Travis sighed, relieved by both. He secured Stella while making sure she was snuggly tucked in. He kissed her head before manning the driver's seat, and I froze, remembering that Thomas had done the same thing just a few days before.
Travis closed his door and pulled his seat belt across his chest, fastening it with a click. "All set?" he asked Val. She ignored him, busy communicating with the director. Travis gripped the steering wheel and stared straight ahead without turning the ignition. "Liis?"
I closed my eyes. "I'm okay."
"I doubt that."
I looked out the window. "Let's just get it over with."
"You should know. I told them." Travis spat the words as if they'd been burning his mouth.
"What?" I said.
"What?" Val repeated.
"Most of it came out last night. They know Thomas, and I are Feds. They know my career started with the fire. Dad already knew, Liis."
"He doesn't know all of it."
"I know. But I had to lay some of it out before you got here. Otherwise, it'd be too much for him."
"And the others?"
"They know, too. Most of it. Except about you and ... the plan."
"I understand," I said. It was all I could say. How could anyone prepare to tell their entire family they'd been lying to them? That I wasn't who they thought I was, and neither was Thomas? That he was gone and watch as they processed the worst pain they could possibly imagine?
"I'll be right there with you," Travis said.
It took a long time for me to speak. We were already passing through the airport gate by the time I could take hold of my emotions long enough to get the words out. "They won't forgive me," I said. Just those few words created a tightness in my throat.
"Yes, they will. They'll forgive us both." I'd known Travis long enough to hear when the calm in his voice was contrived. Abby was the better actress, but Travis had honed his poker face over the years. His wife was a good teacher.
"I don't know if I can do this. My emotions have been all over the place," I said.
Travis turned to face me. "You just had a baby, Liis. You went from a new family to a single mother in a day. Cut yourself some slack."
I glared at him, resenting his bluntness. As much as I wanted to hate what he said, it was true. "I'm still the same person. I'm not weak."
"Fuck no, you're not. Mothers are damn strong, anyway. And you, Liis? I've never seen anything like you."
I shifted in my seat. His response surprised me. "Besides Abby."
"It's not a competition," he said, offering a small smile.
My shoulders relaxed. Travis had a way of always making me feel safe, just like Thomas. As frightening as traveling with a newborn was, knowing I was going to be with the Maddoxes soon had been a significant comfort. "How are you doing?"
He cleared his throat, putting on the truck's blinker. "It's been rough. I'm not looking forward to this any more than you are."
"Where's Abby?"
"At the hospital with everyone else."
"The hospital? Why?" I asked, alarmed.
"The baby came last night."
Val and I both gasped. Abby was nowhere near her due date. I immediately felt ashamed. Years ago, I'd filled Abby in on the details of Travis's agreement with the FBI. She already had an idea, and I chose to spare Travis the burden of being the one to breach his agreement. I wouldn't go to prison if I told her, but Travis could have. In the end, it saved their marriage. She understood why he was so secretive and leaving so often, but the truth was a burden. From the moment you become aware of a secret, the inevitable question arises: what price will you pay to keep it?
"Are they okay?" I asked.
"Abby's doing great. Carter will be fine."
Carter. That's who he said made Stella look like a giant. She wasn't yet seven pounds. Carter must have been tiny.
"That's good to hear," Val said, sincere. It was her way of apologizing for giving him a hard time earlier.
"Is Abby alone at the hospital?" I asked, startled.
"The whole family is there with a half dozen agents, including Agent Davies."
"Sorry about that," I said. "She is the best ..."
"I know. You won't have luck explaining that to Falyn, though."
"So ... they know?"
"They'd figured most of it out. They put two and two together when Agent Davies picked them up from the airport."
I settled back into my seat, looking at Stella's peaceful, sleeping face. She was the perfect combination of Thomas and me. She was already on a schedule, sleeping and eating at the same times. She changed every day, and Thomas was missing it.
My eyes felt wet, and I had just reached into Stella's bag for a tissue when Travis reached back with one.
"It's going to be okay, Liis. I promise."
