“My job requires me to be here. She’s already given up one relationship because she couldn’t move. How could this possibly work?”
“Well, it’s certainly not gonna work if you believe it won’t.”
“When I’m here, it’s like I can see things a little more clearly—how difficult it would be. But when I’m with her, I can’t imagine being anywhere else.”
“She wouldn’t be willing to move?”
“I don’t think so. Ollie really loves his school in St. George. It’s a school for the blind.”
Lorena flicked a rag at me. “You know what I think?”
“What?”
“I think it’s too early for you to be worrying. You said you were honest with the boy. That’s all you can do. You don’t owe anyone a decision. Time will tell how you really feel. Just don’t make anyone any promises you can’t keep, and you’ll be okay.”
I let out a frustrated breath. “Yeah.”
“If this girl is as amazing as you say, the right guy will come along for her and for that little boy. She’s still so young.”
Her words hit me in the gut, made me so freaking jealous. I wondered if that was intentional on her part. I didn’t want anyone else to come along. I couldn’t figure out how to make this work logistically, but I wasn’t anywhere near ready to let the idea of her go.
All of a sudden, I put my hand on my stomach. It felt like my insides were twisting. At first, I thought maybe it was the stress of thinking about the situation with Eden. But as the rush of nausea tore through me, it quickly became clear that I was about to throw up.
I ran to the bathroom off the kitchen as fast as I could and hurled into the toilet.
Lorena followed. “Are you okay?”
With my hands on each side of the toilet, I looked up at her, dazed and confused.
“Is it stress?” she asked.
As I leaned over the bowl, I couldn’t help but laugh. All these years, I’d figured I was immune to throwing up. I just hadn’t met the right eleven year old with the right stomach virus.
I might have returned to L.A., but Ollie was most definitely still with me.
***
Although still nauseous, somehow I managed to keep from vomiting at work.
My father had brought a consultant in for the meeting this morning. The guy went on and on about the state of the industry. I didn’t appreciate having to come all the way home for this bullshit.
He just kept rambling. “Remember a time when people used to love going to the movies, and they would happily pay for it? The film business is sinking because, plain and simple, the movies suck. The only reason to take someone to the movies these days is if you’re a dude trying to get laid. Something’s got to change with the quality of movies being put out there, or the film industry is on its last leg.”
I scrolled through my emails while he was talking and saw that something had come in from Ollie.
A message from Ollie Shortsleeve using VoiceText300:
Dear Ryder,
Testing. It’s me, Ollie.
That was all it said.
I chuckled to myself. That was freaking adorable. I discreetly typed a message back to him.
Hey Ollie,
Guess what? Been thinking of you a lot. Not just because I miss you guys, but also because I caught your stomach bug. It’s okay if you think that’s funny. Now that I’m not hunched over a toilet, I’m laughing, too.
What are you up to this morning?
Ryder
I returned to listening to the consultant, who continued to bore me. My father was pretending to be engaged, although I suspected he was regretting his decision to bring him in, since the guy had yet to offer any solutions to the problems he was so good at outlining.
A response from Ollie popped up in my inbox and once again stole my attention.
A message from Ollie Shortsleeve using VoiceText300:
Hi Ryder,
I’m listening to some videos and emailing you. Eden is making breakfast.
I’m glad you told me it’s okay to laugh, because it’s pretty funny that you threw up. I’m all better now. I hope you feel better soon.
P.S. I’m talking into my voice to text app to write this. That’s why there are no spelling mistakes.
P.P.S. I miss you, too. So does Eden.
I closed my eyes and pictured Eden in her kitchen, bending over the stove in her tight little leggings. Imagining the smell of her hair, I breathed in, once again cognizant of the fact that I was closing my eyes to experience feelings and sensations, something I was doing a lot more of lately.
After the meeting wrapped up, the consultant left the room, leaving me alone with my father.
“You seemed distracted,” he said.
“Was I supposed to be paying attention to that garbage? He was full of nothing but hot air. You seemed unimpressed with him, too.”
He changed the subject. “How was your trip?”
“It was really good.”
“I hope you got whatever it was out of your system.”
Far from it.
“Its name is Eden. And I did not get her out of my system. I’ll be going back at some point.”
He shook his head as if to totally disregard what I’d just said. “I really need you to focus. You can’t be taking weeks away at a time to visit women in other states.”
I didn’t expect him to get it. “What good is vacation time if I can’t use it? I never took time off up until last week. I’ve worked my ass off. Haven’t I accrued a shit ton of vacation time by now?”
“McNamaras don’t take time off. When I was your age, I wasn’t taking vacations. All of my time was spent building my career. And that’s exactly what you should be doing. You can relax when you’re my age.”
“That’s ludicrous because you haven’t slowed down one bit.”
