“What?” I ask, feeling shy.
“Don’t look at me like that,” he says. “You know what you’re doing to me.”
I feel like the champion of sex, a goddess he must worship. I temporarily forget that I haven’t done anything like this in a really long time. Taking his hard length in my hand, I begin to stroke it up and down. He closes his eyes and sighs. He begins frowning and moaning as I find my rhythm.
I lick my lips. I’m so turned on from him touching me earlier and from watching him now. I’m not sure what to do next, but I feel like I’m going to explode with wanting and anticipation.
He opens his eyes. “Are you going to climb on or what?”
I don’t waste any time. After removing my sexy new panties, I gather my dress up around my hips, and do my best to climb over him without kicking any sensitive parts. Leaving my shoes behind on the floor makes it easier.
I kneel over him, one leg on either side of his legs. His erection is between us, standing up almost an entire foot toward the roof of the car. He slides what must be a special-order condom over it and we both stare down at this thing I know will never work. It’s the size of a damn nightstick! What am I supposed to do with that?!
“What if it doesn’t fit?” I say in a breathless whisper.
“We’ll go slow,” he says, reaching under my dress and touching me between my legs.
I close my eyes and enjoy the sensations for a few seconds before making my move. Enough of this playing-around stuff. I have a challenge before me. I just wish I’d taken more gymnastics classes when I was younger.
I lift up on my knees and realize very quickly that this is not going to cut it. I put my left foot up on the seat next to Dev and lift my body even higher. Finally, I’m able to position myself over him, and his hard tip is resting just at my entrance. I look like a crazy person, but I totally do. not. care. The cops could come at this point and I wouldn’t stop.
His thumb comes up and rubs at my most sensitive spot. “Easy,” he says, watching my expression.
I stare down at him as I slowly lower myself over him. I’ve never hated condoms more in my life than I do in this moment. Thankfully, all of Dev’s attentions have made it easier for us to move against each other without too much friction. He slides into me with little resistance.
“Oh, God,” I say in a half-whisper, half-moan.
He puts his free hand on my hip, helping me, guiding me down. I’m finally able to go back to both knees, but I have to stop before he’s fully buried inside me. It’s too much.
I close my eyes and wait.
“You okay?” he asks.
I nod. “It’s . . . awesome.” I smile, feeling a warmth come over me as his finger moves in small circles. I lift up experimentally and then go down again, enjoying the feeling of our bodies so close, this big beast of a man inside me. The windows are completely steamed up, impossible to see into or out of, and I’ve convinced myself we’re a million miles from anyone else.
“You feel so good,” he says, his breath ragged.
I put my hands on his shoulders, holding on for dear life. I’m afraid I’m going to break something inside me if I ride him like I want to. He said to take it slow and that’s what I’m going to do. Dammit! I want to go faster!
My breath comes out choppy, as I try to control myself.
“Let it go,” he whispers, like he’s reading my mind. “Let it happen. Do what you need to do.”
My hips roll in small circles as I move up and then down again. “Fast, yes, that’s better,” I say mostly to myself. My eyes are closed now. The darkness swirls around me, and I let myself get taken over by the sensations.
With every second that passes, the need to find my release pulls at me, drawing me in deeper. I relax and take more of him into me.
“Yes, that’s it, babe. That’s it,” he says, pushing his hips up to meet me.
The seat starts squeaking in rhythm with our movements, and I’m sure the car is rocking too, but I don’t care! Let the world know what I’m doing! I’m having sex in a Phoenix with a giant who’s proportional, and it’s awesome! Woo hoo!
Noises start coming out of my mouth that I have no control over. I only halfway hear them anyway. I’m close . . . so close. Just a few more strokes, a few more . . .
“Oh my god!” I yell, laughing and crying at the same time as I cling to Dev. It came out of nowhere! Fireworks! Explosions! Fans cheering! I hear it all in my head when the end finally comes and the orgasm takes over my whole body. I yell like a banshee as my body pulses with the release, and Dev roars like a sexy and very pleased lion. I cling to him, a drowning woman with him as my lifejacket. I feel him throbbing inside me as he finds his own release.
