‘Cam hates people to fuss over him,’ Marlon said, looking directly at me. ‘Besides, he’s probably fitter than all of us put together with his new pig’s heart.’
Something inside me went very still and alert when he said that. What was he getting at? There was a note in his voice, a peculiar tone that I didn’t recognize.
‘If you’re sure it’s safe . . .’ Andrew was still doubtful.
‘Don’t worry about me,’ I said. ‘Just prepare to get beaten!’
‘Big talk from a small peanut head!’ Andrew laughed.
‘We’ll see who’s a peanut head!’ I told him.
We all lined up at the side of the pool. I could feel my heart begin to beat faster with anticipation. I was exhilarated – this was something I’d never thought I’d be able to do a few months ago. But I must admit, part of me was a bit scared. I hadn’t been at the deep end of the pool since before my heart went bad. And Dr Bryce had told me not to push it.
‘Ready . . .’
Maybe I shouldn’t be doing this.
‘Steady . . .’
But it was too late now.
‘GO!’
We all swam out to the middle of the pool, then dived. I kicked my legs, telling myself I could do it. Two weeks after my operation I’d been on a running machine at Dr Bryce’s clinic with pods stuck all over my chest so that the doctors could monitor my heart when I exercised. Every day I’d had to do that. I’d started off with some gentle walking until, by the end of the six weeks, they had me jogging comfortably. Of course, with the jogging I didn’t have to hold my breath as well. I opened my eyes, ignoring how they stung because of the chlorine in the water. I could see that Andrew and Rashid were ahead of me. I had time to wonder where Marlon was before my lungs began to protest and I could hear my heart hammering and my blood roaring. I wasn’t going to make it to the bottom. If I carried on much further, I wouldn’t be able to make it back up to the surface either. I turned in the water and headed up again. I could see Marlon just behind me. I passed him as I kicked, desperate to try and make it back up to the surface before my lungs exploded. When my head emerged from the water, I gasped in air as if my life depended on it – which at that moment was precisely how it felt. I floated on my back while I dragged breath after breath down into my lungs. When at last I felt my racing heart slow down, I turned and swam slowly back to the side of the pool. I obviously wasn’t as fit as I thought I was.
I mean, I didn’t expect to win – although it would’ve been nice! – but I had thought I’d do better. I’d barely made it halfway down. I thought Marlon wouldn’t bother going all the way down to the bottom of the pool. I thought he’d come up and gloat – but he didn’t. Andrew emerged first, followed by Rashid. Marlon came swimming up last.
‘I can’t believe it, I beat you.’ Andrew grinned at Marlon.
Marlon shrugged. ‘Everyone has an off day.’
‘And what happened to you?’ Rashid asked me.
I smiled. ‘I decided it’d be too humiliating for you if I beat you on my very first attempt, so I decided to wait until next week to kick your butt! Same time, same place!’
‘You wish!’
‘Dream on!’
I looked at Marlon and we both burst out laughing. And as we laughed, the last of the anger and hurt I felt evaporated.
‘You think you’re bad, don’t you!’ Marlon teased.
‘I don’t think it, I know it!’ I replied.
It was one of the best afternoons of my life. I couldn’t do everything my friends did, but I didn’t do too badly. And best of all, Marlon and I were talking again. I ended up staying in the water for an hour, which was about forty-five minutes longer than I usually managed. By the time I got out of the water I was as wrinkled and crinkled as a walnut, but I’d never felt better.
I was the first one to get dressed so I bought myself a packet of salt and vinegar crisps from the leisure centre vending machine. I managed to gobble down three-quarters of the packet before the others arrived.
‘Who’s on for a chicken burger and chips?’ asked Rashid.
‘You bet!’
‘Good idea.’
‘Cam, you can have a bacon burger,’ Andrew told me.
‘Or a couple of pork chops,’ Rashid laughed. ‘If you don’t mind eating your cousins!’ Andrew was doubled up with laughter now.
I glared at him, my lips pursed, my face stony. ‘Blow it out your ear, Rashid.’ I told him.
They all creased up at that. I had to admit my lips did twitch a bit. Eating my cousins! Yeuch! What an idea!
‘I’ll just go and phone my mum first,’ I said, licking my salty fingers. ‘She was meant to pick me up and drive me back home. I’ll ask her if I can go with you first.’
