Page 37
Author: Olivia Cunning
“Of course, you were afraid. You were a child, Jace. You shouldn’t have been forced to be strong. It’s okay. You have to forgive yourself. You have to. ”
He bit his lip and shook his head.
She reached up and released his hands from the restraints. When he tried to turn away, she wrapped her arms around his waist and held him. He didn’t pull away as she expected, but instead, burrowed his face in her neck and trembled with emotions. She didn’t push him. She let him fall apart or pull himself together, whichever he needed.
Slowly, his ragged breathing returned to normal. Sometime in the long moments that he held her, she realized she needed this as much as he did. He gave her something no one else ever had. He gave her a reason to live—a future to look forward to and someone to love. With everything she was or dared hope to be.
“Let’s go watch the show,” he murmured.
She leaned away to look at him. “Huh?”
“The concert. I want to watch it tonight. ”
“Even with Jon onstage?”
“Yeah. ”
“Do I get to be your date?”
He flushed and grinned. “Will you?”
“Of course. Will you tell me about your father?”
His smile faded into a scowl. “Haven’t you already pushed me enough about my past?”
She watched his fortified emotional wall slip into place.
“When you’re ready, baby,” she amended. “I’ll wait. I want you to know you can tell me anything. ”
“Can I tell you that you’re too nosy?”
She chuckled. “Yeah. ”
“Can I tell you that even though you always rip my heart out, you really do make me feel better?”
“I do?”
He nodded. “Not sure why you stick around. ”
“I already told you why. I love you. You’ll get it eventually. ” She kissed him tenderly. “Get dressed. We have a concert to attend. ”
***
Jace took a seat in the folding chair at the edge of the darkened stage. Aggie stood behind him and rested her hands on his shoulders. He knew she was staking her claim—could practically feel the my man vibes coming off her—but he didn’t mind. He was getting used to the idea that he belonged to her. He concentrated on the noise of the crowd and not the sound of Jon thumbing his bass guitar behind them as he warmed up.
“When are you going to start playing shows again?” Aggie asked.
“As soon as Jon leaves. ”
“Are you well enough to play now?”
“I think so. ”
“Then why don’t you say something to the guys?”
Jace shrugged. He didn’t want to sound like a complainer. Jon was doing them a favor by taking up his slack. Besides, Eric preferred Jon. The rest of the band probably did too. And the fans. He knew they’d rather watch Jon perform.
Aggie leaned over and kissed Jace’s temple. He glanced at her, and his heart swelled with emotion. These feelings he had for this woman were foreign. He wasn’t sure what they meant.
“You should play at least one song for the fans tonight,” she pressed. “They miss you. ”
“Nah. ”
“One song for me then. I want to hear you play. Go say something to Sed. ”
“Say what to Sed?” Sed asked from the dark space near Jace’s right elbow.
Jace turned his attention to the empty stage. “Forget it. ”
“Does your woman need to speak for you?”
Jace sighed. “She wants me to play a song onstage tonight. ”
“How about ‘Twisted’ in the encore?” Brian said.
“Yeah, that would be sweet,” Trey said.
Had anyone not overheard their conversation?
“Yeah, good idea,” Sed said. “I’ll go tell Dave. ” He trotted down the steps to the floor beside the stage where all the mixing equipment had been set up. He picked up a headset with a mic and started talking to Dave, who was manning the soundboard and controls in the middle of the audience.
Jace supposed he had to play now. He wondered how Jon would react. And wasn’t sure why he cared.
As soon as Sed returned, a blue light flooded the stage from ground level. Eric tapped the first beats of “Gates of Hell,” and Trey and Brian dashed across the stage to take their places. Jon followed several steps behind, careening into Jace’s chair on his way past. Jace planted his feet firmly on the floor to keep from toppling over. Aggie’s hands tightened on his shoulders.
“Whoops, didn’t see you there, little man,” Jon said, before joining the band onstage.
“He did that on purpose. He’s a fucking asshole,” Aggie said between clenched teeth.
Sed entered with his signature battle cry, having abandoned using the violin in several songs now. The stage lights came on from above, and the crowd went wild. Sed lifted his hand to the audience, increasing their excitement with his attention. The guy had been born to be a star. Jace was used to seeing the back of Sed’s head while onstage, so watching his facial expressions as he sang his heart out held a strange fascination. As did Jon’s blatant attempts to upstage him. Jon moved from leaning against Trey, who was laughing his ass off, to standing on the center ego-riser in front of Sed and banging his head to his bass riff.
“Am I the only one who thinks he looks like an idiot?” Aggie mumbled.
Apparently. The crowd ate up every minute, especially when Sed elbowed Jon out of his way, and Jon did a backwards somersault off the riser.
During Brian’s guitar solo, Jon played his riff lying on his back at Brian’s feet. Trey entered the solo midway through, to play the dueling segment of the insanely fast progression. He leaned against Brian’s back, the synchrony between the guitarists intimate in its perfection. Trey placed his foot in the center of Jon’s chest as he played. The three of them—a unit. Jace tore his gaze from the scene, the ache in his chest acute, and focused on the pair of drumsticks flailing behind the drum kit. He wasn’t sure why it bothered him that Jon was having such a good time being part of the group. Jace had known all along that he had never fit in with Sinners. Not completely.
