“It’s okay. That’s why I’m here to remind you not to be an asshole.”
Lottie sighed loudly.
“That used to be my job. I’m so happy to pass it on to someone else. I have a tiara if you’d like it, Aud.”
“There’s a tiara? Yes, I definitely want that.” Lottie laughed and ran back to her room and came back a few seconds later with a plastic tiara with pink rhinestones. It had probably been a joke gift.
“There, I pass the custody of Will off to you. No refunds or exchanges.” She jammed the tiara on my head. I pretended I was overcome with emotion.
“Thank you so much, this is so unexpected. I don’t even know who to thank.”
Will just rolled his eyes.
“Yeah, yeah. Enough.”
“It looks very fetching on you, Aud,” Stryker said.
“I want a tiara. How come she gets a tiara?” Katie whined.
“I think we should all get tiaras,” I said. “Or I could just break this one into a bunch of pieces like in Mean Girls.”
“NO! Don’t destroy my tiara,” Lottie said and we dissolved into a debate about tiaras and crowns and other random things like we usually did.
It took Eddie a while to get to the apartment, and I felt kind of bad for making everyone wait to eat dinner until he got there, but I didn’t want him to feel even more awkward by walking in halfway through.
Finally there was a knock at the door and I went to answer it. The room went silent and I realized I probably should have warned him what he was walking into. Too late now.
I wasn’t going to say that I liked the guy. I still had a little leftover animosity from when I’d thought he was sleeping with Audrey. I also had a little bit of jealousy that he’d shared something with her that I wasn’t a part of. I’d told Aud that I wished it had been me with her, and I meant it. But I hadn’t been with her. Eddie had, and I just had to get used to that.
I could do that. I could be civil. I could be cool.
She opened the door and Eddie walked in, his eyes going wide at the amount of people in the apartment.
“Whoa. When you said you were at a friend’s, I didn’t think I was crashing something.” He took his coat off and Audrey hung it up on the coatrack Lottie had recently found at a discount store. It was already pretty full, but she found a space as Eddie’s face went red and he shoved his hands in his pockets.
“It’s my fault. I should have told you how many people would be here. Um, you know Will.” He nodded at me and I got up from the couch and came over. I meant to shake his hand, but that seemed weird, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to hug him. Fist bump? High five?
“Hey,” I said. That seemed good enough. Right?
“Hey, I’m, um, so sorry about that whole thing. I should have just told her over the phone, but I was so excited and I wanted to share it with her. I knew she’d want to know. But when I saw you, I should have reeled it in. Sorry, man.” It wasn’t the best apology I’d ever gotten, but I had to admit that it wasn’t his fault I’d jumped to conclusions. The whole situation was a cluster-fuck that wasn’t any one person’s fault. No, I wouldn’t blame Aud for it.
“No worries. It was a weird situation and it’s water under the bridge. I’m really happy that things turned out.” He smiled a little and held out his hand, so I shook it.
Audrey relaxed next to me and a smile lit up her face.
“Okay, now that’s over with, you can meet everyone else.” She led Eddie around the room, introducing him to everyone.
“So, uh, I guess you all know about our daughter.” They all nodded in unison like bobbleheads. Sometimes I wondered if we spent too much time together and we’d ceased to be individuals and just become like bees, with a hive mind.
“Yeah, I told them all. So, um, you can sit wherever you want. Dinner is in a few minutes and, um, yeah,” Aud said, sensing the awkwardness of the situation. It definitely was. No way of getting around it.
“This is awkward,” Eddie said as he sat on one of the spare chairs Lottie kept for when we all had dinner.
“I like him. He states the obvious,” Trish said. I’d never heard such a ringing endorsement from her before.
“Uh, thanks,” Eddie said.
“Eddie goes to Pine State College,” Audrey said, trying desperately to make things less awkward.
“I have a cousin who goes there,” Simon offered.
“Oh, yeah? What’s his name?”
