She walked out, leaving me standing there, unsure whether I should be angrier at her or at myself for not being bright enough to shove those words down her throat. Whether she intended for it to happen or not, my anger turned into more determination to improve with Mrs. Underwood. By the end of the week, my tutor gave me a real compliment.
“I see you do have more ability than you’ve demonstrated so far, Semantha. Keep your focus. I’m not only proud of you but flattered that I’m having so good an effect. Your sister will be happy to see these results.”
Cassie made it a point to come home earlier on Fridays so she could have a quick review meeting with Mrs. Underwood. This Friday was no different. She always conducted the meeting in Daddy’s office with the door closed while I started on dinner. When I heard the office door open, I went to the kitchen entrance and peered into the hallway, anticipating both of them emerging with smiles on their faces. The dark, angry look on Mrs. Underwood’s face surprised me.
“Mrs. Underwood?”
She continued walking with her shoulders stiff and never turned around before she left the house. I looked back at the office. Cassie was still in there. I wiped my hands on a dish towel and hurried to see why Mrs. Underwood had left in such a huff. Cassie was still sitting behind Daddy’s desk. She had just closed the family checkbook, so I knew Mrs. Underwood had been paid.
“Cassie?”
She looked up.“What is it, Semantha? Something about dinner?”
“No. Mrs. Underwood looked upset. She wouldn’t even speak to me. She barely looked at me before she left.”
“Really? How unfortunate,” she said dryly. “Well, I’m not paying her to make her happy here. I’m paying her to get you up to speed so you won’t look foolish when you’re sent to a good private school. There’s nothing more embarrassing than to be told you will have to be in some remedial class. At a private school, especially, you would be treated like something inferior, and you’d be even more unhappy than you are at the public school.”
“Didn’t she show you my work?”
“Of course she did. Why do you think I’m home this early? Why do you think I leave your father every Friday this early when there is so much to do at the office?”
I waited to see if she was going to add something nice, but she went back to sorting through some papers.
“Cassie, Mrs. Underwood told me I was doing a lot better.”
“Yes, she told me the same thing. I looked at what she calls ‘a lot better.’ It’s on the upper end of the average scale, but far from what I would call ‘a lot better.’ I let her know it, too. In fact, I told her that if there wasn’t a real improvement soon, I’d have to let her go. Maybe that’s why she didn’t look so happy leaving. But we’re not going to throw away Heavenstone money. I want value for what I pay for, real value, not window dressing.”
I stood with a mix of emotions swirling inside me. Cassie’s words were hurtful, but even more hurtful to me was my disappointment. I had been looking forward to a compliment from her as well as Mrs. Underwood. Cassie’s opinion was very important to me, but that disappointment turned into anger, too.
“I’m trying, Cassie. I really am. I thought you would appreciate that.”
She looked up at the portrait of our grandfather, just the way Daddy often did, and then looked at me.“I do appreciate that, Semantha. That’s why I’m so upset. I don’t think she is doing well by you. I’m only looking out for you. I can’t believe you don’t see that. I can’t believe you have so little appreciation for my concern. That hurts me more than anything.”
She looked away again, as if she didn’t want me to see her eyes tear over.
“And with all we’ve been going through,” she added, almost under her breath.
My indignation wilted. Maybe I was misinterpreting her concern for me. After all, why else would she be so critical of Mrs. Underwood? She was the one who had raved about her and arranged for her to be here.
“I’m sorry, Cassie. I just thought you’d be happy about the progress I’ve made with Mrs. Underwood and—”
“Well, I’m not, and I don’t hesitate to tell people what I really think, Semantha. As you know, I never have.” She smiled. “Daddy says that’s because I was born under the sign Sagittarius. Same as Mother, by the way, only she was more reticent about speaking her mind, especially in public—whenever she was in public, that is. Anyway, don’t concern yourself about all this right now. Do the best you can, and we’ll see.”
