I nodded, a little confused at the pride that came with that word. I hated that she was pregnant. I hated that she was in danger. But there was pride in saying a part of me was inside Harlow.
“She can’t get pregnant,” Nan said slowly. “She has a heart condition. What the hell were you thinking?” Of all the people in the world, I expected to blame myself and scold myself for this; I never expected it from Nan. “She can’t have a baby,” Nan repeated, as if she wasn’t sure it had sunk in for me yet.
“She’s having the baby. I’ve tried talking her out of it, but she refuses to listen to me. She won’t . . . she already loves the baby,” I explained, not missing that it was slightly odd to be explaining myself to Nan.
Nan put her hand on her hip and studied me a moment before saying anything else. “So you’re just gonna let her have a baby that will kill her? Does Kiro know?”
“He was here two days ago. You just missed him.”
Nan rolled her eyes. She wasn’t a fan of her father’s. He had neglected her for most of her life and hardly claimed her as a daughter, all while he had loved and cherished Harlow. Nan held a lot of bitterness toward both of them. “Hate that I missed that,” she said sarcastically.
“I gotta go. Rush and Woods are waiting for me,” I said, turning to leave her there. I didn’t want to chat with Nan any longer. It was weird, and I felt like I was cheating on Harlow by just carrying on a conversation with Nan.
“Can I join?” Nan asked.
“No, you can’t.” Blaire’s voice surprised me, and I turned around to see her walking toward us as Harlow and Della stood at the main entrance of the club. Harlow looked like she was on the verge of tears, and the pain in her eyes had me dropping my bag and heading for her.
“I don’t recall asking you, Blaire,” Nan snapped.
“You didn’t ask me. But I’m answering,” Blaire retorted. I didn’t stay there to referee. They might be related by marriage now, but those two hadn’t made any sort of bond. I doubted they ever would.
Della was glaring at me as I ran up the stairs to where she and Harlow were standing.
“Your car’s here, Miss Sloane,” the valet said as I approached.
“Not ready for it just yet. Give us a minute, please,” Della replied, and she swung her angry gaze back to me.
I studied Harlow’s face and saw her drop her eyes to stare at the ground. Something was wrong. Della was ready to hit me, and Harlow looked ready to sob.
“Baby, what’s wrong?” I asked, touching her face in an attempt to get her to look at me.
Harlow lifted her face, but she kept her eyes diverted from me.
“Maybe you should ask Nan’s lips?” Della snapped at me.
Oh. Shit! “You saw that?” I asked Harlow in a panic, and realized it wasn’t the smartest reaction.
“Yes, the entire club saw it from the dining room,” Della answered for her. “We were just leaving.”
Not good. Upsetting Harlow was the last thing I wanted to do. “I shoved her off. I wasn’t expecting her to do that. I was telling her I was going to play golf, and she just attacked me. I didn’t know—”
“You kept talking to her. You didn’t look angry,” Harlow’s soft voice finally said, interrupting my excuses.
Shit. “I told her about the baby, and she was surprised. She knows about your heart. We were discussing Kiro’s visit. And your health. I swear, we were. I know that sounds crazy, but she was actually curious. And seemed concerned, which I’m having a hard time believing, too.”
Harlow’s eyes finally lifted to look at me, then she glanced over at Della. “OK. I’m gonna go to the spa with Blaire and Della. We can talk about it later.”
She was still upset. Damn, I didn’t want her leaving me while she was upset. “Come home with me. We can talk. I don’t like seeing you upset. I swear to you, I didn’t kiss her. She startled me, and it took me a second to react. I feel nothing for her. Nothing, Harlow. You’re all I love. You.”
Harlow studied my face, then nodded. “It was hard to watch,” she said.
She could have put a knife in my gut, and it would have hurt less. Dammit, Nan. She did this shit to cause problems. I wished she’d kept her ass in Paris.
“You shouldn’t have had to see that. I should have been prepared for her to try something like that and guarded against it. I thought after the last time I spoke to her, she had gotten the message that I’m not interested. That I’m completely taken.”
