This was the first time she’d felt she belonged with a man. A man who, only weeks ago, she would have claimed was everything she didn’t want. It was insane, yes, but she was done running from her feelings. She’d come to a conclusion: living to prove what she wasn’t wasn’t living at all.
In fact, over the past few weeks, she’d done a world of soul-searching, but clarity had come only the night before, as she stared at the ceiling, unable to sleep. She’d been living a lie her entire life, trying to be something she wasn’t all to prove something to herself, and to the people she knew. She had to make changes. Which meant, she had to go home, convict Alvarez and then decide where that left her. What she didn’t know was where Constantine fit in to those changes.
Done with her packing, Nicole sat down on the bed. She wore a blouse, jeans and tennis shoes, but soon she would be back to business attire. Today, she had awakened next to Constantine; tomorrow, they would be prosecutor and FBI agent, pretending to be strangers, on their best behavior for the jury. This was the end of the line. Their worlds would separate, perhaps forever.
Constantine zipped up a leather bag he’d bought from the hotel boutique and set it by the door. “Ready?”
The truth was that she wasn’t sure she was ready at all, but she had no choice. She managed a nod, her gaze doing a quick sweep of his body in the process, lingering on his muscular thighs beneath the tight jeans he wore. The man was the caviar of denim. He made it sexy. But then, everything about him was sexy to her.
She drew a breath, knowing there was something she owed him—a confession of sorts. Her wish to pretend she was something she wasn’t had made her blame him for things he had nothing to do with.
Not giving herself time to back out, she exhaled and blurted her declaration. “Back at the docks, I wanted Carlos dead.”
Constantine didn’t move, didn’t appear to quite know what to say. “And you blamed me for making you feel that way.”
“Yes,” she whispered, her chest constricted. “How did you know?”
“The way you looked at me and then the way you couldn’t look at me.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, feeling the odd pinch of tears in the back of her eyes. She never cried and she didn’t want to now.
“It was human, Nicole. An instinct to survive.”
He was so close, only a foot away, but right now so very distant emotionally. “I know. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to make up for the past, afraid of becoming what I was back then.”
“And I scared you. I walk a line you don’t want to walk. You think I’ll change that. Make you like me.” His jaw flexed. “I get that.” The words held bitterness, a bite that hurt.
Nicole surged to her feet. “No. It’s not like that.”
“It is, Nicole.” He hesitated, his jaw flexing. “We both know the limits between us. We simply stopped talking about them. Regardless of what you think, I’m not a cold-blooded killer, or Alvarez wouldn’t be awaiting trial. But will I kill to save lives? Will I make a decision you might not feel fits your moral fiber? Yes.”
How had this conversation gone so wrong? “I don’t think you’re a killer!” She took a step toward him, desperate to right this.
He held up a staying hand and she stopped. “You’re going back to your perfectly planned life,” he said, “free of bad influences like myself. I brought you into this thing with Carlos, and I will see you through it. I’ll get you your life back. You have my word.”
He grabbed the bags and reached for the door, pulling it open without giving her the chance to respond and tell him that what she really wanted was…him.
* * *
CONSTANTINE SPENT MOST of the ride to Austin in a foul mood, aware of her every move, her every sound. She drove him crazy with desire, with anger, with frustration. With…something more. Something he didn’t want to think about. But he couldn’t deny he had feelings for Nicole, nor could he deny how wrong he was for her.
He wasn’t a man who lived within a structured set of rules. Nicole survived by creating control, which meant rules. He didn’t think she was happy in that world, not for a minute, but it didn’t matter. He wouldn’t live as the man who made her question herself. His life had been danger and darkness, and regardless of his decision to leave the agency, he wasn’t likely to change. He’d find trouble; he always did.
Nicole was upset now, but she’d get over it when she settled into her life. He knew all the psych workups. People fell hard for those who protected them, who they depended on. Right now, she would find a way to justify the things about him that were not quite right for her world, but later…later she would see more clearly. There was no reason to make this hard for either of them. He had to take this back to business, back to the place where this started, and ended. It was the right thing to do. Right. So why did his gut have knots the size of Texas?
He glanced at a street sign, estimating they were about a mile from their destination. Breaking the silence, he cast her a sideways look. “A team of agents will be waiting for our arrival,” he explained matter-of-factly. “They have the entire top floor of the Four Seasons Hotel blocked off with special security. They still have nothing on Carlos. He’s vanished.”
“You’ll be there, right? Not just this FBI team?”
The hopeful quality in her voice tightened those knots in his gut a bit more. “I told you I’d get you through this, and I meant it.”
She drew a heavy breath and exhaled, her response cold. “I have the utmost confidence in your ability, Agent Vega.”
Damn, he hated this. He shouldn’t reach out to her but found himself softly saying, “Nicole. I’ll still be near, still be by your side. I’m not going anywhere.”
She didn’t look at him. “Okay.”
Son of a bitch. He didn’t know what to do here. He wanted to comfort her. Hell, he wanted her in his bed. But he also knew what was best, knew she’d thank him later for this. So why wasn’t this easy?