‘Why d’you need your mum to drive you back home?’ Andrew asked.
I looked at Marlon, then immediately looked away again. I didn’t want him to think I was blaming him – ’cos I wasn’t. ‘We’ve been getting one or two weirdo letters, that’s all,’ I shrugged. ‘Some people out there think Trudy shouldn’t have died to save my life.’
‘Trudy?’ asked Rashid.
‘That was the name of the pig I got the heart from,’ I explained.
‘How d’you know that?’
‘It’s a long story.’ I certainly wasn’t going to go into that now!
‘These weirdo letters, what do they say?’ asked Marlon.
‘Just that Mum and Dad and I ought to be ashamed and that we’re immoral. That sort of thing. Anyway, if you guys wait here, I’ll go and phone Mum.’ I walked over to the pay phone in the foyer before Marlon could ask me any more questions. I could see him getting more upset with every word I said. I didn’t want him to feel guilty about it. It wasn’t his fault. I stuck my phone card in the slot and dialled Mum’s mobile number. She’d written it down on a piece of paper for me even though I told her not to. I was convinced I’d remember it, but in the end it turned out to be just as well she did. Mum’s mobile was on the hall table next to our still unplugged phone. Dad would still be at work, so that was all right, but it was a toss-up between who would answer the phone – Mum or my nan. I hoped it would be Nan – then I could go with my friends for sure. Mum would be harder to get round.
‘Hello?’
My heart sank. It was Mum. ‘Hello, Mum. Can I go for a burger with Marlon and the others?’ I asked.
‘Cameron, I don’t think that would be a good idea.’ Mum’s reply was immediate.
‘Please, Mum,’ I begged. ‘I’m fine and besides, no one except my friends knows where I am. Please can I go? Please?’
‘And how would you get home?’
‘I’ll phone you from the precinct as soon as we’ve finished our burgers. Then you can come and pick me up,’ I said eagerly.
‘I don’t know, Cameron . . .’
‘Please?’
There was a long pause.
‘OK then, but you’re to phone me within the next hour without fail,’ Mum said sternly. ‘D’you understand?’
‘Thanks, Mum.’
‘The next hour, Cameron. I mean it.’
‘Yes, I know.’
‘And be careful. Your face has been all over the telly and the newspapers. Someone might recognize you. On second thoughts—’
‘’Bye, Mum,’ I said and I quickly put down the phone. I’d really get it in the neck for that, but I was having such a good day, I didn’t want it to end.
‘I can go,’ I told my friends.
‘Great! What’re we waiting for?’ said Andrew. ‘I’m starving.’
And we all headed for the exit.
‘I’m sorry about all those weirdo letters you’ve been getting,’ Marlon said as we walked out of the leisure centre.
‘You didn’t write them, so it’s not your fault,’ I said.
‘But if I’d kept my mouth shut . . .’
‘Let it go, Marlon.’ I smiled. ‘I have.’
Marlon looked at me and smiled back
. I made a fist and playfully tapped him on the jaw. He made a fist and did the same. Then we both grabbed each other and had a wrestle down on the ground.
‘Aahhh!’ Andrew gave a mock sigh. ‘A Kodak moment!’
Marlon and I sprang up at that and told Andrew where to go! We all ended up walking along the road in fits of laughter.
‘Are you Cameron Kelsey?’
I turned my head, still beaming away. A woman with light-brown hair, a smart charcoal-grey suit and a smiling face stood behind me. I turned all the way round.
‘Are you Cameron Kelsey, the pig-heart boy?’ the woman repeated. She had a nice smile, a friendly smile.
Her smile was all I could see as I nodded. Was she a journalist seeking an interview? Maybe she wanted my autograph? The woman brought her hands out from behind her back. Then all time slowed right down. I could see everything, hear everything, because each second seemed to lost so much longer. I was surprised to see she had a bucket in one hand. The woman used her free hand to steady the bucket as she raised it. I saw it had something red in it. Red liquid, sloshing around. Red paint? Some of the liquid spilt over the side of the bucket and hit the pavement, splashing up onto my white trainers. The woman raised the bucket higher. Suddenly aware of what was about to happen, I raised my hands in protest. I opened my mouth to say, NO! And in that moment I was drenched. The red liquid hit me full in the face like a stinging punch. It filled my mouth and stung my eyes and ran down my face like a red river. Only it wasn’t paint. I could taste it. It was blood.
