I take a deep breath and send up a prayer to the universe that the powers-that-be will guide my son toward doing the right thing. If I had time to prepare, I probably would’ve sat him down and explained why Jacob was in the wheelchair, and how we should discuss it when he was not around and how we should keep certain things to ourselves. But I didn’t have a chance, so I have to count on his childish innocence and my former attempts at mothering to win the day.
“How come you’re in that chair?” Sammy asks.
“I have cerebral palsy.” Jacob says it like it’s no big deal, but of course Sammy is completely confused by that explanation.
Sammy narrows his eyes and looks at Jacob suspiciously. “Can you walk?”
Okay. So much for asking the universe to lend a helping hand. I take a step into the family room, thinking I’m just going to throw up a big distraction and stop this conversation in its tracks. But Dev takes me gently by the hand, effectively stopping my progress and giving me a heart attack in the process. He’s holding my hand again!
When I look up at him, he nods at me and gives me a signal that I should just wait.
I look first at him and then his son, trying to decide if that’s the right thing to do. But eventually I figure that he must know these situations much better than I do, and having spent part of an afternoon with my son, he certainly knows what Sammy is capable of. Please God, do not let my son hurt anyone’s feelings. Dev lets my hand drop, and I work like hell to get a grip on my emotions. One minute I’m sailing on air, and the next I feel like I’ve plunged to the earth like Icarus, ready to go splat.
Jacob answers matter-of-factly. “Yes, I can walk, but I don’t like doing it. I’m really slow, and it’s not comfortable, but my dad makes me.”
Sammy nods. “How fatht can you go?” He points at the wheelchair.
Jacob nods sagely. “Pretty fast, actually. Probably faster than you can run.”
Sammy’s eyes get wide. “Wow, that’th really fatht.” He holds up one of his feet with two hands, so Jacob can see his Spider-Man shoes. “My thneakth are pretty fatht.”
Jacob nods. “I like Spider-Man.”
Sammy’s eyes brighten. “Me too! You want to play action figureth with me?”
Jacob shrugs, Mr. Cool all the way. “Sure. But I didn’t bring any of my guys with me.”
Sammy runs off to the corner of the room and drags a bucket full of toys over. “No problem. I have a whole bunch. You can share them.” Sammy picks up the bucket and leans in toward Jacob, giving him a full view of its colorful interior. “You can have any that you want. You can even uthe my favorite oneth.” He points to the most scarred and well-loved figures of the bunch: Spider-Man, of course, and Superman too.
It’s all too much for me. I turn my back and walk toward the kitchen. Tears fill my eyes and I can’t blink them away this time.
I get to the kitchen without drawing the kids’ attention, but I’m not alone. Dev is behind me.
“What’s the matter?” he asks.
I wave over my shoulder to tell him to go away and shake my head. “Nothing. I’m fine.”
His hand is there on my shoulder, turning me around. I try to keep my head down so he can’t see my face, but he puts his finger under my chin and forces my face up. “Are you upset with me because I came here without calling you first?”
I grab his forearms and squeeze, shaking my head vigorously while looking at him. “No, please don’t think that. Never think that. I’m really, really glad you came, and I’m especially glad that you brought your son. It’s just that I was having a really shitty day until you guys got here, and when I saw my son being so cool, I realized that as crappy as my day was, at least I’ve got one thing going for me.”
Dev nods. “You’ve got great kids.”
I can’t say anything because his words make me cry even more. I nod my head.
Dev pulls me into a hug and holds me close. My face barely comes above his belly button, but it doesn’t matter. Even this awkward hug is enough to fill me with more happiness than I can stand. I hardly even know this guy or his son or his boss, but here they are in my home, making all this craziness I’m going through seem worthwhile.
“I should’ve called you,” he says. “This was a shock. I know it was.”
