Knowing she's leaving for good tugs on my heart. I regret ever thinking she was fluffy like a marshmallow. She stayed with my brother through it all, and I should have tried harder to be her friend. “I'll miss you,” I say.
She looks doubtful, but the look passes and she hugs me. “Take care of yourself.” She hugs Cooper too, then turns and goes to her car and drives off.
“What about you?” Cooper asks. “What are you doing?”
“I'm going on a mission trip with my youth group. We're building a church in Mexico. In a village that doesn't have one.”
He grins. “I guess I shouldn't be surprised … although I'll never get how you can believe in someone you can't see or touch.”
I look up at Cooper, at the hard planes of his face and his dark eyes. “That's why it's called faith.”
He lifts my chin and my heart races. For a second I think he'll bend down and kiss me. Instead he brushes my hair off my shoulder and takes a step back, and the moment is gone. “Have a good life, Emily Morrison.”
“Will you write to me?” I ask, not wanting to lose him.
“Maybe.”
I watch him walk to his car, and I'm filled with emotions I can't name or number. So many changes to my life. So much I want. So much I long for. He drives away while I stand on the edge of the lake alone, only me and memories and the sun and the sky and the blue, blue water.
My final words
on what happened
on June 25, 2:55 a.m.
I slip into the hospital wearing scrubs and a lab coat I lifted from a laundry bin days before. I look like I belong on staff, maybe a lab tech. Travis's room is dimly lit, and the only sounds are the hiss of the ventilator and the beep of his heart monitor. The nurses' station isn't far down the hall, so I move quietly.
I stand beside his bed, staring at him, and tie on a surgical mask. He doesn't know I'm here, but if he saw me, he'd know me by my eyes. And he'll know why I'm here.
I reach into the pocket of the lab coat. Once I'd decided I had to do it, I managed to swipe two syringes with insulin. No one saw when I took them. I'd watched so I knew when it was possible, so no nurse would know. It wasn't easy, but I was determined. I have to work fast, because the machines' alarms will sound and nurses will come running once his heart stops. Travis is so sick; he's had a stroke, he's living on borrowed time. No one will question his death.
This is what he wants. He told us. There is no doubt in my mind. I take a deep breath. “Goodbye,” I whisper.
Then, before I lose my nerve, I stick one syringe into an IV line inserted in his arm and push the plunger. I follow it with the second, the insurance syringe.
I drop the empties back into the lab coat pocket and ease from the room, hugging to the wall like a shadow. I move quickly toward the side exit door and my escape. I hear the noise of a machine before the inside door clicks shut behind me.
I run down the stairwell, ripping off the lab coat as I go. I wad it up and stuff it under my arm. I leave the hospital and walk briskly into the night.
Travis is free from his tortured body. I have given him what he would have given himself if he could have. No one will ever know what I've done, because his death was expected. No one would ever guess I was the one who did it, and I'll never say a word to the others even though we had a pact to do it together. My silence forever is the only answer.
I know what I did and why I did it. Am I a killer, or a deliverer? I believe I am an Angel of Mercy.
Who's my judge?
Lurlene McDaniel began writing inspirational novels about teenagers facing life-altering situations when her son was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes. “I saw firsthand how chronic illness affects every aspect of a person's life,” she has said. “I want kids to know that while people don't get to choose what life gives to them, they do get to choose how they respond.”
Lurlene McDaniel's novels are hard-hitting and realistic, but also leave readers with inspiration and hope. Her books have received acclaim from readers, teachers, parents, and reviewers. Her novels Don't Die, My Love; I'll Be Seeing You; and Till Death Do Us Part have all been national bestsellers.
Lurlene McDaniel lives in Chattanooga, Tennessee.
Published by Delacorte Press an imprint of Random House Children's Books a division of Random House, Inc., New York
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Copyright © 2009 by Lurlene McDaniel All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are from the Holy Bible, New International Version. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Bible Publishers.
Delacorte Press and colophon are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc.
Visit us on the Web! www.randomhouse.com/teens Educators and librarians, for a variety of teaching tools, visit us at www.randomhouse.com/teachers
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data McDaniel, Lurlene. Breathless / by Lurlene McDaniel.—1st ed. p. cm. Summary: A high school diving champion develops bone cancer in this story told from the points of view of the diver, his best friend, his sister, and his girlfriend.
eISBN: 978-0-375-89097-0 [1. Cancer—Fiction. 2. Assisted suicide—Fiction. 3. Friendship— Fiction. 4. Brothers and sisters—Fiction.] I. Title. PZ7.M4784172Bp 2009 [Fic]—dc22 2008018427
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v3.0
Table of Contents
Cover
Other Books By This Author
Title Page
Chapter 1 - Cooper
Chapter 2 - Emily
Chapter 3 - Darla
Chapter 4 - Travis
Chapter 5 - Emily
Chapter 6 - Travis
Chapter 7 - Emily
Chapter 8 - Cooper
Chapter 9 - Travis
Chapter 10 - Emily
Chapter 11 - Darla
Chapter 12 - Travis
Chapter 13 - Emily
Chapter 14 - Cooper
Chapter 15 - Travis
Chapter 16 - Darla
Chapter 17 - Travis
Chapter 18 - Emily
Chapter 19 - Cooper
Chapter 20 - Darla
Chapter 21 - Travis
Chapter 22 - Emily
Chapter 23 - Cooper
Chapter 24 - Emily
Chapter 25 - Travis
Chapter 26 - Darla
Chapter 27 - Cooper
Chapter 28 - Emily
Chapter 29 - Travis
Chapter 30 - Darla
Chapter 31 - Emily
Chapter 32 - Darla
Chapter 33 - Cooper
Chapter 34 - Emily
Chapter 35 - Travis
Chapter 36 - Cooper
Chapter 37 - Emily
About the Author
Copyright
Lurlene McDaniel, Breathless
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