Max digested that news as he would a solid punch to the gut. She’d lost her family to a demon just as he had. He understood that pain, understood the loneliness. To have a close friend be the killer, well, he certainly understood why that would breed distrust. That had to be hell to live with. He wanted to be there for her, to ease her pain. But almost certainly, this demon connection assured that Sarah could never accept him as her mate. Even if he passed this test, his time was short-lived. He couldn’t fight the darkness without a mate much longer, and he wouldn’t go to the other side. He’d die first. He’d let a Beast take his head and end this before he’d go to the other side.
A decision became clear. Leaving this world with lies between them or even with unspoken words simply wasn’t an option. They would only feed the fear and distrust she obviously harbored toward others after the death of her parents.
He stared at her, wanting to speak, but tormented by what he found in her face. Her eyes were wary, accusing. Her back pressed against the wall as if she couldn’t get far enough away, the sheet clutched in front of her body. She covered herself as if he were an enemy rather than her mate, her lover. Damn it! Frustration and anger formed within him. Why did it have to be this way?
Snagging his boxers, he pulled them on, trying to make her more comfortable. “This is exactly what I didn’t want. I didn’t want you to be afraid of me, Sarah. I told you, I’m different, but I’m not dangerous.” Okay, that might not be the truth so he added, “Not to you. I’d sooner die than hurt you.” That was the truth. The complete truth. He let out a heavy breath. “I was trying to tell you about me, about my people.” He held his hand up in frustration. “Things just got out of control.”
Her hand shook where it held the sheet in place. “How can I know that, Max? How?”
“Think back to what we’ve been through. How many times could I have hurt you if I meant you harm? How many times did I save you and your friends?”
“Don’t you see?” she asked. “It’s not about what you did. It’s about secrets. The friend who killed my family—to this day I have no idea if he was ever a friend. Was he always possessed? He seemed normal up to the minute he pulled a gun and shot my family.” Her lips pressed together, and she continued as if she couldn’t rein in her thoughts, “How do I know you’re not with Vars? How do I know you aren’t supposed to earn my trust and turn it on me? The demon my family hunted was a serial killer. He possessed human bodies, changing forms with each murder. The police never had a chance of catching him. For all I know, my friend was always working for this demon, telling him every step we took. I’ve been through too much to see what I just saw and ignore the risks. I’ve had someone close to me steal everything I knew and loved, and I won’t be foolish like that again.”
Max’s gut clenched at the pain in her voice, in her face. “What happened to the demon?”
“I destroyed that bastard,” she said. “And, Max, as much as I’ve wanted to trust you, if I find out you want to hurt people I care about, hurt anyone for that matter, I’ll find a way to stop you.”
As much as her need to threaten him tore him up inside, he admired her courage.
He hated the story he had to tell. Inhaling deeply, he made an effort to distance himself from his words. “I lost my parents to the Darkland Beasts. Watched them die right in front of me. They didn’t bother converting my parents. They just killed them, drained them dry. My brother was another story. They took his soul, and he became one of them. I watched the transformation. One minute he was my brother—the next, something so evil I didn’t even recognize him. I would have turned out like that, too, evil and beyond salvation. But a man came then. He killed the Beasts that didn’t run, and gave me back my soul. That was how I became what I am now. How I became a Knight of White. We aren’t military, Sarah. We aren’t even human. We exist to fight evil.”
His chest filled with emotion, and it took him a minute to continue. “That was four hundred years ago. I’ve spent those long years fighting the Beasts…and finding that battle the reason to keep going.” But now, with no hope of light, no hope of Sarah to save his soul, there was no reason to continue. “My journey has been long and it’s about to end. Once I see you through this, it’s over for me.”
Tormented by the prospect of Sarah’s rejection, of never having her in his life, his impervious shell threatened to crack. He cut his gaze from Sarah and grabbed his pants and shirt. “I’m going to take a shower. You can leave, but I don’t advise it. There have been several attempts on your life. Obviously, the Darklands are partnering with Vars. They’ll hunt you down, Sarah. I’ll keep you safe if you let me. I told you back at the cabin, I’d have enough faith for both of us. Now I’m afraid you’re going to have to find some of your own. But if you do, Sarah, if you reach deep and you find that faith, I won’t fail you.”
He headed into the bathroom, leaving her alone, knowing she might walk out the door. It was one of the hardest things Max had ever done in his life. He wanted to tie her down and force her to let him protect her, but that wasn’t the answer. Not yet at least. He didn’t know what he’d do if she walked out that door.
A demon. She had been in the arms of a demon. Sarah laughed, a choked, nervous sound even to her own ears. That was impossible. Max wasn’t a demon. But she’d seen the fangs, she reminded herself. He might feel human and even look human, but so had Kevin, the friend who’d killed her parents. Fangs! Damn it, Max had fangs. Her hand pressed to her stomach, nerves fluttering. She’d never been so confused in her life.
