***********************************

 

  “Carly? Are you OK?” I jerked from my sleep and was sitting at my computer at work.

  “Room 4815 is paging you,” my co-worker Allison said, looking at me concerned.

  “Oh, sorry Allison,” I told her as I got up and headed down to Room 4815. I hadn’t been able to sleep for going on the fourth day now and it was finally catching up with me.

  After returning to my desk, I slumped over in my chair.

  “What is up with you lately?” Susan asked while spinning around in her chair to look at me. “Are you feeling OK?”

  “Sorry. Just a lot going on I guess,” I told her as I rested my elbows on the desk.

  “How are your creepy neighbors?” Susan asked as I returned from down the hallway.

  “They are actually really cool after all. We stopped over there earlier this week and they are super nice. She apologized for being weird on the first day and Shane was already talking football with Ben,” I smiled.

  “Oh good,” she continued, “Have you been getting enough sleep?”

  “Nope, not at all,” I sighed. “Does a mother ever get enough sleep?”

  “Very true,” she laughed. “Promise me you will start to work less and rest more ok?”

  “The kids are all staying at Molly’s tonight so hopefully I can sleep in,” I said excitedly, thinking of my precious blue and white comforter. Molly lives a few blocks away from us and has children the exact same age as our three kids so when she suggested a sleep over, it didn’t take me long to say, “Yes! Of course!”

 

  When I got home that night it was already past midnight. I parked in the driveway because Shane was helping Garrett with a science project in the garage and there was no room for two cars.

  The lights were still on at Ben and Hope’s house and I could see a TV through the window. Someone was watching HGTV.

  I walked in the house through the garage door that leads right in to the kitchen.

  “Hi honey,” Shane said, sounding surprised to see me.

  I turned around to see Shane sitting at the table with Ben, beer and tequila.

  “Hi guys,” I said, taking off my shoes. “Excuse me while I go change. Have a good night Ben. Nice to see you,” I said very politely, when I was about to explode inside.

  “Sorry about this you guys. I don’t drink very often, and definitely not Tequila,” Ben said as he attempted to slap Shane on the arm but missed.

  I went up to bed while Shane attempted to get Ben back across the street. As quiet as they were trying to be, I could still here them laughing out the window.

  I was already in my pajamas and in the middle of brushing my teeth when I heard Shane come in the bedroom.

  “How was work?” he asked while sliding his slippers under the bed and taking off his shirt.

  “It was fine,” I coldly responded.

  “Come on Carly,” he continued while climbing under the blankets, “it’s not that big of a deal.”

  I rinsed out my toothbrush and headed to the bed. “It is a huge deal to me Shane,” I said as I grabbed my Sudoku book from the nightstand.

  Shane put on his glasses and turned on SportsCenter. I must have quickly fallen asleep because I woke up in darkness with my Sudoku book still on my chest and sirens blaring outside.

  “Shane! Wake up!” I yelled to Shane who sat up and ran to the window and opened the blinds. All we could see were orange flames engulfing Ben & Hope’s house.

  “Oh no!” Shane yelled as he ran out of the room and down the stairs. I was frozen in the window staring out. The firetrucks were just arriving and the entire house was unrecognizable from the flames. I ran downstairs and outside after Shane. As soon as I opened the front door, I could feel the heat coming from their home. Shane was standing in the middle of the street with several of our neighbors, as the police were putting up barricades for people to stay safely back.

  “Shane!” I cried as I ran into his open arms. “Were they in there?” I asked, afraid to know the truth.

  “I’m not sure yet, the firemen are trying to get inside but the smoke is so dense it is difficult,” Shane said as he squinted his eyes from the smoke.

  We watched and waited as firetruck after firetruck tried to put out the flames. The fire had gotten so big that it had spread to the houses on either side, but luckily the firetrucks were already battling those flames before they got out of control.

  “We have been out here forever and nobody knows anything yet,” I impatiently said to Shane while I paced back and forth on our front porch.

