CHAPTER XXV
SMILES AND TEARS
The sala of the _Pansiteria Macanista de Buen Gusto_ [54] thatnight presented an extraordinary aspect. Fourteen young men of theprincipal islands of the archipelago, from the pure Indian (if therebe pure ones) to the Peninsular Spaniard, were met to hold the banquetadvised by Padre Irene in view of the happy solution of the affairabout instruction in Castilian. They had engaged all the tables forthemselves, ordered the lights to be increased, and had posted on thewall beside the landscapes and Chinese kakemonos this strange versicle:
"GLORY TO CUSTODIO FOR HIS CLEVERNESS AND PANSIT ON EABTH TO THEYOUTHS OF GOOD WILL."
In a country where everything grotesque is covered with a mantleof seriousness, where many rise by the force of wind and hot air,in a country where the deeply serious and sincere may do damage onissuing from the heart and may cause trouble, probably this was thebest way to celebrate the ingenious inspiration of the illustriousDon Custodio. The mocked replied to the mockery with a laugh, to thegovernmental joke with a plate of _pansit_, and yet--!
They laughed and jested, but it could be seen that the merrimentwas forced. The laughter had a certain nervous ring, eyes flashed,and in more than one of these a tear glistened. Nevertheless, theseyoung men were cruel, they were unreasonable! It was not the firsttime that their most beautiful ideas had been so treated, that theirhopes had been defrauded with big words and small actions: beforethis Don Custodio there had been many, very many others.
In the center of the room under the red lanterns were placed fourround tables, systematically arranged to form a square. Little woodenstools, equally round, served as seats. In the middle of each table,according to the practise of the establishment, were arranged foursmall colored plates with four pies on each one and four cups of tea,with the accompanying dishes, all of red porcelain. Before each seatwas a bottle and two glittering wine-glasses.
Sandoval was curious and gazed about scrutinizing everything, tastingthe food, examining the pictures, reading the bill of fare. Theothers conversed on the topics of the day: about the French actresses,about the mysterious illness of Simoun, who, according to some, hadbeen found wounded in the street, while others averred that he hadattempted to commit suicide. As was natural, all lost themselves inconjectures. Tadeo gave his particular version, which according to himcame from a reliable source: Simoun had been assaulted by some unknownperson in the old Plaza Vivac, [55] the motive being revenge, in proofof which was the fact that Simoun himself refused to make the leastexplanation. From this they proceeded to talk of mysterious revenges,and naturally of monkish pranks, each one relating the exploits ofthe curate of his town.
A notice in large black letters crowned the frieze of the room withthis warning:
De esta fonda el cabecilla Al publico advierte Que nada dejen absolutamente Sobre alguna mesa o silla. [56]
"What a notice!" exclaimed Sandoval. "As if he might have confidencein the police, eh? And what verses! Don Tiburcio converted into aquatrain--two feet, one longer than the other, between two crutches! IfIsagani sees them, he'll present them to his future aunt."
"Here's Isagani!" called a voice from the stairway. The happy youthappeared radiant with joy, followed by two Chinese, without camisas,who carried on enormous waiters tureens that gave out an appetizingodor. Merry exclamations greeted them.
Juanito Pelaez was missing, but the hour fixed had already passed, sothey sat down happily to the tables. Juanito was always unconventional.
"If in his place we had invited Basilio," said Tadeo, "we should havebeen better entertained. We might have got him drunk and drawn somesecrets from him."
"What, does the prudent Basilio possess secrets?"
"I should say so!" replied Tadeo. "Of the most important kind. Thereare some enigmas to which he alone has the key: the boy whodisappeared, the nun--"
"Gentlemen, the _pansit lang-lang_ is the soup _par excellence_!" criedMakaraig. "As you will observe, Sandoval, it is composed of vermicelli,crabs or shrimps, egg paste, scraps of chicken, and I don't knowwhat else. As first-fruits, let us offer the bones to Don Custodio,to see if he will project something with them."
A burst of merry laughter greeted this sally.
"If he should learn--"
"He'd come a-running!" concluded Sandoval. "This is excellentsoup--what is it called?"
"_Pansit lang-lang_, that is, Chinese _pansit_, to distinguish itfrom that which is peculiar to this country."
"Bah! That's a hard name to remember. In honor of Don Custodio,I christen it the _soup project_!"
"Gentlemen," said Makaraig, who had prepared the menu, "there arethree courses yet. Chinese stew made of pork--"
"Which should be dedicated to Padre Irene."
"Get out! Padre Irene doesn't eat pork, unless he turns his nose away,"whispered a young man from Iloilo to his neighbor.