He grabbed the phone and called in, directing the car to the side entrance of the hotel. In a matter of minutes, they were being shuffled to a private elevator. Constantine grabbed Nicole’s arm, wishing he could pull her close, but settling for keeping her within his grasp. They had appearances to keep up now, a jury to satisfy. He also had her safety to consider, and he trusted no one but himself to protect her. He was keeping her close, period.
Standing beside him, staring up at the blinking display of passing floors, she didn’t look at him, but he felt her relax, felt her relief at his nearness. If he did nothing else for Nicole, he made her feel safe. That was something, at least.
His hand never left her arm as they stepped into the hall and traveled to the end of a long corridor. He let her go only when an agent opened the suite they would call home during the trial. He entered directly behind her.
In the center of the small living area, Agent-in-Charge Nelson waited. An ex-military man, he wore his hair buzzed; his suit, pressed perfectly.
He nodded at Constantine, a look of respect in his eyes. “Good to see you arrived safely.” His attention turned to Nicole, and he offered her his hand. “Agent Nelson.”
Nicole took his hand for a brief moment. “Thanks for your help while we were out there,” she said. “How does this all work?”
“There are three bedrooms here. I put you in the one to the left. It’s bigger and nicer. Your boss dropped off some papers for your review. You’ll find them on the dresser.”
“Okay,” she said. “Thanks.”
Nelson continued, “We’ll want you in a controlled environment as much as possible, so only your direct family and people related to the case can visit on a limited basis. I need a list of anyone who might be allowed in, so we can check them out. If they aren’t on that list, they don’t get in. You’ll have two agents, in addition to Agent Vega, at all times.” His gaze flickered to Constantine. “After what happened with Flores, I don’t blame him for not trusting anyone.” He spoke directly to Constantine t
hen. “We arrested him last night. He’s been asking to talk to you.”
“The day hell freezes over would be too soon.”
“Did he say why he did it?” Nicole asked.
“Threatened his family,” Nelson said, giving her a quick look. “But we have procedures in place to handle those things. I suspect we’ll discover it was more about money.”
“Money is a powerful drug,” she murmured softly, and Constantine knew she was thinking about her past. She’d told him how her father’s firm wanted the big billing cases, no worry about what lowlifes they defended. “Can I go to my apartment to get some things?”
“I’m afraid I can’t allow that. I can have a female agent pick up some things for you.”
“Thank you.” She hesitated. “Now, I’d better get on those papers that Dean left.”
“Let me know if you need anything,” Nelson said.
She inclined her head but didn’t comment, nor did she look at Constantine. It took every ounce of willpower he had not to follow her with his eyes as she left the room.
He focused on Nelson. “Why don’t we have Carlos yet?”
“We’re trying.”
“Not good enough. She’ll never be safe if we don’t get him. He’ll hunt her down to prove a point. That he can get to someone I’ve been protecting.”
“That he can get to you, and anyone near you, like you did him,” Nelson returned accurately.
A muscle in his jaw jumped. “Yes. He won’t kill me. He’ll kill anyone near me. That means she’s in real danger. I’m protecting her, so he’ll want to prove he can kill her.”
“And if you walk away from her?”
“It’s too late,” he said grimly. “He’s got her in his sights.”
“I’ll start the relocation process. You want to talk to her or shall I?”
“Neither, damn it,” Constantine said. “Get Carlos.”
Nelson paused, then said, “I know you don’t trust me—”
“I don’t trust anyone at this point. It’s not personal, man. This is the end of the road for me. I’m done after this. I plan to leave alive.”
“You sure that’s what you want? We need you.”
He was sure. Damn sure. When the time came, he was ready to walk away from the Bureau without ever looking back. Why did he think walking away from Nicole wouldn’t be that easy?
20
NICOLE ENTERED the Austin hotel suite after a long day in court, ever aware of Constantine behind her, beside her, near her—there, but not there. Watchful, but distant.
She walked straight to her room, edgy, ready to turn and demand they clear the air. But they weren’t alone. They were never alone. Besides, he’d made his position clear. Their relationship was over. They were fire and ice. He wanted fire and apparently thought she wanted ice.
She found the door to her room and quickly shut herself inside, letting her briefcase slide to the floor. She leaned back against the closed door, her head resting on the wooden surface, eyes closed.
Constantine had been right about her perfectly planned life. She’d built a glass house. So perfect there was nothing real inside. There was laughter—no happiness. Just her own need to prove she wasn’t defined by the past.
But back in Houston with Constantine, she had found what was missing. She’d gotten a taste of what it meant to share her life with someone else and she greedily wanted more. And more meant Constantine.
She inhaled, recognizing her emotions were turbulent at best and not all because of her relationship with Constantine. Her father’s presence in the courtroom that day had messed with her head. He’d sat there, a judgmental look on his face. But no matter how flawed he might want to find her performance, he wouldn’t be able to, and he only wanted to because she was doing work he didn’t approve of. She was at the top of her game, performing her best. She wanted Alvarez put away, and she was going to make it happen. Her one regret was that she couldn’t truly share the progress with Constantine, that they had to act as strangers for the sake of appearance. But they’d come too far to allow an affair to destroy credibility. They couldn’t risk that getting out to the press, and maybe, inadvertently, the jury.
