***
The next day I went back to school, scared sick was an understatement. I thought I was going to have a panic attack when we got near the school gates.
The usual people had stopped to stare; some were even laughing and pointing. I flinched when I heard them mention Jessica's name.
“You got nothing better to do?” Kasey-Ray snapped, making everyone turn away.
Lowering my head, I let Kasey-Ray steer me through the school gates and to the main doors. “I'll meet you here right after school, okay?”
“Okay,” I nodded as I began the long walk to my form room.
Taking a deep breath, I walked into the room and went straight to my desk, deliberately avoiding eye contact with anyone and everyone.
Only 30 minutes, I thought. I wished all my lessons were this short, but form room was just a formality, so the teacher could take the register, let us know of any upcoming events and changes to our time-tables.
I sat at my table, with my rucksack in-between my body and table, pretending to look for something. I just wanted to have something there, in case she decided she hadn't finished with me yet and another shove of the table was in order. Also I wanted to look preoccupied, so I couldn't catch anyone's attention, especially Jessica's. I heard her enter the room and people surrounded her, those who wouldn't normally give her the time of day. Maybe they were scared of her, or just wanted to pat her on the back for hitting the school freak, either way I was just happy that the attention had shifted away from me. Even if it was probably, only momentarily.
After Ms Forrester had called out our names, she closed the register and started writing on the black board.
SCHOOL SPORT'S DAY
Most of the class groaned, apart from a couple who lived for sport's day and all other types of sporting events.
“I am going to need two people to represent our form in every event, with the exception of the relay, which I will need four.” She paced left and right, across the front of the classroom making eye contact with every student. “I would like it if everyone could participate, but for those who don't, you will be expected to help out on the various stalls. Is that clear?” She stopped to look long and hard at us.
“Yes Miss!” We all chorused.
“I will write a list of events on the board and I want those of you who are interested to raise their hands, and on Monday we will get it down to the right amount.” She turned back to the black board as she starting to write down all the events. I knew there was no way I was raising my hand up to any of them.
Jessica's hand, however, was raised for every running race, including the hurdles. I had heard the others saying that no one stood a chance against Jessica; she was the fastest in the whole school and had won every race, every year.
“Well, that's it!” Ms Forrester concluded. “I will see you all Monday morning and we can put it to a vote.” She headed to her desk as everyone started packing up to leave. I took my time, as I didn't want to hang around outside my classroom. I would rather take the allocated time between classes and get there just as the teacher was arriving to let us in.
“Erin?” Ms Forrester called as I was just about to leave, “Do you have a minute?"
“Yes Miss!” She could have as many minutes as she liked.
“I just wanted to see how you are. How's your head?”
“It's fine. I caught it in my sleep on Wednesday night and had to have stitches, but it's fine now.”
“Yes, I received the letter from your mother yesterday.” She looked at me thoughtfully. “Are you settling in okay? Making friends?”
“Yes Miss!” She looked at me again like she was judging my reaction, but I wasn't going to tell her that I hated school, I hated the other students and most of the time I hated the fact I'd been born.
“Well, if there's ever anything you want to discuss. I want you to know that I am always here to listen.” She smiled sweetly, covering her defeated expression.
“Yes Miss, Thank you.”
“Okay, you best get to your class.”
This morning I had Science, followed by French, then after lunch Maths followed by Art.
I really enjoyed Art. I loved how there was no right or wrong, I could express myself however I chose fit, without anyone criticising me.
Before I knew it, it was home time. I picked up my bag and headed towards the main doors to meet Kasey-Ray. I was glad the day was over, and more relieved that Jessica hadn't said or done anything. She had acted like I didn't exist and this suited me fine.
Walking through the doors, I spotted Kasey-Ray standing with her friend Claire; they were talking to a group of boys. She saw me as soon as I walked through the doors. “Gotta go,” She quickly told them. “See ya Monday!” She called, “Claire, I'll call you tonight!” She gave Claire a quick wink as she linked arms with me. “He is so hot!” She drooled as she squeezed my arm.
“Who?”
“The tall one.” I looked past her towards the boy's she was just with, “Don't look!”
“Nice.” I told her. He was no Sean, but he wasn't bad looking.
“Was he looking?” I laughed at my sister as she blushed. So much for her not wanting me to look.
“Yeah, he was!” She smiled a huge triumphant smile.