“Bertram Stevens?”
“Bert? Hell yeah I know him! He lives down the hall from me.” The chances of you knowing someone’s cousin in Maine were high. It was like one gigantic small town. Eddie and Simon started talking about Bert and soon the tension broke and Eddie was absorbed into the group.
“Thank God,” Audrey said under her breath. Once Eddie got comfortable, we got dinner going, which was spaghetti carbonara (with and without bacon), garlic asparagus and chocolate pudding for dessert.
Eddie got in line behind me and I felt the need to further explain that I was cool with him and Audrey and the whole situation.
“I’m really sorry I overreacted, but I thought Aud was cheating on me, because she always had this secret and she told me the part about you sleeping together, but not the part about the baby, and so my imagination got the better of me, but that’s not your fault. So I just wanted to, ah, clear that up.” I hadn’t rambled too bad, but his face was blank for a second.
“Yeah, it’s clear. We’re cool.” He slapped me on the shoulder and I almost dropped my plate.
“Sorry,” he said.
“It’s cool.”
I wanted to dislike Eddie, to justify my initial reaction to him, but I couldn’t. Audrey was right, he wasn’t a bad guy.
He was funny as hell, and he really felt bad about being a douche in his younger years. He also cared a lot about Aud and Emily, which I couldn’t hate him for either. I probably would have been suspicious of him if he hadn’t cared about her. How could you not care about Audrey? It was impossible. Sure, I was partial, but it was also true.
The talk moved back around to the fact that our group of friends was all a bunch of couples and Trish asked Eddie if he had a girl.
“Or a guy. We celebrate all kinds of love here,” Simon said, glaring at Trish, who rolled her eyes. Eddie’s face went red.
“Yeah, I guess you could say that I was ‘playing the field’ for a while there.” He even used air quotes.
“So what you’re saying is you were one of those assholes who date a bunch of girls at once and didn’t really care about any of them,” Katie said. She had a little bit of a sore spot when it came to guys doing that to girls, and for good reason. But her ex, Zack, was in a class by himself. There was a very special place in hell for guys like that, and I had no doubt Satan was keeping it nice and warm.
Eddie looked down and his face went red again. I’d never seen a guy blush so much.
“But that was before I knew about Emily, and then I realized that all those girls were people, and what if some guy did that to her? I’d fucking kill him. So, I stopped. Now I don’t even know what to do because it’s like I don’t know how to date like a normal guy.”
“Wow,” Lottie said. “That’s kind of fucked up. You can definitely hang out with us.” She grinned at him and put her fist out. He gave her a reluctant fist bump. “You can only hang out with this group if you’re a little fucked up. You should also be a little of a nerd. It doesn’t matter what about,” she explained.
“Great. That’s, um, awesome.” Audrey just shook her head at Lottie.
“What? I’m just giving him the truth. I mean, look at us. We’re a bunch of weirdoes that managed to find each other. Well, with the exception of me and Will, and Stryker and Trish. Cuz, you know, we’re related and all. Anywho, welcome, Eddie. You may join our family of weird. If you want. You don’t have to. But I thought I’d give you an open invitation. Totally up to you.” Eddie gaped a little at Lottie.
“She doe
s that. So does Will. It takes a little getting used to,” Zan said. Eddie nodded.
“Who wants pudding?” Audrey said, getting up and going to the kitchen.
“So this was great,” Eddie said when it was just him, me, Aud, Lottie and Zan left. “I really appreciate you letting me come over.”
“You’re welcome to continue to come over. We eat either here, or upstairs every night around six. I know it’s a drive, but we can wait for you if you want.” Lottie said as Zan cleaned up the kitchen.
“Yeah, about that. I’m, um, transferring to DU,” Eddie said.
“You are?” Audrey said. I tensed up a little. He said he wasn’t into her, but this seemed awfully coincidental.
“Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it for a while. I went to PSC because it was cheap at the time, but my grades are good enough that if I transfer, I’ll get a few scholarships, and they have a better computer science program here anyway.”
“Computer science! You’re definitely a nerd then,” Lottie said with glee.
“Yeah. Just keep that on the down-low,” Eddie said, leaning close. Lottie laughed and I could tell he liked her too. Well, he was just winning everyone over, wasn’t he? No, I wasn’t jealous.
“So, anyway, if everything goes right with my transfer paperwork, I’ll be moving up here. I’ve got a buddy that has a spare room. It’s actually just up the road, so I could probably walk if I wanted to when the weather gets warmer.”
“That’s great,” Audrey said, but her voice didn’t sound as happy as it should. Or maybe it did to everyone else except me. I knew more about her tone of voice and what it said about how she was feeling than probably I did about my own.
“Aud? You gonna be ready to go soon? I have to get back so I can work on those notecards.” It was like we’d somehow switched personalities because she’d always been the studious one, and now the roles were reversed.
“Yeah, sure. I also have a bunch of stuff I need to get caught up on.”
“And I should probably go as well. Thanks for the dinner and it was nice to meet everyone. I’ll let you know when I’m back up in this neck of the woods,” Eddie said, getting his coat and putting it on. I got mine and Audrey’s and we all walked out together.
“That was fun. I like your friends. A lot better than mine, actually. They don’t really get it. One even said that I should get a paternity test.” He shuddered and I almost wished the guy was standing in front of us so I could beat the shit out of him.
“They don’t get it, you know? They don’t understand.” Audrey nodded and I found myself nodding as well.
“But you all. You get it.” He swung his keys around in his hand. “I don’t know, it’s different. I’m glad I came.” Audrey gave him a hug and told him to text her when he got home so she knew he was okay. We got in my truck and she sighed.
“I don’t know how I feel about him moving up here. That’s weird, right? I mean, just the timing,” she said. I turned up the heat as far as it would go and she pressed her fingers into the vents.
“Yeah, it’s a little suspect. You don’t think he’s making a play for you, do you?” God, I hoped not. Because I would want to kill him. Even if he was her daughter’s biological father. I wouldn’t have to, though, because she’d never go for him. Right?
“No. No. Definitely not. I just think his life has changed and it’s easier to be around people he has something in common with.”
There was an awkward pause and I tried to think of something to say to change the subject, but Aud did it for me.
“So, I went online and I found this support group for people who have given their children up for adoption. It’s an hour away, but I think I might like to go. Would you come with me?” She seemed hesitant to ask, as if I’d say no.
“Absolutely. I want to be part of this,” I said.
Exhaling as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders, she smiled.
“Maria texted me that if I wanted to come see Emily this weekend, that would be okay. If you’re ready for that.” I’d been waiting for her to ask me this very thing and now that she had, I was fucking terrified.
“Uh, yeah. I’m ready. I want to meet your daughter. Totally ready.”
She lifted her head and stared at me.
“That didn’t sound very convincing at all.”
“No, no I do! I really do. I’m just scared. What if she doesn’t like me? And who am I? What does she call me?” Audrey tipped her head back and laughed.
“What’s so funny?”
“That’s almost exactly what I thought when I was on my way to meet her the first time. I was also irrationally afraid of her hating me. You know, for giving her up. But she’s still a baby, Will. At this point, she loves everyone. And no one could ever hate you. You’re un-hate-able. But you should probably bring a present, just in case. She loves presents.”
“What would she like?” I had very little experience with babies. Lottie used to babysit for extra cash in the summers, but I’d steered clear of that line of work as much as possible.
“Balloons. She loves balloons,” she said with a smile.
“Like mother, like daughter.”
“Something like that.”
Will took meeting Eddie again better than I thought he would. Given some time, I thought they might even become friends. I hadn’t noticed how similar their personalities were until they were side-by-side.