"Let him turn his nose away!"
"Down with Padre Irene's nose," cried several at once.
"Respect, gentlemen, more respect!" demanded Pecson with comic gravity.
"The third course is a lobster pie--"
"Which should be dedicated to the friars," suggested he of the Visayas.
"For the lobsters' sake," added Sandoval.
"Right, and call it friar pie!"
The whole crowd took this up, repeating in concert, "Friar pie!"
"I protest in the name of one of them," said Isagani.
"And I, in the name of the lobsters," added Tadeo.
"Respect, gentlemen, more respect!" again demanded Pecson with afull mouth.
"The fourth is stewed _pansit_, which is dedicated--to the governmentand the country!"
All turned toward Makaraig, who went on: "Until recently, gentlemen,the _pansit_ was believed to be Chinese or Japanese, but thefact is that, being unknown in China or Japan, it would seem to beFilipino, yet those who prepare it and get the benefit from it are theChinese--the same, the very, very same that happens to the governmentand to the Philippines: they seem to be Chinese, but whether theyare or not, the Holy Mother has her doctors--all eat and enjoy it,yet characterize it as disagreeable and loathsome, the same as withthe country, the same as with the government. All live at its cost,all share in its feast, and afterwards there is no worse country thanthe Philippines, there is no government more imperfect. Let us thendedicate the _pansit_ to the country and to the government."
"Agreed!" many exclaimed.
"I protest!" cried Isagani.
"Respect for the weaker, respect for the victims," called Pecson ina hollow voice, waving a chicken-bone in the air.
"Let's dedicate the _pansit_ to Quiroga the Chinaman, one of the fourpowers of the Filipino world," proposed Isagani.
"No, to his Black Eminence."
"Silence!" cautioned one mysteriously. "There are people in the plazawatching us, and walls have ears."
True it was that curious groups were standing by the windows, whilethe talk and laughter in the adjoining houses had ceased altogether, asif the people there were giving their attention to what was occurringat the banquet. There was something extraordinary about the silence.
"Tadeo, deliver your speech," Makaraig whispered to him.
It had been agreed that Sandoval, who possessed the most oratoricalability, should deliver the last toast as a summing up.
Tadeo, lazy as ever, had prepared nothing, so he found himself in aquandary. While disposing of a long string of vermicelli, he meditatedhow to get out of the difficulty, until he recalled a speech learnedin school and decided to plagiarize it, with adulterations.
"Beloved brethren in project!" he began, gesticulating with twoChinese chop-sticks.
"Brute! Keep that chop-stick out of my hair!" cried his neighbor.
"Called by you to fill the void that has been left in--"
"Plagiarism!" Sandoval interrupted him. "That speech was deliveredby the president of our lyceum."
"Called by your election," continued the imperturbable Tad
eo, "to fillthe void that has been left in my mind"--pointing to his stomach--"bya man famous for his Christian principles and for his inspirationsand projects, worthy of some little remembrance, what can one likemyself say of him, I who am very hungry, not having breakfasted?"
"Have a neck, my friend!" called a neighbor, offering that portionof a chicken.
"There is one course, gentlemen, the treasure of a people who aretoday a tale and a mockery in the world, wherein have thrust theirhands the greatest gluttons of the western regions of the earth--"Here he pointed with his chopsticks to Sandoval, who was strugglingwith a refractory chicken-wing.
"And eastern!" retorted the latter, describing a circle in the airwith his spoon, in order to include all the banqueters.
"No interruptions!"
"I demand the floor!"
"I demand pickles!" added Isagani.
"Bring on the stew!"
All echoed this request, so Tadeo sat down, contented with havinggot out of his quandary.
The dish consecrated to Padre Irene did not appear to be extra good,as Sandoval cruelly demonstrated thus: "Shining with grease outsideand with pork inside! Bring on the third course, the friar pie!"
The pie was not yet ready, although the sizzling of the grease in thefrying-pan could be heard. They took advantage of the delay to drink,begging Pecson to talk.
Pecson crossed himself gravely and arose, restraining his clownishlaugh with an effort, at the same time mimicking a certain Augustinianpreacher, then famous, and beginning in a murmur, as though he werereading a text.
"_Si tripa plena laudal Deum, tripa famelica laudabit fratres_--ifthe full stomach praises God, the hungry stomach will praise thefriars. Words spoken by the Lord Custodio through the mouth ofBen-Zayb, in the journal _El Grito de la Integridad_, the secondarticle, absurdity the one hundred and fifty-seventh.