Harlow gave me a small smile. “We have to go. I’ll see you later. Have fun playing golf with the boys,” she said, sounding less hurt and more relieved.
I bent my head to kiss her, and she turned her face so that my lips hit her cheek. She stepped back and ducked her head. “Sorry, but she’s still on your lips. I can see her lip gloss. I can’t . . .” she said, then walked down the stairs with Della right behind her. Blaire was standing at the car and pressed her hand to her mouth to cover a laugh.
I shot an annoyed look at Blaire, and she shrugged, then laughed again before getting into the car. Harlow glanced back at me as she climbed into the car and gave me a small wave. Then the valet closed the door, and they were gone.
Motherfucker.
To my precious baby,
You have so many people in your life who love you. I imagine that you love spending time with Nate by now. He’ll be someone you can look up to, and he’ll be like family for you. Rush was always like my family. Growing up with rock-star fathers isn’t easy, and Rush and I shared that bond.
I hope that you call them Uncle Rush and Aunt Blaire. I know that they’re going to welcome you with open arms. I can’t think of two better people to ask to be your godparents.
Then there are Woods and Della. They’re special friends, the kind of people I never expected to meet, but once again, they’re a gift your father gave to me. He gave me so many. I expect Woods and Della will have kids by now and that you’ll be friends with the Kerrington clan. When I was pregnant with you, Woods and Della stepped in and helped me out more than once. I cherish their friendship.
We’ve talked about your uncle Mase. He is going to be special in your life. Once he sees you for the first time, you’ll win his heart. I know him too well. He’s a big softie. Be sure to hug him often and tell him how much you love him for me. Even if I’m there with you, he will eat it up. He likes attention.
His mother, your aunt Maryann, was your first champion. She was ready to slay dragons for you, if that was what was required. Know that if you ever need anything and aren’t sure who to turn to, you can go to her. She’s wise and full of good advice.
Then there’s your aunt Nan. I don’t even know if you’ll refer to her as Aunt or not. I’m not sure if she’ll be in your life much or at all. I hope she is. I’m surprising myself by saying this, but I do hope you have a relationship with her. I think she has suffered from rejection so many times in her life by people who were supposed to love her unconditionally that she became bitter. It marked her. I want her to find happiness and a way to heal. Maybe we will both see that day happen. I hope we do.
So you see, you already have a family. People who are ready to meet you and love you and be there for you throughout life. You’ll never be alone. It’s the one thing that gives me the most comfort when I lie down to sleep at night.
Love you always,
Mommy
Harlow
The sight of Nan’s hands in Grant’s hair as she kissed him was tormenting me. Della and Blaire had spent the past several hours trying to get my mind off of it, so I pretended I was over it, but I wasn’t. All I could think was that Nan was healthy. She’d be able to give him babies with no cause for fear. Healthy babies. She would be here if I wasn’t.
The idea that Grant could love someone else someday hurt so much, but then the selfishness of that emotion made me furious with myself. If something happened to me, I wanted Grant to find happiness again. I wanted someone to love him and give him the life he deserve
d. I did.
Just not with Nan.
God, how wrong was that? What had happened to me? I was a nice person. I had always been a nice person, but now . . . ugh. I was disgusted with myself. I didn’t know what I felt. My emotions were all over the place. I was weepy all the time and clingy. I wasn’t a clingy, weepy person.
“He’s already home. I bet he’s been pacing and worrying his head off,” Blaire said with a smile. “Don’t be too hard on him. I believe Nan really did attack him. He’ll learn to keep his distance.”
I nodded. She was right. I knew she was, and now the idea of him being worried all day made me feel even worse. “I probably shouldn’t have been so hard on him,” I said.
“Yeah, you should have. He gets away with too much because he’s so charming. He needed to be reminded that he can’t let that kind of thing happen. If you don’t let him know it bothers you, it could happen again with someone else,” Blaire explained.