A few seconds later, coming down from my sexy high, I realize how sweaty I am. My face literally slides off his as I pull back. I stare into his pale face as drops of salty water pour down his temples.
“Wow,” I say, wondering how I’m going to extricate myself from this mess I’ve made. Sex in his car? Out in the parking lot? I must be high. Did I even have one alcoholic drink? I don’t think so. There’s no excuse for my behavior except that being with Dev makes me lose my mind. In a good way, though. I’m not going to let myself have any regrets over this.
He leans in and gives me a kiss right on the lips. It’s chaste, but slow. Sweet. Kind. My heart folds in on itself and then explodes. Oh, crap. I am in so much trouble.
“You make me happy,” he says. Then he spanks me on the side of my butt. “Ready to get out of here?”
I nod and then execute the nearly acrobatic moves it takes to un-impale myself from his still semi-hard erection, so I can fall onto the seat next to him and put my panties back on.
I’m not sure whether I should be embarrassed or proud at this point. Thank goodness he’s not staring at me, because I’d probably burst into tears. Not that I’m sad. Just confused. Floating in the ether. Wondering what in the H-E-double hockey sticks is going on with my life. It’s like I’ve entered the twilight zone or something. Maybe I am having a midlife crisis. Maybe I should shop for a Corvette tomorrow.
“I’d like to stay out later with you,” he says, “but I’m afraid my mother wasn’t really prepared for that.”
I look over at him. “You were just going to have a drink with your date?”
He takes his time answering. “Yeah. I just . . . It seemed like the right thing to do.”
I pause in the process of sliding my shoes back on and look up at him. “The right thing to do?” What does he mean?
He looks out the window for a few seconds before turning back to me. “I had a really nice time with you last night. It didn’t seem right to take another woman out for a regular date after that.”
I have to bite the insides of my cheeks really hard to keep from smiling like a loon. I nod. “Sure. I get it.” My voice gives me away. I wanted to sound cool, but I don’t. Not at all.
“I don’t mean to put pressure on you,” he says.
I shake my head. “No, I’m happy.” I try to grin, but it wavers.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, looking at me so seriously, so earnestly, it makes tears come to my eyes.
“Nothing. I’m just being an idiot is all. Status quo.”
He takes my hand and squeezes it. “I’ve done something wrong.”
“No.” I place my other hand over his. “You’ve done everything right. I really like you. I just worry that we’re rushing into this and it seems so amazing . . . I’m worried I’m going to ruin it.”
He gives me a sad smile. “You too, huh?”
I nod. “I’m not normal.”
He reaches up and strokes my cheek tenderly with a finger. “I hate normal. So boring. So predictable.”
I look down, trying to control my emotions. Nothing can take the smile off my face, though. “Good thing.”
It seems like a couple minutes go by before either of us speaks again.
“We still on for Halloween?” he
asks.
I look up and nod. This is safe ground. Our kids in costumes. This I can handle. “Yep.”
“Great. So, I’ll see you next week? Your place?”
I nod, wondering if this means I won’t see him at work. “Sure.”
“I’ll come around five o’clock so we can be sure we don’t have any wardrobe malfunctions.”
“Yes. Good idea.” I casually push my dress down to where it belongs and make sure my buttons are all done up and nothing’s hanging out where it shouldn’t.
Dev places his hand on my leg as I’m about to open the back door. “Promise me something.”
I look down at his hand and then up at his face. His expression is unreadable.
“What?”
“Promise you’ll always be honest with me. You’ll always tell me exactly what you’re feeling when I ask.”
I nod, happy to make that promise. I don’t want any more lies or games in my life, especially not from a guy like Dev. I can’t afford to be emotionally devastated right now. I have kids, barely a job, and a mortgage, not to mention a bruised heart. “I will if you will.”
“Deal.” He leans in and gives me a very thorough kiss before leaning back. “Stay there,” he says, opening his door and launching himself out of the backseat. He’s surprisingly agile considering his size and the fact that his pants are still half undone.