She rose.
“I have to prepare myself for a date with Porter. He’s booked Le Jardin Francais, which, as you know, is an elegant restaurant. We were taken there last year.”
“I remember. I remember how much Mother liked it.”
“Of course, she would. I remember you weren’t too happy with anything on the menu.”
“I don’t like the thought of eating snails,” I said, and she laughed. It was the first time in a long time that something I said had amused her so much. “Well, I don’t! I keep seeing them crawling over the tiles outside. Ugh.”
“You’ll get used to those things someday, I hope.” She started out. “It’s the world we both belong in, Semantha, little Semantha.”
She suddenly kissed me on the cheek.
“I’ll get your opinion of what I wear and how I look. Try to think beyond Uncle Perry’s idea of what’s in style and what isn’t.”
I returned to the kitchen to finish the dinner preparations.
A little more than a half-hour later, she appeared.
“Well?” she said, standing in the hallway.
I put everything down and went out to her. She was wearing one of Mother’s more elegant and expensive dresses. I remembered when Mother had bought it and the first time she had worn it. It was an Oscar de la Renta strapless, cherry silk, sponge crepe column dress, ankle-length. When I had seen Mother coming down the stairway, I thought to myself, my mother is as pretty as, if not prettier than, any movie star. I had dreamed of becoming as beautiful, but as it turned out, Cassie was the one who continued to resemble her more and more.
In fact, right now, Cassie looked more beautiful than I had ever seen her. It took my breath away, because her wearing this dress, fixing her hair to be like Mother’s, wearing Mother’s makeup just the way Mother had worn it, and wearing Mother’s beautiful pearl necklace and matching pearl earrings made it seem as if Mother had been resurrected.
Before I could say anything, however, Daddy came in, and the expression on his face said it all. He stood there stunned.
“Cassie,” he said. “For a moment … my God, you look beautiful, as beautiful as your mother.”
The expression She was exploding with happiness had never fit anyone as well as it did Cassie at that moment.
“Thank you, Daddy,” she replied.
“I’m jealous of Porter,” he said, smiling. It was a real Daddy smile from before Mother’s passing.
“You don’t have to be,” Cassie said. “You don’t ever have to be jealous of anyone when it comes to me.”
“I know, honey.” He hugged her and kissed her cheek. Then he looked at me. “Your sister’s something, huh, Semantha?”
“Yes, Daddy.”
“Semantha has been working on your dinner, Daddy,” Cassie told him. “She’s making you a rack of lamb.”
“Is she? Well, I actually have something of an appetite tonight,” he said. “Seeing you in this dress, Cassie, stirred the old juices. I’ll be down in a little while, Semantha.” He started away. “Oh. Have a good time, Cassie.”
“Thank you, Daddy.” She watched him go up and then turned to me.“Remember, now, he’s very fragile. Be careful of what you say to him. Mention nothing about Mrs. Underwood or anything that could add to his tension and burden, okay?”
“Yes, Cassie.”
“I’m depending on you to take care of him.”
“I will, Cassie. I promise.”
“Good. Good. I’ll stop by your room wh
en I return and give you a report, just the way you gave one to me when you went out with that … what’s his name.”
“Kent?”
“Right.”
She hugged me just as the doorbell sounded.
“That’s Porter. Come. You can say hello,” she said, fixing my hair and straightening my blouse. She took my hand. “I want him to see that both of the Heavenstone sisters are beautiful, Semantha.”
Suddenly, she had become my older sister again and not some guardian ogre.
When she opened the door, I thought I was looking at what Daddy surely had looked like when he was younger. Porter Andrew Hall was my father’s height and had a similar build, but he also had stunning black opal eyes, what Mother used to call jewels in a face. He had ebony hair as well, and the contrast with his almost caramel complexion was as striking as his eyes. I thought he was one of the handsomest men I had ever seen, and that included movie stars. His strong, firm mouth and straight, perfect nose completed a face that would make the Greek gods jealous. When he smiled, everything came to life in that face, as if there was some little magic lantern inside him. I actually felt a tingle beneath my breasts and knew that I was blushing. He was looking so intently at me.