I trusted her. She loved Rush, but she had dealt with her own Nan battles. Nan was Rush’s baby sister and had grown up with him in their mother’s, Georgianna’s, house. Rush had spent most of his life babying Nan and taking care of her. When Blaire walked into his life, Nan hadn’t dealt well with that.
“Thanks for today. I really enjoyed it,” I told them.
“I’m glad we got to do it. I missed you,” Della said. Her smile was always so sincere and kind.
“We’ll do it again,” Blaire assured us both. “Next time, though, I’m forcing Bethy to come with us. Kicking and screaming, if I have to.” Blaire had begged Bethy to come with us, but she’d said she had things to do at home. Blaire said she closed herself off whenever she wasn’t working at the club. It was getting worse instead of better for her, clearly.
“I’ll see y’all later,” I told them, and stepped out of the car.
The front door opened before my foot had hit the bottom step, and Grant was waiting for me at the top of the stairs. His face was full of concern and fear. In my heart, I knew what I had seen earlier wasn’t his fault. It still hadn’t made it easier to watch. I hadn’t been able to ease his mind when I had left him at the club. I was upset, and I wasn’t sorry about that. He would be, too, if he’d been in my position. But from the look on his face, he had worried about this all day.
“I’m sorry,” we both said in unison.
Grant frowned. “Why are you sorry?” he asked as I stopped in front of him.
“For making you worry all day. I shouldn’t have done that. It was wrong of me.”
Grant let out a groan and rubbed his face with his hand. “Harlow, please don’t make this worse. I already feel like a complete ass, and you apologizing sweetly is making me feel like a bigger one.”
I reached up and tugged his hand away from his face. “You shouldn’t have let her get so close to you. In the future, be more guarded. But it was a mistake, and I understand that. I don’t think you wanted her to kiss you.”
He pulled me toward him and pressed me against the door as his mouth covered mine. The mint flavor of his mouth made me wonder how many times he’d brushed his teeth. Smiling against his lips, I slid an arm around his neck and licked at the corner of his mouth, then pulled his tongue into my mouth and sucked on it.
Grant’s hands were under my top in seconds. They cupped my breasts as he pressed his erection against my stomach. This was just what I needed after a day of thinking about Nan’s lips on Grant.
He broke the kiss, and I had started to argue when he jerked the door open. “Get inside before we get arrested for indecent exposure,” he growled.
Laughing, I hurried inside but didn’t get far before Grant had me pressed against the wall as he kissed my neck and took little bites of my shoulder. I could feel the hardness he’d teased me with outside against my bottom as he ground his hips in a circular motion. All I could do was put both of my hands against the wall to hold myself upright and enjoy the ride.
He pulled my shorts down my legs, along with my panties, and I obediently stepped out of them. Then his hands were on my bottom, cupping it as he moved my legs apart. Before I could figure out what he was doing, his mouth was on my slit. I cried out and fell against the wall as his tongue danced along the tender folds.
“Oh, God, I can’t stand up,” I cried out, feeling my knees buckle.
Grant reached up, grabbed my waist, and turned me around. “Put your legs over my shoulders,” he said, looking up at me while he held me by the waist. “I got you. I won’t let you fall.”
I did as he instructed, and he held my hips and pushed me back against the wall before continuing his efforts to drive me crazy. I grabbed at the one thing I seemed so fond of when he did this: his hair. He seemed to like it. His kissing always got more intense when I started tugging on his thick locks.
I panted and let out moans and gasps, not caring if I fell off his shoulders. Just as long as he kept doing this. Just when I was about to shatter, he stopped, and his eyes found mine. “You ready to come?”
I nodded, afraid I would scream yes if I opened my mouth.
Grant grinned wickedly, then stuck his tongue out at me before lowering his head and flicking the tip over my most sensitive spot three times and pulling it into his mouth and sucking. I completely lost it. I was sure the neighbors heard my cries. But I didn’t care.
