I think if you were Satan and you were settin around tryin to think up somethin that would just bring the human race to its knees what you would probably come up with is narcotics. Maybe he did. I told that to somebody at breakfast the other mornin and they asked me if I believed in Satan. I said Well that aint the point. And they said I know but do you? I had to think about that. I guess as a boy I did. Come the middle years my belief I reckon had waned somewhat. Now I'm startin to lean back the other way. He explains a lot of things that otherwise dont have no explanation. Or not to me they dont.
Moss set the case in the booth and eased himself in after it. He lifted the menu from the wire rack where it stood along with the mustard and ketchup. She scooted into the booth opposite. He didnt look up. What are you havin, he said.
I dont know. I aint looked at the menu.
He spun the menu around and slid it in front of her and turned and looked for the waitress.
What are you? the girl said.
What am I havin?
No. What are you. Are you a character?
He studied her. The only people I know that know what a character is, he said, is other characters.
I might just be a fellow traveler.
Fellow traveler.
Yeah.
Well you are now.
You're hurt, aint you?
What makes you say that?
You cant hardly walk.
Maybe it's just a old war injury.
I dont think so. What happened to you?
You mean lately?
Yeah. Lately.
You dont need to know.
Why not?
I dont want you gettin all excited on me.
What makes you think I'd get excited?
Cause bad girls like bad boys. What are you goin to have?
I dont know. What is it you do?
Three weeks ago I was a law abidin citizen. Workin a nine to five job. Eight to four, anyways. Things happen to you they happen. They dont ask first. They dont require your permission.
That's the truth if I ever heard it told, she said.
You hang around me you'll hear some more of it.
You think I'm a bad girl?
I think you'd like to be.
What's in that briefcase?
Briefs.
What's in it.
I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.
You aint supposed to carry a gun in a public place. Did you not know that? In particular a gun such as that.
Let me ask you somethin.
Go ahead.
When the shootin starts would you rather be armed or be legal?
I dont want to be around no shootin.
Yes you do. It's wrote all over you. You just dont want to get shot. What are you havin?
What are you?
Cheeseburger and a chocolate milk.
The waitress came and they ordered. She got the hot beef sandwich with mashed potatoes and gravy. You aint even asked me where I was goin, she said.
I know where you're goin.
Where am I goin then.
Down the road.
That aint no answer.
It's more than just a answer.
You dont know everthing.
No I dont.
You ever kill anybody?
Yeah, he said. You?
She looked embarrassed. You know I aint never killed nobody.
I dont know that.
Well I aint.
You aint, then.
You aint done, either. Are you?
Done what.
What I just said.
Killin people?
She looked around to see if they might be overheard.
Yes, she said.
Be hard to say.
After a while the waitress brought their plates. He bit the corner off a packet of mayonnaise and squeezed out the contents over his cheeseburger and reached for the ketchup. Where you from? he said.
She took a drink of her iced tea and wiped her mouth with the paper napkin. Port Arthur, she said.
He nodded. He took up the cheeseburger in both hands and bit into it and sat back, chewing. I aint never been to Port Arthur.
I aint never seen you there.
How could you of seen me there if I aint never been there?
I couldnt. I was just sayin I aint. I was agreein with you.
Moss shook his head.
They ate. He watched her.
I reckon you're on your way to California.
How did you know that?
That's the direction you're headed in.
Well that's where I'm goin.
You got any money?
What's it to you?
It aint nothin to me. Do you?
I got some.
He finished the cheeseburger and wiped his hands on the paper napkin and drank the rest of the milk. Then he reached in his pocket and took out the roll of hundreds and unfolded them. He counted out a thousand dollars onto the formica and pushed it toward her and put the roll back in his pocket. Let's go, he said.
What's that for?
To go to California on.
What do I gotta do for it?
You dont have to do nothin. Even a blind sow finds a acorn ever once in a while. Put that up and let's go.
They paid and walked out to the truck. You wasnt callin me a sow back yonder was you?
Moss ignored her. Give me the keys, he said.
She took the keys from her pocket and handed them over. I thought maybe you'd forgot I had em, she said.
I dont forget much.
I could of just slipped off like I was goin to the ladies room and took your truck and left you settin there.
No you couldnt of.
Why not?
Get in the truck.
They got in and he set the case between them and pulled the Tec-9 out of his belt and slid it under the seat.
Why not? she said.
Dont be ignorant all your life. In the first place I could see all the way to the front door and out the parkin lot clear to the truck. In the second place even if I was dumb-ass enough to set with my back to the door I'd of just called a cab and run you down and pulled you over and beat the shit out of you and left you layin there.