“So, this is Semantha,” he said, before Cassie could introduce us.
“This is Semantha,” Cassie replied.
“Your sister has told me all about you, Semantha. I used to think she was so arrogant, that she thought she was above everyone and wasn’t interested in anyone else, but she’s put you on a pretty high pedestal. She never stops talking about you.”
I looked at Cassie. Never would I have imagined her bragging about me. What could she brag about? I wasn’t Miss Popularity when I was at the public school, and my grades, as I had constantly been reminded, were average at best. I had no real musical talent and had struggled with the piano lessons when I’d had them and the dance lessons as well. I didn’t think I looked especially beautiful. Now, I could cook and bake almost as well as Cassie. I kept the house as clean as she could, but to make me the center of her conversation? It was quite a surprise to hear it.
“Never mind all that now, Porter,” she said. “Let’s just go.”
“I’d love to see the house.”
“Some other time. It’s not ready for visitors. Be sure you look after Daddy,” she told me.
Porter hesitated, still smiling at me. Then he winked and said, “Wish me luck, Sam.”
I almost lost my breath.“How did you know to call me Sam?”
“Cassie told me. How else?” he said. He winked again and turned as Cassie closed the door between us.
I stood there as if I expected it would open again and Porter would be there to say one more thing. It didn’t, and I soon turned away and returned to the kitchen. A little more than a half-hour later, Daddy came down to dinner.
“It all smells wonderful,” he said watching me make the final touches in the kitchen.
“Just go sit at the table, Daddy. I’ll take care of everything.”
“You don’t need any help?”
“No, I’m fine.”
I brought out our salads, poured him his water, and opened his bottle of red wine just the way Cassie always did, standing by his side and pouring a little in the glass for him to taste. He smiled at me and nodded. I poured the rest and took my seat.
“So, how’s it going with this home-tutoring business?” he asked immediately.
“Fine,” I said, and then wondered how Cassie would ever explain our letting Mrs. Underwood go if I told Daddy it was fine. It all made me so nervous.
“I know I’ve been quite occupied with the business and other things, Semantha, and I haven’t paid proper attention to you. However, Cassie has been keeping me up-to-date. Your mother always told me how good Cassie was at details, and after having her with me these days, I can tell you that’s absolutely true. I have more confidence in her judgment about things than I do in some of my so-called trusted advisors of many years.
“But I’m proud of both you, Semantha, the way both of you have handled yourselves after this … this terrible family tragedy. I know most other girls your age would be emotional wreckage and into therapy for years and years, maybe their whole lives.”
“Cassie says that’s because we have Heavenstone blood in us.”
He smiled.“Maybe she’s right. You know most of the stories about our family’s past hardships and how well they were weathered.” He paused and leaned toward me, smiling.“Don’t tell her I said so, but Cassie should have been born to royalty somewhere where royalty still matters. She’s a true aristocrat.”
He sat back and thought a moment.
“Maybe she’s just what the doctor ordered right now. Later, we’ll calm her down a bit.” He smiled again.
After I brought in the rack of lamb, he poured me some wine.
“You’re old enough for it, at least at home, and I don’t like drinking wine alone.”
I wasn’t crazy about the wine. Cassie enjoyed it with him and had even drunk it with him and Mother. I sipped it slowly. Before we were finished, he had emptied the bottle himself. I saw how often he glanced at Mother’s empty chair, and I thought to myself that maybe Cassie was right to sit in it and take his attention away from Mother. Without her blocking out that great emptiness, filling that hole in his heart that she had described, he grew despondent again no matter what I said or did at the table. He ate everything but told me he didn’t want any dessert.
“Can I help you clean up?” he asked.
