“I guess we should be going, too,” Navan said, tilting his head toward Bashrik and Angie, who were still obliviously wrapped up in one another, their passionate kissing making me feel very awkward. She was my best friend, but there were some things a girl didn’t need to see.
I nodded. “Ready when you are.”
“Do you think they even know we’ve all left?” Navan asked as we reached the door.
I turned toward the preoccupied lovers. “Goodnight, you two!”
They didn’t make a sound, too engrossed in each other to notice that they were the only ones left in the observatory. Laughing at the pair of them, I slipped my hand into Navan’s and headed out into the hallway, making our way back to our room. It was nice to have a moment alone with him, especially after everything that had been going on lately.
As soon as the door to our bedroom was closed, I wrapped my arms around Navan and stood on my tiptoes, kissing him fiercely on the mouth. His hands found my hips, holding me tight, his breath catching in the back of his throat as he kissed me back. Recounting the story of our first meeting had created a warm, fuzzy glow between us, which I was determined to make the most of.
With a devious look on my face, I grasped his hands and pulled him over to the bed, only for him to take a step away from me, breaking free of my touch. His expression changed suddenly, becoming instantly more serious. I sat down on the edge of the bed and looked up at him, wondering what was going on. Was he worried about Earth? I couldn’t tell. It was something that was always playing on my mind, too, but it only made me more eager to make the most of the time we had, while we had it.
“There was a story I wanted to tell, in the circle,” he said suddenly. “I couldn’t work up the courage to do it in front of everyone, but it’s one I’ve been meaning to tell you for a long time. Until now, the moment has never been right.”
“You’re not engaged to another person, are you?” I asked.
He smiled sadly. “You said I frightened you, when we first met. Firstly, I wanted to apologize. Secondly, I wanted to explain why,” he said quietly. “Honestly, back then, I was a different person than the one I am now… because of you. I hid from emotions, and I wasn’t good at dealing with things I couldn’t understand. I was dealing with a lot of pain, pent up over the years.”
“Because of what happened to Naya?”
“Partially, but there was more to it than that,” he continued. “I know I told you about the fighting pits, and me not being able to deal any death blows. And yet, you saw me kill Jethro. No doubt, you were confused. The thing is, Jethro wasn’t the first person I’d killed, though after Naya died I swore never to hurt anyone again.”
I frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t know if you remember me saying, but before I was an Explorer, I worked for my father in his alchemy lab,” he explained. “To begin with, everything was fine; I was helping out with serums and elixirs and getting to learn all the useful stuff that made the job seem like something I wanted to do. I presume that was my father’s intention, to draw me in first, before he revealed the dark secrets of what truly went on behind the scenes.”
I looked at him with concern etched on my face. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, I had no idea what I was getting into. Making elixirs was one thing, but I didn’t understand then that, to create powerful alchemical compounds, test subjects are required. Toward the end of my apprenticeship, things took a turn for the worse. After we started making headway with the Immortality Theory, my father’s experiments became more extreme. Soon enough, he was bringing test subjects into the lab, from all over the place. He would send requests in to the Exploration Corps, to bring him back subjects of various species so that he could study them and experiment on them.”
“What?” I gasped.
“You saw what happened to those poor bastards at Queen Brisha’s alchemy lab, when they put that test elixir into their veins,” he murmured. “I never saw anything quite like that, but I did witness the endless suffering of the test subjects that were brought in. My father, and the other alchemists, kept them locked away in cells beneath the lab. He would send me down there to fetch them, and then… when the trial didn’t work out, or a nasty side effect took hold… it was up to me to put them out of their misery.”
“Oh, Navan…”
“I remember that first kill as if it were yesterday. I used to dream about it every night, though the nightmares have faded in recent years,” he went on. “He was a coldblood criminal who had been imprisoned for infidelity. He hadn’t robbed anyone, killed anyone, or harmed anyone physically. And yet, he’d been thrown in prison for what he’d done. I remember him crying out to me as I approached him. He thought I was going to help him.
“I remember hearing those cries and looking into that man’s eyes… and panicking. I didn’t want to kill him, but if I didn’t, I knew I would bring my father’s wrath down on my head. Worse than that, I knew I might end up facing a similar fate—Jareth had threatened as much. I realize now that it was a lie—he didn’t have that kind of power—but back then I believed every word he said. I was more afraid of him than anyone else, and I couldn’t even fathom the idea of him lying to me. Barely thinking of the consequences, I took the knife from my belt and plunged it into the man’s chest, just as my father had told me to. I’ll never forget the shocked look on his face as he fell.”
“Oh my God…”
“In that final year at the lab, I killed more people than I can count—people from all across the universe. I killed them because I had to, and with every single death, it got easier,” he murmured. “The action got easier, anyway, but the pain never went away. Then, one day, I couldn’t do it anymore. I lifted the knife to kill a Carokian and I froze. He lunged for me, snapping me out of it, but after that kill I told my father I couldn’t kill anyone else… I wouldn’t kill anyone else. He called me a coward and sent me to Lazar, and I never set foot in the alchemy lab again. It was my uncle who taught me how to compartmentalize everything, and lock pain and guilt away, deep inside, where it can’t get out. He was the one who told me that the faces of the dead never go away, but they fade over time.”
