“All that time you pretended to be interested in my health, my female problems, those special vitamins you said you got for me, all of it was just planning for me to get pregnant?”
“A healthy mother has a healthy child,” she said.
“And getting rid of Mrs. Underwood … that wasn’t because she was doing a poor job. You wanted no one else here, no one to see what would be happening to me.”
“She was incompetent.”
“No, she wasn’t. I was doing better.”
“You’ll do better. Stop worrying about that.”
“I’m not! That’s not what I mean, Cassie. All that business with Porter, making me attractive for him. At the right time, you asked him to rape me, and now you’re rewarding him? How could you trick me like that?”
“You were too young to understand, and you wouldn’t have agreed.”
“Why did you do this to me? Why didn’t you have a baby if a baby is so important?”
She didn’t answer. It made me even angrier. I took a step toward her.
“Don’t worry. You don’t have to explain. I know the answer, Cassie. You’re afraid of being pregnant. You’re afraid of sex. That’s why you’ve never had a boyfriend. You’re right, Cassie. I shouldn’t see a therapist. You should be the one seeing a therapist.”
She turned again but not with the face of anger and rage I anticipated. She looked quite calm. “I understand your anger, but that will pass, Semantha.”
“I’m right, aren’t I?” I insisted. “You’re afraid of sex. You’re terrified of getting married and having children.”
“No. I actually envy you for being able to get pregnant, Semantha. I’ve been trying to get pregnant for some time, and when I was obviously unable to, I went to see a specialist. I have a condition known as endometriosis. That’s a big word for you, I know.”
“What?” She was right. It was a big word, big enough to choke on. “What is that?”
“It’s simply misplaced tissue that supposed to be in a woman’s uterus. In my case, it’s growing outside my ovaries.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I’ll give you a little lesson in female anatomy. Every month, hormones cause the lining of a woman’s uterus to build up with tissue and blood vessels. If a woman does not get pregnant, the uterus sheds this tissue and blood. It comes out of the body through the vagina as her menstrual period.
“Each month, the growth adds extra tissue and blood, but for me and others who have this problem, there is no place for the built-up tissue and blood to exit the body. As the misplaced tissue grows, it can cover or grow into the ovaries and block the fallopian tubes. This can make it difficult, if not impossible, for women with endometriosis to get pregnant.
“It’s not that uncommon. It’s uncommon for someone my age, but that’s my burden. Everyone has a burden. For your prurient information, it actually causes me to have pain during sex, but I endured that hoping to bring Asa here. In other words, I was with Porter before he was with you, so you can toss your theory out the window. When I began to experience other symptoms, I saw the specialist and was told.”
“Couldn’t he cure it?”
“There is no cure. There is only treatment for the pain. Eventually, I’ll probably have an operation, but in the meantime … no babies, no Asa growing in my body.”
She looked in the mirror at herself again and fiddled with strands of hair around her ears.
“So, he grows in yours,” she continued. “We’re the Heavenstone sisters,” she added in one of her whispers. “It’s the same thing as if he was growing in me.”
“I don’t care that we’re the Heavenstone sisters. He’s not growing in you; he’s growing in me!”
She was silent.
“How are we … are you going to explain this to Daddy now?” I asked as the next realization struck my brain.
“Simple. I’ll tell him I didn’t know you were pregnant until very late in your pregnancy, and we decided to hide it from him and everyone so that you could give birth here without anyone knowing you were so promiscuous.”
“You’ll make me look terrible in his eyes.”
“For a little while,” she admitted, “but once Asa is born and I convince Daddy to keep him and I agree to take care of him, he’ll change his mind and his feelings about you. You’ll have given him the one thing he wanted most.”
“No, I won’t, Cassie. I’ll tell him the truth, that I was raped. I’ll tell him what Porter did, what you got him to do.”
