“And because he’s a suspect on our list,” she reminds me, pointing to the stick figure I drew with a muscular chest, six-pack abs and flexing one of his arms above his head next to a talk bubble that said, Payton has a great ass and could never be a murderer, pass it on!
“Right? Like, how dare he come down on ME when he’s probably the one who beat up Jed and killed him. And how come Andrea Maynard knew about Jed’s black eye and we didn’t? You want to know why? Because Leo is guilty and he’s covering it up! I bet he only made out with me last night to distract me from the murderous rampage he went on when he beat the shit out of Jed right in this backyard when we were sleeping. You can kill a guy from punching him a bunch of times, right?” I ask, still staring down at the screen of my phone.
I swear I’m just pissed about the fact that Leo is keeping secrets that would keep him safe and throw me in the slammer, and not about how he may or may not have only kissed me to keep me from looking at his hands.
“You do realize you might have made out with a murderer last night, right? Doesn’t that creep you out a little bit? Like, good for him and all that, but still. He might have killed Jed with his bare hands and then he had those bare hands on your butt,” Emma Jo remarks with wide eyes.
“I mean, if we’re getting technical here, he kind of maybe made out with a murderer too, so I think our combined maybe-I-murdered-someone statuses cancel each other out.”
“MUSKRAT!” Emma Jo shouts and we both take a drink of wine.
“I’m just going to keep ignoring him until I can figure out what I’m going to say to him. What’s he going to do, drive over here and drag me to the station for not coming in?” I ask with a laugh.
Emma Jo and I both scream when there’s a knock at the door.
“Oh, no. Did you forget to end the text? Do you think he heard us?” she asks, scrambling up off the couch with me when I start slowly moving toward the front door.
“Who is it?” I shout to the door, reaching for the stupid triangle award on the side table for protection, because if Emma Jo and I aren’t the ones who killed Jed, that means the killer is still out there and we are entirely too drunk to defend ourselves with just our hands.
I pause in confusion and stare at the table when my hand comes up empty, forgetting about it and letting out a sigh of relief right along with Emma Jo when we hear a reply out on the porch.
“It’s Deputy Lloyd, ma’am,” Buddy speaks in a low voice.
“Awwww, look. Your boyfriend stopped by to check on you,” I tease, which earns me a smack in the arm from Emma Jo as I open the door with a smile.
“Sorry to stop by so late, I hope I’m not disturbing you. How are you doing, Emma Jo?” Buddy asks, quickly swiping his uniform hat from his head and smoothing back his hair.
“We were just talking about muskrats,” Emma Jo giggles, bringing the wine glass she carried with her up to her lips.
“I like muskrats,” Buddy says with a nod, which just makes Emma Jo giggle and drink some more. “Are there muskrats in Bald Knob?”
“Weeeeee, this is fun!” Emma Jo announces, holding up her wine glass. “I’m so glad you stopped by, Buddy. We should sit down and talk.”
While Buddy starts stammering and his face turns an alarming shade of red, I shake my head at Emma Jo. “No, we should not sit down and talk with Buddy. Buddy knows things!”
My attempt at whispering under my breath at Emma Jo fails and Buddy immediately pipes up. “I know a lot of things about muskrats!”
Which just makes Emma Jo take another sloppy drink, this one spilling all down her chin while she laughs with her face in the glass. It takes a few minutes and a lot of side-eye glaring to get Emma Jo to stop laughing and she finally puts on a serious face.
“To what do I owe you pleasure in your company, Buddy? I mean, to what do I pleasure you in front of company. Oh, my God!” Emma Jo complains, clamping her hand over her mouth while I take a little bit of delight in watching her blush while Buddy stares at her with wide, unblinking eyes.
“I think what she’s trying to say is, to what do we owe the pleasure of your company?” I say, deciphering Emma Jo’s drunk-speak once again.
Buddy clears his throat and tugs nervously on his tie, his eyes moving away from Emma Jo to me. “I’m sorry to do this, Payton, but Sheriff Hudson asked that I come over here and bring you down to the station.”
I choke on the mouthful of wine I attempted to swallow after asking Buddy what he’s doing here and Emma Jo pats me on the back.