“I don’t understand. How come you went to the pits, then, when Naya died?”
He shrugged. “I was numb, and I wanted to feel something again. I wanted to remember all those I’d hurt. I wanted to be punished for everything I’d done, and everything I hadn’t done… to protect her. I wanted to pay some kind of price for following Jareth’s lead in murdering those innocents, now that he’d done the same to my sister. I knew that the only way to do that was to bring back the ghosts of everyone I’d killed. I wanted to feel that pain again and drown myself in it—it was the only way I knew how to deal with my grief.”
“Why are you telling me all of this?” I asked, concerned. “Do you want me to forgive you? I do forgive you. You were young and vulnerable; you didn’t know what you were doing. I’ve seen Vysanthean brainwashing firsthand. I know you were only following Jareth’s orders.”
“But I shouldn’t have done any of that. It’s something I’ve always been deeply ashamed of—a year of my life that I wish I could erase from my memory,” he said. “I’ve done a pretty good job of keeping it hidden, but I didn’t want to hide it from you anymore.”
“Why?”
He sighed, a sad smile playing on his lips. “I don’t want there to be any secrets between us.”
“I don’t have any secrets.”
“No… No, I suppose you don’t,” he murmured. “I just wanted to tell you mine.”
He moved forward and sat beside me on the bed, pulling me into his embrace. Nestling close to his chest, I could hear his heart beating faster. It worried me. There was something in his voice that turned my stomach in knots, a tremor of doubt bristling through my body. I wanted to press him further, desperate to ask why it felt like he was still hiding something from me. But, as he tilted my chin up and kissed me deeply,
I realized I didn’t want to ruin the moment.
Besides, I was probably just being paranoid.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
On the morning of our fourth day of travel, I found myself standing in the kitchen with Navan, eating a plate of buttered toast while he sipped on a bowl of blood, when Bashrik’s voice crackled through the loudspeakers.
“We’re about to enter Vysanthe’s solar system,” he called. It was a day later than planned, but we were finally nearing the planet of my nightmares.
Putting down our food, we hurried through to the cockpit, where Ronad and Bashrik were manning the controls. The two of them seemed to be in deep discussion, hardly noticing that we’d entered behind them.
“This was really your idea?” Ronad asked, his voice tense. “There might be extra scout ships out and about, or heightened measures in place to stop ships from getting by unnoticed.”
Bashrik shook his head. “I know we need to be wary of the risks involved, Ronad, believe me I do, but if we don’t find out as much as we can, then we’re wasting an opportunity.”
“What are you guys chatting about?” I interjected. Both of them whirled around to face me.
“Whether we’re about to do something really stupid,” Ronad replied, flashing a nervous smile in our direction.
Navan frowned. “You mean by coming back here?”
Bashrik nodded, running an anxious hand through his hair. “It seemed like a good idea when I suggested it to Riley, and I still think it’s a good idea, but we are taking a bit of a risk.”
“It’s something we have to do, though, right?” I said firmly. “Bash is right—we need to find out as much as we can, to get an upper hand on the rebels. If we know what’s happening on Vysanthe and we can work out what the queens’ next move might be, then we’ll be one tiny step ahead.”
“You think it’s worth the risk?” Ronad wondered.
“To find out if it’s going to be three armies against us and our allies, or just one? Absolutely!” I grinned at him, though I didn’t feel quite so brave inside. The thought of three armies charging at Earth was more than I could bear, especially when one rebel army with a notebook that could give them everlasting life was more than enough to be worrying about.
“We can give the planet a wide berth and still pick up local transmissions,” Navan assured us. “We shouldn’t have to get very close at all if we can pick up the right airwaves, which I’m hoping will be the same as they were when we left this place.”
I thought of the coded connection to Brisha’s underground control room and wondered if that was what he meant. Perhaps there was another one he knew to access Gianne’s news source, considering his father had worked for her for so long. Either that, or they had a way of tapping in to the local channels of their hometown, given that they’d spent their entire lives there. Just a glimpse into the past month was all we needed to gauge the current state of North and South Vysanthe, though I was more than happy to stay as far away from the coldblood planet as possible.
“Do you think the news channels will still be transmitting?” I asked, knowing media blackouts were a very real possibility in wartime.
“Let’s hope so. Although, I might increase the shield strength, just in case—don’t want any stray scanners picking us up,” Bashrik said nervously, putting the ship into stealth mode.
Peering through the windshield at the approaching solar system, the sight now familiar to me, I wondered what we’d find when we got closer to Vysanthe. I had no love for Gianne, but I still held on to a fragment of respect for Brisha. I wasn’t sure what I wanted the outcome to be—I didn’t want it to be either of them, to be honest, sitting triumphantly on top of a mountain of dead soldiers and civilians. Then again, what if neither of them had won the war yet? What if it was still dragging out? I couldn’t bring myself to say which scenario I thought was better, because they were both awful.