She got real quiet. He put the key in the ignition and started the truck and backed it out.
Would you of done that?
What do you think?
When they pulled into Van Horn it was seven oclock at night. She'd slept a good part of the way, curled up with her knapsack for a pillow. He pulled into a truckstop and shut off the engine and her eyes snapped open like a deer's. She sat up and looked at him and then looked out at the parking lot. Where are we? she said.
Van Horn. You hungry?
I could eat a bite.
You want some diesel fried chicken?
What?
He pointed to the sign overhead.
I aint eatin nothin like that, she said.
She was in the ladies room a long time. When she came out she wanted to know if he'd ordered.
I did. I ordered some of that chicken for you.
You aint done it, she said.
They ordered steaks. Do you live like this all the time? she said.
Sure. When you're a big time desperado the sky's the limit.
What's that on that chain?
This?
Yeah.
It's a tush off of a wild boar.
What do you wear that for?
It aint mine. I'm just keepin it for somebody.
A lady somebody?
No, a dead somebody.
The steaks came. He watched her eat. Does they anybody know where you're at? he said.
What?
I said does anybody know where you're at.
Like who?
Like anybody.
You.
I dont know where you're at because I dont know who you are.
Well that makes two of us.
You
dont know who you are?
No, silly. I dont know who you are.
Well, we'll just keep it that way and they wont neither of us be out nothin. All right?
All right. What'd you ask me that for?
Moss mopped up steak gravy with a half a roll. I just thought it was probably true. For you it's a luxury. For me it's a necessity.
Why? Because they's somebody after you?
Maybe.
I do like it that way, she said. You got that part right.
It dont take long to get a taste for it, does it?
No, she said. It dont.
Well, it aint as simple as it sounds. You'll see.
Why is that.
There's always somebody knows where you're at. Knows where and why. For the most part.
Are you talkin about God?
No. I'm talkin about you.
She ate. Well, she said. You'd be in a fix if you didnt know where you was at.
I dont know. Would you?
I dont know.
Suppose you was someplace that you didnt know where it was. The real thing you wouldnt know was where someplace else was. Or how far it was. It wouldnt change nothin about where you was at.
She thought about that. I try not to think about stuff like that, she said.
You think when you get to California you'll kind of start over.
Them's my intentions.
I think maybe that's the point. There's a road goin to California and there's one comin back. But the best way would be just to show up there.
Show up there.
Yeah.
You mean and not know how you got there?
Yeah. And not know how you got there.
I dont know how you'd do that.
I dont either. That's the point.
She ate. She looked around. Can I get some coffee? she said.
You can get anything you want. You got money.
She looked at him. I guess I aint sure what the point is, she said.
The point is there aint no point.
No. I mean what you said. About knowin where you are.
He looked at her. After a while he said: It's not about knowin where you are. It's about thinkin you got there without takin anything with you. Your notions about startin over. Or anybody's. You dont start over. That's what it's about. Ever step you take is forever. You cant make it go away. None of it. You understand what I'm sayin?
I think so.
I know you dont but let me try it one more time. You think when you wake up in the mornin yesterday dont count. But yesterday is all that does count. What else is there? Your life is made out of the days it's made out of. Nothin else. You might think you could run away and change your name and I dont know what all. Start over. And then one mornin you wake up and look at the ceilin and guess who's layin there?
She nodded.
You understand what I'm sayin?
I understand that. I been there.
Yeah, I know you have.
So are you sorry you become a outlaw?
Sorry I didnt start sooner. Are you ready?
When he came out of the motel office he handed her a key.
What's that?
That's your key.
She hefted it in her hand and looked at him. Well, she said. It's up to you.
Yes it is.
I guess you're afraid I'll see what's in that bag.
Not really.
He started the truck and pulled down the parking lot behind the motel office.
Are you queer? she said.
Me? Yeah, I'm queer as a coot.
You dont look it.
Is that right? You know a lot of queers?
You dont act it I guess I should say.
Well darlin what would you know about it?
I dont know.
Say it again.
What?
Say it again. I dont know.
I dont know.
That's good. You need to practice that. It sounds good on you.
Later he went out and drove down to the quickstop. When he pulled back into the motel he sat there studying the cars in the lot. Then he got out.
He walked down to her room and tapped at the door. He waited. He tapped again. He saw the curtain move and then she opened the door. She stood there in the same jeans and T-shirt. She looked like she'd just woken up.
I know you aint old enough to drink but I thought I'd see if you wanted a beer.
Yeah, she said. I'd drink a beer.
