“I’m not sure you want this much of an answer, Rick, but here it is. This is a big piece of me, and I don’t know what you’re going to do with it, but just remember you asked. The truth is, I can’t bear the thought of being hurt by people that mean a lot to me. I avoid pain whenever possible.”
Rick seemed to let her words sink in. “Katie, have you forgiven me for hurting you in the past?”
“Yes,” she said. “Absolutely.”
“Do you trust me?”
She didn’t answer right away.
Rick drew back. Taking a deep breath, he glanced at his watch and said, “I’ve made you late for your meeting. Sorry.”
“I trust you,” Katie said, trying to finish the suspended conversation.
Rick looked her in the eye. Katie could tell that her expression wasn’t sincere enough for Rick to believe because his countenance fell as he studied her face.
“You should probably get to your meeting.” Rick packed up what was left of the ice cream. “We can talk about this some more tomorrow. Do you want to meet for lunch by the fountain?”
“Sure. Same time?”
Rick nodded and headed for his car. “I’ll see you then, Katie.”
Katie hated this unsettledness. She didn’t know what to do. The good thing was that she would see Rick tomorrow. They would talk some more. He said he wasn’t ready for the relationship to be over, and neither was she. It seemed the only thing the two of them could do was to leave their conversation where it was, stalled in the slow lane, and come back to work on it more when they had the necessary tools.
As she made her way across campus, Katie realized she had left Rick’s poppy on the front seat of his car.
28
Katie ambled through the rest of the day. She ate dinner with a bunch of girls from her floor and had a lengthy RA meeting with the rest of the staff at eight.
Julia pulled Katie to the side after the meeting and asked if she was doing okay. “You seemed pretty distracted during the meeting.”
“I’m processing a lot of stuff. I’d like to talk with you about it sometime.”
“Sure,” Julia said. “I’m open tomorrow afternoon, if you want to set a time.”
Katie was hoping Julia was available right then. Since she wasn’t, Katie said, “I’ll call you later and figure out a time.”
Returning to her room, Katie stopped to talk with some friends in the lobby. It was after ten o’clock when she entered Crown Hall North and passed under the Peculiar Treasures banner. She decided that if she knew what was good for her, she would go to bed early for once. That one kindness would benefit her emotions greatly. She would meet Rick for lunch the next day with her heart a little more settled.
A note was waiting for her on the message board outside her door. “Katie, I need to talk to you. Vicki.”
She erased Vicki’s note and headed back down the hall. Knocking on Carley and Vicki’s door, Katie waited for one of them to answer. She hoped it would be Vicki. Katie had managed not to run into Car-ley very often, and that was fine with her.
Neither Vicki nor Carley answered, so Katie left a note for Vicki and then stopped by The Peculiar Treasures Wall. She spotted the verse Em had posted next to her picture and drank the words as if they were water.
Katie realized she had been wandering from pool to pool all evening looking for a sip of refreshment. Her friends at dinner had provided nice conversation. Julia had invited Katie to connect with her later for a deeper conversation. Even the friends she’d just chatted with in the lobby were sweet and welcoming. But none of these sources had given her the quenching words she was looking for, whether she knew it or not. Her weary spirit was still thirsty.
Here in front of her on The Peculiar Treasures Wall was the sip of hope she needed. It was only a small sip, but it made her smile.
The Lord will guard your going out and your coming in from
this time forth and forever.
Psalm 121:8
She was definitely in a season of “going out and coming in.” Most days she felt as if she were caught in a revolving door. The quirky twist of words that made Katie smile was the term “going out.” When would Katie be able to say that she and Rick were officially “going out”?
To that long-standing question she had no answer. But here next to her picture was a promise that the Lord was guarding her, protecting her, directing her “going out” and “coming in.” He would continue to guard her, “from this time forth and forever.”
Of that truth she could drink deeply and be satisfied.
Returning to her end of the hall with a lightness in her step, Katie paused in front of The Kissing Wall and checked out the new photos that had been added. Someone had put up a photo of a wrinkled grandpa kissing the cheek of a pudgy baby. The new quotation next to it was:
If you are ever in doubt as to whether or not you should kiss a
pretty girl, always give her the benefit of a doubt.
Thomas Carlyle
Katie smiled.
Beside that photo was another new one. Katie looked closer at it. Then she stopped smiling. She recognized Carley as the one being kissed in the picture. Or at least Katie was fairly certain it was Carley. All that showed was part of Carley’s face with one eye open, looking at the camera. The scruffy, unshaven guy who was kissing Carley had his face turned away from the camera and was blocking most of her face.
Katie didn’t like the photo, but she didn’t know why exactly.
Anyone on the floor could add a photo, kissing verse, or kissing poem to the wall, but Nicole and Katie reserved the right to have the final say as to what stayed on display. Katie knew that when it came to just about anything pertaining to Carley, her judgmental radar was on high alert. She decided she would ask Nicole to have a look, and the two of them could decide together if the picture was within the “innocent” parameters they had set for the pictorial selections.