He comes around the back of the car and opens my door, offering me his hand. He’s all put together, with his pants zipped up and his shirt tucked in, and except for the sweating, you’d never know he just had hot sex in the backseat. I take his extended hand in mine and step out like I’m a princess about to be presented to her subjects. A princess who just got it on like Donkey Kong in the back of a Phoenix, yo!
Standing in front of him properly dressed again and smelling like hot slippery bodies, I look up and smile. “Thank you for the sex.”
He smiles slowly, devastating me all over again with that dimple. “You’re welcome. And thank you for the sex, too.”
“You’re welcome. See you at work?” I walk off slowly, leaving my awkward farewell on the table. I don’t know how to be cool when I’m falling in love, and I’m a little afraid of what this might mean for my life and my children, but I’m still willing to take the risk. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, and there’s so much to gain with this gorgeous man who just had awesome sex with me in the back of his Pontiac.
“Yeah. See you real soon.”
I wonder if he’s going to reach out and pull me back, but he doesn’t. He lets me go, and that’s okay. I’m happy, content, still coming down off my sexy high. I walk over to my car, my head up, my body appreciating the fresh evening air, even though it’s muggy and warm, and my thoughts floating lazily around my brain. I feel enveloped in something nice. Maybe real, true, rock-my-entire-world love. Whatever it is, I like it, and I’m not going to ruin it by over-analyzing it right now.
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
I can’t believe Halloween has arrived. I just got the last bits of our costumes together yesterday, and here we are, waiting for Dev and Jacob to arrive at our house.
“When are they gonna be here?” Sammy whines. His little finger starts lifting toward his face.
I grab his hand, stopping him before he can smear his makeup. He didn’t want to wear his mask, so I had to improvise a Spider-Man face with lots of eyeliner and dark eyeshadow. We’ll be lucky if he makes it out the door without destroying it.
“They’ll be here soon. Just relax. I still have to put my costume on.” I stood in front of the Halloween section of the local craft store yesterday for a half an hour, trying to decide if I was going to go with the standard witch look, or kick it up a notch. There was a French maid’s costume that was particularly tempting, but in the end, I decided it was probably better to be a little more subtle. Sophie’s already suspicious enough of my motives toward Dev. I think her father getting a girlfriend has been a real problem for her. Another issue for me to deal with.
Thankfully, even though Sophie is poised for a breakdown, I found Sammy a permanent daycare that I think we’re going to like better than the last one, so at least I have that off my plate. One crisis at a time, I can handle.
The doorbell rings, and then the stampede begins. Sammy disappears in a flash.
“I’ll get it!” yells Sophie as she runs pell-mell down the stairs. I imagine she’s at the head of the pack, with Melody and Sammy hot on her heels.
“No! I’ll get it. You still have to put your cape on!” Yep, that’s Melody, the first one dressed for Halloween as usual. She’s the last one down the stairs any other day of the year, but not today. She’s a princess, for the third year in a row. I can always count on my middle child to make my life easier.
I hear voices at the front door, but I’m not quite ready to come down. “I’ll be right there!” I yell.
I lean in closer to the mirror, putting on another layer of mascara. Just because I’m not a sexy French maid doesn’t mean I can’t do a little somethin’-somethin’ with this witch costume.
The black nylon dress that was included in the kit fits me surprisingly well, considering I bought it at the craft store. I smooth it over my hips and stand up straight, admiring my reflection. Ever since that night in Dev’s car, I’ve felt better about how I look. Not that I was overly paranoid or down on myself before, but I’m not so worried about my mom-bod now. Because this mom-bod can do it in the backseat of a car and make a man sing!