  “I will go and check with them,” he said as he jumped down the front steps.

  He started talking to the fire chief when I noticed the sun was already coming up and starting to shine right where the nursery would have been. I looked back at Shane and he was heading back toward our house looking down.

  “What? Did he say anything?” I nervously asked while tugging at a hang nail on my thumb.

  Shane shook his head, “They didn’t make it out,” he said as he pulled me into his arms.

  “I will go start some coffee,” Shane offered as we heading in the house. I sat at the table and put my head in my hands.

  “It’s good that they were able to keep it from destroying the Miller’s and the Mitchell’s,” Shane said as he grabbed the creamer out of the fridge.

  “Do you think they will be able to save anything from the home?” I asked Shane.

  He shook his head, “Those flames were so hot that they were blue. By the time the firemen got there it was just too much. Nothing could have survived that,” he told me while stirring my coffee.

  “Will they be able to recover their bodies?” Shane then asked me seriously.

  “They will find Hope and Ben’s bodies, but if the flames were hot enough to destroy the home, it would look like she was never carrying a child. An infant’s bones are much softer and would burn, leaving no trace of a baby,” I reassured Shane as he put my coffee cup in front of me.

  “What did you do with the gas cans?” I asked him.

  “I drove them out to the landfill last night and put them back in Mike’s supplies. He has hundreds of them, he would never know any were missing,” he reassured me as he kissed the top of my head.

  “I know this was a hard decision for you, but this is the only way we didn’t have to move again,” he continued.

  I looked down at my coffee and noticed some parts of creamer that were still not fully mixed.

  “Finish your coffee because we need to get this done before anyone stops by,” Shane insisted as he got some towels out of the hallway linen closet.

  Shane brought all of our old towels up to our master bedroom bathroom where I met him with alcohol pads and trash bags. I turned on the bath water and started sanitizing the bathroom.

  “Carly? The baby is crying,” Shane told me as he came back in the bathroom.

  I went down the hallway to the last room on the left. I opened the door where the pink and white curtains let the sun shine in onto the beautiful white crib. I walked over to the crib and reached down inside.

  “It’s OK baby, don’t cry,” I said as I sat in the white rocking chair in the corner of the room.

  “Your mommy is here,” I whispered as I looked up at the white, wooden letters on the wall spelling out “MADELINE.”

  “Honey?” Shane whispered as he peeked into the room. “Are you ready?”

  I followed Shane upstairs while holding Madeline and running my hand through her curly, red hair. I set her down on the bed and went into the bathroom.

  “You need to cut really high so nobody will see it,” I told Shane as I climbed into the bathtub and lifted my leg up onto the side. I cleaned an area of my upper thigh with alcohol wipes while Shane cleaned the scalpel.

  “Ready?” he nervously asked me.

  “Go ahead,” I told him, closing my eyes.

  It didn’t
hurt as much as it burned.

  “OK, now sit down,” Shane instructed as he wiped off the scalpel.

  I sat down in the warm water as blood spread throughout.

  “Ok, I can take her now,” I said to Shane, holding up my arms as he went to get her from the bed.

  He grabbed the camera as I lay her on my chest. The blood in the water gave it the perfect rust color. Shane took pictures of Madeline and me and then I took pictures of the two of them. When we were finished, Shane took Madeline and got her dressed and wrapped up in a blanket. After I was cleaned up and bandaged, I called Susan.

  “Susan?” I said when she answered the other line. “It’s Carly, we had the baby!” I cried out excitedly.

  “Oh, Carly congratulations!” Susan said, “How did it go with your first water birth?”

  “It was a lot harder than I thought,” I sighed, looking over at Shane who was holding Madeline and staring at her beautiful face.

  “There was an accident last night. Our new neighbors’ home caught on fire and they didn’t make it. It is all over the news. The shock of it all sent me into labor,” I cried.

  “Oh my goodness Carly, I am so sorry. What happened?” she asked.

  “We aren’t sure yet, but Ben was here drinking when I got home from work last night and we informed the police,” I sadly said.