Before crawling into bed, Katie indulged in her one little luxury. She went to her compact dorm refrigerator, pulled out a milk carton, took a bowl from the shelf above her desk, and poured herself a happy mound of Cocoa Puffs. Slipping under her cool sheets and wiggling her bare toes, Katie enjoyed her midnight snack in solitude.
When she first found out she would be alone in her dorm room as an RA, Katie wasn’t sure how that would turn out. She knew she would miss Christy terribly. Now that she was well into the semester, though, Katie’s biggest surprise was how much she needed the chance to be by herself every night. The solitude gave her an opportunity to think, pray, and process.
She was almost finished with her bowl of Cocoa Puffs when Katie remembered she hadn’t printed out her two-page reading summary due for her first class in the morning. It would be easier to do the printing now than try to remember in the morning.
Slipping out of bed and clicking to the summary paper file on her laptop, Katie sent the file to her printer. While the paper was printing, Katie decided to check her email. That was always a dangerous decision when one should be doing something else, like sleeping.
She told herself she really should go to bed. Herself answered and said, “I will right after I read just a few of these.”
Katie read and answered all her emails. She clicked open Tracy and Doug’s series of photos of the “Awesome Danny Boy” and moved on to reading Sierra’s blog about life in Brazil. She was well into listening to four new songs on a link Emilee had sent to her before she realized it was almost 2 a.m.
“You need to be done now,” Katie told herself.
This time herself listened.
Katie’s stimulated mind had drifted into dreamland for only twenty minutes when an image on the edge of her subconscious caused her to wake and sit bolt upright in bed. The image she saw in her barely-floating-on-the-surface dream was the photo of Carley from The Kissing Wall. The photo had been disturbingly familiar to Katie, and now she knew why.
Yanking open her dorm room door, with her eyes squinting a
t the brightness, Katie stood in front of The Kissing Wall. She blinked at the picture, trying to adjust her vision. To Katie, at that moment, there was no doubt in her mind. That full head of wavy dark hair in the photo belonged to Rick Doyle.
And he was kissing Carley.
Plucking the photo from its position of prominence on the wall, Katie took the picture into her room, put it under the light on her desk, and examined the shot. Without a doubt that was Rick’s “Cactus Boy” unshaven cheek. That meant the photo was taken the day Rick got back from Arizona. The day Carley followed Rick to work.
Everything within Katie begged her to shake it off. This time she couldn’t.
She picked up her cell phone and called Rick. But it was Christy who answered on the third ring. Katie realized she had pressed the wrong speed dial number.
“Katie?” Christy answered. “What’s wrong?”
“Oh, Chris, I’m sorry! I meant to call Rick. I’m sorry I woke you.”
“What’s wrong, Katie? Are you okay?”
Katie noticed her hands were shaking. She blurted out, “I think Rick kissed Carley. She posted a photo of them on the wall across from my room.”
“What? That’s crazy!”
“I know. That’s what I told myself. But I haven’t been doing a very good job of listening to myself tonight.”
“Katie, do you want me to come over?”
“No. It’s the middle of the night.”
“I know. But I’ll come if you want me to.”
“You don’t have to.”
“Actually, I do. Todd heard me talking to you, and he just went for the car keys. We’ll be right over.”
Now Katie felt embarrassed. This didn’t need to be a community rescue. Katie felt she could settle the matter on her own. She just was so tired she couldn’t figure out what to do next. Carley was the person she should be questioning, not Rick.
Scooting down the hall, Katie knocked on Carley and Vicki’s closed door. Even for college students it was pretty late. When neither of them answered, Katie knew she shouldn’t knock louder. This could wait until morning.
If only her pounding heart would go down a notch. Too much adrenaline this late at night rarely resulted in anything productive except maybe some fairly creative pages in term papers. She stood in the hallway in front of Carley’s door and wondered about things she knew she never should be wondering.
Has Rick been playing me all along? All those smooth lines about waiting and doing what’s right and wanting what’s best for us . . . has he been lying to me? No. I don’t want to even think that.
However, once she let that thought in, that was all Katie could think about.
What if he never really went to Arizona? What if he was just off with other girls and wanted me to think he was out of town? No, that’s crazy. Don’t go crazy, Katie. Stay with what you know to be true. Rick does care about you. He’s proven himself over and over.
Katie felt as if a herd of green slugs of untruth was closing in on her with their razor-sharp teeth. She couldn’t shake them.
He’s not the guy you think he is. You tell yourself that he changed and he’s not going to hurt you, but how do you know? He’s hurt you before.Why wouldn’t he hurt you again?
A knock on Katie’s door was followed by a quiet turning of the knob. “Katie?” Christy entered. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. No. I don’t know. Thanks for coming.”
“It’s okay. Where’s the photo?” Christy asked.
Katie handed her the photo, and Christy agreed that the guy in the photo was Rick. No question. And Carley and Rick were kissing.
Katie’s spirits sunk deeper.
“You said Carley put this up on the wall. Is that right?” Christy asked.
“I’m assuming it was Carley.”
“Have you talked to her yet?”