That was all Cassie had to hear, I thought, me having Daddy clean up.
“Oh, no, Daddy. It’s easy. You should just go relax.”
He nodded and withdrew to the living room. I heard him go to the liquor cabinet and pour himself an after-dinner drink. By the time I was finished with everything and had put everything away, he was slumped in his chair again. I spoke to him, but he didn’t respond. He had drunk himself into unconsciousness, which was now his way of dealing with those holes in his heart. I didn’t leave him, however. I sat and read and watched him moan in his sleep. Eventually, I dozed off myself and then woke when I felt Cassie nudge me.
“What happened?” she demanded, nodding at Daddy, who was slumped even more.
With my small fists, I ground out the sleep in my eyes and sat up quickly.
“Nothing, Cassie. He enjoyed the dinner and then came in here while I was cleaning up. By the time I came in, he was already asleep. I stayed with him to—”
“To do what? Fall asleep. You can go up to your bedroom. I’ll take care of him.”
I stood. “I didn’t fall asleep right away, but he gave me some wine, and maybe it made me tired.”
She shook her head.“I knew I shouldn’t have left him. It’s too soon.”
“How was your date, Cassie?”
“I’ll tell you about it later,” she said quickly. “Go get ready for bed.”
I glanced at Daddy and then went up. I was tired and moved in slow motion. Finally, in my pajamas, I pulled back the blanket and crawled into bed. I heard a door close and then Cassie’s high heels clicking in the hallway. They grew louder as she drew closer. I could tell she had paused by my bedroom door. Maybe she would wait until tomorrow to tell me about her date with Porter. I was actually hoping she would. It was late. But to my disappointment, she turned into my doorway. For a long moment, she simply stood there looking in at me. I had not yet turned off the night table lamp, so she knew I was still awake. Why was she just standing there?
“Cassie?”
“He’s getting worse,” she said, coming closer to my bed. “He was sobbing as I walked up the stairway with him. It broke my heart to see him like that. My chest feels as if it’s filled up with gravel. I can hardly breathe.”
She pressed her hand to her breast and closed her eyes. I sat up quickly.
“Are you all right?”
“No,” she said. “And neither are you, as long as he isn’t all right. W
e’re more connected to one another now than ever. What makes one of us happy will make all of us happy, and what makes one of us sad or angry will do the same for all of us. How can you or I laugh in this house again? A smile is as comfortable on our faces as a moth is next to a candle flame. It can come close, but it can never settle on it without being destroyed. It makes it very hard to enjoy ourselves.”
“I was hoping you would have a good time tonight, Cassie, and be able to put all of this out of your mind for a while.”
“I tried. You liked Porter, didn’t you?”
“Oh, yes. He’s very handsome.”
“And very intelligent, very clever and witty. But mostly, he is very ambitious.”
“Isn’t that good?”
“Oh, yes, very good,” she said with a wry smile on her face. “Very, very good. Ambitious men are more … more cooperative.”
“Cooperative?”
“More agreeable, easier to get along with, because they’re so careful not to offend.”
“So, you like him, too, then?” I pursued.
“Yes, I like him.”
“Then he’ll be asking you out again?”
“Oh, we’ll see quite a bit of Porter Andrew Hall. You can count on that,” she said. “But I can’t go to sleep thinking about him anymore right now, Semantha,” she added, changing her expression to a more serious look instantly, “not after these last few moments with Daddy. He was beside himself. I helped him into bed, but he was mumbling and sobbing something awful.”
She looked down, her head lowering like the head of someone resigned to a great defeat and disappointment, like the head of someone simply helpless.
“Oh, no,” I said, the tears quickly flooding my eyes. “How terrible it must be for him. How terribly he misses Mother.”
She raised her head quickly, her eyes brighter.“No, Semantha,” she said. “Mother’s name was not on his lips as he sank into what will surely be a night of dark dreams.”