Have faith, Max had said. Her parents had said that often. Every time they’d headed into an investigation, every time things seemed grim. Sarah wasn’t sure she knew what faith was anymore. Where had faith gotten her in life? Alone, that was where—looking over her shoulder and afraid of the shadows. Pretending she was afraid of nothing, when she was afraid of everything. Every investigation terrified her. Having others close to her was a twofold terror. Who would get hurt? Who would turn evil? If someone became possessed, were they evil to start with? Had Kevin been evil? Was Edward? No. She refused to believe that Edward was evil. So where did that leave her?
She inhaled, thinking of what Max had been through in his past. If he was telling the truth, he’d lost his parents as she had lost hers. Or was he simply an enemy playing with her, dragging her into a seductive game to distract her from finding Allen?
She felt as if she was going to be sick. She didn’t want Max to be an enemy. He was the first person, in what felt like forever, that she actually wanted to let into her life. With Max, she had the oddest sense of belonging. It didn’t matter that they’d just met. Thinking back to the moment he’d walked into the inn, she realized the feeling had been instant.
The very fact that he’d given her the chance to leave spoke volumes. Fangs or no fangs, Max felt safe. He felt right.
Her hand went to her chest, her throat dry, her heart drumming at a fast beat. What had he meant when he’d said his journey was about to end? Why did the idea of his departure bother her so much?
Faith. She rolled the word over in her mind and reached deeper inside than she had in a very long time. Max had protected her and her friends. He’d been hurt doing it, too. He deserved the benefit of the doubt—no, a little faith. He deserved a little faith.
Her eyes slid shut, and for the first time in years, she prayed. She prayed for the strength to act, for the wisdom to know what to do. Seconds passed and she let that prayer take root in her mind, let it slide through her body and soothe. She opened her heart and her soul; she prayed that it was the right thing to do.
And when she was done, she acted. She didn’t give herself time to think, not even time to dress. If she did either of those things, she might talk herself out of what she was about to do. Instead, she wrapped the sheet snugly around her and marched to the bathroom.
She needed answers and she intended to get them.
The water was running. Perfect. Somehow, his being in th
e shower made him the prisoner and offered her control. And control was exactly what she was after right now. She reached for the doorknob and turned, letting out a sigh as it opened. Steam poured out of the room and clung to her skin. She swatted it away and moved forward, sitting down on the toilet.
“Max,” she said, struggling a bit for her voice.
The curtain moved instantly, his head appearing around the side. “Sarah?” He disappeared again and the water turned off.
An instant concern formed. She’d meant for him to stay in the shower. Of course, he wouldn’t. Maybe she should have done a little thinking before acting after all. A naked Max would mean distraction in a big way. She grabbed a towel and shoved it behind the barrier. He snatched it, and a second later the curtain moved back to expose him, dripping wet, in a too-small towel. Wet hair clung to his high cheekbones, to his muscular chest. A droplet of water ran down his stellar abdominals, and her gaze followed it as it disappeared inside his sunken belly button.
“Sarah?” He repeated her name as a question, and the one word held vulnerability she didn’t think a man so strong could show.
The emotion in his voice drew her attention, and she searched his face, probing for the true man beneath the warrior shell. What she found in his eyes took her breath away. Torment and pain laced those hazel eyes. Eyes speckled with yellow. Eyes she loved, she realized.
Lonely hurt eyes that still held warmth where another’s might be cold. Hope flooded her body then—hope that touched deep in her soul. Hope that her trust in Max hadn’t been wrong.
A surprising realization took hold. “I’m not afraid of you. I should be, but I’m not.”
He reached for her and she held up a staying hand, afraid now, but not of him. Of herself. Of forgetting what she’d seen in that bedroom, and forgetting her caution, her questions.
Frustration flashed across his face and a hint of fresh pain. It was almost enough to send her into his arms, but she forced herself to remain in her seat. “I would have walked—no run—out the door and never looked back if I didn’t find a little of that faith you asked for.” Her voice softened, holding a bit of defeat over the obvious. “But, Max. You have to know this fang thing is messing with my head. If you aren’t a demon and you aren’t human, what are you?”
He closed his eyes, his lips tight. She could feel his hesitation to the point of almost tasting it. He didn’t want to explain. He didn’t want to tell her. That meant whatever he had to say wasn’t good. She hugged herself, seconds passing as she waited, before his lashes lifted, water clinging to them.
“Immortal, Sarah. I belong to Raphael’s army of demon hunters.”
She could barely breathe when she heard those words. “Raphael.”
He nodded. “Yes. That’s why I knew that legend had to be relevant to what was going on in that town.”
His urgency to know which archangel was involved in the legend made sense now. Still, this seemed a fairy tale, not reality. But then, fangs and Hell Hounds seemed a nightmare. Fangs. Max had fangs.
“Why would an archangel give his army fangs?”
“There is only one time when a Knight possesses fangs.”
No way. “Are you telling me every time you have sex—”
“Not sex,” he said, his voice lower, his eyes hotter. “Mating.”
She sucked in a breath at the sound of that word. Unbidden, a hint of excitement fluttered in her chest that she couldn’t begin to understand. “What does that mean?”
“There is only one mate for our kind, and we know that person when we find them. The desire to bind them to us for all of time is primal, instinctive—a matter of survival. The male marks the female’s shoulder with his teeth, and with that bite comes the melding of souls. The two are linked together for all eternity.”
