seventeen
After Ken left, I was feeling unsettled. And even though Viktor was here, I couldn’t help spinning different scenarios through my mind at what could have happened to Glinda after I left. I shoved my hands through my hair, holding it away from my face, starring down at the papers strewn across the table.
“Amber,” Viktor sighed, drawing my attention.
“What?” I snipped, not meaning to sound so impatient but my mind was on other things than the stupid paper we had to finish.
“Listen,” he exhaled. “I know you’re worried about Glinda but there is nothing you could have done.”
“How do you know?” I asked my voice catching. I felt guilty even though I didn’t do anything wrong…really. You left her, my inner voice taunted. I fell back into the cushions, giving up.
“I can take you first thing tomorrow if you want,” he said.
I shook my head. “I can’t miss school, my mom will freak.”
“Okay,” he said. “We can go after, all right.” His brow lifted.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Okay, thank you,” I said with meaning. Actually, I was glad he was here, if not I would have made myself crazy by now. “Have you talked to Vincent?”
His brow creased. “Why would I do that?”
“Um,” I said, frowning too. “Because he was with her,” I said.
“Yeah, I don’t think he was with her when she was attacked.”
“I know…” I sat up. “Of course he wasn’t.” I shook my head not sure where that had come from. “I was just wondering where he went, since they were together?” I lifted my shoulders.
“If you are so worried about him, why don’t you call him?” he asked, sounding none too nice.
I recoiled from his harsh tone. “I didn’t mean it like that,” I defended, making a face.
“What did you mean then?”
“They were together, so what happened to him?” I wondered out loud.
“Yeah, I don’t know. I haven’t had a chance to talk with him yet.”
I frowned. “Why?”
“I’ve been with you all day,” he stated the obvious.
“Well, duh, I know that.” I didn’t know why I was suddenly so irritated with him, but I was.
“I think we’re done here.” He stood.
I immediately felt like a b. This was so not how I wanted today to end. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m just worried and I don’t know, I feel somehow responsible,” I admitted.
He sat back down and leaned forward. “I understand you are frustrated and worried, but I’m sure there was nothing that you could have done.”
“But if I was there…”
“You probably would have been attacked too,” he snapped. “Is that what you wanted?” His eyes flashed.
“No.” I sighed. “I just feel so bad.” I pulled my legs up into a cross-legged position and wrapped my arms around my stomach.
“I don’t get it Amber,” he said. “Why do you feel so guilty?”
“Because I lied, okay!” I slipped, voicing my worst fears.
His eyes narrowed. “What did you lie about?”
I covered my face. “I didn’t have a headache.”
“So.” He looked confused.
“Don’t you see?” I said. “If I didn’t fake having a headache she would have left with me and this probably wouldn’t have happened.”
“You don’t know that for certain.”
“Oh, I have a pretty good idea it wouldn’t have.”
“How can you say that?” he asked. “It sucks, I get it. But what could have you done to stop it.”
I scrubbed my face. “I don’t know,” I cried.
He pulled my hands away. I flinched. His hands were really cold. “Sorry, low blood pressure,” he said and tucked his hands into his pockets.
“Oh.” I chewed on my lip.
“Anyway,” he continued. “I get you feel guilty but don’t you see that is all this is…guilt—plain and simple.”
“Yeah, well guilt is a pretty big emotion and I feel like I am being suffocated with it.”
“Well you can’t take it back, you know,” he said, his voice coming out soft, velvety.
I lifted my gaze to his. His eyes seemed to darken. “It’s over and done with now.”
“Yeah, it’s over and done with now,” I repeated.
“So you are just going to have to deal.”
I exhaled. “Yeah, I’m going to have to deal.” I started to feel better. “You’re right,” I said and sat up, uncrossing my legs and picked up a paper. “Let’s get this finished, okay?”
He let out a pent up breath and raked his hand through his hair. “Sounds good,” he said and smiled at me. It wasn’t a big smile, it was just a hint of one but it made me feel immensely better.
An hour later we finally finished. He grabbed up the loose papers and handed them to me. Our fingers touched. Again, I recoiled from the cold. “You need some hand-warmers,” I said, smiling up at him.
He frowned and pulled his hand back. “Yeah, I guess.”
I wanted to kick myself. “Sorry.”
“It’s true, so….” He shrugged.
I stood up and shoved my hands in my pockets. We were standing really close. He looked down at me with an unreadable expression on his face. His hand lifted and he brushed a piece of my hair over my shoulder. “I guess I should go.”
My heart did a little flutter. “So, I’ll see you tomorrow?”
His lip curled up and his fingers brushed against my cheek, this time I didn’t flinch. He smiled wider. “That’s the plan.” His gaze flicked down to my lips and suddenly all I could hear was my heart pounding in my ears. I couldn’t move, or take a breath. A flash of heat spread over me and I could see him taking me into his strong arms, lifting me up and kissing me. We fell back onto the couch, my hands in his hair…his cold lips on my skin…
“Amber…” He snapped his fingers.
I blinked stupidly, my face heating with embarrassment. “Ah,” I flummoxed, stumbling back into the couch; I grabbed it for support. I felt like my legs were about to buckle.
Lifting his brow, he gave me a look that sent my heart to thumping all over again. “I better go.” His eyes sparkled in the dim light with amusement.
“Yeah, sure,” I said, and pushed off the couch. I followed him to the door, fanning myself.
He tossed on his coat and opened the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Oh—kay,” I said slowly.
He stepped out onto the porch. “Oh and one more thing, Amber…” he said, turning, his eyes glittering with something just beneath the surface. I wasn’t sure what it was but it made me feel heated all over again.
“Yeah?” I gripped the doorframe for support, my legs suddenly not feeling steady.
“Just a F.Y.I., it would be even better than you imagined.” He winked at me, then turned and walked down the stairs, disappearing into the fog.