direction of the kennels. “Last count, I think we had six raptors on the estate. They live in the converted loft of the kennels. The bird I sent you will have returned home after delivering its message.”
Nila played with a piece of hay, still quieter than normal. “First, I find out there are pigs hiding here and now birds. The longer I live at Hawksridge the more I realise how little I know.”
And do you want to know more?
As much as I hated my father’s hierarchy, I loved this estate. The Hall had no hold on me—it could be rubble for all I cared, but I loved the land. The acres of freedom and sanctuary and wildlife.
Eventually, when evil was eradicated, I hoped Nila would adopt this place as hers and make it as pure as she was.
Those are thoughts for after this is all over.
I frowned as I concentrated on the other part of her sentence. “Pigs?”
Her face tightened. “Forget it.”
I went to argue, but she arched her chin, dragging my eyes down her throat to the small stain on her nightgown. A few crimson droplets soaked through the white cotton. “What the hell is that?” I shot upright. My own pain couldn’t stop myself from feeling hers. I let my condition strengthen, searching for her secrets, trying to learn how she’d become injured.
I know how.
My fists clenched.
Nila immediately placed a hand over the cut on her breastbone. “It’s nothing.”
“Like fuck, it’s nothing.” Knocking her hand away, I glowered. “Who did that to you?” Cold rage settled over my soul. Her tension and secrets waked around me. “Who did it, Nila? Answer me.”
Her face contorted; she looked away. “Like I said, it doesn’t matter. You saw my hair…this was nothing compared to that.”
Catching her chin, I brought her eyes to mine. “It fucking matters to me. I need to know.” All I wanted to do was storm into Hawksridge and repeatedly stab my father in the motherfucking heart. I wanted him to feel the pain of dying. I wanted him to suffer forever. “Cut?”
She squeezed her eyes. More emotion washed from her—fear, sickness, weakness, guilt. What the fuck did she have to be guilty about?
Glancing at the two deep cuts marring her perfection, I knew Jasmine was right. The marks could’ve only been caused by one apparatus.
“That fucking cocksucker. He used the Heretic’s Fork.”
She flinched. “How did you—”
“What else have they done to you, Nila? Your hair, your skin.” I rubbed my face, unable to shed the self-loathing for leaving her in the hands of my father and brother. “You should’ve texted me, told me what they were doing.”
She sat up. “How did you guess about the Heretic’s Fork?”
I scowled. “At least one person tells me the truth rather than trying to hide it to make me feel better.”
She looked away, anger lighting her eyes. “Jasmine.”
“Yes, Jasmine.” Grabbing her wrist, I forced her to look at me. “The sister who I tasked to keep you safe. The woman you were supposed to trust and tell if you needed help or protection.” I wanted to shake her. “Yet you didn’t. You endured and lied to me that everything was fine—”
She snatched her hand out of my grip. “What was I supposed to do, Kite? I thought you were dead. I became someone I didn’t recognise. And then I heard you were alive and I made a promise to stay that way so we could end this together.”
Her eyes lowered, cutting me off. “Besides, I’ve lived through worse. I just had a weak moment before coming here tonight, that’s all.”
“That isn’t all and you know it.” I swallowed hard as her emotions shouted the obvious while her mouth refused to speak. “You’re on the edge, Nila. I sense it.” Grabbing her shoulders, I shook her. “Goddammit, you’re stronger than they are. Don’t let them win. Promise me.”
She’d lived through worse at my hands.
The ducking stool. The whipping.
But I’d hurt her the most by not being there for her.
“God, Nila.” I brought my knees up, caging myself in. This position had been preferred when I was a kid. Knees up, arms braced, head down—a little fortress from the overwhelming intensity I couldn’t switch off. “I’ll never forgive myself for what I’ve done.”
My eyes pricked with fury at who I’d let myself become. For being so fucking weak.
Nila darted to her knees, snuggling against me. “Stop. You don’t need forgiveness. We’ve moved past that.”
“I’ll never move past that. Not as long as I live.” Looking into her black gaze, I vowed, “I’ll never stop making it up to you.”
She smiled sadly. “There’s nothing to make up.” Cupping my cheek, she ran her thumb over my bottom lip. “After what you just did for me—cutting my hair, giving me back what I’d lost—we’re even. You came back from the dead for me, Kite. You’ve proven yourself far more than words ever could.”
Lashing out, I wrapped an arm around her, hugging her fierce. “I can never again feel your pain. It fucking crippled me before, but it would murder me now.”
She shook her head. “The only pain I’ll ever feel from you, Jethro, is if you die again.” She snorted quietly, doing her best to lighten the mood. “So, promise you won’t do that and the rest will be fine.”
“The only pain I ever want to endure is pain endured protecting and deserving you.”
She stiffened. “What does that mean?”
It means I have a plan to end this but war has casualties on both sides.
“Nothing.” Brushing
away her short hair, I nuzzled into her neck. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
Silence fell between us. She wanted to ask more questions, the barbs of curiosity stuck into my skin like thorns, but she swallowed them back.
“You haven’t asked me how I escaped to come see you.” Wriggling out of my embrace, she lay on her back, patting the blanket beside her. “They keep my door locked now, so I couldn’t run through the Hall.”
Reclining again, I inconspicuously held my healing side, granting some pressure from the building discomfort. “How did you get out then?”
Her teeth flashed in the darkness. “I scaled the downpipe outside my bathroom and used the grass lattice on the turret to shimmy to the ground.”
I groaned. “Shit, Nila.” Hawksridge had evolved over the centuries—indoor plumbing being a new addition with unsightly pipes ruining the prettiness of the façade. My ancestors had done their best to hide them with lattice grass, growing the patchwork up the building. It would’ve been an easy climb, but not for someone with the inconvenience of vertigo. “That was stupid.”
If I had known she’d had to sneak and risk breaking her neck, I wouldn’t have summoned her.
Who are you kidding?
I would’ve gone after her if she hadn’t gotten my note. Being on the estate—being so close but so far—I couldn’t stand it. “You could’ve fallen.” I traced her pretty neck beneath the wreath of diamonds. “You could’ve hurt yourself for nothing.”
“Nothing? You’re hardly nothing.” She shivered under my touch. “I would’ve flown here with broken bones just to be with you.”
The air switched from stagnant to electric.
“You make me a better person.” Gathering her close, we lay nose to nose. “I mean to deserve you more every fucking day.”
Her lips parted, her gaze latching onto my mouth. Her thoughts turned from conversation to sex, dragging me deeper into her spell.
I’d lived through years of horror.
I’d gone through so many stages of denial.
And I’d done my best to remember who I was beneath the influx of commands from Cut. But in one look, Nila shredded me into pieces and shone light upon the man I’d forgotten existed. A man who’d found happiness in animals rather than humans. A man who’d tried so hard to please but only became broken. And a boy who’d met a girl in his past, who’d been raised to hate her, told he would torture and kill her, only to find the courage to love her instead.