I still didn’t know how I felt about Eddie and me being at the same school. But I was definitely better at dealing with seeing him now than I would have been a few months ago. I wouldn’t have been strong enough to handle it then.
“So you’re sure these are okay?” Will said for the thousandth time that morning as we drove away from the part supply store. We’d gotten pink and purple and yellow and green balloons. I’d protested when he tried to use the New Year’s money he’d won a few days ago, but he insisted.
“Because she shouldn’t have to play with pink balloons just because she’s a girl. Unless she likes pink, in which case, she’s covered.” I laughed at him and gave him a kiss. He deserved it.
We took his truck since we were meeting Eddie at the house after he was done with a few more tests at the hospital. I was smug that I got a little extra time with Emily, but he was getting to see her again next week because he had another hospital visit. The process to get him ready to donate bone marrow was complicated and took several weeks. He still hadn’t told his parents, but he’d informed his professors and had gotten doctors’ notes to miss class.
“I’m freaking out. I gotta be honest,” Will said a few minutes later. “I’m freaking out.” I put my hand on his shoulder and saw he was gripping the steering wheel for dear life.
“She’s a little girl, Will. I told you. She loves everyone and if you give her the balloons, she’ll love you even more. Trust me.”
He gave me a jerky nod.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to drive?” I asked for the millionth time.
“No, no. I got this.”
“Do you not trust me to drive your truck?” I said, sitting up.
“No, I trust you,” he said, his eye shifty.
“Hey, it’s not my fault about last time, there were too many balloons and you were freaking out and I was worried. You can’t judge my driving based on that one performance. Besides, I know where we’re going.”
“I have GPS and it’s my truck. I win.”
“Is it because you think women can’t drive?” He gave me a look.
“No, it’s because this is a very sensitive piece of machinery that requires a deft hand to manage and I’ve had years of practice. Hell, I barely let my sister drive this thing, and she’s my twin.” He did have a point there.
“Fine, fine.” I slid over as much as I could, hitting the balloons out of my way. The ones in my dorm room were still hovering near the ceiling. I had no idea how long the helium would keep them aloft, but I was interested in finding out. I was also going to flatte
n them and keep them in what I called my secret Box of Will.
I tried to make conversation with him, but he didn’t seem to want to talk, so I just stared out the window and tried not to cringe every time he changed the radio station. He finally settled on the country station and I hummed along to “Follow Your Arrow” by Kacey Musgraves.
The trip seemed to take forever, but maybe that was because Will drove slower than his usual ten miles over the speed limit.
The GPS told us to turn into Maria’s driveway, which Will did, and then he turned off the truck.
“I can do this,” Will said, and I was reminded of how I’d felt when I’d been on my way to meet Emily for the first time. At least he had a picture, so he knew what she looked like.
“It’s going to be fine. Calm down.” I tried to make him laugh, but didn’t succeed.
“But she’s your daughter. She’s a part of you. I’m just scared.”
“I was too. But as soon as you see her, that fear will fade. Trust me. I know these things.” I got out of the truck and opened his door taking his hand and leading him toward the front of the house. He had the balloons held tight in his other hand.
It was déjà vu, but this time, I knew what to expect.
I knocked on the door and heard Maria talking to Emily, and Emily babbling back.
“Ready?” I said, squeezing Will’s hand.
“No,” he said but the door opened anyway.
I guess you can never prepare yourself to meet your girlfriend’s daughter for the first time. When the door opened and I saw her face, it took everything me not to cry. She was just so beautiful and she looked so much like Audrey.
And then she held her chubby little hand out and screamed
“Boons! Boons!”
“Yes, more balloons. If we’re not careful, the house is going to float away like in that movie,” Maria said. I could see the family resemblance to Audrey. She smiled brightly at me and stood back to let us in the house.
“It’s so nice to meet you, Will. I must say, if you’re trying to win points for coming and meeting Emily, you’ve definitely done that.” She laughed and I wasn’t sure how to take it. I was so fucking nervous.