“You have got to be kidding me?!” I shout angrily when I finally get the wine to go down the right pipe. “He sent you over here to collect me, like I’m some sort of criminal?!”
Buddy shrugs sheepishly, taking a step in my direction while moving his hand toward the utility belt around his waist, which just makes me laugh. I’m five-foot-seven and weigh all of a hundred-and-twenty-five pounds. Do I look like someone who would fight an officer of the law or resist arrest?
“Sorry, Payton. He told me you might give me some trouble and I’m to use whatever means necessary to get you in the car and down to the station.”
The wine floating through my veins takes a detour from “I’m fine, everything’s fine, and I’m not that drunk” to “LEO HUDSON IS A JERK AND I WILL FIGHT YOU!”
Buddy moves closer, I throw up my fists in a fighting stance, Emma Jo screams MUSKRAT again, and that’s pretty much the story of the first time I got Tased…
CHAPTER 20
Recorded Interview
June 3, 2016
Bald Knob, KY Police Department
Sally Plunkett: Why do your cheeks get red every time I mention my daughter’s name?
Deputy Lloyd: I…it’s…um, it’s a rash.
Sally Plunkett: I hope it’s not contagious.
Deputy Lloyd: NO! I mean, it’s not really a rash, I don’t know why I said that. And I don’t have anything contagious. I’m in perfect health, I swear.
Sally Plunkett: Can we hurry this along? I need to get over to the funeral home and make arrangements for my son-in-law’s funeral. You know, since he was murdered and my daughter has just been beside herself with grief and doesn’t need the added burden of planning his funeral. Do you know when his body will be released? It’s been extremely hard on me to make all of these plans when we don’t know what day the funeral will be. Why, I’m getting calls left and right from people wanting to pay their respects, and it’s just not right that I can’t tell them when Jed’s funeral is.
Deputy Lloyd: I’m sorry, Mrs. Plunkett, but we can’t release the body until we get the final report on his cause of death.
Sally Plunkett: I thought everyone already knew Payton killed him? Why haven’t you arrested her? I think she got my daughter addicted to alcohol. And I’ve been hearing all over town that Payton was yelling and threatening Jed the night he was murdered. Did you know she sprained her wrist trying to kidnap Emma Jo?
Deputy Lloyd: Wait, what? Emma Jo was almost kidnapped? Is she okay? Why didn’t she call me? I mean, the station. Why didn’t she call the station?
Sally Plunkett: Well, it was back when they were teenagers and they were trying to sneak out of the house to go to a party, but still. It served Payton right for falling out of that tree and landing on her hand.
Deputy Lloyd: Mrs. Plunkett, do you know any reason why someone would want to kill your son-in-law?
Sally Plunkett: Do I know any reason why someone would want to kill my son-in-law?
Deputy Lloyd: Yes, that’s what I asked.
Sally Plunkett: You want to know if I have any knowledge of why someone would want to kill Jed?
Deputy Lloyd: Uh, yes. That’s…I believe that’s what I asked.
Sally Plunkett: Like, you want to know if I know if Jed made anyone angry enough to kill him?
Deputy Lloyd: Ummmmmmm, yes?
Sally Plunkett: Like, so angry they couldn’t see straight and they might have gone temporarily insane and did somethi
ng they regret, even though it might have been justified at the time, but now they’re really sorry and feel bad about it?
Deputy Lloyd: Uh, yes?
Sally Plunkett: Nope. I haven’t a clue. I noticed you’re the only one who hasn’t dropped off a dish to Emma Jo. We’re running low on lasagna and green bean casserole. And while you’re at it, can you start spreading the word that we’ll be letting off doves at Jed’s service and everyone should take heed and bring an umbrella?
Deputy Lloyd: I…Mrs. Plunkett, if you know anything about who murdered your son-in-law, I need you tell me everything you know. It’s imperative for this investigation.
Sally Plunkett: I know we’re almost out of lasagna, Buddy. What are people going to think when they stop by Emma Jo’s house to pay their respects and she doesn’t have any lasagna or green bean casserole?
CHAPTER 21
I’m just waiting to see if my coffee chooses to use its powers for good or evil today.
