It was dark when my screams woke me up. I was in my own bed and it was soaked from my sweat. I knew the nightmare I'd had was true when I looked into Sean’s eyes, who was sat in a chair next to my bed, as he leant over to stroke my face.
I turned away from his hurt filled eyes and lay back down, with my back to him.
“Why didn't you stop me?” I whispered in the dark, as tears rolled from my eyes and onto my pillow. I tried to block the images of Jessica lying there burnt. Burnt by me. I was still a monster, just worse than the ugly one I use to think of myself.
“I tried.” He sounded like he'd been crying too.
“Not hard enough.” I snapped as I sat up to push his hands off me. He didn't argue. He just sat there, looking at the floor. I refused to acknowledge the sadness and guilt that sat there in his eyes. “Is she still alive?” He nodded, as I barely managed to ask that question. “I could have killed her.”
Sean didn't respond. He just sat there in silence, staring at his hands as he fidgeted restlessly. I still couldn't shake the horrific images.
“I think you should go.” I whispered. I didn't want him to go, but I felt something inside me pushing him away. How could I be with someone who could watch me torture someone so inexcusably?
He reached out to me in the dark, but I moved back just out of his reach. I could see the pain I was causing him and it tore at my heart as I watched him walk out of my bedroom.