Page 5 of Ever & Always

Kevin Spaulding was taller and ganglier than Todd, but he held in his hand the ultimate communication device of today’s adolescent: a controller for the latest and greatest video game deck. Todd was immediately impressed and pulled his own travel-controller from his backpack. The two boys were soon running down the hall toward Della’s guest room, temporarily set up for Kevin’s stay.

  “I don’t know how to thank you, Della. And please tell Paul again…”

  “Yeah, yeah, like you already told him ten times, thanks for the time off, I know. You kids just have fun over there. Parlez vous fran-sez, and all that stuff.”

  Jack squeezed Della’s shoulder.

  “We do appreciate this.”

  Della smiled coyly at Jack.

  “My pleasure. You just bring her back in one piece. I can’t handle her work too long by myself.”

  “Isn’t it obvious?” Jack responded to Maddie’s questions on the way out of the building where Della lived. “Kevin was the product of an affair. My guess is, the dad was and is a married man.”

  “Awfully judgmental, aren’t we?” Maddie sniffed, getting into the car.

  “Just sounds about right to me. His father somehow won custody, or maybe your friend didn’t feel she could raise a child alone. Some women feel that way, right?” He stuck the key in the ignition and turned to look at her, his eyes solemn.

  Maddie caught his meaning. She herself had panicked and made a bad decision in marrying Ray. But, she reminded herself, it was important at the time. She would have done anything to give Todd a chance at a happy life.

  “He was lucky. The dad, I mean. I, on the other hand, have little chance of gaining custody of my son.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Paul says, basically, that because I’m not married, and I don’t have a swing set in my yard or a live-in Mary Poppins, Kelly will probably get to raise Duncan. With whomever she pleases. I’ll be lucky to get every other weekend and a Christmas here and there. It sucks.”

  Maddie nodded. It was, indeed, a sad situation, and one she intended to think more about. When they returned.

  The jet took off ten minutes late, but soon they began the long flight that would have one stop over in New York before crossing the Atlantic. Jack’s moodiness rendered him quiet. The day had started on an awkward note, with Maddie asking if he would go with her to the cemetery to visit Thomas’ grave before they left. Although it was the last thing he wanted to do, he complied and trudged up the grassy knoll at Eternal Rest.

  She brought flowers, and Jack stood back while she knelt and placed the small bouquet. When she rose, her eyes were moist and she hugged Jack, who returned her embrace tenderly.

  “It’s an awful thing to drown in the ocean, Jack.”

  “I know, baby. I know. Come on. We should get going.”

  He remembered staring at the headstone. Thomas LaForge would have been forty-six years old by now. And his charisma, whatever it was that drew Maddie to him, still reached beyond the grave to tug at her heart.

  Jack ordered a Bloody Mary and pushed his seat back. He wished this mess were over. He wished Ray would take a fall and that Thomas’ ghost would find someone else to haunt.

  They would put the whole affair to rest, in France, come home and make some important decisions. He was not yet bold enough to buy the ring, but Jack had already proposed to her a hundred times in his mind. He just needed to be sure she was ready. Timing could be everything.

  He stole a peek at her. She looked troubled, staring out the window at the nothingness that engulfed the jet, thinking about what? Thomas? Ray? Todd? He hoped it was not himself—not with that sadness in her eyes. Jack finished his drink and closed his eyes for a nap. A long trip lay ahead.

  “Paris is for lovers,” the poster in the airport declared. The sights of the infamous city seemed to cheer Maddie, and despite their fatigue they both excitedly identified the landmarks they had expected to see. It took Jack a while to get used to the small, inexpensive rental car with the bad clutch, but soon they were maneuvering around the city in search of their hotel. But not before stopping at the Tower.

  “It’s incredible,” Maddie said, taking a deep breath of cool air. “It seems so powerful, and being able to see so far gives you such a sense of greatness. If only it were true.”

  “On the contrary,” Jack answered with a sigh. “In the face of this greatness, I feel pretty small and insignificant.”

  Maddie slipped her hands inside Jack’s windbreaker and around his waist, pressing her cheek against his chest. “You are anything but.”

  They rented an upstairs flat in Montmartre, a small, eclectic district of Paris known in English as the Mountain of the Martyr, or “Martyr’s Hill”. Once there, they each showered and dressed for an evening out. The proprietor who lived on the first floor provided suggestions and soon they were dining in an intimate cafe two blocks away. Jack was relieved that he did not have to hunt out an eatery after dark in the rental car.

  Amid candlelight and violin music, they stared into each other’s eyes for what seemed like hours, not speaking, each reluctant to voice their fears and expectations. They sampled wonderful French cuisine and laughed at Jack’s comical observations. Jack ordered the finest local wine available and they toasted the future.

  They took their time walking back to the hotel, looking into the tiny shops and markets. The June night was splendid and for a time they could forget whatever problems they had, real or imagined.

  The rooms in the flat weren’t large but were blessed with plenty of charm. The double bed squeaked, the toilet ran, but neither noticed. A bowl of fruit graced the table in the living room along with the last of the wine they’d brought from the bistro. The flat offered no television or phone, but there was a tiny, narrow kitchenette. The exceptionally thick walls boasted windows and doors, arched in an historic architecture. The windows swung out over the cobblestone street below. Jack opened them all before turning out the light.

  “Picasso’s ‘hood,” he murmured. “Hard to imagine all that went on here.”

  Once in bed, Jack turned to Maddie and touched her on the nose. “Hey.”

  “Hey,” she repeated, grasping his finger and kissing it.

  “Still love me?” he asked, tracing around her mouth with his finger.

  “Still love you.”

  “Well, I guess tomorrow’s a big day. You realize we may find out absolutely nothing.”

  “I know.”

  “And we may find out something unpleasant.”

  “I know.”

  “Okay. As long as you’re prepared.”

  “Make love to me, Jack.”

  It was all he needed to hear.

  Morning dawned early. There were no “black out” draperies in this room, only aging curtains that partially covered the window. They showered, dressed and went downstairs and out to the street.

  The proprietor was serving breakfast and invited them in. There were omelets and crepes, a variety of delicious pastries and meats. Jack headed for the coffee, delighting in its strong flavor. Maddie, also partaking of the coffee, ate little.

  Their host provided them with a rudimentary map and telephone directory, and with Maddie’s halting French they were able to obtain directions to the art studio. With the rental car balking and jerking, they were on their way.

  Henri Perrault was on the sidewalk sweeping up glass from a broken storefront window. His expression clearly warned that he was not a man to be trifled with today.

  Maddie was jittery. She looked to Jack for help.

  “Monsieur Perrault?”

  “Oui.”

  “Uh, we need your help, si vous plait?” Jack said, now wishing he’d taken French in addition to Spanish.

  “Oui?” The shopkeeper stopped sweeping and waved his arm toward the shop.

  “Can I help you?” a young girl wanted to know. She must be about Todd’s age, Jack thought.

  “You speak English?” Jack asked.

  ??
?Yes. My father does not. I can help you.”

  “We’re trying to find out something about one of your customers. He had a painting framed in this shop, probably very recently.”

  “What was the painting of? Perhaps my father will remember.” She looked at Maddie with curiosity.

  “Here is a photo.” Maddie took a moment to retrieve the photo on her cell and handed the phone to the girl. The girl put it before her father who looked at Maddie and squinted.

  “Oui.”

  “He remembers.”

  “Good! I have a picture of the man that may have ordered the work. Can he look at it for me?” Maddie hastened to get her wallet out of her purse once again. Jack nervously glanced around the shop wondering if some evil force lurked behind the black curtain leading to the rear.

  Maddie thrust the photo of Ray before the surly Frenchman, who shook his head in exasperation.

  “Non. Non.” Not his customer.

  Maddie’s hands shook as she tried to push the photo back into the sleeve. “Might as well throw this away. No reason to keep it,” she muttered. In her haste and confusion, the wallet slipped from her hands to the floor.

  “Zut Alors!” the man cried, squatting to pick the wallet from the piles of glass fragments. Some of her other photos had fallen out and he retrieved these as well. Suddenly he became animated, spewing a stream of French and looking from Maddie to his daughter and back. He pointed excitedly at a photo of a man, saying, “Trés jeune, oui, c’est l’homme.”

  “My father says this is the man, only when younger. He’s right, I remember him. A very nice man.”

  In horror, Maddie and Jack looked at the photo in the shopkeeper’s hand. It was the snapshot signed, “Love, Papa.”

  Jack helped Maddie into a seat at the sidewalk cafe next door. Pale and trembling, she stared vacantly at the street for some time. Jack grasped her hand in his, alternately squeezing and kissing it in an effort to bring her back to him. The distance was widening and he didn’t know what to do.

  He ordered them sandwiches and beers, but Maddie took only the beer.

  “Maddie, honey, I can’t imagine how this must feel to you. There must be some mistake. We’ll get to the bottom of it, I promise. Okay? Please baby, please talk to me.”

  Maddie turned a bleak smile his way. “Yeah. It’s okay. I’m okay.” She coughed a little, and then straightened up in her chair. “I never mentioned that they didn’t find his body, did I?”

  Jack’s face now paled. “That grave we went to yesterday is empty?”

  “Yes.”

  Jack now took a long draught of beer. The fear that had been gnawing away at him suddenly grew larger. The fear he couldn’t quite identify, the unreasonable doubt he’d suffered, now had a name. Thomas LaForge. Not Ray Tyler.

  Maddie spoke again. “We need to find Monique.”

  “And who is Monique?”

  “Tom’s daughter. If we find her, we’ll find the truth.”

  A few doors away, they saw a placard displaying an ascending jet, so they packed up their sandwiches and began to walk. Jack wanted desperately to flee, to turn Maddie by the shoulders and drive her straight to the airport. But the wheels were turning and there was no stopping now.

  The travel agent was friendly and spoke perfect English.

  “All I remember is that they lived near the Loire River,” Maddie explained.

  “Oh, my dear, the Loire River Valley is very large and contains hundreds of towns, villages, burgs. You’ll need more than that to find your friend.” She referred to a large map behind her on the wall. “You may look in my directory if you wish.”

  Together they hunched over the phone book, but could find no Monique LaForge listed.

  “Surely she’s married by now,” Maddie said sadly.

  “Perhaps you can find out the name of the town where your friend was born?” the agent asked. “Did your friend apply for any credit, schooling, driver’s license, marriage license, anything like that in America? If so, there should be records, and they may be more easily attained than those here,” she suggested.

  Jack watched Maddie closely as her expression went from one of quiet introspection to sudden enlightenment.

  “School records…Southwestern. Paul.”

  Moments later, Jack used his credit card to call the United States, using the innkeeper’s phone. Once the call was connected, he handed the phone to Maddie.

  “Paul, I need your help. It’s really, really important.” Maddie described the situation briefly and asked Paul to find out. She knew he could do it. Paul hesitated and then agreed to try.

  “I’ll call you back just as soon as I have something.”

  Maddie sat on a small settee, her arms folded across her chest. If Tom was alive, why did he fake his own death? Why would he hurt her so? She began to bite her cuticles.

  Jack sat beside her and pulled her hand away from her mouth. “Don’t.”

  She turned on him then, unable to keep the irritation from her face, and briskly pulled her hand away. Jack held his hands up and stood, backing away without a word.

  Angry at herself, Maddie got up and approached him, tentatively reaching out to embrace him. “I’m sorry, Jack,” she murmured. He hugged her back, rocking her much like the night in her kitchen so long ago.

  “Shhh. It’s okay.”

  The minutes on the clock ticked by. Jack checked his watch again and again, and when the phone finally rang it was he who got to it first.

  “Yeah, Paul. It’s Jack. Thank you. I’ll write it down.” Jack scribbled on a note pad.

  “Jack? How is Maddie doing? She sounded pretty upset,” Paul wanted to know.

  “Well, it’s to be expected, don’t you think?”

  Jack heard Paul sigh.

  “She’s not going to find the answer she is looking for,” Paul said softly. “Stay close, Jack. This isn’t going to be easy.”

  “You got that right. Thanks again, Paul.” Jack felt ill. This scenario was worse than any he could have imagined himself. The dead ex-boyfriend rises to steal away the woman of his dreams. He paced the room, alternately looking at Maddie and the street through the small window.

  Neither of them slept well. There would be no lovemaking tonight, no playful frolic or tender whispers in the dark. Maddie drifted far away and Jack could not reach her. He eventually gave up trying. It angered him that he had no control, no way to get through, no way to direct the outcome of the inevitable. Around midnight he got out of bed and dressed.

  “Where are you going?” she asked in the darkness.

  “I need to take a walk.”

  “Don’t go.”

  “I have to. I’ll be okay. You get some sleep.”

  He was gone for two hours, walking through the sleeping neighborhood, breathing deeply of the cool air, sometimes shaking his head in an effort to clear it. Montmartre. God, I don’t want to be one. He relived the memories of his six months with Maddie.

  Maddie, sitting on the park bench just looking at the sky, an open book in her lap. She didn’t even see me, he thought, until Duncan jettisoned his bootie onto the sidewalk. But I saw her.

  Maddie, sitting across from him in the coffee shop, coyly reminding him about his missing graduation, her stalking him in vain. He never told her that he’d really only broken one arm on the ice. The other his father had broken later that night.

  What would she say about that now?

  She had cheered for him at the rink.

  Then there was Maddie looking out across the marina, telling him her terrible secrets, and letting him kiss her that night on the driveway. Instinctively, he looked up; there was that nasty old moon again, hanging right over his head.

  And Maddie, tearing open his shirt in the back seat of his car, holding him tightly and making everything about sex into everything about love.

  She was sleeping when he returned, probably out of sheer exhaustion, he thought. Careful not to wake her, he slipped quietly into bed and wrapped
one arm around her. Soon it would be morning and their fate would be known.

   

  Twelve

  It was a two to three hour drive from Paris to Rochecorbon, a small village near Tours in the Loire River Valley. Once they got out on the highway, the car ran better and it was a smooth ride.

  They spoke little. Jack lamented about what a wonderful drive it could be, for they passed castle after castle along the way. Enormous, majestic castles, many with moats and drawbridges, steeples and turrets. And wineries abounded. Some of the finest wines in the world were created here. Jack shook his head.

  He looked over at Maddie from time to time, always finding her staring into the distance. She seemed blind to the castles and the vineyards, unaffected by the fine weather or the breathtaking sight of Loire whenever it wandered into view.

  Finally she returned his gaze, reaching over to squeeze his hand. “This must be hard for you, too,” she said quietly.

  “Naw. It’s nothing for me. Shit like this always happens, boy meets girl, boy falls in love, girl’s dead ex materializes, sends her gifts…”

  “Jack, that’s not fair.” She looked away again.

  “Maybe not.”

  The sign ahead finally displayed the words they were watching for: “Rochecorbon, 2 km.” Compared to the sprawling, sparkling city they had left behind, Rochecorbon was a mere whistle stop. Jack got out of the car and sauntered up to the window of a petrol station, where a woman eyed him suspiciously.

  “Oui Madame, we are looking for la maison d’LaForge.”

  The woman pointed to a dirt road at the end of the street, motioning for them to take the road to the right. Toward the river.

  “Merci, Madame.”

  “Trés bien,” she muttered, closing the window.

  Jack drove the car to the end of the street and pulled over. He turned to Maddie. “Well dear heart, this is it. I don’t know any more than you do about what we will find. But before we take this road, I need you to know something.

  “When I offered to bring you here, my intention was to put you straight about Ray. I was convinced it was he who had sent you the money and the photo. I guess I was wrong. Had I known this involved Thomas, I wouldn’t have come. I would never have even opened the frame.”

  Jack paused to collect his thoughts, looking ahead through the windshield. In the far distance he could see a large farmhouse near the river. “But here we are. I don’t have those choices now.”

  “Jack, don’t worry so,” she said softly.

  “How can I not worry, Maddie? How can I not…” He sighed heavily. “I guess I just want you to know that I love you, and regardless of what happens here, I will still love you.”

  It wasn’t what he really wanted to say, but it would have to do. He couldn’t very well tell her he wanted to take her home and forget about all this mystery crap. He couldn’t tell her that Thomas was really dead, let’s just leave him that way. He couldn’t tell her how he’d planned to propose to her last night, until things had changed.

  And amid all the turmoil and confusion Jack felt, all Maddie could do was reach out and squeeze his hand once more. Jack put the car in gear.

  The farmhouse was large and inviting, with a wraparound covered porch complete with rocking chairs and tables. Living vines of startling color climbed to the second floor. The view from the porch was of the river, of course, and Maddie tried to link it to a story Thomas may have told her. She could think of none.

