Then again, maybe not.
They stood up and left the room, escaping the sterile environment only to enter the rain that pelted the parking lot. Ana preferred the rain to the white walled numbness. At least she could feel her skin out in the rain. It was wet and cold.
Chapter 18
Chance arrived at school late.
He didn’t really want to be there, but figured it would help keep his mind engaged until the afternoon.
He gave up trying to stay focused on his studies and lumbered through each period with a callous scowl frozen on his face. The teachers and other students sensed his mood and stayed clear of him, giving him a wide berth as they passed him in the hallway.
When the final bell rang, he trudged to his truck and got in. He sat, glaring at the trees until most of the parking lot emptied. The roar of his engine tore into his ears and filled his head with white noise. The thoughts that tormented him throughout the day fell silent. Ahh.
Work was slow at Kenny’s shop, for once. Chance had already stocked the auto parts earlier that week when the shipment came in. Kenny was busy at work on the only car there.
“Why don’t you take off? I don’t have much for you today. Go see that girlfriend of yours,” Kenny said from under the hood of a sedan.
“Right.”
Of all days.
Patience wasn’t one of his strong suits. He needed to keep his mind distracted. In a snap decision, he jumped into his glossy black truck and rumbled down the road.
He wanted to be close by whenever Ana called, unable to wait longer than he had to. Her street was just up ahead.
Dust billowed behind him as he tore down the road and rumbled past her driveway. The dark sedan was gone and the house was lifeless.
He continued down the gravel drive a short distance, then pulled over and got out. The obscured sky reflected the turmoil inside him. The only thing missing was thunder.
Chance walked through a field of tall grasses and approached a grove of firs.
***
Rain had continued until they got to the western edge of the lake and cleared once they reached Clark Bend. Clouds remained in the sky in a threatening posture.
Melissa dropped Ana off at home before she went to pick Eva up at her sister’s house. Ana walked inside, went up to her room, turned on the light, and slumped over on her bed. She stared at the clock. It was after four-thirty already.
It was time.
She pulled her phone out of her pocket and called Chance. After the first ring, he picked up. His voice was raspy and sounded relieved. “Finally. I missed you today. It’s good hearing your voice.”
Ana’s throat closed up and her voice came out strangled. Afraid to commit to speech, she was at a loss for words. “I missed you, too.”
“Is it time? Can I come over?”
“Yes.” Let’s get it over with, Ana thought, as she picked at her finger nails.
“Be there in a minute.”
The line went dead. She stood to pull a sweatshirt over her head and left the hood up. Ana slunk downstairs and lingered near the front door to wait, trapped by her worst fears.
Ana heard tires on the driveway and then a soft tap swiftly followed. Her hand paused on the door before she let him in. When his face appeared, relief and sadness rushed through her.
Then, Ana sank into him. She needed to feel his warmth against her. His spicy scent made her eyes snap shut, while she drank in each breath. She reluctantly pulled away to look at him.
”I thought we could go out to the rock to talk. Do you mind?” she asked, frightened of what lay ahead of her. She was petrified to lose him. He had become necessary in her life and it caused physical pain to think about life without him. Even though it was cold and dreary outside, she wanted to be at her gazing stone. The minerals that had formed the rock had been in existence for millions of years and that thought lent her inner strength.
“Sure.” He slunk in and grabbed her hand, anchoring himself to her. The tight grip he held her with seemed desperate, protective.
The dank forest blocked the clouds overhead and left the wilderness a murky gray. Side by side, they faced the inky green vista. Chance waited, lifeless as a statue, for Ana to start.
Without giving it any forethought, she made the leap and said, “I’ve been keeping something from you. It wasn’t done to be hurtful. I just wanted to know what it felt like to be normal for once.”
She concentrated on her lap a moment more before she continued. “I know you’ve noticed how tired I get. There’s a reason.” She exhaled sharply. “I was born with heart defects and a disease that affects my heart. The condition is getting worse. My heart’s enlarging and hardening. One of the reasons we moved here was because it’s a lower altitude than Denver. It makes it easier for my heart to function. With my Aunt Tera here, it’s convenient if we need help.”
Chance brushed his thumb along Ana’s hand. She studied their entwined fingers and continued on, unable to lift her gaze. “I was at my doctor’s appointment today in Spokane. My doctor scheduled me for a heart cath. She wants to take a closer look at my heart function to see why I keep getting worse. Soon I may be. . .” You’re almost there, Ana—just say it. The words fell from her lips without another moment of hesitation, “I may have to be put on the transplant list. But the good news is I’m not there—yet.”
There. She said it.
Instantaneously her chest was light and free. But then her despair began to set in. She didn’t want to wait for his almost certain awkward reaction. How else do you respond to something like that? She couldn’t bear to see him squirm and she continued before he could react. “So, I know it was terrible of me not to tell you. And I understand if this is too much to take. It’s okay. It was too much for my dad also. I don’t blame you for not wanting to get involved in all of this. It isn’t your battle. I’m sorry I dragged you into my crazy life. I hope you can forgive me.”
She stared at her hands.
***
Chance sat in stunned silence.