I pull away and look up at him. “Please don’t say that. I swear to you, it’s not a shock. I was maybe a little bit surprised, but it wasn’t a bad thing at all. I just . . .” I step away from Dev and wave the air around my face trying to cool myself down. “If I could explain to you about my day, you would totally understand why I acted like an idiot when I opened the door.”
He leans down to look me in the eye. “Tell me about it.”
“Not right now.” I sniff really loud, trying to keep my dripping nose from becoming too disgusting. “I need to order pizza.” Reaching into my back pocket, I pull my cell phone out.
Before I can locate the telephone number of our favorite pizza place in my contacts, Dev takes my cell away from me and sets it down on the counter. He jabs his thumb over his shoulder. “Do you hear that?”
Now that he’s pointed it out, I can hear the laughter and the happy squeals coming from the other room again. Jacob’s voice is part of it this time.
“Those are the sounds of people who do not give a crap whether there’s going to be pizza here in the next half hour or not. So you can take five minutes to tell me what’s going on.”
I let out a long hiss of aggravation and frustration as I realize he’s right and I do want to get this stuff off my chest. “Well, let’s see . . . I went back to my old workplace to get my last paycheck and my stuff, and I ended up going head-to-head with my boss about my severance.”
“I hope he gave you something.”
“Oh yeah, he did. He gave me what I wanted, actually, but I had to be a world-class superbitch to get it. I don’t like acting like that, and I don’t like feeling like I’m threatening somebody just to get them to do the right thing. I want people to do what they’re supposed to do without me having to force them, you know?”
“I do. I’m glad you stuck up for yourself.”
“Yes, well I thought that was going to be the worst part of my day, but unfortunately it wasn’t. When I went to pick Sammy up from daycare, I found out that he’s been having a problem with some other kids.”
“A problem? What kind of problem?”
I throw my hands up. “I would love to know! But all I heard from the director is that there was some shoving and some pushing, and some kids got hurt. And now, Sammy’s no longer allowed there.” I drop my voice to make sure no one in the other room will hear me. “And apparently I am a horrible parent, because my son has a speech impediment and I haven’t done anything to fix it.”
Dev’s face screws up. “Say what?”
“I know, right? I don’t get it. I mean, he’s not even in kindergarten yet, and this woman is telling me that I need to get him into speech therapy or I need to stop thinking it’s cute or whatever . . .” I look off into the distance, because if I look into Dev’s eyes right now, I’m going to start crying all over again. “People suck.”
Dev takes a step closer to me and puts his hands on my upper arms, shaking me gently so that I’ll look at him. I comply, craning my neck to see his face.
“Not all people suck. Apparently, the person at that daycare does, but most people who run daycares are nice and they understand that not every kid is born exactly like another. Differences make them unique and special, not deficient.”
“Thank you. I agree with you one hundred percent. And it’s not like I’m this neglectful parent, okay? I realize that my son has a lisp. It would be impossible to miss. But I don’t think putting pressure on him at this age is a good idea. Am I crazy for believing that?”
Dev squeezes my arms again. “No, of course not. I’m sure that you’ve listened to your pediatrician and you’re following whatever orders your doctor has given you. Besides, if there
were something really wrong, your maternal instincts would kick in and you’d do whatever needs to be done. So you don’t need to worry about whatever that person said to you. You’re a good mom, and you’re doing the right thing, whatever it is.”
I have to smile at that. “You don’t even know what I’m doing, so how could you possibly say I’m doing the right thing?”
He shrugs and smiles a little, making his dimple cave in just a bit. “Because. I know what kind of person you are. You’re not going to do anything that’s going to hurt your kids, and you’re not lazy. I can tell by the way your kids act and by the way they treat people. They’re kind and gentle and fun. You don’t get a kid like that by being an asshole.”
I can’t stop grinning. “There are at least two people who I know for a fact would disagree with you, based on my behavior today.”
Dev pulls me back into another hug and squeezes me hard. “I promise I will let you know if you’re ever being an asshole in my presence.”
