“All right.”
Bill and I walk in unison, step for step. He fiddles with his fingers and counts quietly. He’s strange. But for some reason, I like being around him. Maybe because as annoying as he is, he makes me laugh at times.
“Lusty?”
“Bill?”
“What?”
“I’m not sure, you said my name first.”
“Oh right; I did. I hate to say it, but … I think this country’s going down the poop shoot.”
“I’m afraid you might be right.”
“I need another drink.”
“You’re still drinking?”
“Yup, just not as often as I would like.”
“How can you function, drinking all the time?”
“I don’t get drunk. I drink just enough to calm my nerves.”
He scratches the back of his head before picking a scab off his neck, and I smack his arm with the back of my hand. “Don’t do that. The last thing you want are any open wounds around Amber. Not to mention that’s completely gross.”
“It’s nice to know you care so much.”
In the supply room, we grab everything we can. I carry towels, linens, clothes, and a bottle of bleach that I’m holding in place with my chin. Bill grabs buckets, trash bags, gloves, and face masks.
Standing outside her door, I hear nothing but our breathing, and I hope she’s passed out. We place our things on the floor. Bill hands me my mask so I put it on, noticing the spearmint smell immediately.
“It helps with the smell.” He points to the mask.
“Yeah, some of the nurses I worked with did the same thing. They claimed it worked.”
“It does. Hot damn these gloves are tight.” Bill puts on two pair of rubber gloves, and I decide double-gloving is a great idea.
“All right, you ready?” He nods. “Let’s get this over with.”
Bill crosses his eyes at me, and I smile under my mask. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, peeks in, and pops back out.
“Asleep,” he says in a whisper.
“Good; let’s hope she stays that way.”
“If not, can’t you punch her and knock her out again?”
“Believe me, it’s crossed my mind.”
The mask dulls the smell just enough that I don’t have to crinkle my nose as we approach Amber. Her clothes and sheets are caked in vomit. The floor seems clean at least. Her bucket sits next to her bed. When I glance inside, it’s almost half full. I didn’t know someone could produce that much at one time. I pick it up, carry it out the door, and place it on the floor. When I come back in, Bill’s untucking the sheets at the corners of her bed.
“How are we going to do this?” he asks.
“Let’s try rolling her onto her side, and I’ll shove the old sheets underneath her, followed by the clean ones. Hold her until I have the clean sheets in place. When I say okay, roll her over the lump of sheets toward me, and I’ll hold her while you grab the nasty ones out from under her and then pull the clean ones out and tuck them in.”
“Good idea; I thought you were going to tell me to hold her.”
“Oh no, that’d be a bad idea.”
Amber groans now and then as we clean her bed. Her eyes stay closed, but her lips move, almost like she’s trying to talk but nothing comes out.
“Did you grab clothes?” I ask.
“Oops.” He runs out of the room, tears everything off, and then comes back, putting on new gloves. This time he holds a t-shirt and pants.
“I’ll do it while you step out,” I say.
“Won’t you need help?”
“No, I’ll be fine.” I fight nausea just looking at her barf-stained clothes. Bills nods his head and clears the room, leaving me to dress Amber.
“Bill, I’m done.”
He re-enters the room.
“Okay, what about the bleach?” I ask.
“To clean her?”
“No.” I laugh at him and shake my head. “To help with the smell. And kill the germs.”
“Right.”
I see Amber stir out of the corner of my eye. I wave to Bill, and he looks in her direction.
“Maybe later?” Bill asks.
“I agree.”
“Ahhhhhhhh!” she screams.
Amber bolts up to a sitting position in her bed. Her eyes practically bulge out of her head. Her hands and fingers tremble, and she doesn’t even look at us. She stares at the opposite corner. “Get away from me!” she screams at the top of her lungs. “Get away!”
She picks up her pillow and hurls it across the room toward the empty corner and sweat drips from her forehead.
“Amber,” I say. She doesn’t respond to my voice so I try again. “Amber.”
Nothing.
I move slowly toward her and feel my pulse quicken.
“Don’t you dare come any closer.” Her voice is deep with rage, but she almost chokes on her words. Bill steps back, scrunching up his face.
“What’s she doing?” he asks.
“I’m not sure. Maybe she’s having a nightmare. We have to wake her up.”
“Wake up, Amber,” Bill screams.
“Why are you here?” Amber asks. “You promised to leave me alone. You promised.” Her eyes still fixate on the empty corner, and her nostrils flare.
“Slap her,” Bill says.
“No, she thinks someone’s here to hurt her.”
Amber screams some more. She’s incoherent. No matter what Bill and I say to her, she doesn’t acknowledge us. I place my hands on her shoulders and shake her. She jumps out of bed and retreats to a fetal position on the floor. Great. Then her head snaps up, and she starts swinging her arms.
“Maybe a bucket of cold water?” I ask Bill.
“Be right back.”
When he’s gone, I climb over her bed and stand between her and the imaginary person.
“Amber, it’s Lexi.”
She clutches her chest, and then her throat, choking herself.
“Don’t do it,” she begs through her tears. “Let go.”
“Do what?”