Jace started to get out of his chair, but Aggie leaned against him, her hands firmly on his shoulders. “He’s too busy showing off to realize he sounds like crap. ”
He glanced at her. She smiled with that damnable pitying look in her eyes. He brushed her hands away and climbed to his feet.
The song ended, and Sed talked to the crowd. “How we doing tonight, Edmonton?”
The roar was deafening.
“We’ve got a special treat at the end of the show, so don’t go anywhere. ” Sed glanced to the side of the stage where Jace stood. “As you might have heard, our bassist, Jace, has been a little under the weather. Some might remember Jon Mallory from our earlier days. He’s filling in until Jace gets over a case of explosive diarrhea. ”
Jace’s eyes widened. What?
Sed grinned like a shark and glanced offstage at Jace again.
“He needs to quit eating those expired burritos,” Trey said into his microphone.
That is what they’d been telling the fans? Jace laughed and shook his head. God, these guys were too much.
“I’ve got a backstage pass for the first fan who offers up a can of industrial strength air freshener,” Brian said into his microphone on the far side of the stage. “The ventilation on our tour bus sucks. ”
Jace crossed his arms over his chest, his grin broadening.
“Eh, we’re just fuckin’ with you,” Sed said to the crowd. “Jace, come out here. There are rumors spreading that you’re dead. ”
Jace glanced at Aggie, who was wiping tears of mirth from her eyes, and then headed across the stage. The crowd cheered as he approached center stage. Sed wrapped an arm around Jace’s shoulders and spoke into his microphone. “He looks pretty good for a de
ad man, don’t you think?” He paused while the crowd responded with excited screams and yells. “Say hello to the fans. ” Sed held the microphone to Jace’s mouth.
His heart thudded, and heat flooded his face. “Hello to the fans. ”
Sed chuckled. “Do you think you can muster the strength to play something later in the show?”
“I think that can be arranged. ”
Jace was stunned by the crowd’s enthusiasm.
“Did you really get shot, Jace?” an excessively loud fan yelled from behind the barrier fence in front of the stage.
Sed promptly spun Jace around and pulled his shirt up to reveal the large bandage on his right shoulder. “He got shot fuckin’ twice, dude. Brutal, huh? He doesn’t look it, but he’s a tough little shit. If it were me, I’d be flat on my back. ”
“Kinda like that time you took a whole week off after you burst a blood vessel in your throat?” Trey asked.
Sed scratched his head and grinned sheepishly. “Uh, yeah, just like that. ” Sed flattened his palm over the side of Jace’s head and kissed him on the opposite temple. Jace was too stunned to respond. He’d seen Sed do that to Brian more than once. It was his mark of friendship, but why had he extended it to Jace?
Jace took a deep breath. Sed’s attention was probably just a show for the fans. Jace didn’t mean anything to him. He knew he didn’t.
“Are we going to rub our noses in Jace’s asshole all night, or are we going to play some music for these people?” Jon’s annoyed voice came over the sound system.
“Go get some rest, buddy. We’ll see you near the end of the show. ”
Jace lifted a hand at the crowd as he returned to the side stage area. Aggie hugged him as soon as he was within reach.
“They loved you out there,” she said.
“Nah. ”
“You honestly don’t see how people feel about you, do you?”
He met her eyes. “What do you mean?”
“There’s so much love in your life, but you don’t recognize it. You won’t let it in. That’s why you feel so lonely, baby. Don’t you get it? It’s not them. They care about you. It’s you. You don’t see it. ”
He scowled and watched the band play the next song while he contemplated Aggie’s words. What did love look like anyway? What did it feel like? He’d thought he’d experienced it a few times. His parents. The first girl he’d ever fallen for. His band. And his more recent feelings for Aggie. Was any of it really love? Was all of it love in different forms? He didn’t know. He had nothing to judge by. But he was lonely—always lonely. Even in a crowd. But not when Aggie was near.
He turned to look at her and found her dancing to the music. He grinned. “Having a good time?”
“Yeah, this song is great. I have to get a copy of your CD. ”
“I could probably get you one for free. ”
“Will you autograph it for me?”
“Maybe. ”
He watched her sensual movements as she danced with her arms extended over her head. She was definitely a professional dancer. She used her body like a piece of moving art. He wondered if she missed her job. Her home. Her life. Was her mother really that horrible? He supposed he wasn’t the only one with family issues. And yes, his father had been cruel, but at least he’d known him. Aggie had never met her father.
Aggie shrieked in surprise when Jace wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her into his lap.
“You’re distracting the roadies from their work,” he said close to her ear.
She glanced around. “I don’t think anyone is watching. ”
“Maybe I wanted an excuse to hold you. ”
Her smile melted the cold lump in his chest that he was starting to recognize as his heart. She wrapped both arms around his neck and hugged him.
“Are you worried about leaving your mother in charge of your house?” he asked.