‘. . . murderer! Murderer! MURDERER!’ The woman kept screaming at me, over and over. Over and over and over. I spat, then retched all over my shoes and the pavement. My salt and vinegar crisps mixed with the blood at my feet. Wiping the blood out of my eyes, I stared at the woman.
‘MURDERER!’
By this time Marlon was at my side and shouting abuse at the woman. And then, just like that, we were suddenly surrounded. Yet I couldn’t take my eyes off the woman before me. She was still screaming at me, ignoring Marlon, and never before had I seen such rage, such hatred on someone’s face. Rage and hatred directed at me. Without warning she flew at me, but a man and a woman in the crowd around us pulled her back – which was probably just as well. I couldn’t have moved if my life had depended on it.
I don’t remember much after that. The police arrived and I was asked a lot of questions that I didn’t answer because I couldn’t open my mouth. Marlon did a lot of talking for me. Then I was bundled into a car and the next thing I knew I was at the casualty department of my local hospital. And still I couldn’t speak. It was as if I was floating outside my body, watching everything that was going on but unable to take part in any of it. I was taken to a cubicle where I was cleaned up and then helped up onto a hospital bed. After the nurse had taken my temperature and blood pressure and checked me over, a cup of hot, sweet tea was forced into my hands. I drank it because one of the nurses told me to – and because I was so cold. My whole body was freezing. Not numb where you can’t feel anything, but cold enough to feel as if my body was burning. The tea scalded my lips and burnt my tongue but I drank it anyway. The tea helped a bit, so when they offered me another cup, I nodded immediately. When I looked up from my empty cup, Mum and Nan had arrived. I don’t remember much about what happened then either. Nan came and sat down on the chair beside my bed and she held my hand without saying a word. Mum left the cubicle to talk to the doctors and nurses and then to the two policemen who’d brought me to the hospital. I could hear her voice but I couldn’t tune in to a single word she was saying.
After I don’t know how long I turned to Nan. ‘I want to go home now, please,’ I said.
Nan stood up and put her arm around me.
‘Nan,’ I whispered, ‘was it worth it?’
She instantly knew what I was talking about. ‘Cameron, only you can decide that,’ she told me.
‘Would you have done it?’
‘What? Had the transplant operation?’
I nodded.
‘To be honest, I don’t know,’ Nan replied, ‘but I don’t think so. I don’t think I’m as brave as you.’
Funny but that was just what Travis had said. I remembered how I’d cut him dead and swanned off. Andrew was right. I was no better than Travis. I slid down until I was more lying than sitting and pulled the white cellular blanket up over me. Inside I was still cold. ‘I’m not brave, Nan. Stupid maybe, but not brave.’
‘Don’t say that.’ Nan rounded on me at once. ‘It took a great deal of courage to go through with that operation.’
‘Desperation, you mean.’
‘Cameron, that’s enough. That woman earlier was obviously a couple of eggs short of the full breakfast. Are you going to just curl up and give in now? Are you going to let her do that to you?’
Long moments passed as Nan and I looked at each other. Finally I forced a smile. ‘I suppose not.’
‘Pardon?’
‘I guess not.’
‘I still can’t hear you.’
‘NO!’ I replied.
We both started laughing at that. Nan had heard my first answer. She just wanted me to say it until I believed it. As my smile faded, I did feel slightly better but I still didn’t have the answer to my question. I still didn’t know if all this was worth it. I wondered if I ever would.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Holding On
Hello, Alex,
Yes, it’s me – your favourite brother. Actually, I’m not in a very jokey mood at the moment. I’m not in a very smiley mood either. A woman, a stranger, threw a bucket of blood over me today. It turns out it was pig’s blood. The police are still trying to find out where she got it from but apparently she’s not saying a word.