“Yeah, well, it’s different now…without your mother. Things might be different if she were around to travel with me. But work’s been good for me. I don’t see that changing anytime soon. Someday when you’re truly ready to take over my spot, I can scale back. That’s why I’m working you so hard right now.” He lifted his finger. “Speaking of which, I need to talk to you about the next leg of Operation Take Over the Global Market.”
I braced myself. “What’s the next step?”
“China.”
“China?”
“China, yes. You sound almost as excited as when I told you that you were headed to India.”
“Well, once again, you caught me off guard. What’s the deal with China?”
“There are a few Chinese tech companies looking to invest in our studio. They’re hunting for content right now. They’ve already collaborated with some big names. We need to get in on this. I’ve got you meeting with two different companies when you visit next month.”
I knew there was no use trying to argue my way out of this trip, despite my recent disdain for international travel. My father seemed more determined than ever to expand my role here. I needed to suck it up and go with it. I’d figure out a way to work this China trip in with my plans to travel back to St. George.
***
No matter how hard I tried not to peek in on Eden’s show, it was hard to resist when I was alone in my bed and had nothing better to do than to wait for our midnight Skype chat.
A few nights after I returned from St. George, I gave in to the urge to check out what was going on.
When I logged in, there she was, sitting with her legs crossed and chatting with some of her followers. I was immediately relieved not to have caught her with her shirt off or something.
She didn’t seem to notice that I had joined. I preferred it when she didn’t know I was watching. Eden admitted that my being there made her nervous now that she knew how much the camming bothered me.
I quickly became captivated, getting immersed in her world just as easily as I had in the beginning.
She was answering questions. Some guy was askin
g her what he should wear on a first date.
“You should wear whatever you’re comfortable in,” she said. “Whatever makes you feel confident. If you’re a jeans and T-shirt kind of a guy, then rock that look, knowing you’re showing her your authentic self. It’s very important to be yourself.”
I didn’t know how she pulled all of this stuff out of her ass at the drop of a hat, but it was definitely a true talent, because she hardly even had to stop to think.
The token sounds went crazy all of a sudden. The viewers had collectively thrown in enough for her to take her top off.
I swallowed in anticipation, knowing it didn’t normally take very long for her to give them what they wanted.
Sure enough, Eden placed her hands on the bottom of her shirt and lifted the material up over her head. She unclasped her bra from the back and let her voluptuous breasts spring free.
Fuck.
I missed her so badly. I hated this. I hated this so goddamn much.
Morbid curiosity led my eyes to the comments section.
AdamAnton555: You have the most beautiful tits I have ever seen.
LouisGator1: I wish I could suck on them.
ElliotMichael33: I’d love to slide my dick in between those right now and come all over your creamy skin.
I spoke to the screen. “I’d love to punch your fucking lights out.”
Even though I knew this was part of the territory, hearing all of the things these fuckers wanted to do to her made me insane.
After she finished her little show and put her shirt back on, I impulsively purchased two thousand tokens and dropped them all in at once. When she looked down and saw my name, she turned fifty shades of red.
She got her act together, though, pretending I was just one of the guys.
“ScreenGod! It’s been a while.”
I decided to be a wiseass.
ScreenGod90: Is that enough money for a private chat?
I knew full well it was more than enough and then some.
Eden played it cool and bid farewell to her viewers, promising to return at the end of our private time.
I braced myself, figuring she was going to be mad at me for interfering.
The reception I got was just the opposite.
“How did you know I needed to see you?”
“I didn’t. I got jealous as fuck and lost it, but if you wanted an escape, then win-win.”
“Two-thousand coins, Ryder? Are you crazy? I would’ve stopped for free if you just asked me.”
“A private chat is worth much more than that to me.”
“I didn’t even see you log in. How long were you watching me?”
“Long enough to get pissed. I was stealthy, though. Snuck in when you were telling that lame dude how to dress himself.”
She placed her hand on her forehead. “Oh my God. I know.”
“If I ever have to ask you how to dress, do yourself a favor and dump my ass.”
She laughed but then changed her tone. “Dump you? Do I even have you?”
Suddenly, the mood became tense. Her question was a serious one.
“You have me. You’ve had me from the moment you first looked me in the eyes and said my name. It’s fucking insane how much you have me.”
Her face contorted. “I miss you.”
“It’s painful being away from you again.”
“I know,” she said.
“I don’t feel like sharing you tonight—or any night, really. I’ve never felt possessive like this over anyone in my entire life. I don’t know what’s going on with me. I feel so out of control of my emotions.”
“What I do for a living is not exactly a normal situation for someone to have to deal with. I think you’re reacting normally. I’m putting you in a tough spot.”
“You’re doing what you have to, and I admire you for that. More than you know.”
“I’m not going back to work tonight. I’m just gonna stay on and talk to you. You paid me enough for a week.”