I pat him on the back. “Me too. Same goes.”
“You want me to order the pizzas?” he asks.
I shrug, taking a step back to break up our embrace. A sustained hug-fest in the kitchen is probably a little too heavy for a pizza party. I don’t want my kids to catch us, since I’m not even sure what this thing between us is yet. “Go for it. I think you have the number already.”
Dev pulls his phone out of his pocket and holds it up at me. “Sure do. I’m going to go get everybody’s order.” He turns around and leaves the kitchen for the family room without another word.
I open the refrigerator and pull out a bottle of wine for the grown-ups and a bottle of apple juice for the kids. As I take glasses out of the cabinet and line them up on the counter, I can’t stop myself from humming. Here I thought I was going to be crying in my wine and lying in bed wondering where I went wrong, but instead I’m surrounded by people I love and who love me back, looking forward to an impromptu pizza party. And tomorrow I’m going out to dinner with the hottest, most understanding man I have ever met.
Obviously I’ve done something right somewhere; I just hope I don’t screw it up. I definitely need to talk to my sister one-on-one, as soon as possible. Before I forget, I send her a text. Even though she’s in the other room, I need to keep this on the down-low. I don’t want Dev knowing I’m analyzing or planning anything that has to do with him.
Me: We need to talk, asap.
Ten seconds later, her reply beeps on my phone.
May: Now??
Me: No. Tomorrow morning. Coffee here. 8. Don’t b late.
May: Wouldn’t miss it for the world.
CHAPTER THIRTY
I throw the door open and welcome my sister in before she even has a chance to touch the handle. After a hug and a kiss, she hands me an envelope.
“What’s this?” I ask, taking it from her and turning it over. It’s plain, nothing written on it.
“It’s your gift certificate and your first paycheck.” She’s grinning from ear to ear.
“Are you sure about the gift certificate?”
“Don’t be silly. It’s not a gift. You earned it. And now we have an excuse to go shopping together.”
I love shopping with my sister, and it’s been ages since we’ve done it. “Fine. I’ll take it.” Ushering her into the kitchen, I gesture toward the table. “Have a seat. I’m just getting these muffins out of the oven.”
May follows my orders, sitting down in her chair and wrapping her hands around the freshly poured mug of coffee in front of her. “It smells like heaven in here.”
I nudge the oven door closed with my elbow and set the hot muffin tray down on the counter. “I got up really early this morning and mixed these up before the kids were even awake.” I don’t mention to her that I couldn’t sleep at all last night because I was so worried about Sammy, or that I had to make last-minute plans to bring him to the emergency daycare, the one I hate because it always smells like dirty diapers but the one place that will take him with no notice when necessary. Finding him a new daycare is my top priority after I turn in my report to the Bourbon Street Boys team, but I don’t need to stress my sister out over things she can’t control.
May lifts a brow at me. “Wow, somebody’s seriously motivated. Did you buy that dildo after all?”
“No, I did not buy a dildo. Shut up.” I hold up a muffin. “You want one of these, right?”
“Do bears poop in the woods?”
“Yes, they do.” I wrangle the last confection onto a plate, feeling like a superhero because not one of them caved in during the process. “Fun fact . . . did you know that bears plant oak trees with their poop? All those seeds they eat . . .”
“Has anyone ever told you that you watch too much Animal Planet?”
I snort as I answer. “I tell myself that all the time, actually. You have no idea . . . I am constantly comparing people to animals in the wild kingdom. It’s ridiculous. I really need to get a life.”
I sit down with two plates and several muffins between us.
May takes a look at my offerings. “I’m not sure I can eat more than one of these things.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll probably eat whatever you don’t finish. I’m seriously stress-eating right now.”
May unwraps a muffin from its paper holder. “I came over here this morning to chat with you, and I have two hours, so lay it on me. Tell me what’s going on.”