How could she ever think I would leave her? If this was how it had to be, so be it. He adored her. If he could only have her for a short time, then he would take what he could get.
This explained her doleful behavior over the last week. He sensed her grasp at their time together as though it were limited. Then he realized that their time could be limited. He just hadn’t realized how sick she really was. Everything fell into place. The scar on her chest and her constant exhaustion, her anxiety about hiking, all flooded his memories. A tidal wave of despair almost drowned him.
Ana fidgeted with her hands as Chance remained silent. Finally, he turned and fell under the spell of her green eyes. Chance absorbed her face into his palms and said in gentle exasperation, “Ana! Where’d you get the idea I was going anywhere? I could never leave you. Anyway, your life isn’t any crazier than mine. Sorry to disappoint you.”
“Whaat?” she stuttered.
Chance laughed in frustration. “I can’t believe you thought I’d leave.”
Tears welled and Ana began to cry. With her head buried in her hands, he was barely able to make out her smothered voice. “It’s what happens though.”
Chance gently removed her hands from her face to meet his gaze. “You mean your dad?”
Her teary eyes met his. “Yeah. It was too much for him—I know it. Chance, you don’t know how it’s been tearing me up inside keeping this from you.”
Chance’s expression grew dark. “I do know.”
Ana snuggled against his side while he wrapped his arms around her and closed his eyes in concentration. “So—have the doctor’s done everything they can? Is there any medicine or treatment that could help you?”
Fear gripped him. He never thought everything would work out this way. He was powerless, something he wasn’t used to.
“They‘ve tried different medications. I had a valve replacement surgery a couple of years ago. Any
way, I’ve been a dutiful guinea pig for the doctors.” She shrugged and said, “This is where we’ve wound up.”
“When is this thing? What’s it called?”
“Two weeks from today. A heart catheterization. They’ll feed a long wire with a camera up into my heart to watch the heart work. I’ll only be there for the day but I’ll be sedated while they do it. I’ve had it done lots of times.”
***
Chance sat in silence and thought about what she said. He was wracking his brain for any way he could possibly help her and he kept going back to his mother and grandfather. He needed to talk to them to understand everything better.
Some may have gotten upset with her for withholding a secret like this, but he empathized with her reason, which only brought him closer to her. He could understood the need to feel normal.
Now it all became clear—why he was so protective of her. Why his instincts had warned him. He knew she was in danger and now he knew from what.
Ana’s true depth of character struck him. He admired her strength. They were so similar, although their secrets were so different. It frustrated him that he couldn’t share it with her.
Chance asked, “So, tell me the rules. What are you allowed to do?”
He wanted to make sure he never pushed her too far. He didn’t want to hurt her. If the walks were too much, he would sit on the couch and play board games with her. As long as they were together, he would be satisfied.
“Well, I’m supposed to avoid exertion. If my heart becomes too agitated it could stop,” she said and looked away. “I self-regulate though. I don’t do anything that tires me out. I think I can still go on walks with you as long as I go slowly and it isn’t too elevated.”
Chance thought about the times she almost fainted, like when they kissed on the island. He had sensed her heart race and wondered if he had inadvertently hurt her.
“What if your heart races too much? When we were at the lake. . .” He didn’t know how to ask, a bit self-conscious. Ana’s brow wrinkled. Chance held her cheek in the palm of his hand and leaned closer. Both of their hearts raced in anticipation. Chance stopped and searched her eyes. “I don’t want to hurt you. Let me know if this is too much.”
He withdrew a little to see comprehension flit across Ana’s face, followed by a rosy blush. “Oh,” she said.
She touched her forehead against his and closed her eyes. He rested his hand gently on her neck and sensed her heartbeat go from a quick sporadic beat to a slower, controlled rhythm within a few minutes.
Ana leaned in until her lips brushed against his like a butterfly’s wing gracing the tip of a flower. She pulled away with her eyes closed and said, “I think, with practice, I can do it without causing my heart any trouble.”
Chance smiled, while his own heart pounded away and laughed. “At least I don’t have to worry about mine.”
Serious again, he touched her cheek. “Thanks for telling me. It must have been hard for you. It’s better now that I know. I knew something was off.” He combed down her stray hairs and suppressed the unease that left him vulnerable.
“How did you know?”
“Well, you got tired after our walks. Your fingers and lips are always purple.” He reached up to touch the tip of his finger to her lower lip. He hesitated, wanting to ask one more thing.
Ana said, “What?”
“One day I noticed the faint scar on your chest.”
Ana placed her hand over her scar. “Why didn’t you ask me then? If you noticed so much, you must have known something was wrong. Why didn’t you just ask?”
Chance held her gaze while he answered. “I thought if you didn’t want to tell me, then I wasn’t going to ask. I figured if you wanted me to know, you’d tell me. It didn’t really matter what your secret was.”
***
Ana breathed out her response in gratitude. “Thanks. I never realized. I knew you understood me—I just didn’t know how well.”
She felt lucky. Something completely foreign to her. She reached down and held the thunderbird talisman between her fingers while the anxiety in her stomach lifted away.