  A woman stood on the porch, watching them approach. Drying her hands on her apron, she looked from their car to two little girls, running around in the yard, one chasing the other and laughing. “Nicole! Jeanne!” She waved them in and they went running toward the house, the woman following them inside.

  Maddie got out of the car, her knees feeling wobbly. A hot breeze seemed to come out of nowhere, fluttering her blue cotton dress. Self-consciously she smoothed it down around her legs, and from the corner of her eye she caught Jack watching her. They walked together to the door and Jack knocked.

  The same woman they’d seen earlier on the porch answered. She ignored Jack’s polite but broken French and stared openly at Maddie before speaking. “Madeleine? Is it you?”

  Maddie stared back. The woman appeared to be about thirty, with large, dark brown eyes and thick brown hair. The eyes were familiar, and Jack saw it too. They were Todd’s eyes; more, they were Thomas’ eyes.

  “Monique,” Maddie said at last.

  “Oui! Please, come in. Oh, my. Does Papa know you are in France?”

  Those words confirmed everything. Maddie grasped the doorjamb to steady herself. “No. I don’t believe he does.”

  They were shown to a small parlor just inside the door where they sat together on a flowered couch. Maddie looked around the room. Signs of Thomas were everywhere. Butterflies, flowers, books. A small brick fireplace stood at the end of the room, framed photographs littered its mantel. From where she sat, Maddie could distinguish several photos of herself, and school pictures of Todd. A small snapshot, yellowed with age, of Maddie and Thomas.

  Maddie glanced at Jack, who also studied the photos. She wondered, fleetingly, what he was thinking when at last he tore his eyes away from the mantel and closed them briefly.

  Monique brought in a tray bearing a pitcher of iced tea, and Jack accepted a tall glass. “This nightmare is becoming more bizarre by the moment,” he murmured.

  “The little girls, are they yours?” Maddie asked.

  “Oui. Nicole et Jeanne. How do you say? They are born together.”

  “Twins.” Maddie smiled at Monique, still in awe of her beauty and likeness to her own son at home. “Is he here? Thomas?”

  “No. He is away. He stays...well, there will be time to talk about that.” Monique poured two more glasses of tea.

  “How about we talk about that now?” Jack said tersely. “Where is he, and why hasn’t he contacted Maddie to let her know he was alive all these years?”

  Monique colored. “I cannot answer for my father. He has his reasons.”

  “Reasons so important that he would let the woman who loved him suffer? So important that he would ignore the son he fathered and obviously knows all about?”

  “Jack, please. It’s not Monique’s fault.”

  Jack huffed out a breath. “I’m sorry. But maybe you can get your father on the phone or something? Tell him we’re here and we’d like some answers.”

  “There is no phone at the lighthouse and no wireless service. If you want to talk to him, you will have to drive there.”

  “And where is ‘there’?” Jack asked.

  “An island off Brittany. In the northwest of France.”

  “Oh, he’s shacked up in a lighthouse on the Brittany coast? Must be nice.”

  Maddie sighed. “Isn’t this difficult enough? Do you think you can just calm down a little?” She turned to Monique. “I’m sorry. We’re still reeling. This lighthouse, is it easily accessible?”

  Monique nodded. “If you know where it is, it’s an easy walk from the highway.”

  “But there’s no way to let him know we are coming.”

  “Non.” Monique tossed back her hair. “But he will be glad to see you.”

  “I doubt that,” Jack muttered. “Not when he hears what I have to say.”

  Once back on the highway, Jack was quiet.

  “You are more upset than I am. I’m sure there is a good reason.”

  “I’m—I’m just blown away by all this, Mad. I don’t know what to think.”

  “Then don’t think. Let’s just find him and then we’ll get to the bottom of it.”

  “I can’t believe you are so calm. He’s been dead to you, for how long?”

  Maddie licked her lips. “I’m not calm, all right? I’m a wreck. Inside, I am churning. Can you imagine? Yeah, he’s been dead for twelve years. He was, I thought, my lifetime partner. My baby’s father. And then, poof! He was gone, without a word. I imagined, daily, how horribl
e it must have been for him to drown in that cold water. I grieved. So badly.” Her voice broke with the last words of her diatribe. “But the fact remains, he’s alive, he obviously wanted to reach out to us, and I can’t just ignore that. As much as part of me wants to, I just can’t get on the jet and go home now. Right? Do you get that, Jack?”

  Jack didn’t take his eyes off the road ahead, but eventually reached over and took her hand. “I do. I do get it. I’m just scared out of my wits.”

  The Phare de l’Ile Lighthouse was located on the property of a large coastal estate. Decommissioned in the 1960’s, the lighthouse was now a private residence and no longer used as an aid to navigation, although its light was reportedly still operational. Jack parked the car at the end of the driveway, the closest access point to the lighthouse. They got out and went through an unlocked gate, per Monique’s instructions.

  The walk was about a quarter of a mile, on a dirt path through low, overgrown vegetation. The tip of the tall, rectangular tower eventually peeked over the top of the trees, and Maddie felt her stomach cinch. She hadn’t lied when she told Jack she wasn’t calm, and with each step, her anxiety increased. What would they say? What would Thomas say? How would he look? And most importantly, how would she feel? She’d loved him obsessively.

  The exterior of the lighthouse was in disrepair. The tower adjoined a small house that probably consisted of four rooms. The door and trim needed sanding and painting. Jack paused only a moment and then rapped on the splintering wood. After several moments, he turned to Maddie. “Maybe he’s not here after all.”

  Maddie shook her head. “After that five hour drive, he’d better be here.” She knocked again, so hard the wood surface abraded her knuckles. Finally, the door opened, and Maddie drew in a quick breath.

  He was thinner, tanner, and crow’s feet had grown from the corners of his eyes. He leaned upon a cane.

  “Sorry, I was in the tower. I saw you coming; I should have started down sooner. Bonjour.”

  Unable to speak, Maddie stared. Jack swallowed, then pushed back his hair. “You must be Thomas.”

  “Yes. Please, come inside.”

  Jack stepped aside so that Maddie could precede him into the small house. Maddie couldn’t take her eyes off of the man who should be a ghost.

  “Madeleine, it’s...it’s so good to see you.”

  Maddie finally found her voice. “And you. I’m...I don’t know what to say.”

  Thomas’s ebony eyes fixed upon hers, until at last he turned away. “So my dear, at last you know the truth.” He looked down for a moment, then back to her face. “I cannot ask your forgiveness, only that you listen to my story with the compassion I know you still have.”

  Maddie was transfixed. Thomas was not only still alive, but he could walk, and talk, and was still charismatic. His hair was very long, only slightly streaked with silver, and pulled back into a queue. His eyes were keen, delving, and they looked at Maddie with longing and regret. And except for the cane, his body looked strong and healthy for a man who should have been long dead from the disease that wracked his body when she saw him last.

  “Please, relax in my home. It’s small, but adequate. And you are Jacques.”

  “I’m sorry, of course. This is my friend Jack. He was good enough to bring me all the way over here to…to find out what was going on,” Maddie explained. Jack flinched, and Maddie glanced at him briefly.

  Thomas nodded. “Yes, I know. Let us sit down. Ma chérie, may we have some citronade, si vous plait?”

  In her shock at seeing Thomas alive, Maddie knew she had missed something, something very important. Looking back to the doorway, she stared in awe at the blonde woman standing there.

  “Hi Maddie. Yes, it’s me.”

  “Elise? What the hell?”

  Thomas spoke again. “I can explain. For now, let it suffice to say that Elise is Monique’s sister-in-law. She is family.”

  “But I thought you were with Ray!”

  “I just arrived here yesterday,” Elise said.

  “That’s Elise?” Jack blurted out.

  Maddie nodded, looking just as confused as Jack sounded. “Thomas, I think you have a lot of explaining to do. But I’m not sure I’m up to it. This is all, really, quite a shock,” Maddie said softly. Instinctively, Jack wrapped his arm around her shoulders, a move not lost on Thomas, who pulled up the ottoman. He sat near them.

  “I know, ma petite. You did not deserve this kind of surprise. I should have contacted you a long, long time ago. Alas, I am not the man you thought I was.”

  “That’s for sure,” Jack mumbled. “She thought you were a dead man.”

  “I was wasting away, Maddie, or so I thought. I suffered long and hard over my decision. Yes, I steered directly into the storm that day. I knew squalls had been reported. I was depressed, I was despondent. I could not go on.”

  “Do—go on,” Maddie said levelly.

  “The news I had gotten that day was not that I would die; on the contrary, I would live, but I would live a crippled, gnarled life, with no control over my faculties. I could not do that to you, my dear. It would not be fair. Your love was so great, your faith in me so strong; I knew you would insist on staying with me and waiting on me when I could no longer help myself. And that, I felt, was a fate worse for you than my death. So I tried to die.”

  Maddie gave a little sigh. She remembered the day like it was yesterday. He’d called to say he was finished at the doctor, and he felt good. He was just going down to secure the boat, as a storm was coming in.

  “Tried to die?” Jack found and squeezed Maddie’s hand. “Surely you’re not falling for this line of bull…”

  “When I washed up on a beach the next morning, I hoped no one had seen me. My plan was formed. I left for France a few days later, with the help of a friend.

  “It is a long and tedious story, but the doctors in my country provided treatment I had not been offered in the U.S. My condition began to improve after about a year. After another year I was nearly cured. Except for this,” he said, gesturing to his left hip.

  “You could have let me know.” Maddie’s voice was small but firm.

  “I considered it, many times. Especially when I found out you’d borne us a son.”

  “So you do know about Todd.”

  The atmosphere in the room had gone from tense to nearly unbearable. Jack began to wish he were anywhere but where he was sitting. Thomas’s manner grated on him big time.

  “Todd is a wonderful boy. I am extremely proud. I wish…”

  “You wish what?” Jack could not hold his temper a minute more. “That you could have been there to cut the cord? That you hadn’t missed his first step, his first cold, his first black eye? That you could be there to take him to hockey games and teach him how to be with a woman?”

  “Jack!” Maddie was visibly astounded by his angry words.

  “Non, Madeleine. Jacques is correct. I have been remiss.” Thomas shook his head.

  “You’re damned right you’ve been remiss. You’ve been more than remiss. I can’t believe we are even sitting here listening to this sob story, Maddie. Aren’t you just the tiniest bit disappointed in this aging Casanova?”

  “Please, Jack! Don’t.” The tears now bounded down her cheeks and she pressed her fingers to her lips.

  Thomas held up his hands in a gesture meant to calm. “I am sorry. Now I have also caused discord between you and your lover. I am a foolish man.”

  “Ah. I have graduated to lover! That’s an improvement,” Jack said in disgust. There was a terrible, hideous silence in the room, the only sound coming from Maddie’s attempt to stifle her sobs. Jack stood up. “Why did you do it? Why now? You could have just stayed dead. What did you hope to gain with your mysterious packages, your ‘gifts,’ the insidious clues to your identity? You hurt her once, now you’re hurting her again. How could you just screw with their lives like that?” Jack was almost too enraged to talk. He turned his glare upon Elise. br />
  “And you! How can you even show your face? You seduced her husband! You people think this is fun? This is sick, you’re all sick.”

  Maddie looked up at him in anguish, and Jack held his own hands up in a hopeless gesture. Then, he squatted before her, ignoring the others in the room silently stirring their drinks and pretending the outburst hadn’t occurred.

  “Maddie…” He took her hand in his, rubbing it with his other. “I’m sorry I brought you here, but I won’t apologize for the way I feel. I need to get some air. You take your time; talk to your…” he cleared his throat and continued, “… him. I’ll be outside.”

  Maddie touched his cheek gently before he stood and walked to the door.

  “And by the way, the name is Jack, not Jacques. I am American, not French.” With his last biting comment still stinging his tongue, Jack left the house.

  “Well. He’s got a hot head,” Elise commented, taking the pitcher to the kitchen to refill and leaving Thomas and Maddie alone. Thomas shrugged.

  “What a miserable mess I have made, eh Madeleine? The best laid plans, as they say.” Thomas stood and walked slowly to the window where Jack had stood before. In the sill stood a framed wedding photograph of Maddie and Ray—a smaller version of the same one she had at home. “I was so excited to get this one, when you married Raymond. He looked like such a nice young man. Mais oui! What a scoundrel he turned out to be, eh? If only I had known.”

  “You’ve had someone spying on me all these years.”

  “I still loved you. I needed to know that you were safe; I was living with such guilt, my darling. I was crushed when I found out you were carrying our child. And me, playing possum, thousands of miles away. No help to you. I enlisted the help of a friend to watch over you for me. You haven’t figured it out by now?”

  Maddie shook her head, dabbing at her eyes.

  “No one I know or care about would deceive me so.” She thought for a moment. Did she still even know anyone she knew back then? Both her parents dead. She had not kept in contact with any of their mutual friends, most of them being older than she.

  “How did you find me, Madeleine? We lived in Tours, but surely you did not remember Rochecorbon yourself?”

  Maddie paled. Paul. Paul had been the spy. Paul had taken some of those photos himself! Paul had quietly passed on the information, the details of her personal life, never letting on that he had anything more than a remote knowledge of Thomas LaForge. It was even Paul who set up the account for Todd, the “son of a widowed friend.”

  Dear Paul. Desperate to defend Paul to herself, she reasoned that Paul thought it in her best interest. He was good to her, a wonderful boss and friend. He’d even told Thomas about Jack, she realized. And when she’d needed him, he was always there.

  “For the record, I did not send you the painting. That was Elise’s meddling. I did not know about it until after she had put it in the post. I don’t know what she was thinking, except that she was angry with me for disapproving of her behavior with Ray.”

  “What about Elise? How did she get involved with Ray?”

  Thomas’ face again bore a tragic mask.

  “When I began to hear stories of Ray’s… indiscretions, I was incensed. I wanted to kill him. How could he?” Thomas stopped, his fists tightened as if he thought of using them against Ray. “Elise was here. She was leaving for the States, and I asked her to check on you. To see if it was really true, that Ray was fooling around with others. She was more than happy to get involved and prove what a scoundrel he really is. I did not realize how far it would go.”

  Maddie’s throat tightened. So it was worse than she’d thought. Elise was not even the first.

  “I see,” she said weakly.

  “I’m sorry. You did not know.”

  “It’s water under the bridge, now.”

  “I suppose so.” Thomas walked to sit beside her in Jack’s place. Putting his cane aside, he slowly put his arm around her. “Madeleine. I want you to know something. For whatever it is worth, probably nothing…” He paused to draw a deep breath. “What I did was very, very wrong. I caused you enormous pain, and I would do anything to undo that damage. In spite of it all, I love you every bit as much today as I did that day so long ago, you are still my girl, my love, and my heart’s desire. Your happiness means everything to me.”

  “What are you suggesting, Thomas? What is it you want from me?” Maddie’s eyes were dark with pain and disillusionment.

  “Only that you give me a chance to earn your forgiveness. Let me convince you that my intentions were good even if my methods were the wrong ones.” He paused. “If you were to stay, just a little while, perhaps we could mend fences. We have so much catching up to do.”

  Maddie looked away from him. Through the sheer curtains she could see Jack, walking slowly along the path, his hands thrust deep into his pockets. He was looking up at the sky, and she wondered, was he seeking answers also?

  Turning back to Thomas, she tried to weigh his words. Did he want her back? Was he offering to return to the living? She wasn’t sure she understood his intentions, but could not formulate the questions she needed to ask. Not yet.

  “You think it over. We have plenty of room, and it would be nice to get to know you again, chérie.”

  “I do need to think about all this.” She took another tissue and wiped her cheeks. “May I use the bathroom?”

  “Certainement. It is there. Off the hall.”

  Maddie left the room and went to wash her face and hands. She began to finger comb her hair, then paused, thinking she heard voices. The vent above the mirror must adjoin the kitchen, she thought.

  “He wants to marry her,” Elise was saying.

  “Of course he does.”

  “They say it’s because he has a baby son. The mother won’t give him up without a fight, and the courts say he can’t have the kid without first having a wife.”

  “It is too bad. She would be happier with me.”

  “Perhaps. But Jack’s got her thinking he’s in love with her. He is determined to get the baby.” Elise sounded certain.

  “How do you come by this news?” Papa’s tone was skeptical.

  “Some here, some there, some is just damned obvious.”

  Maddie could not believe her ears. Could it possibly be true? Jack was using her to get Duncan away from Kelly?

  Her heart began to pound. She pressed her palms to her face and stared into the mirror. She didn’t even recognize herself anymore. Her life had twisted and turned and twisted some more. Oh, if only they hadn’t come! If only she’d never met Jack, if only she’d never married Ray. If only Thomas hadn’t gotten sick. She felt suddenly dizzy and sick all at once. Quickly she opened the toilet lid and expelled what little food was left in her stomach.