Then, there was the elixir to think about. Ezra stealing Yorrek’s notebook was a gut-wrenching thorn in our side, but what if one of the queens had managed to make progress without it? What if they were already rallying an army of invincible fighters, ready to take on the universe? My imagination was running away with me a little bit, but I had to be prepared for every possible outcome. Unfortunately, that was one of them.
A loud crash shattered the peace of the slow-moving vessel, my head whipping around at the sound of it. It was a single explosive clatter, then silence, coming from the back of the ship.
“What was that?” I whispered, just as Xiphio popped his head into the cockpit, frightening us all.
He wore a worried expression on his scaly brow. “Did you hear that?” he asked, his gills flapping wildly.
“You’d have to be deaf not to!” I replied, reeling from the surprise of his sudden appearance.
“Quite right, Miss Riley. I thought it might be my Fed paranoia, always making something out of nothing,” he explained sheepishly. “Would you care to assist me in an investigation?”
I glanced at Navan, who didn’t seem too perturbed by the noise. “You want to come?”
“No, you go ahead. I’m going to stay here with Ronad and program the ship’s comms to pick up on the news transmissions,” he said, turning toward the control panel.
He’d been spending less time with me since our discussion in the bedroom, about his past and his secrets, exacerbating the clawing sense of doubt that lingered within me. I couldn’t stop feeling like he was holding something back from me, especially since he kept going missing. I’d been waking up in the night to find him gone again, or he’d be up and out before I’d even awoken. At least here I knew where he was.
“Okay, we’ll let you know if we find anything,” I said, with forced brightness.
“I love you,” he replied unexpectedly, turning back over his shoulder for a moment.
I smiled. “I love you, too.”
With that, I followed Xiphio out of the cockpit and into the main space, moving toward the right-hand corridor. It was hard to tell which direction the noise had come from, but it had definitely rumbled up from the back of the ship. I was surprised that nobody else had come out to join us, though it was still pretty early. Plus, since the party, Bashrik and Angie had discovered a new level of nauseating romance, keeping themselves locked away until noon, emerging in a glowing haze with goofy grins on their faces.
“I’m really not fond of this part of the universe,” Xiphio mumbled as we headed for the engine room, which was tucked away down a hatch at the farthest end of the right-hand hallway.
“What, Vysanthe?”
He nodded. “I’ve never enjoyed their politics or their people, although the ones aboard this ship are rather pleasant. In fact, they may have changed my entire perspective on coldbloods and their ways,” he said cheerfully. “I’m still extraordinarily concerned about what you told me, however—about the rebels on Earth. They seem more like the coldbloods I’m used to. Saying that, Miss Riley, I cannot fathom how it was permitted to occur. Even if the lycans posted there couldn’t deal with the intrusion themselves, they ought to have rallied the troops and called for backup. It’s their moral duty to do so—it’s written in the Universal Federal Rulebook.”
“Maybe they didn’t have the resources,” I suggested. “The Fed always seem pretty reluctant to get involved where Vysantheans are concerned. I guess they wanted to avoid a fight. Either that, or they didn’t want to risk bringing the queens to Earth.”
“You could be right, Miss Riley. A coldblood horde is not easy to contend with, for anyone,” he replied. “Even so, how it was allowed to happen in the first place is a great mystery. They must have discovered a loophole of some sort. Or had help.”
“You think there might be a dirty agent in the lycan headquarters?” It wasn’t something I’d thought about seriously, but it made sense. All this time, I’d presumed the lycans had been too few to do anything about it, or lacked the resources to even notice the rebel base, but now I was
n’t so sure.
“It’s certainly something to muse upon, though I cannot think of a single one of my Fed brethren who would defy their calling in such a manner. It’s more likely that they had grown lazy, tucked away in an isolated corner of the universe, with very little to do,” he reasoned. “A sad state of affairs, but I have seen it happen.”
I knew he was proud of his job, but there was something naïve about Xiphio. He didn’t seem to think it was possible that an agent could be a betrayer, but I thought differently.
“Do you have any sway with the other Fed agents in your branch?” I asked, more determined than ever to get ourselves some new allies.
Xiphio tilted his head from side to side. “I might, now that I have Stone in custody. He shall be my shining trophy, to win back my reputation,” he said triumphantly. “If I can get him to tell the truth, then all may be forgiven. They might even start giving me the good jobs again!”
I nodded along, trying to show some enthusiasm, but I wasn’t sure how to feel about what he was saying. The thing was, I had a bargain with Stone, to set him free in exchange for his help, but then I’d offered Xiphio Stone’s capture, to win back favor with the Fed. Obviously, I couldn’t deliver both. I guessed I’d really managed to get myself stuck between a Stone and a hard place. I just hoped I’d have time to get out of my predicament, one way or another.
Pausing to pick up weapons, we moved the rest of the way down the right-hand corridor, coming to the hatch in the ground. I lifted the panel and urged Xiphio to go first, and the two of us clambered down the ladder into the belly of the ship. The engines were relatively quiet, purring along steadily, though it was hot as hell down here, my forehead beading with sweat within a few minutes.
“You see anything?” I asked, but Xiphio shook his head.