—Coffee Mug
“It doesn’t hurt that bad. I had to be Tased at the academy during training.”
Leo leans over and holds out his hand to help me up from the floor of Emma Jo’s hallway, where I’ve been twitching, drooling and cursing for the last forty-five minutes until Buddy finally had to call Leo for help when I told Emma Jo to grab me a butter knife so I could saw off his penis.
Although, since I was in the middle of a full-body spasm from the aftereffects of being Tased, it came out like “I-I-I-I-I-I C-C-C-C-C-U-T-T-T Y-Y-Y-Y-OU D-D-D-I-CK!”. And in Buddy’s defense, he thought I was calling him a dick since there’s no punctuation in Taser-stuttering, and luckily didn’t relay to the stupid jerk of a sheriff standing over me that I had threatened him with a kitchen utensil. I’ve already threatened the penis of a man who is now dead and God forbid anything happens to Buddy in the next twenty-four hours. Although staring up at Leo while he grins down at me makes me want to grab his appendage and choke the life out of it.
I smack Leo’s hand away and roll over onto my stomach so I can push myself up from the floor. My knees give out as soon as I’m upright and Leo swoops in, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me against him before I can hit the floor again.
He smells like soap and outdoors and I close my eyes and breathe him in with my cheek pressed against his chest, until I feel the rumble of his chuckle against my face. I yank myself out of his arms and growl at him when I take a couple of steps back and out of smelling distance.
“Sorry, I swear I’m not laughing about the Tasing thing. I just remembered how I used to follow you around school all the time and try to smell your hair. You always smelled like fresh coffee beans, and you still do. Best smell in the world,” he admits with a small smile.
Yep, it’s official. Pretty sure he just got me pregnant.
“Oh, no! Nice try, buster! Don’t you come in here after one of your deputies Tased me on your order and say all kinds of sweet things that will make me all mushy and forget I’m mad at you!” I yell, pointing my finger at him and refusing to let him get under my skin.
“I make you mushy?” he asks in a low, deep voice, closing the distance between us until we’re standing toe-to-toe. “Funny. You do the exact opposite to me.”
He brings his point home by grabbing my hip and pulling the lower half of my body against his and there is NOTHING mushy about what’s poking into me right now.
“It’s not going to work,” I tell him indignantly, keeping my arms pinned to my sides before I do something stupid like pull his shirt out of the waistband of his jeans and run my palms up the skin of his stomach and chest.
“What’s not going to work?” he whispers, dipping his head down next to mine to slide his lips around along the edge of my ear.
I clench my hands into fists when he tugs on my earlobe with his front teeth and then kisses his way down the side of my neck.
“This little seduction scene you’ve got going on. I’m immune to your charms,” I inform him, even as I tilt my head to the side to give him better access.
“Twelve years of fantasies…You taste better than I ever imagined,” he breathes against my collarbone after using one of his fingers to pull the collar of my shirt back just enough for him to place a kiss there.
“Oh, hell no!” I shout, finally pulling my head out of my ass and shoving him away from me. “I know what you’re doing, Leo Hudson! You’re saying all this shit about dreaming of me for twelve years just to distract me. You did it last night and it might have worked then, but I’m onto you now. There’s no way in hell you’ve held a torch for me after all this time and have been pining away for the day I might come back to town. No. Freaking. Way. Who does that? Someone who’s guilty of something and just wants to cover it up, that’s who!”
My hands are on my hips and my chest rises and falls rapidly with the heat of my anger.
“Are you finished?” Leo asks casually, crossing his arms over his chest as he leans against the hallway wall, his eyes flickering down to my boobs that are straining against my shirt each time I try to take in a deep, calming breath.
“Am I finished? AM I FINISHED?” I shout, my anger boiling over that he can stand there all calm and laid-back when I just got knocked up with a few kisses to the neck from him. “ONE OF YOUR DEPUTIES TASED ME!”