However, she wasn’t going to be a wilting wallflower hiding in her room. She’d go out there, claim the desk and start working. Let Constantine hide in his room. She was done hiding. From herself. From her life. From him. Time to forgive herself. Time to stop wallowing in guilt. Choose my own battles. That idea had been working a number on her mind. Maybe she’d open her own law firm. She wasn’t sure yet, but change was in the air for her. She was brave in the courtroom. Now she wanted to be brave beyond it.
No more hiding.
* * *
CONSTANTINE SAT IN his bedroom with the door open, listening to Nicole talk to one of the agents in the living area of the suite. Her voice trickled along his nerve endings, taunting him with what he wanted, what he couldn’t have—her.
Staying away from her was killing him. Many times he’d considered saying to hell with putting some distance between them. No, he didn’t fit into her prim-and-proper life, but he was convinced she didn’t fit into that life, either. In fact, he’d convinced himself that throwing her over his shoulder and carrying her away from all of this would be best for her. He also knew Nicole had to see for herself, had to decide what was right for herself. Except now, she didn’t have choices. Not after the news he’d gotten today. He scrubbed his jaw, dreading the conversation they had to have.
He shoved off the bed and walked to the doorway, leaning on the edge of the door frame. She stood behind the bar, pouring herself a Diet Sprite over ice, her gaze lifting to his as if she sensed his presence.
“We need to talk,” he said. He motioned with his head, indicating his room. “In private.”
Surprise flashed in her face. Not once since their return had they been alone. Her room was on the opposite side of the suite, their relationship strictly business to all those around them. Oh, but he could imagine being in bed with her, the sheets gone, his body all that covered her.
“Of course,” she said, setting down her soda can and crossing the room, closing the distance. He watched her walk, her hips swaying in the velour sweats she’d bought back in Houston. Damn, how he wanted to lose himself in her. His zipper area expanded painfully, his body taut with the day’s worth of desire that had gone unattended.
He backed up, letting her enter the room, shutting the door behind her. She walked to the bed and sat down. The bed. The place he wanted her. He leaned against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest. “We picked up one of Carlos’s men today.”
She gave him a cautious look. “I assume that’s good, but you aren’t acting like it is.”
“He had some information. A message for me.” He hesitated, hating this so damn much. “About you.”
Her chin tilted downward. “And?”
“Anyone I get close to, he’ll kill. Starting with you.”
“No one knows about us.”
“You’re under my protection and have been. That’s enough for him.”
She blinked, swallowed and turned away. “And my family?”
“Alvarez wants this trial to end, so anything done to anyone that might cause a mistrial is still a risk. If something happened to your family, no doubt you’d have trouble going on. After this is over, Carlos will focus on me. That means he’ll come for you.”
She looked at him then. “But you can’t be certain he won’t go after my family.”
“Not one hundred percent.” He wished he could tell her otherwise. “You have no option but to go into a relocation program until Carlos is captured.”
Her eyes went wide. “Oh, no,” she said, rock-hard determination in her voice. “Not a chance.” She pushed to her feet. “If there is one thing I have learned from all of this, it’s that I’m tired of running. I ran to where I am now, to hide from what I was in the past. And I can’t ask my family to give up their lives. Not that they w
ill. They could die while I’m off hiding.”
Uncrossing his arms, he pushed off the wall, going to stand in front of her, barely containing the urge to reach for her. “This is about staying alive, Nicole. I know it’s hard but—”
“Would you run?”
What could he say to that? “My job is to hunt down criminals and capture them.”
“Then do it now. Capture him. You said you’d make this go away.”
He had promised. “I’m stuck in here or I would. I will.” His hands went to her arms. “Nicole, baby—”
She shoved his arms away, a fierce frown on her face. “Don’t ‘Nicole baby’ me, now. You haven’t touched me in days. Don’t use our fling as a form of manipulation.”
“It’s not like that. I wouldn’t do that.”
“Not like that. Then how is it? We’ve hardly said two words to each other since we returned, and now that you want me to do something your way, you pull out the ‘baby’ stuff?”
“Everything I’ve done, I’ve done to protect you.”
She made a disbelieving sound. “This doesn’t feel like protection. It feels like…” Her words trailed off, her lashes lowered, a few seconds ticked by. Her lashes lifted again and she gazed directly into his eyes. “The bottom line here is this. I’m not running anymore. Not from my past, not from Carlos. Catch him. Use me as bait. Do whatever. But I’m not going into hiding.”
“I won’t use you as bait.”
“I want this over, Constantine. Even if I agree to hide, my family won’t. My father has some ‘man of steel’ complex—I can’t let them walk around with a bull’s-eye on their backs because of me. If you won’t use me to put an end to this, someone at the Bureau will.” She narrowed her eyes on him, throwing out her dare. “So you decide. Will you use me or let someone else?” She tried to walk past him, and he maneuvered in front of her.
“No,” he said. “I won’t allow it. No one is using you as bait. I got you into this and I’ll get you out.”
They stared at one another, her lips parted, the world somehow separating them, when only a few days before it had pulled them together.