  “Go get some rest and call me later so I can come see the precious girl and we can talk about all of this,” Susan lovingly said.

  I got off of the phone, put Madeline in her crib and cleaned up the bathroom. I waited until dusk and went to our backyard and started a fire in our fire pit. I could still smell smoke coming from Hope and Ben’s house as little ashes flew over our roof. I looked in the window and saw Shane asleep on the recliner with Madeline on his chest. I picked up the garbage bag I had brought outside with me. The fire pit had just started to grow larger flames. I took out the pregnancy belly that I have shown many middle school kids how to wear to avoid becoming pregnant. I can’t say I was sorry to see it go since I had been wearing it for five months straight. I tossed it into the fire and it started to crackle. I stared into it, mesmerized by the multi colored flames and melting silicone.

  I went back into the house and up to my closet.

  Bottom left drawer.

  I grabbed all of the papers in the drawer and snuck back downstairs, careful not to wake up Madeline.

  “Honey,” I whispered to Shane, “you should call the kids and tell them we had the baby.”

  “Good idea,” he smiled as he rubbed Madeline’s back.

  I stepped back outside to the fire pit where the flames were growing larger. I looked down at my stack of papers, which were old newspaper clippings. The first one I came to read:

  The Philadelphia Informer October 4, 2006

  School teacher David Warner and his wife Shelby were arrested Friday morning on charges of child endangerment and neglect when they claim their two year-old son Max went missing from the local park. They stated they were playing at the park when they turned their heads for a moment and Max was gone. The Warner’s were released from jail Saturday morning. “I just pray my baby is alright,” his mother Shelby told the Post. “He could never fall asleep without me singing Twinkle ,Twinkle Little Star and rocking him,” she cried. There are currently no leads in this case and the Philadelphia Police Department ask that anyone with any information, please contact them.

  The next paper read:

  Detroit Gazette December 9, 2010

  An automobile accident off of an icy cliff in Taylor County left a husband, wife and their nine month-old son dead. The icy conditions that have been in the area all week were responsible for the accident. The bodies of the man and woman were found near the ravine, but due to frigid temperatures, divers were restricted from entering the water in search for the child.

  And another…

  Taylor County News December 14, 2010

  Family members gather at St. Rita’s Church to hold a memorial for the family killed last Thursday near the ravine. Alexander and Kayla Hall were involved in an accident along Route 89 last week that cost them and their nine month-old son Gage their lives. “Alex was a wonderful dad, so loving and supportive,” a family friend said. “Kayla was an amazing mom to Gage. She watched Barney with him every morning and he brought his Barney doll everywhere,” she continued. “They will all be missed so much.”

  Las Vegas Times May 14, 2012

  World renowned scientist Frederick Hollman was arrested Tuesday morning after a frantic call was made to 911. The caller stated they were the families’ housekeeper and upon entry to the hom, found Mrs. Hollman stabbed in the kitchen and Mr. Hollman bleeding and holding a knife on the living room floor. The couple have a six month old daughter Emeline that is now missing. Mr. Hollman states he does not remember anything from that night. He is being psychologically evaluated at Buxin University. Mrs. Hollman survived the attack and is now frantically searching for Emeline. Emeline is six months-old with blonde hair, blue eyes and was last seen wearing white bunny pajamas. She asks that if anyone have any information on this case, to please contact the police.

  And the last piece of paper dated January 26, 2002

  Our doctors have thoroughly examined the patient Caroline Walker. She is deemed to be of no future threat to herself or others. It is with that conclusion that Caroline is being discharged from the care of Atwood State Mental Institution as of today's date.

 

  I hated it when people called me Caroline.

  I crumbled up all of the papers and threw them into the fire.

  “Carly, the kids want to talk to you,” Shane said holding the phone out to me on the back porch.

  I smiled and grabbed the phone, “Hi my babies, Mommy misses you,” I said as I closed the sliding glass door while the fire continued to burn and all of the words disappeared from the world.

 
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