I take a sip of my coffee before beginning. “Before we get into my junk, tell me about you and Ozzie. What’s going on with you two?” His little comment about May being a good mom someday has been weighing on my mind.
She’s chewing her muffin and smiling at me. “What do you mean what’s going on? We’re fine.”
I give her my big sister don’t-piss-me-off look. “When he was over here last night he said something about you and kids. I got the feeling he was trying to tell me something, but then everything got so crazy with the little buttheads making all that noise, I never got a chance to ask him about it. Is there something you want to tell me?”
If she tells me she’s pregnant, I am going to throw my plate across the room, I swear to God. My outburst will be fueled by two emotions: happiness and frustration. Of course my sister will make the best mother of all time, but with Ozzie? Is she ready for this? Am I ready for this?
May is frowning at me. “No. What are you talking about?”
Obviously Ozzie can’t know my sister is pregnant without her knowing it, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t playing hard to get with me. She’s gotten a lot wilier since hooking up with Ozzie. “Just tell me. Are you pregnant?”
May’s jaw drops open. “What? No. Where would you get that idea?” She looks down at her stomach. “Am I getting fat?”
I whack her on the arm. “Of course you’re not getting fat. My god, you’ve never been so thin. Is he even feeding you over there?” I’m afraid my jealousy is coming out in my tone. Luckily, my sister doesn’t take offense.
“No. I eat like a pig, I swear. Ozzie cooks the most amazing food. It’s just that Dev has me doing so many workouts, I burn all the calories and then some.” A cute smile pops up on her face. “I actually think I look pretty good.”
I nod like crazy. “You do. You look fantastic. I am totally jealous of you right now. You’re one of those thin bitches we used to mock.”
May winks at me over her coffee mug. “Dev cannot wait to get his hands on you. It’s going to be so exciting.” She wiggles her eyebrows, making me think there’s a second meaning to her words.
I can’t believe she just said that. How can she be so casual about my love life?
“Why are you looking at me like that?” she asks, lowering her mug. “Do you have a piece of muffin stuck in your throat? Do you need a Heimlich?” She puts her hands up onto her neck. “This is the sign for choking. Give me the sign if you’re choking.”
I shake my head at her; she is so ridiculous. “I’m not choking, du
mmy, I’m just trying to figure out how you can say what you said so casually.”
May tilts her head like a confused canine. “What did I say?”
I bug my eyes out at her, waiting for her to figure it out. I can almost see her pressing the rewind button in her brain.
Her face relaxes and she smiles. “Oh, I get it. That sounded kind of funny didn’t it?”
“Maybe a little.”
“What I meant was that Dev is really excited about getting you on a workout program. Lucky told me that you were maybe thinking about coming to work with us; so if you do, you’ll start working out with Dev just like I did, and you’ll see the same results. I promise.”
She has touched on so many things, I don’t know where to start. Dev? Job? Working out? Lucky? I let my brain go on autopilot and pick for itself.
“How do you know what Dev wants?”
She shrugs, trying to act cool, but she doesn’t fool me for a second. “Oh, I don’t know. We chat sometimes, when we’re working out.”
“About me?”
She wiggles her eyebrows. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”
I grab her arm and squeeze it. “Yes! That’s why I’m asking you these questions! Please don’t make me beg. It’s embarrassing.” I pick up a muffin and pull the wrapper off very carefully. It allows me to focus on something other than my sister looking at me with what I assume will be pity in her eyes.
“It’s so cute. You both like each other, but neither one of you wants to be the one to say it first.”
I disregard my muffin and stare my sister down. “How do you know that, though? Did he say it?”
“He doesn’t need to. I can tell.”
I shake my head, disappointed. My sister is pretty smart, but that doesn’t mean she can see what’s going on in a guy’s mind. In my experience, men are too closed off to get an accurate read. “Well, I think he’s pretty cool, but I’m not sure he really likes me seriously. I think he’s attracted to me, sure, but not into me for a relationship. Not a serious one. He could be a player.”