She smiled. “If you do that, “I’ll back up Porter. I’ll tell Daddy you seduced him, and then you’ll be exposed as just another pregnant teenage girl. Good luck in your new school or your old one, because I’ll see to it that you go back there. I won’t help you with anything. And most of all, I’ll hate you forever.”
She glared at me.
“Let me tell you something more, Semantha. Men, including Daddy, never look at a girl who’s been a rape victim the same way. No matter what, they can’t think of her as anything but partly responsible. It’s unjust, I know, but that’s the way most men think.”
She shrugged.
“In some countries, the girl, the victim, is even ostracized by her own family. They don’t do it as openly here, but it’s in their thoughts, in their eyes. Wait until the young man you want, you fall in love with, learns you were raped and had a child. You’ll think he was born to walk backward.”
Despite my determination to fight back and defy her, Cassie’s words were sharper than darts and all aimed at my heart. I couldn’t keep my eyes from filling with tears.
“There is absolutely no reason for any of that to happen to you, if you just follow my plan and do exactly what I tell you to do. First, I want you to wear a face of shame. Daddy won’t be able to stand it, and he’ll eventually be sympathetic and concerned for you. You’ll see. He’ll make you feel better. Second, you’ll have the baby secretly, as I said, and we’ll get this over with quickly. And third and final, as soon as you’re up and ready, I’ll make sure we get you into a good school, and this will all be behind you.
“Well?” she asked.
The pounding under my breast reached into my ears.
“I’m afraid,” I said.
She smiled. “Don’t be. I’ll be there right beside you the whole time. I’ll make sure nothing bad happens to you. I’ll protect you the way Henry the Eighth would protect one of his wives who could give him a male heir. For the rest of your pregnancy, I’ll make sure you’re treated like a queen. I’ll pamper you and hold your hand whenever you like. In fact, I won’t leave this house again after we tell Daddy. I’ll send out for everything we need. I’ll never leave your side.
“Tomorrow,” she said, turning back to look at herself in the mirror, “we’ll open the nursery and make it spic-and-span. Did you know that Daddy had all sorts of boy’s baby clothes bought? I know where they were placed in storage. We’ll wash it all and get it all organized. He’ll want a nurse, of course, but I’ll convince him it’s unnecessary with me here. Look,” she said, rising and going to her bookshelves. She ran her hand over the binders of a half-dozen books. “These are all books written by baby experts describing how to care for an infant from day one on. I practically have them memorized.”
She turned and waited for my response.
“You don’t have to wear the girdle anymore, Semantha,” she added, granting it to me like some sort of bonus.
The air around me still felt too hot to breathe.
“I’m going to lie down,” I said. “I don’t feel so good.”
“Of course. Go on. I’ll bring you something to drink, some warm milk.”
She approached me and ran her right palm gently, lovingly, over my cheek. “When you’re hungry, I’ll bring up your dinner. That will make Daddy curious. I’ll tell him our story and ask him to be kind to you. I’ll explain how upset and frightened you are. You’ll see. I’ll get him to accept it and be concerned for you, too. Yo
u know I can, so be relieved. Rest.”
Before I could prevent it, she hugged me and kissed my cheek.
When I looked into her eyes, I saw only love and hope.
However, it didn’t reassure me. It only made me more afraid of what was to come. I said nothing.
I hurried to the sanctity of my own bedroom. Now more in a daze than anything, I lay back on my bed and stared up at the ceiling. It began to swirl. I felt as if I were looking into a whirlpool. Images slowly rose as the swirling sped up. I saw Mother’s loving smile, but that was quickly followed by Daddy’s face of tragedy. I saw Cassie choosing my sexy dress, and I saw Porter Andrew Hall handing me the box of candy. Then I saw him naked, approaching me in my bed, and I quickly turned over so I wouldn’t look up. I slammed my eyelids shut. If only I could wish hard enough for all of this to be untrue.