I dabbed beneath my eyes and sniffed. "It damn well better be, or the director will answer to me for a change."
"Yes, he will. And he knows it, too."
We drove from the outer edges of Eakins into town. It hadn't changed much. Only businesses like oil and industrial, gas stations, boutiques, tanning salons, and fast-food chains were thriving. Anything else was pretty much abandoned.
"Is that it?" Val asked as the taller buildings of the college came into view, reaching above the tree line.
"Yeah," Travis said, unhappy about the reminder. "Yeah, that's it."
The burned bricks of Keaton Hall had long since faded and the damage repaired. In the few minutes it took us to pass, Travis didn't look in the direction of the tiny college once. I assumed it was too much of a reminder of the strange direction his life had taken because of one night--the last time he'd participate in The Circle, Eastern State's underground fight ring. He looked away from the memories of the fire, of the night he'd nearly lost Abby.
"You know," I said, thinking aloud. "Whether or not Thomas had offered you as sacrifice to the FBI--"
"In return for immunity," he added.
"Yes, but between Abby's father and Benny Carlisi, you would have been involved in this mess. In a way, the fire kept you on the right side of it."
"I guess so," Travis said, lost in thought. "They didn't think I'd actually be worth a damn and turn from asset to agent, did they?"
"Actually, I think they did," I mused. "The FBI would take all five of you if Trenton and the twins would go for it."
"Trent?" Travis scoffed, placing an earpiece in his ear.
"He's got heart," I said. "Don't forget after his accident with Camille he carried her a mile with a broken arm."
"In two places," Travis specified.
"Exactly."
I caught Travis glance at the far corner of Eastern just before turning toward Mercy Hospital. We passed the street that led to the apartments where Travis and Abby fell in love and first lived, Trenton and Camille's apartment building, the street where Shepley and America's house sat, and then after six more blocks, he slowed.
Mercy Hospital loomed ahead, its aged, blond brick bright in the morning sun.
"Travis?" I said, angry at the sound of my voice.
"You're okay," Val said. "Just breathe."
Travis found an open parking space and pulled in, twisting back the key. We sat in silence for several minutes. Not even Val dared to speak.
"I can't!" I blurted out.
Travis pulled on the lever of his door and pushed, stepping out onto the gravel drive. "You can." He stepped back to open the back door and reached in, swung the baby bag over his shoulder, and then reached for Stella.
"Sh-should we leave the luggage here or ...?" Val began.
I looked down, feeling hot tears drip down the bridge of my nose and fall away. "I hate all of you for making me do this."
"I'm not happy about the plan, either. But it's still the plan. You have to do it, and you know why." He tipped the carrier just enough that I could see the sweet face of my daughter. "If there was another way, do you think you'd be here alone?"
I shook my head and wiped my nose.
"Keep the tears," Travis said, laying Stella's blanket over the top of the handle to shelter her from the bright sunlight. "Tears are good."
"Fuck you," I said through my teeth.
A car door shut, and Val swung around, her hand on her sidearm. She relaxed, seeing Agent Hyde. "I didn't realize you'd be joining us," Val said.
"I'm on Agent Lindy's protection detail," Hyde said.
Val looked to me for confirmation, and I nodded. "She's out of Quantico. She's better than good. Assigned by the director."
Val scanned Hyde from hair to shoes, sizing her up. "Is that so?"
"It's so," Hyde said, lifting her chin with confidence.
"It's just Liis for now, Agent Hyde," Travis said. "My family doesn't know Liis' involvement with the Bureau just yet."
"Yes, sir," Hyde said.
Travis closed the door and walked around to my side, helping me out and walking me to the hospital entrance. Val trailed behind. Besides Travis and I, we would have Agents Hyde, Wren, Blevins, Davies, Perkins, and Taber--all agents who'd been on this case from the beginning. All agents we trusted with the lives of our family, and the only agents besides the director who knew the truth about Thomas.
Travis touched his earpiece. "We're on our way up," he said simply.
The elevator door opened to an eerily quiet hallway. Hyde stepped out first, and then Travis with Stella. Val followed me, the last to leave. She seemed uneasy the moment we landed in Eakins. A nurse rushed by, startling her.
