CHAPTER V.
It was on a dreary night of November, that I beheld the accomplishmentof my toils. With an anxiety that almost amounted to agony, I collectedthe instruments of life around me, that I might infuse a spark of beinginto the lifeless thing that lay at my feet. It was already one in themorning; the rain pattered dismally against the panes, and my candle wasnearly burnt out, when, by the glimmer of the half-extinguished light, Isaw the dull yellow eye of the creature open; it breathed hard, and aconvulsive motion agitated its limbs.
"_By the glimmer of the half-extinguished light, I sawthe dull, yellow eye of the creature open; it breathed hard, and aconvulsive motion agitated its limbs, ... I rushed out of theroom._"]
How can I describe my emotions at this catastrophe, or how delineate thewretch whom with such infinite pains and care I had endeavoured to form?His limbs were in proportion, and I had selected his features asbeautiful. Beautiful!--Great God! His yellow skin scarcely covered thework of muscles and arteries beneath; his hair was of a lustrous black,and flowing; his teeth of a pearly whiteness; but these luxuriances onlyformed a more horrid contrast with his watery eyes, that seemed almostof the same colour as the dun white sockets in which they were set, hisshrivelled complexion and straight black lips.
The different accidents of life are not so changeable as the feelings ofhuman nature. I had worked hard for nearly two years, for the solepurpose of infusing life into an inanimate body. For this I had deprivedmyself of rest and health. I had desired it with an ardour that farexceeded moderation; but now that I had finished, the beauty of thedream vanished, and breathless horror and disgust filled my heart.Unable to endure the aspect of the being I had created, I rushed out ofthe room, and continued a long time traversing my bedchamber, unable tocompose my mind to sleep. At length lassitude succeeded to the tumult Ihad before endured; and I threw myself on the bed in my clothes,endeavouring to seek a few moments of forgetfulness. But it was in vain:I slept, indeed, but I was disturbed by the wildest dreams. I thought Isaw Elizabeth, in the bloom of health, walking in the streets ofIngolstadt. Delighted and surprised, I embraced her; but as I imprintedthe first kiss on her lips, they became livid with the hue of death; herfeatures appeared to change, and I thought that I held the corpse of mydead mother in my arms; a shroud enveloped her form, and I saw thegrave-worms crawling in the folds of the flannel. I started from mysleep with horror; a cold dew covered my forehead, my teeth chattered,and every limb became convulsed: when, by the dim and yellow light ofthe moon, as it forced its way through the window shutters, I beheld thewretch--the miserable monster whom I had created. He held up the curtainof the bed; and his eyes, if eyes they may be called, were fixed on me.His jaws opened, and he muttered some inarticulate sounds, while a grinwrinkled his cheeks. He might have spoken, but I did not hear; one handwas stretched out, seemingly to detain me, but I escaped, and rusheddown stairs. I took refuge in the courtyard belonging to the house whichI inhabited; where I remained during the rest of the night, walking upand down in the greatest agitation, listening attentively, catching andfearing each sound as if it were to announce the approach of thedemoniacal corpse to which I had so miserably given life.
Oh! no mortal could support the horror of that countenance. A mummyagain endued with animation could not be so hideous as that wretch. Ihad gazed on him while unfinished; he was ugly then; but when thosemuscles and joints were rendered capable of motion, it became a thingsuch as even Dante could not have conceived.
I passed the night wretchedly. Sometimes my pulse beat so quickly andhardly, that I felt the palpitation of every artery; at others, I nearlysank to the ground through languor and extreme weakness. Mingled withthis horror, I felt the bitterness of disappointment; dreams that hadbeen my food and pleasant rest for so long a space were now become ahell to me; and the change was so rapid, the overthrow so complete!
Morning, dismal and wet, at length dawned, and discovered to mysleepless and aching eyes the church of Ingolstadt, its white steepleand clock, which indicated the sixth hour. The porter opened the gatesof the court, which had that night been my asylum, and I issued into thestreets, pacing them with quick steps, as if I sought to avoid thewretch whom I feared every turning of the street would present to myview. I did not dare return to the apartment which I inhabited, but feltimpelled to hurry on, although drenched by the rain which poured from ablack and comfortless sky.
I continued walking in this manner for some time, endeavouring, bybodily exercise, to ease the load that weighed upon my mind. I traversedthe streets, without any clear conception of where I was, or what I wasdoing. My heart palpitated in the sickness of fear; and I hurried onwith irregular steps, not daring to look about me:--
"Like one who, on a lonely road, Doth walk in fear and dread, And, having once turned round, walks on, And turns no more his head; Because he knows a frightful fiend Doth close behind him tread."[1]
[Footnote 1: Coleridge's "Ancient Mariner."]
Continuing thus, I came at length opposite to the inn at which thevarious diligences and carriages usually stopped. Here I paused, I knewnot why; but I remained some minutes with my eyes fixed on a coach thatwas coming towards me from the other end of the street. As it drewnearer, I observed that it was the Swiss diligence: it stopped justwhere I was standing; and, on the door being opened, I perceived HenryClerval, who, on seeing me, instantly sprung out. "My dearFrankenstein," exclaimed he, "how glad I am to see you! how fortunatethat you should be here at the very moment of my alighting!"