  Again she washed her faced and again she vomited. Would this nightmare ever go away?

  Finally, more pale than ever, she left the bathroom and went into the pleasant little kitchen. Elise stood alone by an open window and quickly threw a burning cigarette into the sink.

  “Maddie, you look like hell. Are you okay, honey?”

  “I’m fine. It’s just a little warm, and I didn’t eat much breakfast. It’s a lot of excitement, you know?” She leaned against the doorway for support. “Elise, I didn’t know you were French.”

  “I’m not. My real name, my “American” name, is Elizabeth. My brother Tony married Thomas’s daughter Monique.”

  “Oh. I see.”

  “Well, except that he died,” Elise added.

  “Oh, I’m so sorry, Elise. And Monique must be devastated, with those two beautiful daughters.”

  “So, are you and Jack shacked up?”

  At the sound of Jack’s name Maddie felt sick again. “No. I live with my son.” Could what she overheard Elise say be true? Where had she gotten the information? Same place, she thought sourly, that Thomas had gleaned so much about her. Quickly she changed the subject.

  “How was
my husband when you left him?”

  “Ray? He was hanging by a thread, so to speak,” she said happily. “I pretty much told him where he could stick his piton.”

  Maddie smiled bleakly. It wasn’t really very funny.

  “You want something to eat? I’m afraid you’re gonna faint right here.”

  “Where is Thomas?”

  “He said he left his daybook in the tower. There’s some ham and cheese if you want a sandwich. Maybe a little glass of wine?”

  “No, really.” Maddie sat down and averted her eyes. “I’m having trouble digesting all this.”

  “I have a suggestion. Stay with us for just a day or two. Let Thomas make his apologies. Get to know him again. Perhaps things will seem…more clear then.”

  As if reading Maddie’s mind, Elise continued. “Send your lover home, for now. He’s pissed off and upset. He can’t do any good here now. Then, something will shake out. If it’s right to be with him, you’ll know. If it’s right to be with your ex, you’ll feel it.”

  Maddie was surprised at how simple Elise made it sound. Was it? How could she tell Jack to go home? How could she stay in this house with the man who had left her alone for nearly thirteen years?

  These and other questions pummeled her tired brain. Wearily she rubbed her forehead. No, there was nothing simple about her situation.

  “Hey, cowboy, wait up!” Elise called, trying to catch up with Jack as he strolled along the beach. The sun had already set, and the sea had darkened.

  “I beg your pardon?”

  “Cowboy. That’s what some of the locals call American men.”

  Jack didn’t respond.

  “He wants her back, you know.”

  “What?” Jack stopped walking and turned toward Elise.

  “Tom. He wants Maddie back. He’s been trying to talk her into staying.”

  Jack frowned and resumed his walk. He didn’t appreciate this bad-mannered stranger talking about Maddie. She talked as if it was of no consequence that the best thing that had ever happened to him might not be happening to him at all. He kicked at a rock, sending it sailing into the surf.

  “Look, Elise. I’d kind of like to be alone.”

  “Sure Jack. Just thought I’d warn you. And if she stays, hey. Maybe I can use her ticket home.” With that she turned back toward the house, pausing only to launch one more barb. “And by the way, it was no big deal with Ray. It wasn’t like I was the first.” It was all Jack could do not to flip her off behind her back. Meddling bitch.

   

  Thirteen

  Jack tired of walking and sat down beneath a tree near the edge of the lighthouse property. Instead of dispelling his anger, it had only grown, fueled by the irony of the beauty around him. He loved the island, loved the sight of the water. The warm air, the squawking of birds, the sound of the surf. It was all too lovely to be wasted.

  He sensed Maddie’s approach before he turned to look. He thought about getting up but decided against it. He was just too mad.

  Maddie sat awkwardly on the ground beside him. Tentatively she touched his shoulder, but he didn’t respond, his frown fixed on the dark blue horizon.

  “I need to ask you something, Jack,” she said softly.

  “Shoot.”

  Maddie grimaced, but continued. “Is it true that you, that you…want to marry me?”

  Jack turned to look into her face. She now had his attention, and he tilted his head slightly to one side. “What brought this up?”

  “Is it true? I need to know.”

  Jack looked back to the water. “Seems to me you already have two men in your life. Can’t imagine you needing a third just yet.”

  “Oh damn it Jack, just answer me! Are you…were you planning to ask me?”

  “Yes. Of course. And you had to have already known that.”

  Maddie wet her lips and took a deep breath. “Is it also true that you planned to sue for custody of Duncan, after we were married? I mean, if we married?”

  Jack frowned. “Yes. And you knew that, too. C’mon Maddie, what is this all about?”

  Maddie turned her eyes away, and then posed a third question. “Did Paul tell you that the only way you could get Duncan was to get married?” Her voice was so small the breeze threatened to carry it away.

  Jack fell silent. It took him a minute before enlightenment and rage filled his face simultaneously. He jumped to his feet, startling Maddie.

  “Just what the HELL are those people telling you in there? Do you honestly think I would marry you just to get my son? Is that what you think? Because if you do, you’re just as crazy as those loons in there! I am…I am stunned, Maddie. Stunned that you would think that about me. That you would even entertain the idea.”

  Jack began to pace wildly back and forth. Maddie stood and backed away. “Jack, stop. Please. Talk to me. Jack, please!”

  Jack approached her, grasping her wrists tightly and pulling her close to him. His voice was low and pained. “Don’t you see what they’re doing? They are screwing with us. For some reason, they don’t want us to be together. That little slut Elise was out here, telling me you might stay here. That I might be going home without you. Is that true?”

  “I-I don’t know. I need to think. I’m confused, Jack. I’m scared. Nothing is right, everything is upside down.”

  Jack softened his grip. So it was true. She was actually considering it. Staying here with Thomas. His worst fears, fears that seemed so irrational last night, now rose up before him like a black wave he couldn’t escape.

  “I need time, Jack. I don’t know what is happening, who to believe…yes! I’m spinning out! You waited for me before, can you do it again? Will you? I need to be sure I’m doing the right thing.”

  He dropped his arms to his sides, defeated. When he spoke, his voice was weak and sullen. “How can you just walk away, Maddie? After everything we’ve said, everything we’ve been to each other. Don’t…do this; don’t ask me to wait. You want that broken down guy in there, that lying, selfish, deceitful fraud? Can he make you feel the way I do, the way we do when we’re together? Can you ever trust him, can you give him your trust and your honesty, the way you gave it to me?” He made no effort to wipe the tears from his eyes. “He left you, Maddie. Left you alone and pregnant.”

  “He didn’t know I was pregnant.”

  “Even after he did know, he knew everything about you, knew you were in trouble, did he come back? Did he call? No! He left you to suffer.” He was yelling again, his arms raised in disgust.

  “Jack, we were together five years! I can’t just turn my back after so long… He was my first love.”

  Jack stopped pacing and looked at her.

  “I thought I was your first love.”

  “You might have been…if we had ever gotten the chance to get close. But you were gone. He was there; he helped me get through it. He loved me so…so completely.”

  “You were a child. A child looking for a father’s love,” he murmured, not certain she should hear his last words. Taking a few slow steps toward her, he embraced her firmly, burying his face in her neck. The ever-increasing wind blew her hair across both their faces. “You know I love you,” he whispered, his voice choking, “but I can’t deal with this. I will get on that jet tomorrow, alone, and I will go back to a boy who is waiting for me to take him on a camping trip. He is the boy I would call my son. He is.”

  “Jack, I am so sorry…” she began, her own tears mingling with his.

  “Of course I will wait for you.” His promise was firm but barely audible. I have no choice. I’m in too deep. My entire soul is invested in you.

  He pulled away then, and walked the short distance to the car. He would not look toward the lighthouse again. He opened the trunk and lifted out Maddie’s suitcases, setting them near the beginning of the walkway to the porch. Then he got behind the wheel.

  “You’re not leaving now?” Maddie called, running to the driver’s side door.

  “T
hat, I am. You need to stay and finish this. I won’t marry a woman who will always wonder, and you will always wonder if you leave with me now.” Jack gave her a level look, the tears gone. Calm at least on the surface, he reached up to caress her cheek as she leaned close to the car. “I have a plane to catch.”

  “But it’s dark. Where will you stay tonight? Stay here, Jack. Please.”

  “There’s something you should know about me. I am not a religious man, in the traditional sense. I tend to see my God in the people and things around me, and that’s where I place my trust and faith. I’m leaving that faith with you now, Maddie. And if you’re not strong enough to handle it, I hope He is there behind you to help.

  “Don’t make me wait too long. You have to decide what you want. You know what I have to offer you. But if you’re looking for another father figure, I’m not your guy.” Jack paused, breaking his gaze decisively and looking toward the rising tide. Finally turning back to Maddie, he touched her cheek with one more, brief, tender caress, then turned the car around and headed back down the dirt road.

  Maddie grasped the handles on her rolling suitcases and dragged them slowly back toward the house. Consumed with despair, she paused upon reaching the porch and glanced skyward, absently tangling her fingers amid the windblown locks of hair around her face. She wished the heavens would deliver an answer to her dilemma. Jack’s words bounced around inside her head, heaping more torture upon her already aching soul.

  Father figure. Was that all Thomas had been to her? The thought had no sooner crossed her mind than a movement in the upstairs tower window caught her eye. In an instant, the subject of her question had moved away, dropping the lace curtain back into the windowsill.

  Inside the house, Elise met her at the kitchen door, a fresh cigarette lodged between her fingers.

  “Is there somewhere I can lie down?” Maddie asked.

  “Of course. We have a room back here.”

  Maddie fell into a deep sleep. The nights before had been rough, today even worse. She was emotionally spent and physically burned out. She woke on the bed with a cool, damp cloth across her forehead. She opened her eyes to find Monique hovering.

  “Bonjour! You are awake. How do you feel?”

  “I don’t know. I’m numb from the brain down.”

  “Brain?” Monique was puzzled.

  “Tete. No feeling,” Maddie demonstrated by knocking on the side of her head and Monique laughed.

  “Is it morning? What are you doing here?”

  “Papa asked me to come down and look after you. Are you feeling better?” She stopped beside the bed and turned the cloth over, taking a moment to peer deeply into Maddie’s eyes with a smile. “Your Jacques, he is trés bien, oui?”

  “Trés bien? He is good, yes.” Maddie returned a weak smile. “Very good.”

  Monique nodded. “He is, ah, hand-some.”

  “That too,” Maddie agreed, now beginning to feel dizzy again.

  “Papa, he wants to talk to you. I tell him, non; she is resting.”

  “Thank you, Monique. I did need to rest. I am still exhausted.”

  “J’ai fait cuire le petit déjeuner. I hope you will eat with us.”

  “My French is pretty rusty, but I think I heard the word ‘breakfast’ in there?” Maddie was actually hungry. She liked Monique, liked her easy manner, her simple way of looking at things. How sad to be a widow so young. Young and alone. Like me, she thought with irony. Like me.

  “Where is everyone else?” Maddie asked, seeing only the young girls seated at the table.

  “Elise has gone. Papa gave her a ride.”

  “Gone? Where?”

  “She has returned to America,” Monique answered, placing a large platter of croissants and tartines on the table. “Papa took her to the train in Brest this morning.”

  “Really. Wow.” Maddie’s stomach churned. “I wonder where she’s going?”

  “She has a house in Los Angeles. She has a...a...job in a café serving.”

  “Good. She needs to keep busy.” And away from Jack.

  The meal was delicious and filling. Monique prepared a perfect espresso, one Jack would have appreciated, Maddie thought ruefully. She helped Monique clean up afterward and then walked outside to sit on the porch.

  Visions of her days in Tours with Thomas wafted slowly into her mind. Sunshiny, happy days, hanging out with his scholarly French friends, dining lavishly, drinking lots of local wine. I was so young. So naïve.

  “We did live high on the hog,” Maddie murmured. There was always plenty of money, more so, of course, when Thomas returned from a business trip. In retrospect, now that she knew more of life and survival, the money seemed out of proportion with what Thomas professed to do to earn it.

  Once, while attending a play, Thomas was approached by a stranger with an anguished face. Maddie recalled that Thomas had taken the man outside to talk, and had returned to the theater alone. When asked about the strange occurrence, Thomas had merely shrugged it off. “A friend of Lilly’s. He didn’t know she had died. He thought, perhaps, that I was behaving inappropriately.”

  Maddie sighed and got up to take a walk around the grounds. The midday sun was exquisitely bright, the breeze warm and embracing. She walked inland, away from the water, exploring the uneven island terrain. An old fort stood about a kilometer away, and Maddie took time to walk around the architectural wonder. The fort, she’d heard, had once been owned by a famous French actress.

  Sitting atop a low stone pillar, Maddie pondered her situation. Jack would soon be boarding the jet for home. Thomas was likely back from the nearby town where he dropped off Elise. At home, she hoped Todd was enjoying his time with Della and her son. And here she sat, trying to sort her jumbled thoughts.

  After another hour or so, she meandered back to the lighthouse. She circled the small building after noticing a fenced area in the rear. The gate was unlocked, so she ventured into the roughly tended garden. Half of the area boasted growing vegetables and fruits, the other half, uncultivated but pleasantly filled with wildflowers surrounding a stone bench. Drawn to this charming setting, Maddie again sat down. She was not yet prepared to face Thomas.

  Her eyes perused the garden while she imagined her former partner on his knees with a claw and trowel. His touches were here, to be sure. Trellises were carefully tended, supporting climbing tomatoes and beans. Only the area directly behind the bench seemed completely raw. Except for a small, concrete square. Her interest piqued, Maddie swung her legs over the bench so that she could face the other direction and get a better look at the square. Vines and foliage had grown over part of it, so she crept closer and knelt. A quick intake of air marked her realization that the concrete marker was a headstone.

  “Lillian Aileen LaForge. Elle était une femme bien-aimée et la mère.” Horrified to discover that Thomas’ wife was buried beneath her feet, Maddie took a step back and stumbled against the bench. She understood enough to pick out the words for “wife” and “mother.”

  “Are you enjoying my garden?”

  Thomas’ voice behind her gave Maddie another start. She turned to face him. “It’s very nice,” she managed. “So Elise left?”

  “Yes. But do not be concerned. She is not on the same flight as Jack.”

  “As if that matters. If she wants to go after Jack, she won’t need to be on that jet.”

  “She won’t. Trust me.”

  “Trust you? Ha!” Maddie walked around to the front of the bench and sat down. “Bad choice of words.”

  “Figure of speech,” Thomas muttered.

  Her thoughts naturally turned to Jack. She wondered what he was thinking. She hurt him badly, she knew, and she regretted every word. But the doubts remained, just below the surface.

  “If only we could rewind,” she said softly, running her fingers along the rough edge of the bench. “If only we could take back our mistakes and re-record the right things…”

  “I’ve wished that a hundre
d times. A thousand times. But that wish never comes true.” Thomas joined her on the bench. “How many times have we wondered what lies on the road we did not take? Questioned the decisions that have brought us to today?”

  Maddie nodded in silent agreement. Indeed, she thought. Like me wishing earlier that I hadn’t come here.

  “I scared away your young man, didn’t I?” Thomas said without looking at her. “I am sorry, ma petite. He is right to be angry with me.”

  “He was out of line, Papa. He doesn’t usually act like that. I didn’t understand it.”

  Thomas seemed warmed by her use of her old nickname for him. He patted her hand.

  “I do. And you will probably have to get used to it, if you stay with him, that is. But you will only see it when you are digging too close to the heart.” He chuckled softly. “We backed him against the wall, did we not? Don’t worry, my darling. He will not go away. Not if you don’t want him to.”

  Maddie turned her eyes on Thomas. His words puzzled her. “You sound like you want me to stay with Jack. Yesterday, you were asking me to stay with you. Am I wrong?”

  Thomas sighed and took her hand. “You have grown into a wonderful, strong, capable woman. Yet you still have the beauty of the young girl who sat in the front row of my class. Who would not want you to stay? Ah, I told you. I am a foolish man. But not so foolish that I would let you marry another imbecile like Raymond.”

  “What do you mean?” Surely he did not think Jack anything like Ray.

  “Madeleine. You think I was rambling on my sentiments yesterday for nothing. It is true that my fondest wish is that you forgive me. But it is my ultimate wish that you are happy. Do you know what I saw out my window last evening?”

  “No, what?”

  “Ah. I saw a man filled with passion. A man so consumed with love that his every breath is for his woman; I saw this man strong enough to show his tears, brave enough to walk away, trusting that she will follow.