Her body reacted to his words of its own accord, completely out of her control. Heat pooled low in her limbs and her nipples tingled. The images she played in her head were erotic, seductive, far more appealing than they should be. Most of all, they felt right. They felt like what was supposed to happen between her and Max.
This was crazy. Insane. Mating? Bound for all of eternity. Or was it? She knew there were things beyond this realm of existence. She dealt with spirits all the time. And there was no doubt she felt a connection to Max. Lord help her, she felt as if she knew him beyond time. As if they’d been lovers in another life, or something. She knew him. She was Max’s mate? Maybe it was true. Maybe that explained the need to trust him. The idea of having someone close to her, someone to fill the emptiness, both excited and frightened her. But someone to love was someone to lose, as well.
“So if you bite me…” she said, hugging herself, her teeth worrying her bottom lip. Had she ever been this confused in her life? “What exactly happens?”
His response came fast and hard. “Nothing, because I won’t damn you to my future, Sarah. I won’t. I only told you this because you saw the fangs, and as long as I’m around you I can’t promise I won’t feel the urge to take you again.” Without warning, he stepped out of the tub and stared down at her. “Which means I can’t touch you again.”
An emotional door slammed shut in Max, and she felt it like a punch, but she saw the look in his eyes a second before he walked away. He wanted her, even needed her. She jumped to her feet, following him, not about to be dismissed that easily. She didn’t know if she wanted to be Max’s mate; it was all too overwhelming. But one thing was for sure—she wanted all the facts. She rounded the corner to find him already buttoning his jeans and started to confront him. He didn’t give her time.
His hand ran over his wet hair, pressing it away from his face. “Don’t ask anything else, because I don’t even know how to answer you.”
“You have to answer me,” she argued. “I deserve answers and you know it. Damn it, Max. Tell me what is going on!”
“Fine,” he said. “You want to know?” He didn’t give her time to answer. “When I was saved, my soul retained a dark stain. I’ve battled that stain for longer than most. These Knights I fight with are not the original Knights. Almost all of those who were first created eventually fell to the darkness inside them.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means they turned into the very thing they battled—they became Darkland Beasts. Since then, a new breed of Knights has been formed, and they now have a chance to erase the stain on their souls. If they find their one chosen mate in time, the mating will imprison the demon side of the Knight and save him forever. But I have fought this battle four centuries now. More and more, I can’t control my dark side.” His chest expanded as he looked away from her as if ashamed. “I couldn’t control myself when we were together. I don’t know what I am capable of.” He looked at her again, his eyes stormy with emotion. “One of the biggest fears a Knight has when he finds his mate is biting her and killing her. I’m hundreds of years older than any of these Knights I fight with. There is far less human in me than there was in them when they claimed their mates.”
She sucked in a breath. “You’re telling me I could save your life if we mate, but you could kill me in the process?”
“Don’t worry, Sarah. I won’t be biting you. Mating is not an option. It’s simply too late for me, anyway. I broke a sacred rule and now I’m being tested. If I fail this test, I go to hell. If you are linked to me, you will, too. Which is exactly why I can’t touch you again. And I’ll want to, Sarah, just as you will want to touch me. Passion between mates is as natural as breathing.”
If she believed all of this, and the fangs seemed to make it pretty believable, then the passion between mates made sense. It explained why she couldn’t keep her mind on her job. Sarah swallowed hard, trying to take all of this in. As for going to hell, she didn’t know if Max meant literally or not, but she knew she didn’t want to find out. And where the biting her shoulder thing had seemed rather erotic a moment before, possible death-by-fangs certainly zapped the passion out of the idea.
“Tell me about the test and the rule you broke.”
Max didn’t respond. His body tensing, his expression registered alertness. A second passed and he turned away from her, his attention fixed on the door as if he knew something she didn’t. “Get dressed,” he said without looking at her, a second before a knock sounded.
Max walked to the window and looked outside.
Sarah’s heart pounded as she ran to do as he said, fear making her heart race. “Who is it?”
“It’s Jag,” he said, tapping the window and holding up a finger. “Our leader.”
Sarah had her clothes in her hand. “That’s good then, right?”
He laughed at that, though it sounded a bit forced. “Yes. He’s one of the good guys.”
“I’ll go into the bathroom and change so you can let him in.” A thought occurred. “Wait. Was he in town? Will he know about Edward and Cathy? About the sheriff?”
“Probably, yes.”
She rushed at him then, almost tripping over the sheet. Max grabbed her and kept her from going down. “Ask him for an update. Please.” Her hands clung to his arms. “I’ll wait right here.”
He looked as if he might argue and then he nodded. “Give me a second.”
“Thank you, Max,” she said, her stomach in knots. “I just really need to know they’re okay.”
His knuckle gently brushed her cheek. “I understand.”
The act was tender, sweet. It touched Sarah inside, beyond simple skin-to-skin contact. She watched as he turned and exited, rocking on her heels and hugging herself as she waited. Thankful when he returned after only a minute.