Bill comes running in with a bucket of water that spills as he makes his way toward me.
“Allow me,” he says. He stands above her and turns the bucket over, and the water pours onto Amber’s head.
So much for the new clothing I worked so hard to get on her.
No response. Not even a shiver. Her eyes remain fixed on whatever she’s seeing.
Damn, that’s creepy.
I catch a glimpse of Bill’s face as his eyes widen. Then he shrugs, still holding the empty bucket. “Well, that didn’t go as planned,” he says. “Now what?”
“Go get Roméo.”
I feel so helpless, trying to come up with something that can snap her out of her hallucination.
Just then, Amber stands up and charges the wall opposite her bed. I leap toward her and wrap my arms around her waist, but she fights me with all her strength.
“Amber, wake up.”
She doesn’t hear me or respond to me. I don’t exist to her at all. An eerie feeling comes over me, like when Zeus barks at something that isn’t there. Her eyes are so intense; I wonder what or who she sees.
“Leave her alone,” I yell at whoever she’s seeing. “Get out of here, before I shoot.” But nothing happens.
“Who are you talking to?” Cole yells over the noise as he and Zeus enter the room.
“I think she’s hallucinating; I’m trying to snap her out of it.”
“So, you just threatened to shoot … what, exactly?”
“Come hold her,” I say.
“Are you serious?”
“Yes.”
Zeus spots the pillow in the corner; he pounces on it and tears it to shreds.
“Why did you come for me?” Amber asks. “I no longer belong to you, don’t you get it? We aren’t married anymore. I left you.”
She attempts to wrench away from me, so I quickly tighten my grip.
 
; “She was married?” Cole asks. He takes her in his arms, and I start yelling at her ex-husband. I’m not a superstitious person, but at this point, I’ll give anything a try.
“Leave her alone,” I say to her husband.
“Lexi, have you lost your mind?” Cole looks concerned.
“No, I’m trying to make him go away.”
“There’s no one there.”
“I know that.”
“She can’t hear or see any of us,” Roméo says, appearing at the foot of the bed. “She only sees what she imagines in her mind. It’s a hallucination.”
“Somebody help me!” Amber screams so loud my ears ring. “Help me, please!”
“So what do we do?” I ask.
“Unfortunately, we can’t do anything. The virus is attacking her brain and waking up her fears.”
Amber stops screaming for a moment, and we all stop to stare. Cole releases her slowly. He comes up behind me and rubs my shoulders, but I remain tight as a drum.
Amber looks around the room, a glazed look in her eyes. I’m guessing she still doesn’t see us.
“She looks a bit nuts,” Bill says.
“Do you hear that?” Amber asks. Her voice comes out raspy and hoarse. Her entire body shakes nonstop. I find myself stepping back, bumping into Cole.
Something’s happening again. I can feel it.
“Let’s play a game,” Bill says. “Who can guess what’s coming next?” I give Bill a dirty look. Now isn’t the time to play games.
“Oh shit, it’s getting louder,” Amber says. She shuts her eyes and covers her ears while rocking in the corner. “No, please, no. They’re coming in through the holes.”
Amber’s legs begin kicking, her arms swinging, and she shakes, sending chills down my spine. Her piercing screams rattle me. I clap my hands to my ears and cringe.
Roméo’s eyes meet mine.
“Isn’t there anything you can give her? Roméo, I can’t watch her suffer like this.”
“Then leave.” His eyes are stone-cold.
His reaction shocks me and makes me remember how badly I wanted to choke him earlier.
Amber alternates between screaming, crying, and blubbering. She jumps to her feet and starts running but slams into the wall and falls backward, landing on her back. She gets back up and spins around while flailing her arms everywhere. Then she collapses.
It doesn’t end there. She continues to yell, “Get these bats off of me!”
I make my way over to her, cautiously, and throw my body on top of hers to keep her from thrashing and banging her head on the floor. She fights me, scratching and clawing at my arms and hands. She bites the meaty flesh of my thumb, and I cry out, but don’t give up. When I look at it, the skin’s not punctured. I try to pin her down, anything to make it stop. She writhes below me though.
“Lexi, what the hell are you doing?” Cole asks.
I wrap my arms around her and hold her while she fights the demons in her head.
“Trying to keep her from hurting herself,” I say in my best “you’re-not the-boss-of-me” voice.
Cole’s pissed. But instead of arguing, he comes to my side and holds her legs.
After what feels like hours, Amber’s screaming becomes soft cries; her voice is shot to hell. Her breathing slows down, and then all at once her rigid muscles relax, and she finally goes limp.
A sigh of relief escapes me, and I look at Cole. He lifts Amber’s slack body, places her gently in her bed, and covers her with the blanket.
I put my hands over my face as my shoulders slump. I feel so defeated.
“Lusty, please go get some sleep. I’ll watch her,” Bill says.
“For once, I agree with Bill,” Cole says. “It’s been over twenty-four hours since you’ve slept. You’re coming back with me.”
I answer without opening my eyes. “All right. Thank you, Bill.”
“Sure thing.”
“Roméo, what happens after the hallucinations?”
“Go rest. You’re going to need it to deal with the next phase.”