  “You think I want to get in the way of that kind of passion?” He chuckled again. “Jacques, excuse me darling, Jack, he could be the husband you have always wanted. Always needed. He is already yours, forever.”

  Despite her pain, Maddie smiled to herself. So Papa had seen all that.

  “You know what else I saw?”

  “No Papa. What else?”

  “I saw myself. Twenty some years ago. Right there.” He paused to point to the same area she had stood earlier with Jack. “My fingers were bleeding. Something to do with that tree, over there, and my own untamed temper. She was leaving me, or so she said, for the city lights of Paris. I was in such a rage it scared her and she started to cry. I felt like an ass. Indeed, I was one.”

  Thomas examined the back of his knuckles as if he could still see the blood. “She did not leave me. She said,” and at his memories Thomas began to laugh, a hearty laugh erupting from deep within, “she said I was a danger to myself, that I couldn’t be trusted, that she had to stay to keep me alive. Ha!”

  Maddie smiled. He was talking about Lilly, his first wife, something he never did while they were together. She tried to envision the two of them, screaming and arguing under the shadow of the tower, the sea smugly roaring in its infinite knowledge of their smallness, their brief moment in the sun.

  Thomas’s laughter died away. “Imagine that, she staying to keep me alive. But I could not do the same for her.” A melancholy pallor spread across Thomas’ rugged face. He suddenly looked much older to Maddie’s watchful eyes. So Lilly was dead.

  “How did it happen, Papa?”

  “A bus accident, in Tours. Lilly was on her bicycle.”

  “When?” Maddie’s curiosity overrode her reluctance to make fresh his painful memories.

  “We had only been together about two years. She was almost twenty. Monique was an infant.”

  “I’m so sorry, Thomas.”

  He waved his arm in dismissal. “There are those who say I was trying to replace Lilly when I brought you home.”

  “Were you?”

  “Perhaps.”

  Maddie digested this newest lightning bolt into her past. A replacement for his dead wife. Should she be angry? How many shortcomings could he ask her to forgive?

  Despite her uneventful day, she was suddenly very tired. The answers would have to wait.

  Jack tossed his keys onto the counter. He’d slept fitfully on the flight and was in no better, perhaps a worse, mood than when he left France. Rubbing his eyes, he hit the button on the answering machine then picked up his mail. The only thing of interest was a letter from Paul Adams. Probably just his bill.

  The messages were all job-related. Grabbing a note pad from next to the phone, he jotted down a couple of phone numbers.

  The teakettle was already on the stove, and he considered some coffee. Instead, he opted for whiskey. Filling a highball glass with ice, he poured out a healthy slug of Irish rye and plopped himself onto the couch.

  Jack was more than just angry. He was disappointed in himself for the anger. All the years he had spent working on controlling his temper, trying to rid himself of the only noticeable trait he shared with his father, and he’d blown it all away so easily yesterday.

  He was also disappointed in himself for not foreseeing the inevitable; genuinely pissed off at himself for leaving Maddie in France with a man he considered lower than pond scum. He took a gulp of the whiskey, swallowing fast and feeling the fiery liquid burn its way to his stomach. Why did he come back? Was it really because of Todd?

  No, he had to admit. He left because he was afraid. Afraid to watch the all-powerful Thomas work his magic on his love. His soul mate. His would-be bride.

  Jack closed his eyes. Maddie was sitting beside him on the coast of France, reaching out to touch his shoulder. He squeezed his eyes tighter in pain. She was scared, she said. She had been told something nasty. Something about his wrong intentions. And how had he responded?

  “Jack, Jack… You’re such a friggin’ ass.”

  He took another swallow, this time not noticing the burn quite so much. His eyes were open now, but he was still with Maddie at the lighthouse.

  “I’m confused,” she’d told him, begging his understanding and help. He might as well have slapped her face. So who was more scared? Who turned tail and ran away?

  “I left her there with a lecherous, crippled charlatan.”

  Jack downed the last of his drink and went back to the bar to refill it.

  “Thanks, Dad,” he said loudly, holding the bottle up to inspect the label. “Thanks for the booze, the broken arm and my wonderful self-control.”

  “You never have any decent Irish liquor in this place,” his dad was saying, coming in from the balcony to voice his complaint.

  Jack spun around, but saw only his own reflection in the sliding glass door. Slowly he brought the glass to his lips and drank down almost half of the drink.

  The airline food was not fit for a dog, he decided, and had avoided all but a few pretzels on the way home. The rye in his stomach boiled and stewed. And not being accustomed to hard liquor, Jack was soon staggering to his bedroom.

  Placing his again empty glass on the nightstand, he pulled his shirttails from his pants and began working the buttons. He hadn’t quite finished when he fell backwards onto the bed; like a crazy carousel, his room whirled around him.

  “Oh, Maddie…” he whispered miserably. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry. I hope you know. I hope.”

   

  Fourteen

  The sunlight splashed in through the window, its healing rays bathing Maddie with a warm radiance. Still half asleep, she slid her fingers across the too-soft mattress in search of her sometimes bed partner but found only blankets and sheets. She opened her eyes.

  The room was cheery and feminine. The wallpaper was old and flowery, the bed quilt thick and hand embroidered. A washbasin stood against one wall, with a silver comb and brush beside the bowl and an antique mirror set above it on the wall. In
her turmoil, Maddie had not acknowledged the room’s beauty on the previous morning.

  She was in no hurry to get out of bed. Slowly, the painful events of the previous days seeped into her head, one by one giving her pause and remorse. She sighed, remembering Jack’s parting words and Papa’s confessions of the afternoon before. Letting her mind wander, she recalled the Thomas she’d once known. So even-tempered, so full of gentle grace, Thomas never spoke an unkind word or raised his voice to her. Always generous, always patient, always true. He was a slave to her happiness.

  Deep within her, Maddie understood why Thomas disappeared. He would no longer be able to walk with her through the gardens. No more would they take the “Jeune Fille” out of the marina or picnic at the beach. His beloved little Renault would have been sold, replaced by a wheelchair. It would have been she bringing him breakfast in bed rather than he carting in the fabulous French cuisine he brought her each Saturday morning.

  But now, all was changed.

  Thomas had recovered. Maddie relived, for a moment, the enormity of the emotion that washed over her at the sight of him when he opened the lighthouse door. A living ghost; her cherished partner, protector, and paramour, returned to her in the flesh after so many, many years. Not only was he her first lover, he was the father of her only child. The father so badly needed and wished for.

  Ah, Thomas could teach Todd so many things. Certainly Maddie had tried to bring what wisdom she could to her son, always feeling she was just short of what Todd really needed. The possibility that Todd could finally meet his father intrigued her. But did Thomas want to meet his son?

  Later that morning, she watched Papa play with his granddaughters in the garden, their shrill giggles carried by the wind. Panting, he joined her on the small porch.

  “You would feel at home here, Madeleine,” Thomas said, catching his breath. “You and Todd. The living is slow, and easy. The school is right down the road. But non! Todd would be already going to the middle school, as you call it! Ah, I have missed so much.” His eyes reflected regret as they followed the young girls playing tag. “It is no problem to send for Todd. I have the funds.”

  “Of course you do, Papa, and I’m thankful for your offer, but…”

  Thomas held up his hand. “I understand. I do not wish to rush you.”

  Now, Maddie puzzled over Papa’s offer. Just last night, he described Jack as her perfect mate. But was he?

  Leaving Thomas behind, she walked down to the beach and spied a couple nearby, picnicking on the sand. On their flowered blanket sat a little boy, probably a year old, drinking from a heavy ceramic mug. Maddie was immediately reminded of Duncan and the day she taught him to drink from a cup.

  Oh, Duncan. Is it true? Would your daddy be willing to marry just to have the chance to raise you?

  Jack’s words floated around her head like gnats. “…because I’m not married and I don’t have a swing set in my yard or a live-in Mary Poppins… I’ll be lucky to get every other weekend and a Christmas here and there.”

  She sat down at the water’s edge.

  “Oh, Jack. I thought you loved me. I thought I loved you.” She pressed her forehead against her raised knees and cried. Maybe she was just confused. That whole scene before he left, the anger, the tears…how could he not be sincere?

  With her heart filled with stones, she slowly walked back toward the lighthouse.

  His face inches from the bathroom mirror, Jack peered closely at his eyes. They were red, of course.

  God! I never looked this bad on my worst day in college!

  His shirt reeked of whiskey; he quickly balled it up and tossed it into the hamper.

  A long shower repaired some of the damage, but he knew it would take more than hot water to fix what was broken. He was determined, however, and no longer afraid. Because without Maddie, not a hell of a lot mattered.

  In the other room, he squatted down to examine the elaborate model that was in progress. He had about fifteen more hours on it, he figured. But not today. Today he was going to pick up Todd, and he was going to have to put on hold this and any designs he harbored for winning Maddie back. If she could be won, he reminded himself drearily.

  Downing a quick cup of coffee, he pulled a card from his wallet and picked up the phone. Della answered the phone laughing, infecting Jack with a smile.

  “Del? Jack. You got my boy?”

  “Sure do. He’s been anxious for your call. They’ve been up for hours,” she complained.

  “Burning up the video games, no doubt.”

  “Yup. Still at it. Come over anytime. We’ll be here.”

  In the car, Jack wondered how he would explain Maddie’s absence. He’d think of something. He didn’t think she would want Todd to know the truth, not just yet.

  Todd’s gear was neatly stacked beside the door.

  “As you can see, he’s ready to go,” Della pointed out. “We loved having him.”

  “We loved you having him,” Jack responded, grasping the straps on Todd’s duffel bag.

  “Maddie at home?” she asked casually.

  “Ah, no. She’s not.”

  Todd raced in from the back bedroom. “Jack! You’re here!”

  “Hey sport, you ready to do some serious camping?”

  “Yes-I-am.” Todd looked around the room. “Where’s Mom?”

  “Mom. Right. Well, the neatest thing happened, we met some old friends of your mom’s, and when it was time to go she wanted to spend just a little more time with them. She’ll be back in a day or two.”

  Jack could see alarms going off in Della’s head and he winced. This woman could spot a lie from the moon.

  Todd seemed content with the answer even if Della was not. “Can I put my stuff in your car, Jack?”

  “Sure, bud. Go ahead. It’s unlocked.” Jack handed the duffel to Todd and held the door open for him, only to grab his shoulder as he tried to breeze through. “Whoa there a minute, pard. Don’t you have something to say to Mrs. Kissinger?”

  Todd spun around. “Uh, thank you for having me. See you, Kev.” Then he was out the door.

  Della smiled. “You sure you two aren’t related somehow?”

  Jack shook his head comically, and then turned toward Della’s son. “It was great meeting you, Kevin. Maybe next time you’re out here you can visit Todd at…” he tripped over his words, for he’d started to say “our house”. Instead he finished with “his Mom’s”.

  Kevin nodded, sad to see his new friend go. “We are Facebook friends.”

  “Right. Of course. You, uh, on Facebook, Della?”

  “I don’t even have a damned computer, Jack. But we have e-mail at work. I can write Kevin from there.”

  “I’m impressed.” Jack started out the door. “Thanks again, Della.”

  When he saw that Kevin had retreated to the bedroom, Jack paused and scratched his head.

  “So what really happened?” Della asked, her arms crossed.

  “I’ll let her tell you about it. She just needed a little more time, that’s all. By the way, if she calls here looking for us, tell her I’m taking Todd to my place for the night.”

  “Gotcha. And if you need anything, anything at all before she gets back, you just call on me, hear? And by the way, it’s Miss Kissinger.”

  Jack nodded gratefully. “Right. Oh, and…here.” He fumbled around in his pocket and withdrew a small trinket, dropping it into her outstretched hand. “It’s also a pencil sharpener,” he told her, and Della smiled, holding up the miniature Eiffel Tower as Jack hurried out the door to join Todd.

  Todd took in Jack’s model with awe. “Everything is so tiny, and so perfect! How did you do it?”

  “With special, tiny, perfect tools. Wanna see?” Jack unfolded his set of Exacto knives, awls and saws. He stood by patiently while Todd experimented with each one, using scrap balsa wood from Jack’s supplies.

  “Then we paint it, lacquer it, light it if we want, and present it.”

  “What
do they do with them after?”

  “After what?”

  “After they don’t need them?”

  “Oh, they pretty much get destroyed. By then everyone’s touched it, picked at it, tried to change things that are glued down. Were glued down, I should say. They aren’t much worth keeping.”

  “That’s terrible. All that work.”

  “As long as I get paid, I don’t care.”

  “But don’t you feel like it’s yours?”

  “I’ll tell you something Todd. Something I’ve learned about possessing things. You can’t let them possess you. Sure, I possess this model right now. But what’s more important, I possess the ability to build it. The set can and will go away, but not my skill as a model maker. At least I hope not.”

  “That’s cool, Jack.”

  They ordered Chinese food and rented movies from the video store; after all, it was Friday night. They parked themselves on the couch, their shoeless feet propped on the coffee table. I like this, Jack thought, glancing over at Todd. I hope we get the chance to do this again.

  He was in the kitchen getting refills of root beer for them both when the phone rang.

  “This is Jack,” he answered, unconsciously answering the way he did when he was working. “Um, hello?” he added.

  There was someone on the line, but no words were spoken.

  “Hello?” he said again, ready to hang up in another heartbeat.

  “Jack. It’s me.”

  “Well, the world traveler.” Jack wet his lips, having found them suddenly dry at the sound of Maddie’s voice. He waited for her next words.

  “How are you?”

  “Been better. I suppose you want to talk to Todd? He’s here, in case you were worried.”

  “I wasn’t worried. I knew he would be with you. And I would like to talk to him, when we’re finished.”

  “Finished with what? Did we start something? I’m still not clear.”

  “Oh, Jack, please. I need to talk to you.”

  “I’m here. Come on over.”

  Maddie groaned in apparent frustration. Jack could hear her taking a deep breath before she spoke again. “You’re still angry.”

  “Me? Naw. What’s there to be angry about?”

  “My being here. Letting you leave. I wish you hadn’t.”

  Don’t say it, Jack. For once, don’t stick your foot in it. Jack pressed his lips tightly together, walking across the room toward the couch. “It’s your mom,” he mouthed, handing the phone to Todd.

  Todd’s eyes lit, as Jack knew they would, and he growled inwardly. She should be here, damn it. He walked back to the kitchen and took a sip from his root beer, wishing it were something stronger.

  As he watched Todd’s face, his fever cooled. Happy, animated, Todd’s youthful innocence touched his heart. The boy knew nothing of the turmoil that existed between them, nothing of the bizarre turn of events that had occurred halfway around the world. He also didn’t know that his father was alive. His real father. What, Jack wondered, would that news do to Todd? Would he be happy, fearful? Confused, angry? Would he resent his father for staying “dead” so long?

  Soon Todd beckoned; Maddie wanted to talk to him again. Jack sighed and took the phone, turning his back to Todd and returning to the kitchen.

  “Okay. You don’t have to say a word, obviously you are still upset and I guess I understand that,” she began.

  Her flippant tone set him off. “You guess? Do you have a clue about what happened to me over there?” His anger was quick to surface, molten and needing to be released at any opportunity.

  “You? What about me? You can’t possibly feel what I am feeling. The person I loved, worshipped, lived with, cared for, the person who took care of me, cherished me, honored me for eight years of my life, the person who was willing to die rather than put me through a torturous future is suddenly back in my life. I grieved for him, Jack, I grieved badly. I missed him. He was and is a generous and kind person. He’s also Todd’s father. Did you really expect me to just pat him on the head and say, that’s nice you’re alive and then leave?”

  Maddie’s words were hotly spoken; Jack was taken aback. So there was a bit of self-righteous, Irish temperament there. He wet his lips again and cleared his throat. “No.” Jack rubbed his eyes, trying to envision Maddie in all her beauty, all her anger. “Key word there, ‘expect.’ How could I ‘expect’ anything? It wasn’t exactly an everyday occurrence.”

  “Well I think you could have used a little more common sense maybe…a little compassion. What would you have done in my place?”

  Boy, she wasn’t about to let up on him. This was unreal, unpleasant, and only getting worse. “Look, Maddie, can we talk about this another time? Like when you come home? If…” he paused for effect, “you are coming home.”

  Jack could tell by her silence that his words had hit their target, stinging her painfully. He imagined that the tears were coming again, staining her beautiful face with permanent blue ink. He was instantly filled with remorse.

  “Of course I am coming home.” Her voice was small and barely audible. “The only question is whether Thomas is coming with me.”

  So there it was, the final blow. Slowly and carefully, Jack recradled the phone. He stared at it for several moments, his face contorted in confusion.

  What just happened there? Wasn’t I going to apologize?