Nothing could equal my delight on seeing Clerval; his presence broughtback to my thoughts my father, Elizabeth, and all those scenes of homeso dear to my recollection. I grasped his hand, and in a moment forgotmy horror and misfortune; I felt suddenly, and for the first time duringmany months, calm and serene joy. I welcomed my friend, therefore, inthe most cordial manner, and we walked towards my college. Clervalcontinued talking for some time about our mutual friends, and his owngood fortune in being permitted to come to Ingolstadt. "You may easilybelieve," said he, "how great was the difficulty to persuade my fatherthat all necessary knowledge was not comprised in the noble art ofbook-keeping; and, indeed, I believe I left him incredulous to the last,for his constant answer to my unwearied entreaties was the same as thatof the Dutch schoolmaster in the Vicar of Wakefield:--'I have tenthousand florins a year without Greek, I eat heartily without Greek.'But his affection for me at length overcame his dislike of learning, andhe has permitted me to undertake a voyage of discovery to the land ofknowledge."
"It gives me the greatest delight to see you; but tell me how you leftmy father, brothers, and Elizabeth."
"Very well, and very happy, only a little uneasy that they hear from youso seldom. By the by, I mean to lecture you a little upon their accountmyself.--But, my dear Frankenstein," continued he, stopping short, andgazing full in my face, "I did not before remark how very ill youappear; so thin and pale; you look as if you had been watching forseveral nights."
"You have guessed right; I have lately been so deeply engaged in oneoccupation, that I have not allowed myself sufficient rest, as you see:but I hope, I sincerely hope, that all these employments are now at anend, and that I am at length free."
I trembled excessively; I could not endure to think of, and far less toallude to, the occurrences of the preceding night. I walked with a quickpace, and we soon arrived at my college. I then reflected, and thethought made me shiver, that the creature whom I had left in myapartment might still be there, alive, and walking about. I dreaded tobehold this monster; but I feared still more that Henry should see him.Entreating him, therefore, to remain a few minutes at the bottom of thestairs, I darted up towards my own room. My hand was already on the lockof the door before I recollected myself. I then paused; and a coldshivering came over me. I threw the door forcibly open, as children areaccustomed to do when they expect a spectre to stand in waiting for themon the other side; but nothing appeared. I stepped fearfully in: theapartment was em
pty; and my bed-room was also freed from its hideousguest. I could hardly believe that so great a good fortune could havebefallen me; but when I became assured that my enemy had indeed fled, Iclapped my hands for joy, and ran down to Clerval.
We ascended into my room, and the servant presently brought breakfast;but I was unable to contain myself. It was not joy only that possessedme; I felt my flesh tingle with excess of sensitiveness, and my pulsebeat rapidly. I was unable to remain for a single instant in the sameplace; I jumped over the chairs, clapped my hands, and laughed aloud.Clerval at first attributed my unusual spirits to joy on his arrival;but when he observed me more attentively, he saw a wildness in my eyesfor which he could not account; and my loud, unrestrained, heartlesslaughter, frightened and astonished him.
"My dear Victor," cried he, "what, for God's sake, is the matter? Do notlaugh in that manner. How ill you are! What is the cause of all this?"
"Do not ask me," cried I, putting my hands before my eyes, for I thoughtI saw the dreaded spectre glide into the room; "_he_ can tell.--Oh, saveme! save me!" I imagined that the monster seized me; I struggledfuriously, and fell down in a fit.
Poor Clerval! what must have been his feelings? A meeting, which heanticipated with such joy, so strangely turned to bitterness. But I wasnot the witness of his grief; for I was lifeless, and did not recover mysenses for a long, long time.
This was the commencement of a nervous fever, which confined me forseveral months. During all that time Henry was my only nurse. Iafterwards learned that, knowing my father's advanced age, and unfitnessfor so long a journey, and how wretched my sickness would makeElizabeth, he spared them this grief by concealing the extent of mydisorder. He knew that I could not have a more kind and attentive nursethan himself; and, firm in the hope he felt of my recovery, he did notdoubt that, instead of doing harm, he performed the kindest action thathe could towards them.
But I was in reality very ill; and surely nothing but the unbounded andunremitting attentions of my friend could have restored me to life. Theform of the monster on whom I had bestowed existence was for ever beforemy eyes, and I raved incessantly concerning him. Doubtless my wordssurprised Henry: he at first believed them to be the wanderings of mydisturbed imagination; but the pertinacity with which I continuallyrecurred to the same subject, persuaded him that my disorder indeed owedits origin to some uncommon and terrible event.
By very slow degrees, and with frequent relapses, that alarmed andgrieved my friend, I recovered. I remember the first time I becamecapable of observing outward objects with any kind of pleasure, Iperceived that the fallen leaves had disappeared, and that the youngbuds were shooting forth from the trees that shaded my window. It was adivine spring; and the season contributed greatly to my convalescence. Ifelt also sentiments of joy and affection revive in my bosom; my gloomdisappeared, and in a short time I became as cheerful as before I wasattacked by the fatal passion.
"Dearest Clerval," exclaimed I, "how kind, how very good you are to me.This whole winter, instead of being spent in study, as you promisedyourself, has been consumed in my sick room. How shall I ever repay you?I feel the greatest remorse for the disappointment of which I have beenthe occasion; but you will forgive me."
"You will repay me entirely, if you do not discompose yourself, but getwell as fast as you can; and since you appear in such good spirits, Imay speak to you on one subject, may I not?"
I trembled. One subject! what could it be? Could he allude to an objecton whom I dared not even think?
"Compose yourself," said Clerval, who observed my change of colour, "Iwill not mention it, if it agitates you; but your father and cousinwould be very happy if they received a letter from you in your ownhandwriting. They hardly know how ill you have been, and are uneasy atyour long silence."
"Is that all, my dear Henry? How could you suppose that my firstthought would not fly towards those dear, dear friends whom I love, andwho are so deserving of my love."
"If this is your present temper, my friend, you will perhaps be glad tosee a letter that has been lying here some days for you: it is from yourcousin, I believe."