"Beloved brethren in Christ: Evil blows its foul breath overthe verdant shores of Frailandia, commonly called the PhilippineArchipelago. No day passes but the attack is renewed, but thereis heard some sarcasm against the reverend, venerable, infalliblecorporations, defenseless and unsupported. Allow me, brethren, onthis occasion to constitute myself a knight-errant to sally forth indefense of the unprotected, of the holy corporations that have rearedus, thus again confirming the saving idea of the adage--a full stomachpraises God, which is to say, a hungry stomach will praise the friars."
"Bravo, bravo!"
"Listen," said Isagani seriously, "I want you to understand that,speaking of friars, I respect one."
Sandoval was getting merry, so he began to sing a shady couplet aboutthe friars.
"Hear me, brethren!" continued Pecson. "Turn your gaze toward thehappy days of your infancy, endeavor to analyze the present and askyourselves about the future. What do you find? Friars, friars, andfriars! A friar baptized you, confirmed you, visited you in schoolwith loving zeal; a friar heard your first secret; he was the first tobring you into communion with God, to set your feet upon the pathwayof life; friars were your first and friars will be your last teachers;a friar it is who opens the hearts of your sweethearts, disposingthem to heed your sighs; a friar marries you, makes you travel overdifferent islands to afford you changes of climate and diversion; hewill attend your death-bed, and even though you mount the scaffold,there will the friar be to accompany you with his prayers and tears,and you may rest assured that he will not desert you until he sees youthoroughly dead. Nor does his charity end there--dead, he will thenendeavor to bury you with all pomp, he will fight that your corpsepass through the church to receive his supplications, and he will onlyrest satisfied when he can deliver you into the hands of the Creator,purified here on earth, thanks to temporal punishments, tortures, andhumiliations. Learned in the doctrines of Christ, who closes heavenagainst the rich, they, our redeemers and genuine ministers of theSaviour, seek every means to lift away our sins and bear them far,far off, there where the accursed Chinese and Protestants dwell,to leave us this air, limpid, pure, healthful, in such a way thateven should we so wish afterwards, we could not find a real to bringabout our condemnation.
"If, then, their existence is necessary to our happiness,if wheresoever we turn we must encounter their delicate hands,hungering for kisses, that every day smooth the marks of abuse fromour countenances, why not adore them and fatten them--why demand theirimpolitic expulsion? Consider for a moment the immense void thattheir absence would leave in our social system. Tireless workers,they improve and propagate the races! Divided as we are, thanksto our jealousies and our susceptibilities, the friars unite us ina common lot, in a firm bond, so firm that many are unable to movetheir elbows. Take away the friar, gentlemen, and you will see how thePhilippine edifice will totter; lacking robust shoulders and hairylimbs to sustain it, Philippine life will again become monotonous,without the merry note of the playful and gracious friar, withoutthe booklets and sermons that split our sides with laughter, withoutthe amusing contrast between grand pretensions and small brains,without the actual, daily representations of the tales of Boccaccioand La Fontaine! Without the girdles and scapularies, what would youhave our women do in the future--save that money and perhaps becomemiserly and covetous? Without the masses, novenaries, and processions,where will you find games of _panguingui_ to entertain them in theirhours of leisure? They would then have to devote themselves to theirhousehold duties and instead of reading diverting stories of miracles,we should then have to get them works that are not extant.
"Take away the friar and heroism will disappear, the political virtueswill fall under the control of the vulgar. Take him away and the Indianwill cease to exist, for the friar is the Father, the Indian is theWord! The former is the sculptor, the latter the statue, because allthat we are, think, or do, we owe to the friar--to his patience,his toil, his perseverance of three centuries to modify the formNature gave us. The Philippines without the friar and without theIndian--what then would become of the unfortunate government in thehands of the Chinamen?"
"It will eat lobster pie," suggested Isagani, whom Pecson's speechbored.
"And that's what we ought to be doing. Enough of speeches!"
As the Chinese who should have served the courses did not put in hisappearance, one of the students arose and went to the rear, towardthe balcony that overlooked the river. But he returned at once,making mysterious signs.
"We're watched! I've seen Padre Sibyla's pet!"
"Yes?" ejaculated Isagani, rising.
"It's no use now. When he saw me he disappeared."
Approaching the window he looked toward the plaza, then made signs tohis companions to come nearer. They saw a young man leave the door ofthe _pansiteria_, gaze all about him, then with some unknown personenter a carriage that waited at the curb. It was Simoun's carriage.
"Ah!" exclaimed Makaraig. "The slave of the Vice-Rector attended bythe Master of the General!"