  He groaned to himself, and then returned to sit with Todd. After a moment’s reflection, he slapped Todd on the back. “Hey, we’d better get busy and get that gear together.” Jack attempted to clear his head, deciding he had better focus on the coming weekend. “It’s in the loft, and I’m gonna need your help.”

  Together they climbed the stairs to the loft above the studio and dug around looking for the camping equipment Jack had collected during his years with the forest service. Todd was excited about every new discovery.

  “It sleeps three, and sets up in about five minutes,” Jack was saying, handing the tent to Todd. “Here’s the lantern…and somewhere here I have a propane stove.”

  “This is awesome. Wait’ll Bryan sees all this cool stuff.”

  Jack grinned in the dim light. Todd’s perpetual good mood was helpful, reminding him that things could be worse. What if Todd was a real brat, a delinquent, a moron?

  They dusted and rechecked each item and placed it near the front door of the townhouse. Todd went digging into his school backpack for the flyer describing the trip.

  “Says we hafta bring our own food for most of the time, but they’re bringing hot dogs and sodas for the lunch on Sunday.”

  “Okay. Let’s hit the store.”

  Neither Jack nor Todd slept well that night, Jack still agonizing over Maddie’s suggestion that Thomas may accompany her home. Todd’s anticipation of the beach trip had him wired. They rose early and ate doughnuts and cocoa for breakfast, then loaded the car and were off.

  The beach campground was around eighty miles up the coast, and Jack cruised at a comfortable speed, in no real hurry. They talked about school, and college, and vocations. And then Todd asked Jack about Jerry Maguire.

  “Remember in the beginning, when Jerry was, you know, with that woman?”

  Jack squinted as he looked at the highway ahead. He hoped Todd wasn’t asking about the scene he thought he was. “The old girlfriend?”

  “Yeah, you know, where they’re…doing it.”

  “Oh. That scene. Yeah.” Jack swallowed. He could only imagine what the next question was going to be. Quickly he tried to remember at what age he’d become sexually aware of women, when his father sat down with him for “the talk.”

  “Why did Jerry do it with her? If he didn’t love her?”

  “Well, gee, I think Jerry thought he loved her…”

  “Mom says people should never do it unless they love each other.”

  Jack coughed. Keeping the smile from his face was a task. This would be one of those moments of truth. “Well, she’s pretty much
right, Todd. For most people. I think some people, well, they just don’t really…need to be in love, they just do it because…”

  Todd looked at him expectantly.

  “It feels good.” Yeah, that’s it. That was safe. Surely the boy knows that much.

  “Like Ray?”

  Jack turned to stare openly at Todd before tearing his eyes back to the road. “What? What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Never mind.”

  “No, really. I think you may be thinking something wrong, bud. Ray loved your mom. They were just different, that’s all.”

  Clearly, Todd wasn’t satisfied. His silence said it all. Unsure how to respond to the situation, Jack said nothing more, waiting for Todd’s next question. He didn’t wait long.

  “In the movies, people are doing it all the time.”

  “Hmm.”

  “Do people really do it all the time, Jack?”

  God, I hope I’m not blushing, Jack thought as he nearly steered the Acura onto the shoulder. “I guess that depends on what you think is ‘all the time’. People…men and women, when they love each other, being together feels really good, like the best feeling in the whole world. Whether it’s just sitting together, or holding hands, or…doing it, they just do what feels good when they both feel like doing it.” He stole a quick glance to see how his description was being received. Todd stared straight ahead.

  “Like every night?” he finally asked.

  We should be so lucky, pal, Jack wanted to say. It would still be a few years before he could share thoughts like that. “No, Todd. Not usually.”

  Jack waited a reasonable amount of time before changing the subject. He didn’t want to appear to be avoiding Todd’s very important questions. “So, you know most of the kids in your class? Anybody coming I should watch out for?”

  “Sandy and Marla are coming. They giggle and whisper all the time. Makes me sick.”

  “Ah. Okay. I’ll steer clear of those two.”

  “I’m not sure if Annie is coming.”

  “Annie? Another giggler?”

  “No. She’s real quiet. But weird.”

  “How so?” Jack was a lot more comfortable with this topic of conversation than the last.

  “Well, she asked to borrow my eraser, but I know she has one of her own. I saw the teacher give her one. She put it in her pocket.”

  “That’s pretty strange.”

  “Yeah, I thought so too. And another time she asked me if she could borrow a dollar for a candy bar. But she didn’t even buy one. And she’s always turning around and looking at me.”

  “Maybe you’re being a bonehead.”

  Todd turned his head swiftly in Jack’s direction. “What? A bonehead? Why?”

  “She probably likes you. I once knew a chick like that. They’ll never come right out and tell us, they treat us like we’re supposed to just know everything. It’s weird. I mean, we’re guys, darn it. We’re simple. They’re complicated. Sometimes I think they expect too much from us.”

  Jack chuckled to himself, and Todd laughed, too.

  “Are you going to marry my mom?” the boy asked suddenly.

  For the second time in ten minutes, Jack nearly ran the car aground. Lifting his eyebrows high, he sighed. “I’m not sure.”

  “You want to, don’t you?”

  Jack pondered just how honest he needed to be with Maddie’s son. So much depended on what happened when she came home. He swallowed. “Yes. Yes, I do.”

  “Did you ask her?”

  “No. Not yet.”

  “Are you going to?”

  “What is this, the Spanish Inquisition?”

  Todd smiled. “Just wondering.”

  “I’m not sure the time is right, pal. Your mom and me, well, to tell you the truth, we had a little argument. She’s a bit pissed off at me right now. We need to talk things over when she gets home.”

  “Is that why she stayed? ‘Cuz she’s mad at you?”

  “Partly.”

  “You shouldn’t worry. She gets mad at me lots of times, but she always says, no matter how mad she gets, she will always still love me. She always forgives me. That makes me feel better. I hate it when she gets mad.”

  Jack nodded. He certainly shared that feeling.

  “Just ask her. She’ll say yes, I know she will. And then you can live with us and be my dad for real.”

  A lump rose in Jack’s throat at this unexpected admission. He reached across the seat and stroked Todd’s hair, then tousled it. “I hope you’re right. I’d like nothing better.” Jack thought for a moment. “And you, I might add, may want to pay a little closer attention to a certain young lady. You may still be young enough to learn how not to be a bonehead!”

   

  Fifteen

  Jack stretched and looked out across the campground as families were busily erecting tents and opening ice chests. Todd had already run off with Bryan, their own tents being set up and their gear unpacked. The camp was on moderately wooded grounds, the sandy beach beginning roughly fifty yards away. Thirty or more sixth graders bounced around amongst the trees, their parents all trying to keep track of them. Jack wasn’t worried.

  That was the thing about Todd. You didn’t need to worry about him most of the time. Responsible and well mannered. A kid any dad would be proud of.

  It wasn’t long before he spotted Todd again, running wild through the trees with his friend. He looked very young at the moment, much younger than his twelve years. Jack thought back to the ride that morning and the questions Todd asked. Shaking his head, he wondered what Maddie would say about them. Especially about she and Ray and their loveless sex.

  The thought of Maddie brought with it a sigh. How he missed her! Missed the way she was before, before they had gone to Europe. Before Thomas climbed out of his empty grave.

  After sunset, a great campfire was stoked and many of the families drew around it, sharing snacks and stories. Jack sat beside Todd on one of several huge logs that served as benches around the fire, and Jack tutored Todd on the proper method of roasting marshmallows.

  “They get a little burned, but that’s normal,” Jack was saying, gingerly touching the charred and melted confection on the end of his stick. Realizing that Todd had not responded, he looked over to see Todd’s gaze focused on something or someone on the opposite side of the circle. Meanwhile, his marshmallow was a bubbling black blob.

  “Hey there buddy, I didn’t mean that burned.” Jack reached across and pulled Todd’s stick away from the flames. Following the direction of Todd’s stare, Jack noticed a young girl with a similarly comatose look.

  Ah. Annie.

  “Whadya say, Jack?”

  “Uh, nothing. You just like yours well done, is that it?”

  “Huh?”

  “Never mind. Why don’t you just invite her to sit with us?”

  “What?”

  “Hello…Earth to TJ…” Jack teased, spearing another marshmallow and dangling it over the campfire. He leaned closer to Todd, speaking softly. “Which one is she?”

  “Who?”

  “I thought we talked about this. How you’re not going to be a blockhead anymore.”

  Todd frowned, then his face softened. Looking down, he spoke conspiratorially from the corner of his mouth. “Bonehead. Not blockhead. And...Pink shirt.”

  “Hmmm. Nice. Now get up and walk over there.”

  “What do I say?”

  “Ask her…ask to borrow her eraser.”

  “Huh? That’s dumb.”

  “Just kidding! Loosen up, dude. Ask her if she’d like to take a walk tomorrow. To look for shells or something. Chicks dig that kind of stuff.”

  “She’s not a chick, Jack.”

  “Sorry. I’m dating myself. Just do it.”

  Todd got up and moved in a haphazard way around the fire, first pretending to search for something in his pack, then waving at Bryan who was sitting near the intended female. As he passed her, he acted as if it were a
lmost an afterthought and turned back to her, his eyes darting back to Jack’s for support. Jack gave him a discreet “thumbs up.”

  Although he could not hear their words, Jack was charmed by the nonchalant way in which Todd approached the young girl. Suddenly, they were having a real conversation. Jack grinned and looked up at the stars. Well at least someone was getting “lucky” tonight.

  “Did she say yes?” Jack asked later.

  “She said she’d ask her dad. He brought her here.”

  “Good start.”

  They were settled into the tent for the night. In the near total darkness, Todd came up with another question or two that set Jack’s mind reeling again. So this was what fathering was all about! He hoped he was answering the right way, the way Maddie would want him to. It made Jack feel important somehow, gave purpose to his growing relationship with Todd.

  Jack was glad the darkness hid his smile from Todd as he recalled the time he’d asked his own father about his unexpected and embarrassing arousal during class, the involuntary erections and wet dreams. As the oldest, he’d later been called upon to teach his brother about such things. It was his duty as the first, his father had insisted. Now, Jack’s heart was heavy with sympathy for the boy who’d gone twelve years without a real father. Todd had to be filled with many uncertainties and more questions. Silently, Jack hoped he would be around to answer them.

  Todd tossed and turned beside him. Unable to get comfortable himself, Jack pondered Todd’s worries about Annie, and the secret, un-talked about subjects Todd had shared with him. “So, Todd, did I ever tell you about the time I was mauled by a black bear?” Jack spoke in a comforting tone, hoping that a good story would put Todd to sleep.

  “Were you really a forest ranger, Jack?”

  “You bet. I was a cartographer. I drew maps of some of the parks up north. I also sketched plants and landmarks for their field guides. It was fun. Except for the night I got in between that ol’ mama bear and her cub.”

  “You must have been scared!”

  Not as scared as I am right now, Jack thought. He grimaced in the dark. Scary is not knowing how close you are to losing everything.

  Sunday morning the whole gang met on the beach. The school principal, Mr. Laughlin, clad in Hawaiian shirt, Bermuda shorts and flip-flops, handed out mock diplomas and plastic leis to the sixth grade class of Liberty Elementary School. Immediately following the mock graduation, while the parents prepared the big weenie roast, a boom box was fired up with surf music and the kids scattered along the beach. Jack was handed a paper chef’s hat and long handled tongs.

  “You’re the weenie turner.”

  Jack turned to face a large man with a goofy grin. Boasting the physique of a linebacker and the face of a maturing cherub, the man exuded friendliness and goodwill. His smile was genuine and Jack found himself grinning back as he opened the hat and slid it onto his head.

  “My daughter seems quite taken with your son,” the man was saying as he ripped open the first package of hot dogs. Startled, Jack had to grasp the paper hat as the wind caught it.

  “Todd? Oh, he’s not really-”

  “Ready for girls? Neither am I.” The man extended his hand. “I’m Len. Annie’s been talking about Todd for weeks.”

  Jack nodded. “Jack. Yeah, I’ve never quite figured them out myself. I’m not much help. Have you seen Todd?”

  Jack squinted toward the surf, his eyes keenly searching for Todd’s red swim trunks.

  “They took off looking for shells or something. They’re okay.” Len waived his arm in the direction of the beach.

  Jack nodded. He felt another tinge of sympathy for young Todd, just beginning the roller coaster journey that would probably last his whole life.

  The ride home was quiet, each of them absorbed by their own thoughts. Jack had been partly successful in blocking out his problems, but now as the dark highway before his headlights gave little distraction, his thoughts turned dark as well.

  At home, nothing had changed. There was a call from Rick, his hockey buddy, with an invitation to a football game yesterday afternoon. An unexpected call from his mother, inquiring after his well-being. Apparently, the campground was a cellular dead zone. But no call from Maddie.

  He made up the hide-a-bed for Todd and went to his room to get ready for bed. As he brushed his teeth, he knew he would not be able to sleep, so after putting on an old t-shirt, he went back to the living room, fired up his laptop and opened the browser. When the six familiar multi-colored letters appeared on the screen, he typed into the search bar. “Thomas LaForge.”

  Of course, there were numerous entries. Jack refined his search to a time period thirteen years before and was rewarded with a brief story about Thomas’ disappearance during a storm. Jack frowned. There had to be more, so he continued to browse.

  Page after page returned information on other LaForges. What had he been? A tutor? Nothing. What was his wife’s name? Lily? Nothing. No property, no boating info, no memberships. On a whim, Jack added the city “Rochecarbon” to the search criteria, but still nothing came up. “This guy’s a ghost,” Jack muttered. Even though he considered himself a somewhat private person, Jack knew that a search on his own past would reveal a number of references: a hockey award in 2005, a car accident in ‘07, a mention of his forestry services in the Los Padres National Forest newsletter. At one time, he’d been listed as Duncan’s father, but that entry had been removed. His work in the movie industry had netted him several film credits and a couple of top-shelf trophies. He was arrested for picketing once, but Jack wasn’t sure it was online.

  Thomas LaForge of Southern France did not exist beyond the day he was said to have died.

  Maddie did not sleep alone. Unable to sleep at all, she stayed up half the night, sipping Cabernet and reacquainting herself with her former lover.

  “What are you thinking, chérie? Your face is too sad.”

  “Oh, Papa, I feel like my life is…Jack calls it spinning out. I wish I knew what to do.”

  “Come.” He beckoned to her, and she sat beside him on the couch. Carefully he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close against his broad chest. Maddie stiffened at first, but once her cheek settled against him she absorbed a sense of peace that had long evaded her. She closed her eyes. This was truly Papa.

  “This is one of those times, Madeleine, when you must listen to your heart and no one else’s. You must not think of what is right for me or Jack, or even our son. Because what is right for you will be right for Todd.”

  “I wish I could just stay in this spot for the next several weeks. Months. I just might, too, if I thought Todd would be okay.”

  Thomas stroked her hair away from her cheek, gently caressing her face with his large hands. “Todd is a fine, capable young man, and I could not be more proud. Even if he does not know I exist.”

  “He should know, Papa. He must know. I don’t know how I can keep from telling him.”

  “It is your decision. You know what is best for your son. Our son. You cannot know how I regret not being there to watch him grow.” His words struck a chord, an unpleasant one, for weren’t those Jack’s own sentiments about Duncan? His own fear that Duncan would be raised without his real father?

  “Oh, Thomas, is it possible that Jack would go so far to see his son grow?”

  “What do you mean, chérie?”

  “She said he only wanted to marry me so he could get custody.”

  “She, who?”

  “Elise.”

  Thomas grunted and shifted his weight beside her, and she sat upright. “That is nonsense. Oh, Elise! It angers me that she would hurt you so.” He leaned close to her face, sliding his fingers into her hair and grasping her neck. “Madeleine, if only I could turn back the clock…” And with those words, Thomas kissed her full on the mouth.

  Like Alice down the rabbit hole, Maddie began to fall. Backward, then forward, the gears and cogs of her internal time piece grinding and jamming.
Dizzy, she pressed her face into his cheek and he embraced her. With her eyes closed, she tried to recall the twenty-six-year-old French tutor winking at her from the classroom door. Memories washed over her like small, recurrent waves at the beach, each bringing images she had long since locked away. His lips, so full and encompassing, the bristly feel of his mustache, the romantic French accent and elegant European charm…but no. Too many years, too much had passed.

  Jack’s words again came back to her, echoed in her head. Father figure. Bringing her fingers to her mouth, she slowly wiped the kiss from her lips.

  Thomas released his grip. He pulled away, and in doing so his fingers closed on a chain; a silver chain, hanging around her neck, its charm well hidden inside her blouse. He plucked it out with one smooth movement.