Eva’s voice broke the quiet and lifted above the trees. “AAAANNNNNNAAAAA!” The loud call disturbed nearby birds, spurring them to take flight.
“She hasn’t gotten to see me yet. We should go back.”
Before Ana could raise herself from the ground, Chance stood next to her with his hand extended. She accepted his help and was lifted upright slowly.
Chance held her for a moment and smiled. Bliss radiated from her as she identified his protectiveness. This was something she could adjust to. She didn’t need to be strong enough to endure in silence any longer. Finally, she had someone to lean on for support.
As they walked hand in hand into the house, Melissa and Eva watched them with silent, cautious eyes. Ana put their curiosity to rest. “It’s okay—I told him.”
The relief was obvious on Melissa’s face as she sighed and rubbed her temples. Eva shrugged as though it never mattered much anyway. She embraced her sister so tight that Ana coughed in surprise.
Eva smiled and said, “I missed you today. Mom told me you have to go back in two weeks though. Can I go to that one?”
Ana and Eva turned to their mother. She seemed bothered and took a minute to respond. The pressure built in Eva’s lanky body. Her tight hold around Ana’s waist forced her to touch her sister’s arm in reminder. Eva loosened her grip and looked back at her mother in disappointment.
“I’m not sure what to do about that. I just started this job and my boss has been very understanding, but I’m just not sure if I can take another day off so soon. Tera said that she could take you Ana, but then Eva would be waiting around all day as well—and now, don’t get mad, but I just don’t want you there, Eva.” Melissa lifted her brows as a challenge to Eva’s pouty lower lip. “I’d rather you stay in school. The clinic’s no place for you—you should be with your friends, continuing your daily schedule.”
Chance raised his hand. “I can take Ana. It’s not a problem taking the day off. My parents wouldn’t mind, and to be honest, I’d prefer being there than waiting here. If it’s okay with you.” He asked politely, but Ana heard the determination laced in the offer.
Melissa embraced Chance and choked out, “Thank you.”
Chance flushed. “I should probably leave you guys to relax after your long day. I have a couple things I need to do anyway.”
“Okay, Chance. Thanks, again. We’ll see you later,” Melissa said and dabbed at her reddened eyes with a Kleenex.
He shuffled out of the house with Ana beside him.
They stopped at his truck and he secured her against him and initiated their goodbye. Ana welcomed the intimacy now that her protective barrier had been splintered into oblivion. There didn’t seem to be any reason left to push him away except habit. A habit she was cautious to break.
Chance pulled back some stray hairs from her bewildered face and tenderly said, “I’ll call you later. We can set something up for tomorrow—if you’re up to it.”
Ana nodded, speechless, and then backed away from the truck. She watched him drive off in silence. Then numbness crept in. The day had been overwhelming. There was so much for her to process. She had not been prepared for Chance’s response.
She stumbled through the front door and into the welcome arms of her mother who waited in the living room. Ana cried so hard at first it was silent, but then it grew into a torrent of gasps and sobs. Melissa smoothed her hair and rubbed her back in large circles.
“I know, baby. it’s been a long day.”
Chapter 19
Ana asked, “What are you going to work on at Aunt Tera’s today?”
“She’s gonna show me how to make pot roast,” Eva said, her eyes wide. She slipped a notebook into her backpack with bold block letters written on the top, Recipes.
“Mmm, can’t wait to try it,” Ana said enthusiasticall
y and flung her bag over her shoulder.
Over the last two weeks, while Ana bathed in the refuge Chance offered, Eva had hung out at Aunt Tera’s house every day after school and became her aunt’s new sidekick.
From the regular exposure to Aunt Tera’s cooking prowess, Eva’s knowledge expanded past hitting buttons on the microwave and boiling water. Now a budding chef, she discovered a whole new frontier she had never been exposed to before.
Melissa and Ana watched in awe as Eva flitted across the kitchen, grabbing pans and fresh ingredients to create nutritious dinners that she planned with Aunt Tera’s help. Most of them were even edible. With Eva occupied, Ana was able to enjoy her time with Chance even more.
Ana looked forward to their walk that afternoon. It was their last opportunity to relax and unwind before the trip up to Spokane the next day. Ana tried not to think about the outcome of the procedure and was focused on how Chance was taking it. He soldered on in silence, which made her nervous.
With a vice grip on the steering wheel of her van, she drummed her fingers in rhythm to the radio music and glanced over at Eva who was content, doodling in her notebook.
Ana stared at the lines on the road and recalled the last couple of weeks. She and Chance savored their time together along hidden trails that entwined the mountainside behind his house, but never got very far before Ana required a rest. Chance waited, like a silent guardian by her side until she was able to continue, and offered his hand when needed.
She ambled beside his powerful body, like the tortoise being escorted by the hare. An unlikely pair, though neither was interested in the finish line. Nothing could match her blissful contentment right now, a strange new emotion which took some getting used to.
The middle school came into view and Ana dropped Eva off at the curb.
“Bye, Ana. See you later—have fun today!”
“Bye, D. Love you!” Ana waved as she pulled away.
Throughout the day Ana noticed how quiet Chance seemed. Every time she faced him and smiled he returned a grin, but his eyes were distant and gray.