I think Dev worked some serious sexual healing on me or something. Crazy, I know, but why fight it? I’ve spent most of my life doubting myself, so it’s nice being able to feel confident and relaxed for a change. I think my week at Bourbon Street Boys has also helped. They’re a great team of people to work with professionally, and fun to hang out with, too. I’ve stopped in every day this week, although most of my work has been done at home. Between stolen moments in the warehouse with Dev and late-night phone calls after the kids were in bed, I’ve found this space of contentment with him. Every night we’ve spent hours laughing over shared jokes and the idea of future dates, planned for when we can both wrangle babysitters. It’s kept our budding relationship exciting and fresh, something to look forward to. We have to take things slowly because of our situations with the kids and work, but sometimes slower is better. It builds the anticipation.
The Blue Marine job being over doesn’t mean my work is done, thankfully. I already have another case ready to start on Monday. This one should be interesting; it involves an identity theft that was brought to the company by the local police department.
“Are you coming down, or am I coming up?” Dev is at the bottom of the stairs. His voice makes me tingle all over. I’ve only seen him a few times at work because he’s been busy with Jacob, but when I have, the looks between us have been practically smoldering. I can’t keep from smiling and nearly giggling every time he’s within ten feet of me. I’m sure everyone on the team has noticed. May says that Dev is acting different too. She’s never seen him smile so much. I do a little cha-cha move in front of the mirror in celebration of my awesome life.
“I’m coming down. Just putting on the finishing touches.” I’m still a little nervous about one thing, though. Our kids are together again for the second time, and I worry that one of my little monsters will say something insensitive to Jacob. We’ve talked extensively this week about him and his medical condition, but the natural curiosity of children will eventually win out, I’m sure. It’s just a matter of when and how they do it that has me on edge. The last thing in the world I would want is for Jacob to feel bad when he’s with my kids.
I turn from my reflection. It’s not going to get any better than this. I need to face the music, go downstairs, and see the guy that I’m seriously crushing on.
I go down the stairs and arrive at an empty foyer. The voices are coming from the kitchen now. I follow the sounds and stop in the entrance. The kids are gathered around the giant bowl of can
dy I have on the table, picking through it, arguing over which kind is the best. Jacob is at the head of the table, looking like he’s in charge of the group.
Dev looks up and catches me watching them. He smiles at me. “There she is. Finally.” He exaggerates his impatience so the kids will pick up on it, and they don’t disappoint.
“Finally,” Sammy says, rolling his eyes. “You took forever.”
“That’s the longest you ever took to get ready for Halloween,” Sophie says.
Busted.
“You look pretty, Mommy,” Melody says.
“Thank you, baby.” I blow her a kiss and then stick my tongue out at Dev.
Dev winks at me. I shake my head. There is absolutely no way a mom can be cool when her kids are there to tell all her secrets.
“Who’s ready to go trick-or-treating?” I ask.
A chorus of voices rises up so loud, it makes my ears ring.
My kids are all costumed up, but when I look at Jacob, all I see is a pair of green pajamas with black magic marker scribbles all over them. There’s also a single stuffed green sock dangling from each of the four corners of his wheelchair.
I smile at the little guy, hoping my expression is encouraging. “Wow, look at you.”
“I’m a crocodile,” he says.
I nod. “Crocodiles are awesome. A crocodile can defeat a bull shark. Did you know that?”
He nods. “Yes. My dad told me, and then we looked at a video on the computer.”
“The rest of his costume is out on the porch,” Dev explains. “It was too big to wear in the house.”
“Oh. How exciting. Too big? Let’s go get it on, shall we?”
Sophie runs out of the room, yelling as she goes. “I want to see it first!”
“No, me!” Melody is the next one gone.
I look down at Sammy, expecting him to tear out of here while yelling like a wild man. Surprisingly, he doesn’t move. He puts his hand on Jacob’s wheelchair and looks at his new friend. “You can go before me.” He points out to the hallway. “It’th that way.”
I have to turn my head for a moment to collect myself. My sweet little angel. I love him so much. Seeing him be so kind and gentle makes me want to call up that old daycare director and give her a piece of my mind. There is no way he was causing trouble with other kids over there. He was being bullied, I know he was. One of these days when I can trust myself to be civil, I’ll call her and ask her what she thinks happened. But I’m not in that place yet.