As if my baby inside me could hear my thoughts, he kicked. I turned on my back and put my hands on my stomach to feel his movement. Despite what that phony Dr. Samuels had told me and what I had read, in my heart of hearts, I had known I was really pregnant. I had let them fool me. I had wanted their story to be true so much that I had convinced myself as well as, if not better than, they had convinced me. I had never told Cassie, but I’d had dreams, nightmares, in fact, about my baby. In them, I had heard him cry. Was that impossible? Did babies cry in the womb? Did the baby inside me know he was being denied? Did he want to announce his existence, demand to be recognized?
The avalanche of emotions that had begun when I entered Cassie’s room and heard the truth exhausted me. I couldn’t keep my eyes open and soon fell asleep. I woke to the sounds of Cassie’s and Daddy’s voices in the hallway. Daddy was very upset. I had never heard him speak so sharply and angrily to Cassie. And I had never heard her words so muffled by sobs. That was something usually reserved for me.
Moments later, Daddy entered my room. He stood gaping at me. Cassie drew up gingerly beside him.
“Then this is true?” he asked me.
Lying there without the girdle and my hands still on my abdomen, I was sure I presented a clear picture of a pregnant girl. He approached slowly, his lips pulled back tightly, looking like someone who had just swallowed something very rotten. He grimaced with pain and disgust. I looked past him at Cassie. She wasn’t looking devastated or even upset. She wore a slight smile and nodded to tell me that all was as she had planned.
“If you would have had the courage to tell me about this immediately, Semantha, I would have done something. Now look at the mess we’re in.”
“We’re not in any mess, Daddy,” Cassie insisted, stepping up beside him again. “I told you what we’ll do, and we’ll do it.”
“How could you have done this, Semantha? How could you have been so stupid, and so soon after … so soon?”
Everything in me wanted to burst out with the truth. I couldn’t stand to see the pain on my father’s face, pain he believed was solely and wholly my fault, all my fault. All I could think was that he was going to stop loving me or would never ever love me the same way he had.
“I didn’t …” I started to say, but Cassie stepped up quickly.
“She didn’t mean for it to happen, Daddy. No girl actually plans such a thing. It happened. She was in a precarious emotional state, as we all were after Mother’s tragic death. People do unexpected and foolish things when they’re like that. Things they can’t explain afterward or defend. Surely, you understand.”
He wilted and sat at the foot of my bed, lowering his head into his hands. “I let you girls down,” he muttered. “I let Arianna down by not stepping up to be twice the parent when it was necessary.”
“Oh, no, don’t blame yourself, Daddy. You were under great emotional strain as well. Neither of us blames you for anything, right, Semantha?” she said, looking intently at me.
I shook my head, but Daddy didn’t see.
“Right?” she repeated.
“Yes, right. This is all my fault, Daddy. I’m sorry.”
He sighed deeply and lifted his head from his hands.
“Please don’t worry, Daddy. I’ll handle all of this,” Cassie told him.
“How can you handle all of this?” he snapped at her. The immediate expression on her face told me how shocked and disappointed she was. “She needs medical attention now. She has to see an OB and be set up for a delivery this late in the pregnancy.”
“People have had babies in their homes forever, Daddy. Many still insist on it and don’t want doctors. They have midwives. I’ve done some research on it. Unless there are reasons for complications, giving birth in a hospital isn’t any safer than at home. Birthing is really a natural process. It doesn’t need all this medical paraphernalia. That’s just window dressing so doctors can charge large fees.”
“I’m not risking Semantha’s life,” Daddy said firmly. “Tomorrow, we’re taking her to see Dr. Moffet, and he’ll refer us to an obstetrician. And that’s that!” His words fell like thunder.
Cassie didn’t wince. She held her ground. “You’ll be making a big mistake, Daddy. First, you’ll be branding Semantha a whore for the rest of her life. No matter how you get people to swear to secrecy, it will leak out. A secretary, a nurse, Dr. Moffet’s own wife or the OB’s might let it slip, and you know how quickly any story about a Heavenstone will be spread. What are you going to do, send her away, maybe to Europe? How can she return to school and face other girls and boys her age?