I nod my head and take a deep breath. Cole scoops me into his arms, and my head collapses on his shoulder. I’m spent in every possible way.
When I open my eyes, the warmth of Cole’s body surrounds me, enveloping me in safety. A dim light from the hallway shoots a sliver of light into the training room, barely illuminating our area. Around us, everyone sleeps with blankets piled over them. Zeus snores, and his nails tick against the floor as he dreams. Cole’s hand grasps mine for a minute, and I place my hand over his, tracing the veins that spider over his fingers. Spinning my body around, I face him. When his eyes meet mine, they look pained.
“Hey,” he says in a whisper.
“Hey.”
He runs his hand over my face and breathes softly.
“So are you ready?” I ask. His forehead pinches together, causing me to feel dread. He isn’t ready.
“Ready for what?” he asks.
I sigh.
He knows exactly what I’m talking about, and he’s trying to think of a way to get out of it again.
“I don’t want to talk,” he says. His voice lowers with his eyes. “Right now.”
“You don’t have a choice.”
“Fine … but we should take this elsewhere.” He flips the blanket off us, the chilly air hitting my body with a shock.
“The hallway?”
“Wherever. It doesn’t matter.”
We tiptoe through the room and into the hallway, and he stands with his body barely touching the wall, his hand running over his head, sweat coursing down his face.
“Telling you this is by far the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do,” he says. He slowly turns my way, and his eyes drop to the floor.
“Why?” I ask, my voice starting to rise. I don’t know if I am ready to hear this. “What are you so afraid of?”
“Losing you.”
“Cole, you’re not going to lose me.”
“I’m not so sure about that.”
“How can you say that?” Adrenaline starts to flow, and suddenly my breathing is uneven.
“Because once you know, you’ll never be able to look at me the same.” He takes a shaky breath. “All I’ve ever wanted to do was protect you.”
“Just say it, please.”
“Only … if you promise to stay and discuss this with me when I’m done.” He looks up.
“I will.”
“No. Promise me.”
“All right. I promise.”
A heavy silence weighs on us. We don’t speak for minutes.
“Do you remember when I told you about the guards?” he finally says. “And following orders? If you don’t follow, they’ll kill you.”
“Yeah, I remember,” I whisper. I don’t want to hear this. I don’t want to hear this.
He takes a minute and stares at the ceiling before he says, “I was young when I joined the guards.”
His expression is pain and anger and fear and desperation. I hate seeing him like this. I place a hand on his arm.
“It’s okay, Cole. Just tell me. Please.” I want to cry. I now know that what Cole has been keeping from me is so bad, he is about to collapse from the weight of carrying it this long.
He pulls his arm from me.
“My first assignment was to arrest a man the Commander wanted in custody. When I found him, he didn’t fight me, and actually, he didn’t say a word. He turned around, and I handcuffed him. I remember looking at him with amazement. His expression was blank; he showed no fear, no anger, nothing. I tried to imagine what this man could’ve done, what the Commander could want him for, what sin he could possibly have committed. It was something bigger.” He covers his face with his hands for a second then leans against the wall. “When we arrived at the Commander’s headquarters, the Commander stood at the door waiting for us.”
“Asshole,” I say.
“Please, Lexi, if you interrupt me, I won’t be able to finish.” r />
“Sorry. But he is.”
“I know that,” he says. “We took him straight to the interrogation room where I handcuffed him to the metal bar on top of the table. The room was dark except for one light above the table, giving me just enough light to see him and the Commander, who sat across from him, laughing. The interrogation went on for hours.
“Finally, the man said, ‘Are you done?’ His voice wasn’t angry, but calm and direct, something I didn’t expect.
“The Commander leaned forward and said, ‘Yes, in fact, I am … but I’d like to know what drove you, what motivated your mission. Did you honestly think it would work? That you, one man, could somehow influence the people of our society, and change the way our system works?’”
Cole stops, and I raise my eyebrows, urging him to go on. So far, nothing he’s said seems horrible enough for him to be afraid to tell me. I start to relax a little, relieved.
“The man took a deep breath, folded his arms across his chest, stared right into the Commander’s eyes, and said, ‘Like I’ve always said: You can overcome anything, short of death.’”
I gasp. It feels like someone punched me in the stomach and then drop-kicked me in the head.
Did I really just hear that? I shake my head as tears sting my eyes like needles.
“No!” I cry out, slamming back into the wall.
“Lexi, I’m so sorry.” Cole’s voice cracks.
I don’t want to believe it’s true, but my ears ring with my father’s words.
“You? It was you who … arrested … my father?” I spit out.
“Yes.”
“Why? He did nothing wrong!” I say through gritted teeth, tasting the salt from my tears.
“I didn’t have a choice. You know that.”
“Did you torture him?”
“Lexi, please … ”
“Answer me!”
“No … please, you don’t want to hear this.”
“Oh my God, you did! I want to know every single detail, even if it kills you to say it.”
“The Commander.” Cole takes a step toward me. “That bastard ordered me to follow through with the interrogation. And Lexi, you know I didn’t want to. It was a requirement of training, and I never had a choice.”