Travis smiled. "A little jumpy?"
Val snarled. "Fu..." She clenched her jaw, frustrated.
Travis led me into the waiting room, stepping to the side so I could walk in. Everyone stood, tired but smiling. The kids' hair was all smashed or sticking up, frizzy and ratted from a long night on uncomfortable sofas and pallets on the floor. The adults were in worse shape, all staring at me, waiting for news. The look on my face must have confirmed their fears, because Falyn covered her mouth, and Ellie hugged Tyler.
"Hey there, sis," Jim said, trying and failing a few times to rock himself up off the sofa to stand. Camille finally helped him to his feet. He was trying his best to smile, to stay positive despite the fact that I'd arrived without Thomas. He hugged me tight.
"I came as soon as I could. I wanted to tell you in person," I said. Already the lie was scratching at my throat, making it feel raw. "Thomas ..." I looked around the room. They knew, but they were still waiting, still holding out hope.
Travis held me to his side.
"Thomas has passed away."
Jim's bottom lip trembled, and then he took a step back. Camille helped him to his seat and threw her arms around him. Trenton did the same.
"How?" Trenton said. "Why?"
Jim fished a handkerchief from his shirt pocket. He wiped both eyes and then mashed the embroidered white cloth back where it belonged. "Sit down, sis," he said, scooting away from Camille to make room.
Stella began to wail, and Travis set the carrier on the floor, unbuckled her, and quickly put her in my arms. It was obvious that he was a veteran dad, already searching her bag for something to help me calm Stella down.
I rocked her for a moment, turning toward Jim so he could get a look. He leaned in, smiling with unbridled pain behind his wet eyes. He looked up at me. "She looks like you and a little like Tommy, doesn't she?"
I nodded, feeling my bottom lip tremble. "A lot. She looks a lot like him."
"She's beautiful," Jim said, using his index finger to pet Stella's fist. "She favors my Diane."
I nodded and then watched as Jim's expression crumpled. Trenton curled his arm around his dad's shoulders and pulled him against his side. Camille reached over to squeeze Jim's knee. It was hell. I was supposed to be celebrating the birth of my daughter, and instead, I was mourning the loss of her father.
Taylor's bottom lip trembled. "Can we see him?"
"They're shipping him home tomorrow," I said, wiping away an escaped tear. "He wanted to be buried here."
I inwardly cursed the Bureau and this fucking plan. The director had called me himself the day before to apologize, but success would be the only thing that would convince me the risks we'd taken were worth it. Success meant keeping anyone else in our family from being targeted. Their safety relied on Benny's men believing they'd retaliated, but just as important, they had to believe that if they continued, they'd suffer more casualties of their own. Travis had already taken care of the second part. He'd been consulted and had agreed. The intel told us faking Thomas's death had worked. The Carlisis had returned to Vegas, and for now, at least, no hit had been put on Stella or me. The moment they realized it wasn't real, it would start all over again. We had to make Thomas's death look real. It was a huge risk. We were lucky they didn't aim for the head. Thomas's vest took the hit, but the mafia was watching us all.
"I'm so sorry," I said to Jim, and I meant it.
"I just can't believe he got shot. I mean ... what the fuck?" Trenton said, his bottom lip trembling.
Everyone looked in my direction for the answer.
I looked around and took a breath before spewing the poison that would slowly kill Thomas's family. Travis handed me Stella's pacifier, and I sat back, rocking her back and forth until her cries were reduced to whimpers.
"We, um ... we'd just gotten home from the hospital. It happened in the front lawn as he was walking out to get the rest of Stella's things. Travis told me you know that Thomas is an agent with the FBI. What you don't know ... is that I'm an agent, too."
Falyn and Ellie gasped, and Trenton's mouth gaped open.
"That's how we met." I accidentally met Camille's eyes then looked away. "When Thomas learned of the fire and the charges Travis was likely facing--"
"He wasn't at the fire," Jim said.
"Yeah, I was, Dad," Travis said, ashamed. "I was. I was there."