Grant
The next day, at the doctor’s office, Harlow lay on the examination table with her shirt pulled up, her bare stomach exposed for the ultrasound. It was still flat. You couldn’t tell there was anything inside. She looked normal. Well, as normal as a very anxious person can look. She had spent all morning cooking breakfast, even though she never cooked breakfast. Then she’d spent an hour trying to decide what to wear. I could tell she was nervous, but you would have thought we were going to be introduced to the baby and she wanted to make a good impression.
We were at the doctor’s office to hear the heartbeat. I had Googled the process and discovered that if we didn’t hear the heartbeat, that meant the baby hadn’t made it that far. Harlow hadn’t had any bleeding or cramping, but apparently, that didn’t mean she couldn’t have miscarried.
Miscarrying this baby would devastate her. The idea of seeing her brokenhearted wasn’t something I wanted, but I wasn’t sure what I wanted to hear today. I just wanted Harlow to be OK. Safe. I needed her to be safe. And happy. I just wasn’t sure there was a way for me to have both.
Again, I was completely helpless. I hated this feeling.
“OK, are you ready?” the doctor asked, looking down at Harlow. Somehow he knew not to ask me, because he knew I wasn’t ready. If we heard a heartbeat and it was healthy, that meant this wasn’t over, that I had to continue living in fear of losing Harlow. But if we didn’t hear a heartbeat, the pain she would endure might be too much for her to bear.
“Yes,” Harlow said. The excitement and nervousness in her voice weren’t lost on the doctor. He smiled reassuringly. He did this all the time. He seemed positive, which was good. Or wasn’t. Hell, I didn’t know what was good anymore.
Then it happened. The sound that changed it all.
A rapid, steady thumping filled the room, and all I could do was stare down at Harlow’s stomach. Her hand reached out and grabbed mine tightly, and she let out a sob that startled me. I looked up at her, and she was smiling so damn big, but her eyes were filled with unshed tears. The wonderment on her face said everything I was thinking. There was a life in there. One we had created. It was real.
“Sounds strong. That’s a very good sign,” the doctor said.
Harlow’s hand squeezed mine, and she laughed. The heartbeat sped up a second with her laughter, then went back to normal. Had the baby heard her laugh?
“I think this is a good start. I feel positive about this. You look good. I’ve studied your records, and as you know, we had to change up your medications. Some things you can’t take while pregnant, but I feel sure this will work out just fine. You call me if you feel funny at
any time. Don’t wait. Call me.” He turned his focus on me. “She needs to call me immediately,” he repeated.
“Yes, sir,” I replied. Not something he had to demand of me. The second I thought she was having problems, I’d call the ambulance, then I’d call him.
He pulled the monitoring equipment up, and I pulled Harlow’s shirt down and helped her sit up, but not before kissing her nose. I had to kiss her somewhere. She held on to my arm for a moment, that huge, brilliant smile still in place. “We heard it,” she said, as if to reassure me that we had heard the baby’s heartbeat.
“Yeah, we did,” I said.
How was I supposed to not want that? How could I choose anyone or anything over Harlow? I was a mess. A confused mess. I loved that sound because it was us. Our baby. It also made her so damn happy. Was I being selfish not to want her to have this because I might lose her?
The doctor told Harlow some more things about her new medications and said that she should continue with moderate exercise as long as she rested often. She assured him that she would, and then we were escorted out through the back entrance again.
When we were in the truck and headed back to Rosemary Beach, Harlow scooted close to me. “That was amazing,” she said softly.
I didn’t want to agree with her, but she was right. It was. “Yeah, I know.”
She wrapped her arms around one of mine and laid her head on my shoulder. “In about two more months, we’ll find out if it’s a boy or a girl, and we’ll be able to see it move.”
A boy or a girl . . . see it move . . . I wanted those things. I wanted them with her. Only her. But I couldn’t forget the risk. Was this the way it was supposed to be in life? You couldn’t have every dream, but you could have part of it? You could only have a taste of something but never the full thing?