“No, I knocked on her door, but no one answered, and I didn’t want to wake her.”
Katie took a closer look at Christy’s outfit. The odd combination distracted Katie for the moment. On top Christy was wearing one of Todd’s oversized, navy blue, hooded sweatshirts, which Katie knew was a favorite article of comfort clothing for Christy. The rest of the outfit was what caught her attention.
“Why are you wearing a skirt in the middle of the night with your bunny slippers?”
“My feet were cold.”
“Why didn’t you wear sweats or something?”
“This was the first thing I grabbed. You didn’t sound good.”
“I’m not good. I can’t think clearly. I don’t know why I’m evaluating your choice of midnight mission-of-mercy apparel.”
Christy’s cell phone buzzed, and both of them jumped.
Christy looked at the text message. “It’s Todd. He’s waiting in the car. He just wants to know if you’re okay.”
Christy tapped a quick message back as Katie looked closer at the photo. “Todd had a thought on the way over here. Do you think there’s any chance the photo was digitally edited?”
In her blaze of confusion, Katie hadn’t thought about that possibility, even though it was the most obvious. She looked again at the photo. The background was full of inconsistencies in the lighting and the details. The line that traced Rick’s hair looked uneven and speckled with white.
“I don’t know that much about digital editing,” Christy said, “but it almost looks as if Rick has been cut and pasted into the shot.”
Katie wilted onto her bed. “I am such a colossal doof. You’re right. He probably was. I can’t believe I assumed the worst.”
Christy sat down next to her. “Katie . . .”
Before Christy could offer words of encouragement, a knock sounded softly on Katie’s door, and Vicki peeked in.
“Hi. I just got back from studying upstairs, and I saw your light was still on. Is this a good time?” Vicki stepped inside Katie’s room and noticed Christy. “Christy, what are you doing here so late?”
“I just came by to see Katie.”
“In your slippers? And a skirt?”
“She’s wearing her standard mission-of-mercy outfit,” Katie said. “I had a minor meltdown so I called her, and she came.”
Vicki’s gaze was fixed on the photo in Katie’s hand. “Was your meltdown over the pictures?”
“Pictures?” Christy and Katie repeated in unison.
“Is there more than one?” Katie asked.
“Yes, there are a couple of other questionable pictures. I guess Carley hasn’t printed them out yet.”
“Why would she do something like this?” Christy asked.
Vicki looked at Christy and back at Katie. “You don’t know?”
“Know what?” Katie asked.
Just then another knock sounded on Katie’s door.
“This is crazy!” Christy said. “Dorm life was never like this when we lived in Brower Hall last year, Katie.”
“I know. Welcome to Crown Hall North. No socially stunted women on this floor.” Katie opened the door.
Nicole was standing there in a spa-style bathrobe and matching slippers. “Security just called me to see how much longer they should wait before your guest leaves.”
“I didn’t know security was waiting for me,” Christy said. “ I’m sorry if they woke you, Nicole.”
“It’s okay. What’s going on? Are you guys all right?” Even though it was the middle of the night, Nicole was still gracious.
Katie filled Nicole in on the situation with the photo. She showed Nicole the picture and said, “Vicki was just about to tell us why Carley would do such a thing as put up a photo like this.”
“I thought you knew,” Vicki said. “Everyone else on our floor knows.”
“Knows what?” Katie looked at the three women standing in her room. “Will someone please tell me what’s going on?”
29
“Photos like this are a Kissing Wall tradition,” Vicki said.
“Why?” Christy asked.
Photos “Yea
h, why?” Katie echoed. “Is the tradition to try to sabotage perfectly good relationships of the other women on the floor?”
“No, of course not,” Nicole said. “That’s not the tradition. The tradition is to print out pictures of someone on the floor kissing someone unlikely, such as a movie star. Do you remember the photo last year with Kim kissing Kermit the Frog?”
Katie blinked but didn’t answer.
“Or the one with Amy last year where she was kissing Spiderman,” Vicki added. “That’s the tradition. We’ve always had one or two photos on the wall of an unlikely couple, and everyone knew the pictures were fake.”
“Not everyone,” Katie retorted.
“That’s why I left a note for you earlier today. I saw the photo, and I thought you should know about it before Emilee finished it in case you didn’t want it up.”
“Emilee? Em put this picture on The Kissing Wall?”
“I don’t know exactly who put it up. Em asked Carley last night in our room to do a picture of her with some country western singer. I don’t remember which one. While Carley was doing that digital mockup for Em, she decided to do one of her with her boss. When I saw her working on it, I told her I didn’t think it was a good idea. I didn’t think you would appreciate it.”
“You’re right. I didn’t.”
“But, Katie, you need to know it was meant as a prank. Not as something mean. It was a joke. That’s all. Think of it as being on the same level as last year when you put my shoes in the oven.”
Katie fell silent. She had nothing to say to Vicki’s comment. She knew all about how great an inside joke can seem at the moment and then how ridiculous it can turn out later. The revelation gave her new sympathy for Rick and his attempt at a joke with the ice cream.