Jim's brows pulled together as the truth set in.
"... he went to the director and asked for a deal. Thomas knew by then that Travis had crossed paths with Benny Carlisi, the head of an organized crime family in Vegas."
"When?" Jim asked Travis.
Travis swallowed. "Abby's father got into some trouble. Owed Benny money. He came to Abby for help. We went to Vegas, and she won most of the money. I won the rest."
"How?" Tyler asked. "Not poker."
"Fighting," Travis said simply.
I continued. "Thomas knew that Travis had an unbelievable in with Benny that he could use in exchange for immunity. Thomas had a limited amount of time to get Travis to agree, and he wanted to do it in person, so we told him the day after the vow renewal."
"In St. Thomas?" Falyn asked.
I nodded, feeling my eyes tear up at the memory. It wasn't a good one. I had never been able to forget the shame in Thomas's eyes. "So we brought Travis into the fold, and he's been working undercover, giving us information."
"I don't understand. Why keep it from us?" Trenton asked.
"It was the way Thomas wanted it. He was afraid it would upset Jim." I glanced at Thomas's father. He was hunched over with wet eyes, looking broken. "And," I looked at Travis, who gave me permission with a nod, "he didn't want you all to know what he'd done."
Tyler's brows pulled in. "What did he do?"
I sighed. "In the spirit of full disclosure ... Thomas knew if he brought Travis into the Bureau as an asset, he could keep him out of prison. He also knew he'd get a promotion."
"But I had a choice," Travis added.
Trenton frowned. "Strawberry or chocolate is a choice. Going to prison or being a pawn for the FBI isn't a fucking choice. Now, your family is in danger, Trav. How could you do that?"
"Trenton," Jim said.
"You think I wanted this?" Travis said, instantly enraged. "You think I wanted any of this?"
"Boys," Jim said.
"I think Mom didn't want any of us going into Dad's line of work for a reason, and you two pissed all over it
," Trenton said.
"That's enough," Jim boomed. "We have had enough heartache in this family today without making it worse. Don't dishonor your brother by arguing over his choices. What's done is done." His breath was labored. "We've got a funeral to plan."
"What do you mean a funeral?" Hollis asked. "Uncle Tommy is going to be okay, right?"
Ezra and James were looking around too, suddenly worried.
My stomach sank. "No," I said, despondent. I was a horrible human being.
The boys began to tear up, and Travis kneeled in front of them. "Uncle Tommy was in an accident."
Hollis's cheeks flushed red. "I know, but ... he's in the hospital."
"He was. Now, we're going to have a funeral for him so we can say goodbye." Travis choked on the last words, cupped Hollis's shoulders, and looked away. He felt like a monster. So did I.
Hollis hugged his father, and then everyone began hugging. Camille tried to hug Trenton, but he gently raised his hand, letting her know he needed a minute.
"These Carlisis," Trenton said. "They're the ones we're hiding from?"
"Not anymore," I said. "We just received word the last of them left town during the night."
"Why?" Trenton asked. He was getting angrier.
"Because they've gotten word that I've decided against pursuing this case. Abby's father was in protective custody before the trial of some of their higher ups, but he's gone missing. The Bureau no longer has a case against them."
"You're no longer involved in the case?" Camille asked. "You're going to let them get away with it?"
I swallowed, trying hard not to feel defensive. "I'm a widow with a newborn. I have to concentrate on Stella."
Camille covered her mouth with both hands, and Trenton broke down. Soon, everyone in the room was sobbing, even the children.
Travis hugged his twins. "Let's go see your mom." He guided them out of the room, leaving me alone with his family. I watched him with my mouth open, pleading with my eyes for him to stay. He wiped his eyes. "I'll be back."
I rocked Stella. She was already content and asleep, but I was really just comforting myself.
"This is bullshit," Trenton cried. "It's fucking bullshit!" he yelled.
Camille hugged him, but then he slipped away from her grasp, wiping his eyes and staring at the floor. I watched the Maddoxes hit every state of grief within minutes and more than once.
"Liis," Ellie said, kneeling in front of me.