  “Ah. The Celtic knot. Am I correct that this is a gift from a liar? A man who could take away theatrical awards for his performance in my garden? Or is it from the man who would bring his woman around the world to the home of her long lost lover in order to ease her mind? The man who is, right now, kicking himself for leaving her there.”

  Maddie bit her lower lip. She was afraid to let herself believe that Thomas was right. She thought about the reasons Jack brought her to France, about the bank account and the painting.

  “You never told me why you did it.”

  Thomas turned to peer into her face, his expression puzzled.

  “Why you set up the money. Did you honestly think we wouldn’t question the origin?”

  “I have already admitted to being a fool. It was my happy expectation that the mystery would be a welcome one to a boy of Todd’s age. Once, an anonymous benefactor was a complimentary, exciting occurrence!”

  “Oh Papa, these days, in America, you just can’t do things like that. People worry when strangers know too much about their children. At first, I thought they might be from Ray.”

  Thomas uttered a sound of disgust, and then sighed. “I suppose when Paul called and told me you were coming, I was not truly surprised. Fearful, yes. I was afraid that you would hate me for what I’d done. There is much you do not know about me. But, at last, I decided I deserved whatever happened. Perhaps, in my secret heart, I was hoping you would one day discover me and my deceit. Ultimately, even if you hated me, it would be better than living the lie.”

  Maddie was quiet while absorbing his words. She could never hate him for what he’d done out of love. Thomas had suffered as much, or more, than she.

  “I’ve done some things in my life that I am not proud of. There are things...you do not need to know, not now. It’s behind me now, and I hope it will stay that way. I suppose I thought that enough time had passed, that you might be saved from my past, innocent of all, and maybe we could pick up where we left off. What I did not expect was the depth of Jack’s love for you.” Thomas averted his eyes.

  “So you believe that Jack truly loves me?”

  “My darling, he is a man possessed by his love. It is obvious, not only to me, that you represent the end of Jack’s search for true love. And when you emerge from this unfortunate storm of confusion I have created, you will realize that he, too, may be the end of your search.”

  Monday morning dawned too soon. Jack stared hard at the calendar on his kitchen wall, absently flipping hotcakes on a griddle. Behind him, Todd poured out two glasses of orange juice and carried them to the table, then returned for forks and knives.

  “Man. I am so behind,” Jack muttered, lifting the calendar page and looking into the next month. “I’ll never get caught up.” Murmuring under his breath, he stacked the pancakes on a plate and joined Todd at the table.

  “Syrup?” Todd offered.

  “Nope. I’ll eat mine plain. Bacon?”

  “Sure.”

  “How good are you at painting?”

  “Okay, I guess,” Todd answered. “You mean like a fence? Or a wall?”

  “No. I mean like that monstrosity in there.” Jack pointed toward the studio where the unfinished set model sat waiting. “We gotta finish that. Today.”

  Todd’s eyes grew round at the thought that Jack would actually trust him to work on his masterpiece.

  Jack was a patient teacher. Using tiny brushes and acrylic paints, Todd painstakingly painted miniature furniture pieces and military props. Jack, meanwhile, went back to affixing new pieces to the other side. It was a tedious, time-consuming job, but they worked companionably. Used to working alone, it was a pleasant change for Jack.

  At five o’clock Jack called it finished. He’d lacquer it tomorrow, after all the paint was dry, but it was basically done. And not a bad job, either, he decided. The model would please the powers that be.

  He was scrubbing the glue and paint from his fingers when the phone rang.

  “Could you grab that?” he hollered to Todd, who was scouting the refrigerator for a snack. Todd reached for the cordless.

  “Mom! You’re home!” Todd’s exuberance hit Jack like an icy draft against his back as he stood at the sink. He reached for a towel. It wasn’t long before Todd handed him the phone.

  “Yeah,” he said casually, feeling suddenly like the phone itself was a foreign object, uncomfortable in his hand. “You’re home?”

  “Yes. I’d like to…to come and get Todd, if that’s all right.”

  “Not necessary. I’ll bring him home. Give me a few minutes to change.”

  “Thanks.” Maddie paused for a moment. “Jack, Thomas is here.” Her voice was firm; guarded.

  “Peachy. See ya.”

  “Still mad, huh?” Todd asked as Jack burned rubber down the driveway.

  Now mindful of his actions, Jack slowed the car down. “Looks that way.”

  “She said she brought me a surprise.”

  “Oh, yeah, that she did. A big one.”

  “You know what it is?”

  “I think so.”

  “Will I like it?”

  “Not sure, pal.” Jack took a sideways glance at Todd. “Probably.”

  They parked in the street; Paul Adams had parked his Cadillac in the driveway and was just getting into it when Jack and Todd arrived. Jack returned his wave curtly, and then opened the trunk to unload Todd’s bags. Behind him, he could hear Maddie rushing out to greet her son.

  Jack approached them slowly, appraising Maddie as she hugged Todd on the porch. She looked wonderful, he admitted to himself. A sight for sore eyes. And what sore eyes he had.

  She saw him then, over Todd’s shoulder. Her smile faded to a glimmer.

  “Hello, Jack,” she said, her voice breaking. “Come in.”

  Do I have to? And see him again?

  He dropped Todd’s things at the foot of the stairs and the three of them went into the living room.

  “Where’s my surprise?” Todd looked around anxiously. Jack followed his perusal of the empty room.

  “TJ, I have to talk to you about something.” Maddie nervously rubbed her palms together. She looked hesitant as she peered down the hall toward the guest room door.

  “Maddie, do you really think this is a good idea?” Jack asked. “Maybe we could talk a little first?”

  But before she could respond, the door opened and Thomas shuffled into the room.

  Todd became uncharacteristically still. His lips parted in surprise, his eyes widened and his brow creased. He looked back at his mother, his face a picture of confusion.

  “Todd.” Maddie grasped her son’s hands in hers, her voice quivering. “A long, long time ago, a terrible mistake was made. And even though it was that, a terrible mistake, it was made for a good reason.” She glanced apprehensively at Jack, who first met her gaze and then looked away in disdain. After taking a deep breath, Maddie continued. “Your father did not drown in the ocean like we thought all these years. Todd, are you listening? This is your father. This is Papa.”

  Todd looked back at the man standing before him. The man whose photo had been on the dresser for ten years. The man with dark eyes and bushy mustache and
full eyebrows. The man was nodding his head.

  The cry seemed to come from somewhere else, beginning small and growing to a wail by the time it reached his lips. And then Todd was fleeing, running toward the stairs, where he stopped and turned defiantly.

  “No! He is not my father! My father is dead! Jack is going to be my father now!” The tragedy reflected on the boy’s face burned into the eyes and hearts of all watching him.

  “Well, that’s just great. What a nice present to bring home,” Jack muttered, his sarcasm a thin veil behind which he hid his own pain. Maddie, however, was incensed and her face showed it.

  “Todd, wait,” she called, following the youth up the stairs.

  Jack decided he’d better leave, before his own anger grew too great. Nodding in Thomas’ direction, he started for the door.

  “Wait. I need to speak to you.” Thomas leaned on his cane and beckoned to Jack, who returned.

  “I’m not sure you have anything important enough for me to listen to,” Jack said, crossing his arms. “Why did you come here, anyway?”

  “I had to. For her sake. And because I needed to explain something to you, Jack.”

  “Oh please, spare me. You didn’t travel all the way over here to talk to me. I may be a fool for her but I’m not stupid.”

  “I was not completely truthful about the disease that left me thus,” he began, motioning with his cane to his left leg. “It is more.” Slowly and with obvious discomfort, he lowered himself to sit on the couch. “There is another part of me, the part of a man that, shall we say, is essential to his intimacy…”

  Jack frowned. “Do I really need to hear this?”

  “I could not ask Madeleine to stay in a marriage without the physical love she so deserves. It would have been wrong, and yet I knew she would never leave me. You have to understand that, Jack.”

  Jack said nothing. So the man had been rendered impotent at thirty-three years old. What a crime. And it was true; Maddie would have stayed until the end.

  “I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy,” Jack finally said, looking around awkwardly and avoiding Thomas’ eyes.

  “And I’m not that, despite what you think,” Thomas said quietly.

  A noise outside drew their attention, and Jack opened the front door to see a small moving truck in the driveway. Ray Tyler was walking toward the garage with two day laborers in tow.

  “Hey McKenzie,” he called with a wave. “I’m just picking up a few things. Maddie around?”

  Jack’s teeth began to grind. Could this day get any worse? “She’s busy,” he answered, his tone non-committal.

  “That’s okay.” He directed the men to load his skis and several packed boxes into the truck, and then approached Jack. He handed over an envelope. “These are my keys and my garage door opener. Make good use of them,” he said with a smile that was both comical and disarming. He was apparently growing his hair long again, and the rakish grin was one a woman like Maddie could have fallen for, Jack decided.

  “I’ll give them to her.”

  “Who’s that?” Ray wondered aloud, gesturing toward the man standing behind the screen door.

  “Oh, just another of Maddie’s ex’s,” Jack informed him. Ray shaded his eyes with his hand to get a better look.

  “Tom? No way.”

  “Yup. The long absent, long dead, I might say, and he’s brought tales of your sordid affairs.”

  “My what?”

  “Well, she’d already found out about Elise. But the word is that there were others before her.” At this point Jack cared little about what he said to Ray.

  Ray’s keen blue eyes were piercing as he turned them upon Jack. “Bullshit! Elise was the first. The only one. And she seduced me, the bitch.” Ray shook his head, clearly upset by this news. And, having met Elise, Jack believed him. At least they agreed on one thing.

  “Jack. I know what you must think of me. Frankly, it doesn’t matter. But I really did care for Maddie. We met at a time when we both needed something, and we had our needs fulfilled. She’s a wonderful girl, but she fell out of love first, believe me. I screwed up with Elise. I admit it. She came after me like a banshee and I was feeling needy.” He looked away, apparently recalling his surprise at Elise’s pursuit. “I never wanted to hurt Maddie. And if that guy in there is telling her lies about me, that’s not fair. I never did it, I swear.” He shook his head again, then looked at the truck where his hired help was locking the back.

  “I gotta go. Paying by the hour, you know. Will you-will you tell her for me? Tell her I’m sorry, tell that asshole in there he’s got the wrong guy. And tell Todd he can keep the TV. I’ll send him a postcard from Chile.”

  Jack nodded and watched Ray slide into the driver’s seat of the truck. As quickly as he’d come, Ray was gone.

  Jack took the envelope inside and dropped it onto the kitchen counter. Checking the fridge, he found a beer and opened it, draining it down.

  Alas. I have become a soap opera character.

  Almost as if she knew Ray had come and gone, Maddie appeared from upstairs. She approached Jack, her eyes dark and snapping with hostility.

  “What did you say to Todd? How could you? How could you turn him away from his father like that? You must have said something to him, something cruel and…and mean about Thomas! Just because you can’t understand…” Maddie’s eyes fairly sparked as she verbally lashed out at Jack.

  “You think he reacted that way because of something I said? You don’t know him very well, do you?” He crushed the empty beer can in his hand.

  “Of course I do. He’s my son. I know exactly how he is. We share everything.”

  “I think not. I think you don’t have a clue about Todd’s state of mind right now. And I resent that you think I don’t. But of course, you know all about the fact that he’s been waking up in the morning with a hard-on and he’s afraid you’ll find out and take him to the doctor? And sure, you know that his young man’s heart is bursting at the seams over a little doll named Annie? Yeah, you share everything. Even his concerns about you and Ray getting it on without being truly in love, right? Sorry I suggested otherwise.”

  “What are you talking about?” Maddie’s face went ashen. “How dare you discuss sex with my child! Is this some kind of sick way of getting back at me for having loved someone before you?”

  “Whoa. You hold it right there!” Jack shouted, tossing the can into the sink and approaching her so quickly that she backed herself against the wall. Thomas, too, backed away, retreating to the kitchen.

  “Have you forgotten who I am?” Jack began, his own eyes blazing with fury. “Have you? Seems to me you’ve suddenly forgotten everything. So let me remind you.” His voice became low and deadly. “I am Jack McKenzie. I am thirty-seven years old; I was born and raised right here in this town. I am an honest man, a truthful man, I love my parents and I love children. I have a good job and the respect of my peers; I pay my taxes on time and I always take the shopping cart back to the front of the lot; but I am not perfect, and I like it that way. I sometimes drive too fast and I worry too much; I don’t visit my folks often enough and my bank account is always out of balance. I have a deplorable temper and I have spent half my damned life trying to make it go away. And the worst thing I have ever done is cold cock my old man while he was beating the hell outa me.”

  He paused to take a breath, the anger still raging inside of him. Grasping her firmly by the shoulders, he spoke directly into her face. “It destroys me that you think I would meddle with TJ. I love that boy. And in case you’ve forgotten, I love you, too. Yeah, I’m the man who loves you. Me, damn it. I am cursed with this love. Do you need proof?”

  With those words he pressed her against the wall, crashing his mouth against her lips painfully, assaulting her with a forceful and angry kiss.

  Maddie’s stunned expression made no impact on Jack. Her hands braced against his shoulders, she pushed Jack away with all her power, and then slapped him hard acro
ss the cheek.

  “How dare you!”

  “No. How dare you,” he responded coldly, then turned on his heel and walked brusquely out the door, ignoring Thomas who looked on in awe.

  The door slammed behind him, but Jack could hear nothing, not even his own squealing tires as he sped away.

   

  Sixteen

  Todd sat at his desk, his fingers deftly cutting small pieces from the balsa wood scraps Jack had given him. The knife was old and not too sharp, but Todd’s attention was rapt as he built the miniature table.

  Maddie sat on the bed behind him, her hand grasping a tissue held to her mouth.

  “Please talk to me, Todd. I never meant it to happen like this.”

  Todd didn’t answer. Keeping his fingers busy, his mind focused, was the only way he could deal with what was happening. That was, not to deal with it at all. He believed with all his heart that Jack would return, Jack would fix everything and the man from the photo would go away. He and his mother would be happy again. For now, he would build the model and Jack would be proud.

  Maddie stood and caressed her son’s hair. “I’m sorry, darling. Please forgive me. I’ll make everything right.”

  “Get Jack, Mom.”

  She bent and kissed Todd’s forehead.

  Maddie knew she had done Todd a great disservice, springing his real father on him without warning. And Jack, well, she’d alienated him for sure. But despite his rage, Jack was still saying he loved her. That was something.

  Back downstairs, she poured a glass of wine for Thomas and herself. So peculiar, seeing him in her own home, sitting on the couch where Jack, and Ray before him, had sat looking at the TV.

  “We never even owned a television when we were together,” she mused. “We were too busy doing other things.”

  “True. Now, I watch it. It passes the time.”

  He seemed sad somehow, and Maddie again wondered at the wisdom of bringing him here. It had felt like the right thing to do in France. Phare de l’Ile now seemed a million miles away.

  Some time passed before either spoke. Thomas drew in a deep breath, blinked several times and wet his lips. “You need to call Jack. This was all a mistake, and I am sorry.”

  “It’s not all your fault. I should have—” Maddie’s words were clipped by the sound of vehicles roaring into her driveway. She went to the window to find three black SUV’s parked helter-skelter in front of the house and swarms of serious looking men rushing toward the front door.

  “What is it?” Thomas called, now on his feet and leaning against his cane.

  “Men in black,” Maddie murmured. “They must have the wrong house.” She responded to their knock on the door with dread knotting her stomach.

  “Madelyn Tyler?” The first man asked, holding up an open wallet. “Joshua Knapp, FBI. We’re looking for this man.” The agent held up a four by six color photo of Thomas. “Thomas LaForge. Is he here?”

  Her lungs failed her. Unable to speak, she turned toward the living room just in time to see Thomas sprinting through the back sliding glass doors and across the yard, his abandoned cane askew on the floor. The FBI agents hurried past her in pursuit as Maddie flattened herself against the wall. Stunned beyond all reason, she watched as Thomas hurtled himself over the back fence and into the grassy pasture beyond.

  “Ms. Tyler?”

  Maddie gasped and returned her attention to an attractive young man peering into her face. “Are you all right?”

  “No, I’m not all right. What do you want with Thomas? What’s he done?”

  An older agent approached, a cell phone pressed to his ear. “Okay... are you sure? Get ‘em into the truck.” The man slipped the phone into his pocket. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Tyler, but we’ll need you to come, too.”

  Maddie frowned, then shook her head. “Not until you tell me what this is all about! Thomas is a guest in my home. What is he wanted for? Did you say your name was Knapp?”