Of course I scream something stupid instead of saying what I really want to say: That I know he’s been lying and totally using me to keep his own ass out of jail, and it stings a hell of a lot worse than fifty thousand volts of electricity to the gut. All of this just makes me angrier because why in the hell do I care if he’s been using me? It’s not like I’m in the market for a man since I’ve sworn off men for the rest of my life after getting another voicemail from Benjamin today asking me how many people were on my side of the guest list so his parents could book their country club. And it’s not like I didn’t have the fleeting thought of doing the exact same thing to him and try to distract him with my feminine ways. The point is, I didn’t do it. I mean, I’ve been avoiding him and too busy spitting on dogs, stealing coffee, and having the whole town accuse me of murder, and I haven’t had time to dazzle him with my charm today, but still. I wouldn’t have done it because I have morals!
Well, aside from that one time I baked a pie filled with toilet bowl cleaner…
“I’m sorry Buddy Tased you. I swear I didn’t tell him to do that. I knew you’d be difficult, and he must have taken me literally when I told him to bring you in with force,” Leo apologizes.
“You knew I’d be difficult? Oh, you haven’t even SEEN difficult yet!” I argue.
“MUSKRAT!” Emma Jo yells from the laundry room down the hall where she made herself scarce after Leo got here.
Technically, I made her go and hide in another room as soon as Leo walked in the door and sent Buddy back to the station. And thankfully she understands stuttering just as well as I understand her drunk slurring since all I whispered in her ear was “P-P-P-P-IE!”. Even drunk as hell, she was able to realize what I was saying and knew she needed to get away from Leo until she sobered up a little since she’s reached a level of drunk I like to call “I have the inability to lie and it’s going to be soooooooo funny when I tell you how we killed Jed!”.
Going by her shout from the laundry room, followed by a loud giggle, she’s not doing a very good job of sobering up in there.
“Pay no attention to the drunk chick. She’s had a rough week,” I explain to Leo when he leans around me to look in confusion down the hall where Emma Jo’s voice is coming from. “How about you just focus on what’s important here? You’re a jerk and your lips have now been placed on my Do Not Call list.”
Leo sighs and runs his hand through his hair, making it stick up all over the place in the most adorable way until my hands itch to reach out and smooth it down for him. Then I catch a glimpse of the cuts and bruises on the knuckles of his right hand when he slides his palm down the front of his face and I have no problem telling my ovaries to shut
the hell up and stop trying to cause trouble.
He catches me staring at his knuckles and he curses softly under his breath, rubbing his left hand over the scrapes while he stares down at what he’s doing and doesn’t meet my eyes.
“There was a minor incident after I left here with Jed the other night and things got a little heated between us, but you already know that,” Leo begins, his cheeks puffing out as he blows out a frustrated breath of air.
Actually, I didn’t know that. Not exactly. I was just getting all fired up over Bald Knob gossip and letting it mess with my head and second-guessing what’s going on between us, but now that he’s talking, I’m not about to correct him. Especially if it gets Emma Jo and I off the hook. I mean, it’s not like I want Leo to go down for murdering Jed, but he’d clearly be the better choice to lead a gang in prison. I’m a delicate flower, dammit! I’d never survive the first hour.
“I know you were pissed when I got Jed away from here by agreeing to go to the bar with him and talk about my reelection,” Leo continues, pausing to glance up at me from under his dark eyelashes.
Son of a bitch if it isn’t yet another adorable thing he does that makes me want to take back what I said about his lips and re-add him to my call list, STAT, because this strong, gorgeous hunk of a man that could crush me like a nut suddenly looks nervous and worried.
I stay strong, keeping my legs rooted in place a few feet away from him, lacing the fingers of my hands together down in front of me. Hopefully to Leo, it looks like I’m as calm as a cucumber when what I’m really doing is praying as close to my vagina as possible so she doesn’t betray me and make me fall for whatever bullshit he’s going to spew.
“Anyway, I know we haven’t seen each other in over a decade, and everything you know about me is left over from when we were teenagers, but please believe me when I tell you that I would never, ever jeopardize my career or put anyone in this town at risk because some pompous asshole with a God complex thinks he can blackmail me,” Leo says, his voice getting deeper and angrier as he speaks. “I told you I had an idea of what he’d been doing to Emma Jo, and I told you that it killed me I couldn’t do anything about it. I wasn’t lying to you when I said that, Payton. I swear to God.”