She didn’t have much to say to me either when she threw the bucket of blood all over me. She just kept saying one word over and over. Murderer. She called me a murderer. I’m not a murderer. I’m just a boy, doing the best I can. I’m against animal experiments where it isn’t necessary and I think using animals to test cosmetics and perfumes and that sort of stuff is obscene, but I read on the Internet that there have been major medical advances that have depended on animal research – like anaesthetics and the diphtheria vaccine and drugs for asthma and drugs for high blood pressure and heart transplants and insulin for diabetics and treatments for leukaemia and . . . and penicillin to treat infections.
Is all that wrong? I don’t know any more. I feel I don’t know anything any more. I think of that woman and I can’t even hate her. Maybe I will later. Maybe I’m still in shock. I don’t know what I would’ve done if my friends hadn’t been there – especially Marlon. We were having such a great time. Then it all got spoilt.
Because of her.
Because of me.
We’d all been swimming. I used to be quite good at swimming before I caught the viral infection that started all this. We played Daredevil Dive – that’s where you have to dive to the bottom of the deep end and then come back up and race to the side. I didn’t make it to the bottom. I ran out of breath. Marlon usually comes first when it comes to Daredevil Dive but today he came last. D’you know, I’ve only just realized why. I think he stayed back deliberately to keep an eye on me. I wonder why I didn’t realize that at the time.
So, here I am – clean again. I swallowed some of the blood that woman threw at me. My mouth, was open and it went in my mouth and ran down my throat. I was as sick as a . . . a pig . . . afterwards, but how do I know all that stuff is out of my stomach? The doctors tried to reassure me that I only swallowed a minute quantity and because I was sick immediately afterwards It’s very unlikely that any was left in my system – but how can they know for sure? I had a shower when I got home. A shower that lasted for an hour and a half. I let the water run into my mouth and down my throat. I don’t think I should’ve done that. Shower water isn’t the same as tap water, but I couldn’t help it. I can still taste that foul stuff in my mouth. I’ve used up a brand-
new tube of toothpaste brushing my teeth for half an hour. I’m all clean again, so why do I still feel so dirty? Why do I still feel as if I’m only holding on by my fingertips?
I asked Dad what had happened to the woman who threw the blood. He told me she’s been arrested. I can’t help wondering where she got the blood from. Dad doesn’t know. She wouldn’t have killed some poor animal just to throw its blood over me, would she? Anyway, Dad was all for going to the police station first thing in the morning to press assault charges. I must admit, I thought she’d have to have hit me with her bucket to be charged with something like that, but Dad says it is still assault. You should’ve seen Mum and Dad’s face when I asked them not to press charges against the woman. Even now I don’t know why I did that. Part of it is that I don’t want any more fuss. I don’t want a big, drawn-out case with my face in the paper every two seconds. But it was more than that. I want to prove to everyone – and myself, I think – that I’m better than that. Not in a superior, stick-my-nose-in-the-air kind of way, but I’ve forgiven her, so what’s the point of prosecuting her. And I really have forgiven her – which, I must admit, I find astounding! But Nan was right – life is too short to bear grudges. You remember that!
But, Alex, I don’t know what to do or where to go from here. All I do know is that I have to get fit and stay fit. I must. I have to show that woman, and Mum and Dad and the whole wide world that all this is for a reason, a good cause. Otherwise, it was all for nothing and what’s the point?
You see, Alex, for the first time I’m beginning to wonder if I made a mistake in going through with all this. D’you think I made a mistake? I don’t know any more. I don’t know anything any more. I just want to . . .
It’s all right, I’m not going to cry.
I’m not going to cry . . .
I’m not going to cry . . .
Chapter Twenty-Three
A Favour
‘Marlon, could you do me a favour?’
‘What’s that?’
Five weeks had passed since the bucket of blood incident and unfortunately, for a while, it had stirred up a whole lot of interest in me again. Now Mum insisted on driving me to and from school every day. And going to the leisure centre was out of the question. Mum and Dad wouldn’t hear of it. I could still see Mum and Dad’s faces when we got home that night. Mum ranted and raved and raged for a good hour, while Dad stood by the front window watching the crowds outside our house and silently seething. Only Nan recognized how I felt. She understood why I wanted to go back to the leisure centre. She understood why I wanted to get things back to normal as soon as possible. But Mum and Dad wouldn’t hear of it. And now that Nan had gone back to her own home, I had no one on my side. So the way I saw it, Mum and Dad left me no choice.