  “Yes, M’am. Mr. LaForge is wanted in France for the murder of Lillian LaForge, and there may be charges filed against you for aiding and abetting a felon. Now, you need to—”

  “What? Are you joking? Thomas didn’t kill his wife. She was hit by a car, or a bus or something. On her bike. In Tours. I’ve seen her grave.”

  “Did you see this accident occur?”

  “Well, no, Thomas told me about it, though. And he’s a very honest man.” No sooner had the words left her tongue than Maddie was struck by the irony. Thomas LaForge was anything but an honest man. Tears stung her eyes. “If...if he really did something like that, I had no...no idea...”

  Detective Knapp looked at the younger agent and blew out a breath. Maddie began to sob.

  “Look, Mrs. Tyler, let’s get downtown and sort this all out. You should probably make arrangements for your son.”

  “My son? You know about Todd? How...?”

  “We’ve been watching you since you left De Gaulle.”

  Agent Carlson stayed while Maddie prepared Todd for a visit with Della. Her calls to Jack went unanswered.

  “I got here as quickly as I could. You’ll call me?” Della insisted, giving Maddie a quick hug. “Or have Jack get in touch?”

  “If he ever responds. We...had words. Not sure where he’s at, physically or emotionally.”

  “Everything will pan out, Mad. Don’t you worry about TJ. We’ll be great.”

  Maddie was seated under the glare of a fluorescent ceiling. Her eyes already burned from the ever-present tears threatening her eyes. Agent Carlson brought her a Styrofoam cup of water.

  “Thank you. I’m just...I’ve never been so shocked about anything in my life. Well, I guess I was more shocked that he was even alive...”

  Carlson sat down to continue the interview. “Now, you say you never met Mrs. LaForge?”

  “No. Mrs.—Madame LaForge was already deceased when I met Thomas.”

  “I see. Now, in the five or so years you spent with Mr. LaForge, you had no knowledge of his position with the DGSE?”

  “I don’t even know what that is. Thomas was a tutor and a translator when I met him. He tutored world political science. Later, he worked as a foreign correspondent for some news agency. But he was also a horticulturalist. And an artist.”

  “You never wondered about the many times he left town? Or the injuries he sustained while working?”

  “His job took him away. And injuries? No. The only time he was ever sick or hurt was when he had cancer. Oh, and he once got hit by a loose jib on the boat.”

  The agent gave her a sympathetic smile. “I sincerely doubt this man ever had cancer, Ms. Tyler. And the injury to his left shoulder was rendered by a bullet he took while he was trying to steal documents from an American businessman in Paris.”

  Maddie pressed her hand over her mouth. Nausea welled up within her. How had she not known? Thomas, a spy? A wanted man? Could he possibly have killed Lillian? She reached for the water and took a sip, then cleared her throat. “How was he supposed to have killed his wife, if it’s okay to ask?”

  Agent Carlson looked around, as if making sure his co-workers were not witness to his breach. “He shot her when she threatened to expose his double agency. She was also with the DGSE.”

  “What is the DGSE, anyway?”

  “The General Directorate for External Security. In French it’s Direction Générale de la Sécurité Extérieure. France’s external intelligence agency. It’s operated under the French ministry of defense.”

  “Your French is very good,” Maddie muttered. “So, who else was he working for?”

  “Some rogue organization. I don’t have those details. He’s in interrogation now. He’ll be extradited soon.”

  Maddie slumped back in the chair. “Are you going to arrest me, too?”

  Agent Carlson smiled. “No. I’m reporting that you had no knowledge of the suspect’s identity or history.”

  “Until last week, I’d thought him dead for thirteen years. I had a
grave prepared for him and everything.”

  “Thirteen years? Wow. Uh, wow.”

  “Wow, what?”

  “Madame LaForge was...uh, murdered just nine years ago.”

  Maddie leaned forward and placed her hand on the desk. “That’s impossible. She was already dead when we were together.”

  “Did he tell you she was dead?”

  “Yes!” Her heart racing, Maddie fought to remember the day Thomas told her about Lilly. “How is it that you guys are just now arresting him?”

  “We didn’t know where he was until you looked him up. But this investigation has been ongoing for many years. Madame LaForge was an American citizen.”

  “So you’ve been watching me all these years.”

  Agent Carlson looked away, then down at the file on the desk. “In some manner, yes. You’re on a list to be flagged if you fly to Europe.”

  “I...don’t know what to say.”

  “Well, we’re done here. I’ll get someone to give you a lift home. Here’s my card, if anything comes up you think we should know, okay?”

  “Okay. And don’t leave town, right?”

  “You got it.”

  “Can I see him?”

  The agent looked uncomfortable. “I’ll check. Wait here.”

  Thomas was handcuffed to the table. Maddie sat down opposite him, her eyes dry and her face calm. She stared at him, wondering just what she should or could say. He spoke first.

  “It’s all true, Madeleine. I’ve worked in counter-intelligence most of my life.”

  Maddie nodded slowly. “Must feel odd, lying every minute of every day? Disgracing those who love you?”

  “I didn’t kill Lillian. But I could not pursue her killer without exposing myself. It was easier to just bury her and move on. I exacted revenge in my own way. You do not want or need to know about that.”

  “I don’t want to know anything about you, Thomas. I wish I’d never met you. Aside from Todd, you have given me nothing but grief, now.”

  Thomas lowered his chin, turned his wrists within the cuffs. “There is one thing I never lied about. I loved you, ma Chérie, with all of my being. Which is exactly why I left you when I did. Things were heating up. Your life was in danger, and that is the truth. The only way I could protect you, and ultimately, our son, was to create this elaborate charade. I didn’t want to go, believe me.

  “Earlier this year, I received more threats. I feared for my own life. That is when I set up the trust for Todd. If Elise had not sent that stupid painting, none of this would have happened.”

  Maddie took a moment to peer into Thomas’ eyes. Was he finally telling the truth? “They told me Lilly was alive the whole time we were together. Is that true? Did you still have a wife in France while we lived there, and here? Is that why we never married?”

  “Lillian and I never loved. It was a marriage of convenience. We were both in the same...business. Part of our cover. When I met you, I wanted to live that normal life that had never been mine. And we succeeded, didn’t we, for a time?”

  Maddie couldn’t answer. His charisma still shook her, and she feared she would buy into his treachery again. “I have to go. I wish you whatever is right.”

  “Where is Jack? Did he return after your disagreement?”

  “I have no idea where he is.”

  “You will find him. Go.”

  Maddie shook her head. “Because of you, I have probably hurt the one man in my life that’s been completely honest and forthright. The one man who truly plays on my team, who’s been there for me through all this utter bullshit.”

  “You can fix this. He loves you.” Thomas tried to reach for her hand but the handcuffs restricted his movement. “I wish you the best, my love. I know all the apologies in the world can’t repair the damage I’ve done. Please, one day, try to forgive me and know that what I did, I did to protect you.”

  Todd was sleeping when she got home. Maddie gave Della the abbreviated version of what had happened, and her friend graciously did not press. She did, however, insist on staying the night. Maddie was too wasted to argue.

  Jack had neither called nor stopped by. She’d left numerous messages on his phone, and at this point there was not much left to say. At eleven, she went to her room and lay down without undressing. She tried to sleep, tried to put the events of the past week out of her mind, all to no avail. She touched her lip and winced. The evidence of Jack’s harsh attack on her mouth still stung.

  Alternately she cursed him and defended him. She drove him to it, she knew. Jack’s revelations about Todd hurt her, and she wanted to hurt him back, then. Now all she yearned to do was curl up in his arms and make everything else go away.

  At midnight she picked up the phone and dialed Jack’s home number. His machine answered brightly.

  “It’s Jack, I’m either on the table or under it, so leave a message.”

  Maddie smiled a melancholy smile. When had she last heard him sound happy? Their first night in Paris, they laughed about the aphrodisiac qualities of oysters, and she had playfully moved the plate away from him.

  She didn’t leave a message. Instead, she hastily put on her shoes and socks and left her room. She peeked in at Todd, asleep in his bed. Careful not to wake him, she pulled his covers up over his shoulder.

  She was surprised to see Della still sitting on the couch, a fresh glass of beer in her hand as she channel surfed the late-night television offerings.

  “Oh, gracious. Why aren’t you in bed? Is everything all right?”

  “Yes. But I can’t sleep. I’m going out.”

  “Well, listening to your heart can surely keep you awake. Be careful. I hope you find him.”

  Of course, Jack’s townhouse was buttoned up tightly with no sign of Jack. She could see through the small garage window that his car was gone. At a loss, she got back into her truck and locked the doors, pushing the seat back to wait. It was 1:00 a.m.

  What would she do and say when she saw him? Would he forgive her this last, meaningless confrontation? Oh, it was all too painful. She closed her eyes. The jetlag was bad enough without the glass of wine and the exhausting interrogation. Fatigue battered her until she finally gave in to sleep.

  She was out for over three hours. Maddie wasn’t sure what it was that woke her, a distant siren perhaps or the barking of a dog across the street. Her eyes quickly sought the dashboard clock; the green glowing digits read 4:30. A thick June fog crept in around her, and she decided to go home.

  The streets were basically deserted this Tuesday morning. The headlights she saw in the fog were few and far between. She drove unconsciously, weary and disoriented, hoping her truck knew the way home. Neon lights left on overnight touting businesses that were closed glowed dimly along the sides of the boulevard. One gained her attention in particular. The familiar peacock logo of NBC.

  One quick glance down the side street bordering the studio caused her to apply the brakes in the middle of the street. Luckily, no other cars were currently approaching, and she made a hasty U-turn mid-block. She turned down the side street and took a closer look.

  The Acura was unoccupied. She pulled close to the curb and parked behind Jack’s car, her heart beating a staccato rhythm in her chest. She turned off the engine and got out of the truck.

  The fog was thicker here, sitting on the park like a cluster of fallen clouds. And while the faintest glow painted the horizon, the park still rested in darkness.

  Hesitantly, she began her trek into the park, mentally “feeling her way” to the bench.

  Jack was there, of course. She stopped short at the sight of his silhouette, lit briefly by the lights of a passing car. Sitting cross-legged on the bench, his chin rested on his fisted hands. She resumed her approach, walking until she was nearly touching him.

  Maddie closed her eyes. She no longer worried about what to say. Her fingers went into his hair, her fingertips tracing their way across his scalp, luxuriating in the fall of his hair across her
hands. Gently she pulled his head against the softness of her belly, and then slowly she knelt until she was looking up at his face. The grass was cold and wet, soaking into her tennis shoes and the knees of her jeans. She barely noticed.

  The black T-shirt left his arms bare, but Jack was still warm to Maddie’s touch. Lovingly she caressed him, feeling the hardened muscles, the hair on his arms, the strength in his wrists and hands. A tiny gasp escaped her throat at the sight of the bleeding knuckles on his right hand. And then she peered into his eyes.

  For just a moment, all movement stopped. No cars passed by, no night birds flew. Even the fog seemed to have frozen around them, a billowy, cloistering cushion protecting them from the world. The feeling returned, the same feeling, the connection they’d made on this very bench so long ago. Jack’s eyes no longer reflected wrath, only uncertainty and wariness wrestling with love. Love that was painful but true.

  Maddie touched his lips with her fingers, and then bravely forced her own lips to speak.

  “I-I wanted to tell you, I remember who you are.”

  “Who am I?” he whispered hoarsely.

  “You are Jack McKenzie. You are the one I trust, the one I believe in. You are the man I want to wake up beside, every day of my life. You are the man I want to be the father of my children, all my children. You are the man I love, with all my heart, and all my soul, and everything in between.”

  She began planting planted tiny kisses on his bruised fingers, but he stole her lips away with his own. Sliding off the bench, Jack knelt with her and took her into his arms, his true passion renewed. And with the end of that one very significant kiss, he stood and lifted her into his arms and carried her to his car.

  Neither spoke a word until they reached Jack’s house. He again carried Maddie, this time to his bedroom and lay her down on his unmade bed, climbing on top of her and sitting to unbutton her shirt. Purposefully he stripped away the layers of clothes that came between them.

  Now both naked, they lay side by side in the growing light of dawn. Jack seemed interested only in caressing and stroking her body in long, unhurried movements. After a time, Maddie spoke.

  “Why did you take off my clothes if you’re not going to make love to me?”

  “Who said I’m not?”

  He touched her forehead, then dragged his fingertip down her nose, over her lips, down her chin into the soft recess of her throat, then slowly over her chest and between her breasts, finally catching on the silver chain that she still wore.

  “This is the ultimate honesty,” he murmured.

  “It’s getting light out. Do you want me to close the blinds?” she asked, preparing to get up.

  Jack’s hand was swift to hold her in place.

  “No. The light is good. We’ve had too much darkness already.”

  Turning her head to one side, Maddie looked for the top sheet or blanket to cover her nakedness, only to find that Jack had tossed all of the covers to the floor.

  “I’m cold,” she lied, trying to reach over the side of the bed.

  Again he stopped her, pulling her close against him. He continued to take his time, touching, tickling, exploring as Maddie squirmed and grasped at his hand.

  Jack gave her a half-smile. “Do you know how it’s been this past week?”

  “How what’s been, exactly?”

  “My life. It’s been some of the best, and some of the worst times I’ve ever had. This whole experience has really made me think about what I want, and what I don’t want.” Jack spoke softly and with great conviction.

  Maddie wasn’t sure how to respond. The room was now filled with sunlight, and she forced herself to ignore her modesty. Jack seemed unaffected by her nudity, despite the fact that he persisted with the finger play.

  “Just when you think you know all you need to know about someone, something comes along and changes everything. I didn’t want it to change. I wanted everything to stay rolling smoothly along. Then when things started happening, I blew it.”

  “You blew it?” Maddie asked, ready to shoulder the blame for all their problems.

  “Sure I did. I made a commitment to you. And then I got my nose tweaked and I ran away. I apologize to you for that.”

  Maddie took a deep breath.

  “You had no way of knowing…”

  “It shouldn’t matter. There were a lot of things I didn’t know. I made assumptions based on my own fears. I made assumptions about you, and about Thomas. Even about Ray. I was wrong on all accounts, and I am amazed that I would put our relationship in jeopardy.”

  “Jack,” Maddie began, sliding her fingernails through the hair on his chest and all the way up to his ear. “You can’t possibly blame yourself for all that happened. I spent hours and hours over there, chastising myself for letting you go home alone. For letting that awful woman say those things about us. So many lies.”

  “It’s in the past.” His eyes were warm and loving, with just a hint of melancholy. He didn’t seem altered at all by what she was saying, letting his eyes travel the length of her and back to her face, where he placed his palm on her cheek.

  “And you were right about Thomas, he—”

  “You are so beautiful.”

  Her modesty renewed, Maddie colored. “But you don’t know what happened. Thomas, they came and took him, because he—”

  “Shhh.” Jack lifted himself to lie atop her, grasping her hands and pressing them into the bed above her head. “You really don’t like this daylight stuff, do you?” he asked, clearly amused by Maddie’s discomfort.

  “Don’t be silly. It’s only natural.”

  “You liar. You may still have many secrets I’ve yet to uncover, but this isn’t one of them.”

  Still embarrassed by Jack’s bold appraisal, Maddie averted her eyes, giving him the opportunity to nuzzle her ear affectionately. Her body rebounded with shivers stronger than any chill could create, causing her to arch against him.

  “Still cold, huh?” He peered down at her with a mischievous grin.

  “Sort of.” Looking back into his eyes, Maddie found his gaze inescapable. His power over her complete, she succumbed to his will and forgot about her nakedness in the morning sun. She forgot about the tears, the insecurities, the deceptions. She let go of the worry, the unknown path leading to tomorrow. She realized what the dawn meant to Jack, about dispelling the darkness and shadows that had grown between them. And she knew with a comforting certainty that all that had happened had happened for a reason.

  “Everything’s really going to be okay isn’t it?” she whispered.

  With just a touch of the devil still in his smile, Jack whispered back, “Probably.”

  His battle to keep from becoming aroused was lost, and Jack allowed his restrained passion to go free. Feeling that he came close to losing the best love he’d ever known gave more reason, more worth to his ability to conjoin with Maddie. More important now than even the first time, his need to reaffirm his commitment drove his passion to new heights.

  And Jack was to discover that Maddie had no trouble being the recipient of that passion. Her own romantic agenda certainly included the need to prove that she belonged to Jack and only to Jack; to dispel his fears that there could ever be anyone else.

  They were all over the bed, neither seeming to get enough of the other. Laughing, playing, delighting each other with a new confidence, enjoying the thick, sweet lust of new love.

  When they were at last sated, content in the exchange of physical gifts and radiating in the afterglow of their pleasure, Maddie laid her head on Jack’s shoulder. He finally retrieved the discarded sheet from the floor and tucked it cozily around her.