“You do what you want, okay? Not what you think I want.”
She pulled off her shirt before removing her shorts and underwear.
“What are you doing, Eden?”
“You said to do what I want.”
She was panting, and her eyes were glassy. She looked horny as all hell. My dick was hard as steel as I watched her spread her legs apart, her glistening pussy taunting me.
“I want you to show me how much you want me. And I want to hear you groan and watch you come, Ryder.”
Well, fuck. I thought I was already hard, but my dick stiffened even more.
“Lie back,” I said.
Eden positioned herself so she could rub her clit while watching me masturbate. Even though we’d done this before, there was something so desperate about this time. I think we were both at the end of our ropes after being interrupted before I’d left her.
As I tugged at my cock, I said, “You’re so hot, baby. I’ve never wanted to fuck anyone like I want to fuck you. I want you so bad right now. I can hardly think straight.”
There was no bigger turn-on than the sound of her moaning while she touched herself to the sight of me jerking it.
I licked my hand to wet it so I could imagine it was her drenched pussy. I closed my eyes and imagined what her pheromones smelled like. We were both totally lost in the moment.
When I opened my eyes, she was squeezing her tit with one hand while she massaged her clit with the other.
Holy shit, that’s hot.
Her legs started to tremble before she moaned in pleasure. I loved that she didn’t give a fuck whether or not I was ready. She just let herself go.
“Eden…Eden…Eden…” I let out the longest breath, which I hadn’t even realized I was holding, as my cum spurted out in buckets.
She watched every second of it. I kept milking myself to squeeze out the last few drops.
I collapsed against the headboard, momentarily sated but knowing that feeling of satisfaction would be short-lived.
We lay there for a while in silence. Eventually, she got up and put her shirt back on.
“So, Ollie told me you’ve been emailing each other,” she finally said.
“Yeah. He’s so cute.” I wondered if she was mad about that. “I hope that’s okay with you. I told him we could keep in touch.”
“I know what you told him—that you’d be there for him no matter what.”
My tone was insistent. “I’m not trying to overstep my bounds. I just don’t see a reason why he and I couldn’t keep in touch, even if…”
“Even if things don’t work out with us,” she said defensively.
I paused. “Yeah.”
“You do know Ethan told him the same thing, right?”
Fuck Ethan.
“Yes. But I’m not Ethan. I’m not an asshole. I would never do anything to hurt him.”
“Not intentionally. But life happens. Shit happens. He and I, we’re not used to people who stick around. Sadly, that’s the norm for us. Ethan, my father, Ollie’s father—no men in our lives ever stick around. My brother and I have no one but each other, so we’re not exactly conditioned to believe people when they say they’re going to be there.
That hurt to hear. “I know. I get it.” Leaning in, I said, “You’ve never mentioned your father before, only that he was never around.”
“Yeah, well, there’s not much to mention. My mother really knew how to pick them. Both men she got knocked up by were passing through town at the time.”
“Is he alive?”
“My father is a drifter. He never stayed in one place more than a year or two. The last I heard he was somewhere in North Dakota.”
“Were you born in Utah?”
“No. I was born in Montana. My mom was from there. She was a struggling student when she met him. They were around the same age. He took off after he found out she was pregnant. He came around one time when I was five. But at the time, I didn’t know it was him. My mother introduc
ed him as her friend Lane. She only told me years later who it really was.”
Montana.
Lane.
Montana Lane.
Fuck.
“Wow,” I said.
Even though Eden was downplaying her feelings, the fact that she’d chosen her father’s name for her screen name spoke volumes. She was hurt by her dad’s abandonment far more than she was letting on.
Another reason I needed to tread very carefully.
***
A week later, it was Friday afternoon when the China itinerary landed in my inbox. My father had scheduled two full weeks of meetings there for me. I’d be leaving in a month.
I hadn’t booked a ticket back to St. George yet. Even though I wanted to see Eden badly, work had been so freaking busy. Maybe she was right. Maybe this couldn’t work, no matter how much I wanted it to.
As I stared at my inbox, a new message came in. It was from Ollie.
A message from Ollie Shortsleeve using VoiceText300:
Ryder,
Last night I heard crickets outside. I thought maybe you came back. But when I went to the window, I called your name and you weren’t there. It was just crickets.
Ollie
P.S. Are you coming back?
That squeezed at my heart. My fingers lingered at the keyboard for a while, but I didn’t know what to tell him. So I held off on responding, vowing to send him a message later.
It was 5:30, and I decided I’d had it for the day, so I got in my car and took off.
My original plan was to head home and catch up on the sleep I hadn’t been getting.
When I got to my exit, though, I passed right by, staying on the freeway.
I told myself I might have accidentally missed the exit, but I knew damn well it was intentional.
I was headed straight for the airport.