He lifted one of the cold bottles out of the brown paper bag and handed it to her. Here you go, he said.
He'd already turned to go. She stepped out and let the door shut behind her. You dont need to rush off thataway, she said.
He stopped on the lower step.
You got another one of these in that sack?
Yeah. I got two more. And I aim to drink both of em.
I just meant maybe you could set here and drink one of em with me.
He squinted at her. You ever notice how women have trouble takin no for a answer? I think it starts about age three.
What about men?
They get used to it. They better.
I wont say a word. I'll just set here.
You wont say a word.
No.
Well that's already a lie.
Well I wont say hardly nothin. I'll be real quiet.
He sat on the step and pulled one of the beers from the bag and twisted off the cap and tilted the bottle and drank. She sat on the next step up and did the same.
You sleep a lot? he said.
I sleep when I get the chance. Yeah. You?
I aint had a night's sleep in about two weeks. I dont know what it would feel like. I think it's beginnin to make me stupid.
You dont look stupid to me.
Well, that's by your lights.
What does that mean?
Nothin. I'm just raggin you. I'll quit.
You aint got drugs in that satchel have you?
No. Why? You use drugs?
I'd smoke some weed if you had some.
Well I aint.
That's all right.
Moss shook his head. He drank.
I just meant it's all right we could just set out here and drink a beer.
Well I'm glad to hear that's all right.
Where are you headin? You aint never said.
Hard to say.
You aint goin to California though, are you?
No. I aint.
I didnt think so.
I'm goin to El Paso.
I thought you didnt know where you was goin.
Maybe I just decided.
I dont think so.
Moss didnt answer.
This is nice settin out here, she said.
I guess it depends on where you been settin.
You aint just got out of the penitentiary or somethin have you?
I just got off of death row. They'd done shaved my head for the electric chair. You can see where it's started to grow back.
You're full of it.
Be funny if it turned out to be true though, wouldnt it?
Is the law huntin you?
Everbody's huntin me.
What did you do?
I been pickin up young girls hitchhikin and buryin em out in the desert.
That aint funny.
You're right. It aint. I was just pullin your leg.
You said you'd quit.
I will.
Do you ever tell the truth?
Yeah. I tell the truth.
You're married, aint you?
Yeah.
What's your wife's name?
Carla Jean.
Is she in El Paso?
Yeah.
Does she know what you do for a livin?
Yeah. She knows. I'm a welder.
She watched him. To see what else he would say. He didnt say anything.
You aint no welder, she said.
Why aint I?
W
hat have you got that machinegun for?
Cause they's some bad people after me.
What did you do to em?
I took somethin that belongs to em and they want it back.
That dont sound like weldin to me.
It dont, does it? I guess I hadnt thought of that.
He sipped the beer. Holding it by the neck between his thumb and forefinger.
And that's what's in that bag. Aint it?
Hard to say.
Are you a safecracker?
A safecracker?
Yeah.
Whatever give you that notion?
I dont know. Are you?
No.
Well you're somethin. Aint you?
Everbody's somethin.
You ever been to California?
Yeah. I been to California. I got a brother lives there.
Does he like it?
I dont know. He lives there.
You wouldnt live there though, would you?
No.
You think that's where I ought to go?
He looked at her and looked away again. He stretched his legs out on the concrete and crossed his boots and looked out across the parking lot toward the highway and the lights on the highway. Darlin, he said, how in the hell would I know where you ought to go?
Yeah. Well, I appreciate you givin me that money.
You're welcome.
You didnt have to do that.
I thought you wasnt goin to talk.
All right. That's a lot of money though.
It aint half what you think it is. You'll see.
I wont blow it in. I need money to get me a place to stay.
You'll be all right.
I hope so.
Best way to live in California is to be from somewheres else. Probably the best way is to be from Mars.
I hope not. Cause I aint.
You'll be all right.
Can I ask you somethin?
Yeah. Go ahead.
How old are you?
Thirty-six.
That's pretty old. I didnt know you was that old.
I know. It kind of took me by surprise my own self.
I got a feelin I ought to be afraid of you but I aint.
Well. I cant advise you on that neither. Most people'll run from their own mother to get to hug death by the neck. They cant wait to see him.
I guess that's what you think I'm doin.
I dont even want to know what you're doin.
I wonder where I'd be right now if I hadnt of met you this mornin.
I dont know.
I was always lucky. About stuff like that. About meetin people.
Well, I wouldnt speak too soon.
Why? You fixin to bury me out in the desert?
No. But there's a lot of bad luck out there. You hang around long enough and you'll come in for your share of it.