  “Well, I’m spent,” he murmured, closing his eyes.

  Maddie was quiet, and Jack turned to see if she was sleeping. He found her staring at the ceiling, deep in thought.

  “What’s on your mind, my love?”

  “I was wondering about those ‘best times’ you mentioned earlier. What were
they?”

  “The time I spent with Todd.”

  Maddie smiled. “I was hoping you’d say that. Did he really say all that stuff?”

  “That and more.” Jack chuckled. “He’s just at that brink. He’ll get through it.” He paused to remember again his conversations with Todd. “It was a real eye-opener for me, though. Kids can fool you, I guess. He seemed like such a little kid before.”

  “What did he say…about me and Ray?”

  Jack shook his head. “He said you told him people shouldn’t have sex if they don’t love each other, but he’s noticed that people sometimes do, so he wanted to know why, and I said, well, because, ah, it feels good.”

  “Oh God.”

  “And that’s when he said, ‘like Ray.’ I assured him, of course, that Ray did love you.”

  Maddie swallowed. “I just can’t imagine him talking about my sex life! Thank you,” she said softly, now closing her own eyes, “for being there for him. It means everything to me.”

  Jack nodded, but fatigue settled on him like the fog the night before, and soon the two of them passed into a deep, restful sleep.

  Todd tumbled out of bed and ran for the bathroom. It was several moments before his discomfort dissipated and he could urinate. He brushed his teeth calmly, no longer panicked since his talk with Jack.

  Back in his room he dressed quickly, then took a moment to examine his tiny table. It was perfect, he knew. The painful experiences of the day before seemed like nothing more than a bad nightmare, one he hoped was really over. He bounded down the stairs looking for his mother. What he found instead gave him pause. Jack was sitting in the kitchen reading the morning paper.

  “Jack! You’re here!”

  “Hey, sport. Want some breakfast?

  Jack watched as Todd went about getting his own juice and toaster waffle.

  “Where’s Mom?”

  “She just went down to the market for a couple of things. I’m kinda glad because I wanted to talk to you, you know, without Mom here.”

  Todd brought his breakfast to the table and sat down across from Jack. “Okay, shoot.”

  “Shoot? Man. Okay. Well, first off, I want to apologize for losing it yesterday. I just sort of went off, and it was wrong. So, can you just kind of erase that from memory? I don’t want you to, you know, use it against me in the future.”

  Todd smiled. “I just might have to.”

  “Fair enough.”

  “You were right to be mad, Jack. Mom was being stupid.”

  “Never. Your mom is never stupid. Misguided, maybe. And that’s the other thing I want to talk about.”

  “That man?”

  “He’s your father, Dude. And like it or not, you can’t change that fact.”

  “I don’t like it.”

  “Well, that’s your choice, and I understand it. But here’s the dealio. Thomas has some bad times ahead of him, because he got into some deep doo-doo over in France. They’re taking him back over there to determine if he’s really bad-bad or just a little bad.”

  Todd nodded, then stuffed a forkful of waffle into his mouth.

  “Now Thomas, you see, is still kind of a sentimental schlub. He knows he might have to, uh, go away, for a very long time.”

  “They’re gonna throw him in the Big House?”

  “Maybe. So, he’s asked your mom if he can see you one more time before he goes. It’s entirely up to you, Teej. You’re a big guy now, and I trust you to make your own decisions about stuff like this.”

  Todd’s chewing slowed and he did not meet Jack’s eyes. “What if I say no?”

  “That would be fine. No questions asked. You don’t owe Thomas anything.”

  “What if I say yes? What happens?”

  “You get to see the inside of LAPD. The FBI is holding him there. You would get to talk to him, or listen to him, as the case may be, for about fifteen minutes.”

  “What’s he gonna say to me?”

  “Oh, you know—I’m sorry, I’m a bad father, I wish I was a better guy, but I’m a crappy person, try not to hate me, take care of your mom—that kind of stuff.”

  Todd smiled briefly. “Alone?”

  “No. Your mom or I would be with you.”

  He was wearing a plaid flannel shirt and a pair of thick glasses perched on his nose. Thomas looked up when Todd entered the room.

  “Good morning, Monsieur LaForge. Café noir, ou avec le lait?”

  “Huh?” Todd puzzled.

  Thomas pulled the glasses from his face. “You drink coffee, yes? Black or with milk?”

  “No, yuck! I’ve already had juice, thanks.”

  “Ah, oui.” Thomas looked down at the table, giving Todd the opportunity to stare at him some more. “Just juice?”

  “No. I had a toaster waffle, too.”

  “Is this the usual breakfast of American children now?” Thomas asked, trying to hide his disdain.

  “Not always. On the weekends Mom makes us bacon and eggs and French toast. Jack makes great pancakes, too.”

  “Ah. Good. I am glad to hear you get some nutrition. At home, Monique is filling our plates with fresh baked croissants, fruit from our little orchard, seafood she has bought at the market in Tours. She is even now canning and storing up the apricots that are ripening in the yard.”

  “Oh.” Todd tried to picture such abundance of fresh food on the table every day. “Who is Monique?” he finally asked.

  “Monique,” Thomas began, his eyes shining merriment into Todd’s serious ones, “is your sister. Your half-sister.”

  “My sister? I have a sister in France?”

  “Yes. She is a lovely person. And she has two little girls, Jeanne and Nicole, who are five years old. They are your nieces.”

  “I’m an uncle, too?”

  “Certainement.”

  Todd was speechless. This was clearly a turn that he had not expected.

  “Perhaps one day, you will meet them. They are anxious to meet you, Todd.”

  It was the first time the man had uttered his name. Todd managed a brief smile. “Do you have any animals?”

  “Oui. We have chickens and a dog or two running outside. Some cats as well. And of course many animals drink from our river.”

  “You have your own river? Wow.”

  “It is not really our river. It belongs to the earth. To everyone. Only a small portion of its beauty belongs to us, in here,” he said, pointing to his eyes.

  Todd pondered the conversation and his father. There was a question lurking, a question that needed voicing, but Todd was hesitant. Finally, unable to contain himself, his lips began to move. “How come everyone thought you were…dead?”

  Thomas LaForge sighed. From the day he left the lighthouse in Brittany until this very moment he had known the question would come, and he was actually relieved it had been uttered. Now, sitting across from the boy he had so longed to meet, he spoke the words he had practiced again and again.

  “There was a terrible storm. I’m sure your mother has shared this part of the story with you. I was sailing the “Jeune Fille,” my beautiful sailing vessel, and I made a wrong turn. Tremendous waves appeared, and great rushes of rain and wind pounded down upon my Fille. She could not hold. We went down, together.”

  Todd’s eyes were wide in unabashed awe.

  “I thought I would die. Indeed, I was near dead when a stranger picked me up and revived me. I was taken by a mysterious illness that affected my very thoughts. I somehow found myself back in France, thanks to some ill-advised but well intentioned friends.”

  “But why didn’t you come back?”

  “Ah, that is the question. By the time I was coherent and recovering, it was a long time later. Your mother had grieved long and hard at my passing and had finally met another, so I found out. I could not bear to disturb her happiness a second time. Right or wrong, I remained in France.”

  “Wow. That’s awful. You must have missed her a lot.”

  “I did, my son. I
did. But I was willing to live without her rather than cause her more pain.”

  “But she found you again. With Jack’s help.”

  “Oui.” Thomas risked a pat to Todd’s arm. “You like this Jack, non?”

  “Yeah. He’s great.”

  Thomas thought he could see a glimmer of new respect in Todd’s eyes. Perhaps Jack was the catalyst. The link. “He is right for your mama, make no mistake.”

  “They’re saying you might go to prison.”

  “This is true. I made some serious mistakes when I was younger. Some things I didn’t want to do. I will take whatever punishment is handed out. But someday, when this is all behind us, I hope you will come and visit us.”

  “Maybe,” Todd murmured. “So, uh, good luck and all.”

  “He told me the big lie,” Todd said in car on the way home. “About the boat and almost drowning.”

  “It’s what he thought was best. He thinks you’re still too young to know the truth,” Maddie explained. “He also knows I’ll be telling you the whole story. Doesn’t matter now.”

  “He wasn’t so bad, Mom.”

  Maddie looked across to Jack, who steered the car onto the freeway.

  “Nobody’s perfect. Thomas has a lot of repenting to do over the next few years. He has money, a good attorney, and maybe he’ll beat the worst of the charges.”

  “Hmm.” Maddie crossed her arms. “Not sure how I feel about that.”

  The three spent the rest of the day quietly. After proudly showing Jack his mini-table, Todd uncharacteristically pulled out a novel and lay down to read. Maddie caught up on laundry while Jack made some preliminary sketches of an upcoming project. They made a simple dinner together, and afterward watched television until late. Maddie yawned.

  “Time for bed?” Jack asked, eyebrows lifted in innocence.

  “You’re staying?”

  “Thought I might.”

  Maddie threw her arms around his neck and held him close. Then she led him upstairs. For a fleeting moment, she worried that Jack might feel awkward sharing her bed, the same bed originally occupied by Ray. But soon the garments were flying off and the bed simply became a soft surface beneath them.

  This time, their lovemaking took on a more romantic tone, Maddie thought. Jack whispered sweet words and made gentle overtures. The lights were dimmed but still on, and Maddie found she liked seeing his eyes, so filled with love and devotion. She did her best to reciprocate.

  They showered the evidence of their pleasure from their bodies, discovering even new delights with a bar of soap in their hands. Their troubles running off like the bubbles down the drain, Maddie and Jack found new joys and plans to make.

  With the light of a new day streaming in, Maddie stretched and got out of bed. “I kinda like hearing you sing in there,” she called.

  “What are you talking about?” Jack called back from the bathroom where he was shaving.

  “Oh Jack,” she said, rushing in to stand behind him and wrapping her arms around his waist. Pressing her cheek against his bare back, she kissed him, then peeked around to see his face in the mirror.

  “Move in with me. Right now. Let’s go pack it all up.”

  “What?” Jack looked alarmed.

  “Let’s do it. Move in with me and Todd.”

  Jack grabbed a towel and wiped the remaining traces of shaving cream from his face. Embracing Maddie, he smiled down at her. She traced the dimples around his mouth lovingly with her finger.

  “We’ll talk about that,” he said softly. “One thing at a time. There’s still a lot of unfinished business hanging around.”

  He was right, of course. Leaning down, he whispered into her ear, rekindling that familiar thrill throughout her body. “Like whether or not you want to marry me. I may not be, after all, an unconventional person looking for an unconventional relationship.”

   

  Epilogue

  Todd walked beside the minister to the gazebo, fingering the simple gold and diamond band in his pocket. Seemed weird, somehow, to be attending his mother’s wedding, to have her ring in his own pocket. The ring Jack had given him that morning for safekeeping.

  He met Jack there. Jack shifted his weight from one leg to the other, alternately serious and grinning. Todd patted his breast pocket, acknowledging its contents to Jack, who squeezed Todd’s forearm in return.

  A smattering of folding chairs had been set up in the garden surrounding the gazebo. The Palm Springs sun, uncharacteristically mild, shown down on the guests: Jack’s parents; Sean and his girlfriend-of-the-month; his cousin Case and his pal Matt; and friends of the McKenzie family from neighboring homes. Della looked smug, but lovely, her copper hair blazing against the turquoise sky. Two-year-old Duncan squirmed on her lap, his sunny smile nearly bringing tears to Jack’s eyes. Paul Adams and his wife sat on one end, holding hands. Paul said something to her and then returned to the house.

  “Are you nervous, Jack?” Todd whispered.

  Jack turned to his stepson-to-be. “What do you think?” He held his shaking hands out before Todd’s eyes. “Can’t figure why, though.” He leaned comically to the side, bumping into Todd’s shoulder, which, he noticed, was now nearing his own in height. Todd had really shot up in the past year.

  “Yeah, it’s only Mom,” Todd reminded him.

  “Hmm. Only Mom.” Jack’s voice noticeably softened as his eyes fixed on his parents’ back door.

  Music began wafting from the open windows in the living room; piano music, playing the preamble to the wedding march. The door opened and the twins came tumbling out, each with a small basket of rose petals they were to drop in the bride’s path. Of course, they threw the petals by the handfuls, prompting giggles and smiles from the onlookers.

  Next, Monique was on the swath of white carpet, her face bearing a Mona Lisa smile. Unhurried, her eyes played across the faces of the onlookers, and her younger brother standing in the gazebo. She winked subtly at Jack, whose already heightened emotions colored his cheeks. And upon reaching them, she gave both Todd and Jack a kiss on the cheek before standing to one side.

  The music stopped briefly, and all eyes were tuned on the porch. Jack’s lungs filled and froze; he felt like he might never be able to breathe again. He did, of course, exhale at the sight of his bride emerging from the house, carefully escorted by Paul Adams.

  They had kept Jack from seeing Maddie, honoring the age-old tradition. Bad luck, Monique had insisted. Great pains were taken for her to use the front entrance to the house, Jack using the side ones. And when they’d almost met in the hall this morning, Monique hastily threw a towel over Maddie’s head, laughing at Jack’s mock chagrin.

  It was the first night she had not slept beside him in nearly a year. And now the sight of her strolling slowly down the bridal path toward him turned his insides into jelly.

  Maddie wore no veil, a simple rose and ribbon headdress giving her dress a storybook quality. Indeed, she might have walked straight out of Anderson’s Fairy Tales, Jack thought, unable to keep the smile from his lips.

  The simple yet romantic gown was fetching. The modest swell of her belly beneath the high waist added to her aura, for what could be more feminine than the sleeping form of their unborn child?

  By the time she reached him, Jack was ready to pitch the entire ceremony and run off with her across the verdant golf course behind the McKenzie property. In his mind’s eye, he would also be tearing away his tie and vest!

  Maddie viewed the gazebo ahead of her, hoping she could hold back her tears long enough to get a clear view of the happy-faced minister, her beloved son and her—oh my God!—drop-dead-gorgeous husband-to-be. She fleetingly wondered how she had come to this day; how she could possible deserve the happiness that filled her.

  They walked slowly, for Maddie didn’t want the moment to pass too quickly. Just before leaving the parlor, Paul had kissed her cheek, and then pressed his own against it.

  “I wish you all the happiness in
the world, Maddie. Truly.”

  “Don’t you dare make me cry, Paul,” she responded, giving his chin a little pinch.

  “Tears of joy are lucky,” he said, taking a pinkie to the corner of his own eye.

  And now she stepped into the gazebo and took her betrothed’s hand. After bestowing a warm smile upon her son, her eyes met with Jack’s and did not leave them.

  The minister opened his worn, black leather book of praise, turning the pages to those most often read. Reciting the words more from memory than from sight, he blessed the bride and groom and their family-to-be. Their vows were simple yet powerful, a reaffirmation of those already exchanged between them.

  Paul cleared his throat when the question was posed. “I give this woman,” he announced clearly and passionately, then stepped out of the gazebo and sat in the vacant chair waiting beside his wife.

  “May we have the rings?”

  Transfixed, Todd watched his sister wrestle Jack’s ring from her middle finger and hand it over to Maddie. Jack nudged him gently.

  “Sorry!” he whispered, fishing the tiny band from his pocket and pressing it into Jack’s palm.

  “It’s okay, pal,” Jack said, calm now and in control. He accepted Maddie’s ring, then gently slipped the gold band onto her finger beside the diamond engagement ring she already wore.

  “Wow,” Maddie said with a giggle, pressing her left hand against her tummy and staring down at it.

  “What it is?” Jack asked.

  “He’s turning cartwheels!”

  The minister smiled patiently, and those guests near enough to hear the exchange chuckled. Monique grasped the bride’s right hand affectionately.

  Maddie held Jack’s hand against her tummy as they completed their vows. The minister was joyous when he could finally pronounce them husband and wife, and Jack pulled his bride close for the kiss everyone waited to see.

  The scent of magnolias swirled about them. Unmindful of the on-lookers, they kissed one another hungrily, intimately, each infused with desire. It took all the strength Maddie could gather to pull her lips from his and turn to acknowledge the applause of their friends and well-wishers.

  Maddie felt she was watching herself from another place. She peered into the bright summer sky, spying a magnificent bird circling the heavens above. Around and around he flew in celebration, and Maddie sensed a closure. A full circle had finally met its beginning, and would forevermore be complete. A circle made of two who loved with all their hearts, their souls, ever and always.

  ###

  Thank you for reading my book. If you enjoyed it, won’t you please take a moment to leave me a review at your favorite retailer? Thanks! Anne Carter

  Next: Beacon Point Romance, Book One