“No, the best way to do this is to involve only one person besides me. We’ll get a midwife from out of the area to oversee this, and we’ll pay her enough to shut her mouth about it forever. As I told you, until then, I’ll stay with Semantha here in the house, and she won’t be seen by anyone. No one will see me, either.”
“What does that do for us?” he asked skeptically.
Cassie actually smiled.“We can tell people it’s my baby,” she said.
Even I gasped with surprise
“Your baby?”
“Many women don’t show until the late months. You didn’t realize Semantha was pregnant. The same thing could easily be true for me.”
“But why—”
“I’m not rushing back to school, and I’m much, much stronger than Semantha. I can carry the burden of having given birth. Semantha, as Mother often said, is much more fragile than I am. You know it’s true. So, she gives birth. No one knows about it, and very soon afterward, we enroll her in the private school.”
“What about the baby?”
“The baby has Heavenstone blood in him. He belongs with us. I’ll care for him as well as any mother could. He is, despite everything, your grandson, Daddy.”
“But your own life, your future …”
“Is here, with you, with our business. It always has been. I just didn’t realize it as clearly as I do now, thanks to Semantha,” she said, nodding at me.
“I don’t know,” he said, but I could feel the resistance lowering in his voice. He turned to me. “What about the father of this child? Who is he?”
“What difference does that make now, Daddy?” Cassie quickly responded. “If we involve him or another family, we’ll defeat ourselves. The truth is that the boy involved doesn’t even know Semantha is pregnant.”
“Really?” he asked me.
I couldn’t answer. I just looked at him.
“I don’t know,” he said. “He should bear some responsibility here. He—”
“We don’t know who he is,” Cassie added quickly.
“What?”
“There was more than one,” she said, “in a very close period of time.”
He looked at me sharply. Despite my new size, I felt as if I were shrinking beneath his outraged and disgusted gaze. He got up quickly. “I’m sick about this,” he said.
“Of course you are,” Cassie said. “Semantha is sorrier about that than anything. That’s why she insisted we keep this from you so long.”
I know my mouth fell open. I had insisted?
“Well … I still wish you hadn’t, Semantha,” he said, looking back at me. “I can trust Dr. Moffet. I’ll speak with him about this and see what he recommends. I’m sure I can get him to deliver the child here in the house.”
“If you’re absolutely confident about that, then speak to him. But if there is even the slightest doubt, Daddy—”
“Enough! I think I know whom to talk to and whom not to, Cassie.”
“Okay, Daddy. I’m sorry. I’m just trying to be extra careful now.”
“Now? Seems to me being careful should have been something prominent at least seven months ago,” he said, and left my bedroom.
It was as if he had taken all of the air out with him.
Cassie, on the other hand, wore a big, happy smile. “See?” she said. “It will all work out just as I planned.”
She came to the bed and put her hand gently on my stomach.
“I want to feel him move,” she said, and exploded with happiness when she did. “He’s coming, our Asa is coming. I’ll go down and prepare a dinner platter for you. Just rest,” she said. “You’re not to do any work anymore, either, Semantha. You’re not going to be like Mother and lose this baby.”
“He is so angry at me, Cassie. He’s so upset.”
“He’s going to get over it, Semantha. You’ll see. He’s on his way to forgiving you. I wouldn’t stand for any other conclusion. Trust me.”
She smiled, then turned and left me.
Trust her?
How could I ever trust her again?
But then, what choice did I have now?
When she returned nearly a half-hour later with my dinner tray, she was even happier.
“We talked some more, and I persuaded him not to go to Dr. Moffet. I told him I had located a very experienced midwife and already had contracted with her.”
“Have you?”
“Yes.”
“How could you be so sure he would agree to that?”
“Do I know him better than anyone could, better than even Mother knew him?”
She fixed my pillows and brought over the bed table I hadn’t used since I was eight and had a terrible ear infection.