“He is just so gorgeous.”
We walked in silence, arm in arm, as I left her to her own thoughts. As we walked past the school car park, I kept my eyes looking straight ahead. I didn't want to catch a glimpse of Sean; I knew I could not deal with the consequences. I would just have to squash this little crush I had on him.
One guy shows a little bit of interest and I go all gooey, I sighed and shook my head.
“You okay?” Kasey-Ray asked as we walked through the school gates.
“Yeah fine,” I smiled. “Why wouldn't I be?”
“Hmmm...” She didn't look convinced.
“What?” double close quotes
“She didn't say anything to you today, did she?”
“Nope, she didn't even look at me!” and that was the truth. I just hoped it would continue like this.
The problem with having no friends was that it gave me a lot of time to think, or rather daydream. I would often find myself thinking about Sean. I even, absent-mindedly, caught myself doodling his name and straight away I would screw up the piece of paper and throw it in the bin.
I had even thought about joining one of those social network sites that Kasey-Ray was on, just to see if I could find him and see if he had any pictures, if he had a girlfriend, and anything else I could find out, but what was the point? Didn't you need to have friends for those websites? Who would I have as my friends? Kasey-Ray? My Mum? Or maybe even my Dad?
“Pathetic!” I said out loud, screwing another doodle up and throwing it in the bin.
“What's pathetic?” Kasey-Ray asked as she breezed through the door.
“Oh nothing, I was just trying to draw something for Art but it wasn't good enough,” I quickly said.
“Let me have a look,” she walked towards the bin, but I quickly jumped up and blocked her.
“No, no it's okay. What was it you wanted?”
“Oh right, yes.” She was easily distracted. “Mum and Dad are just going to grab some DVD's and pizza and asked if we wanted to go. I said yes, mainly because they will probably choose something totally lame.”
“Okay,” I laughed as I switched off my lamp and followed her down the stairs.
Every Friday night my family and I always tried to have a movie night. Sometimes my Dad was called to work or Kasey-Ray had made plans, so it would end up being my Mum and me, and my Mum would watch anything I wanted to, which was great.
Grabbing my coat from the cupboard, I quickly jumped into the back seat of my parent's car, next to Kasey-Ray.
“Did your form teacher mention sport's day today?” Kasey-Ray asked as she fastened her seatbelt.
“Yep, but I'm not taking part.”
“Why not?” She
scoffed without waiting for an answer, “I put my name down for everything.” She laughed, sounding really excited.
“I'll just help selling drinks or something. That's the best my athletic ability will stretch?” I laughed as she rolled her eyes.
It didn’t take long before we arrived at the DVD shop. Kasey-Ray and I quickly jumped out and ran to the new releases as our parents headed off to a different section. Kasey-Ray was quick to decide what she wanted and went off to find our parents to show them what she had chosen, whilst I carried on looking. I must have looked for a good few minutes but there was nothing that I fancied. I’d seen most of them. I turned around, ready to go find my family but I wasn’t looking where I was going and bumped into someone as I walked past.
“Oh sorry.” I Mumbled, not looking up as I quickly tried to hurry past.
“No worries.” It was the sound of his voice that stopped me, making me turn back, as my heart jumped to my mouth.
It was Sean, and from what I could tell, he was alone. I don’t think he realised it was me, or probably didn’t even care. He didn’t look back, as he walked out and climbed into the driver’s seat of a bright orange Ford Focus ST. As soon as he was in he seemed to sense someone was watching him and he looked straight at me, making me panic and quickly turn away, knocking into my Dad, making him drop the DVD’s in his hands.
“Sorry Dad!” I took a deep breath trying to slow my heart rate down. He didn’t seem to notice the panic in my face. ?Are we going now?”
“Yes why? You okay?” He raised an eyebrow and put a hand on my forehead like he was checking my temperature.
“Yeah fine, just really hungry.” Forcing a smile. He laughed as he put his arm around me.
“Just going to pay for these, then we'll go get a pizza.”
“Mmmm yum.” Forcing enthusiasm into my voice. I actually felt sick. I hoped Jessica and the others weren't with him. Oh god, I thought, starting to feel panicked.
“Your Mum and sister are just grabbing some popcorn, you can grab something to eat now if you're that hungry.” My Dad suggested.
“No it's ok, I'll wait.”