late – a silly attempt to blank my woes. Not anymore.
‘Olivia?’ Miller’s questioning tone pulls my tired body around, revealing my hopeless face . . . and the glass. ‘What are you doing?’ He steps forward, uncertainty creeping onto his face as he flicks his eyes from me to the glass.
Guilt joins my hopelessness and I shake my head, full of remorse for even pouring the damn thing. ‘I wasn’t going to drink it.’
‘Damn straight you weren’t.’ He strides around the bar and viciously swipes the glass from my hand before throwing the contents down a sink. ‘Olivia, I’m dangling off the edge of insanity already. Don’t give me the nudge that’ll tip me.’ His warning is stern and serious, yet the soft expression suddenly rife on his face defies every word of that command. He’s pleading with me.
‘I wasn’t thinking,’ I start, wanting him to know that I poured that drink in a blind temper. I’ve barely been given the opportunity to let this news sink in. ‘I’ve no intention of drinking, Miller. I would never harm our baby.’
‘What?’
My eyes widen in response to that shocked yell, and Miller virtually snarls.
Oh. My. God.
I don’t turn around and face the enemy. If there’s any scrap of sass within me, it’ll be stripped down to nothing with a look of disgrace or the delivery of some scornful words. So I keep my guarded eyes on Miller, silently begging him to take the lead. There’s nothing right now that can shield me from William Anderson, except him.
The long silence that stretches becomes painful. I’m mentally willing Miller to be the one to break it, but I close my eyes tightly when I hear William draw breath, accepting that it’ll be him instead. ‘Tell me what I’m thinking is wrong.’ I hear a soft thud and see William collapsing to a barstool in my mind’s eye. ‘Please, tell me she’s not.’
The words I am bubble in my throat, along with and so what? But they remain exactly where they are, defiantly refusing to put themselves out there. I’m mad with myself, mad that I’m rendered useless when I want to be wielding some bravery and unleashing it on William.
‘She’s pregnant.’ Miller’s chin rises, his shoulders squaring. ‘And we’re ecstatic.’ He’s daring William to continue.
William dares, though.
‘For fuck’s sake,’ Anderson spits. ‘Of all the stupid shit you could pull, Hart.’
I wince, not liking the slow-building heaving motions of Miller’s chest. I want to join him, stand united, yet my damn body refuses to take me to him. So I remain with my back to William while my mind continues its assessment of the perilous situation looming.
‘We agreed that if Charlie didn’t have anything concrete on Olivia already, he would soon. Soon is now.’ He reaches me and links an arm around my neck, encouraging me into his embrace. ‘I said if he even breathed near her, it would be the last thing he did. He just breathed near her.’
I can’t see him, but I know William will be matching Miller’s hostility. The frosty vibes are crawling all over my exposed back.
‘We’ll discuss this later.’ William dismisses it too easily. ‘But for now you keep this between us.’
‘He knows.’ Miller’s confession draws a shocked gasp from behind me, but he continues before William can interrogate him. ‘He found Olivia buying a pregnancy test.’
‘Oh Jesus,’ William mutters, tensing my shoulders. Miller catches my reaction and moves his palm to my neck. ‘You don’t need me to tell you that you’ve just doubled his ammo.’
‘No, I don’t.’
‘What did he say?’
‘I don’t know. I wasn’t there.’
‘Where the fuck were you?’
‘Being sent on a treasure hunt.’
I bite my lip and nuzzle farther under Miller’s chin, feeling so guilty and even more stupid. ‘He was friendly.’ My words are muffled against Miller’s suit jacket. ‘Or trying to be. I knew he was bad news.’
William lets out a snap of sardonic laughter. ‘That man is friendly like a poisonous snake. Did he touch you?’
I shake my head no, certain I’m doing the right thing by keeping that little piece of my encounter with Charlie to myself.
‘Did he threaten you?’
Again, I shake my head. ‘Not directly.’
‘Right.’ William’s tone has taken on an edge of decisiveness. ‘Now’s the time to stop thinking and start doing. You don’t want to go to war with him, Hart. If it’s not too late already. Charlie only knows how to win.’
‘I know what needs to be done,’ Miller states.
I don’t like the sense of William tensing behind me, nor the increased thump of Miller’s heartbeat under my ear.
‘Not an option,’ William says quietly. ‘Don’t even go there.’
Glancing over my shoulder to him, I find sheer refusal on William’s face. So I take my questioning eyes back to Miller, and though he knows damn well that I’m looking at him in confusion, he doesn’t tear his cool impassiveness away from William.
‘Don’t go all sentimental on me, Anderson. I can see no other way.’
‘I’ll think of one.’ William spells the words out through a tight jaw, revealing his disgust. ‘You’re thinking the impossible.’
‘Nothing is impossible anymore.’ Miller moves away from me, leaving me feeling exposed and defenceless, and takes down two glasses. ‘I never thought someone could claim me so entirely.’ He sets about filling the glasses with scotch. ‘I never even thought about it because who wants to consider the impossible?’ He turns and slides one of the glasses over to William. ‘Who wants to dream about what they can’t have?’
I can see with perfect clarity that Miller’s words are striking an emotional chord in William. His silence and the slow wrapping of his fingers around his glass say so.
A relationship with Gracie Taylor was impossible.
‘I didn’t think there was someone out there who was capable of really loving me,’ Miller goes on. ‘I didn’t think there was someone out there who defied everything I knew.’ He takes a long swig of his drink, keeping his eyes on William, who’s shifting uncomfortably on his stool, playing with his glass. ‘Then I found Olivia Taylor.’
My heart leaps in my chest and I vaguely register William downing his drink and swallowing hard. ‘Is that so?’ he asks. He’s on the defence.
‘That’s so.’ Miller raises his glass to William and finishes his drink. It’s the most sarcastic toast in the history of toasts, because he knows what William is thinking. He’s thinking he wishes he could turn back time. I, however, don’t. Everything that has happened has led me to Miller. He is my destiny.
All of William’s regrets, my regrets, my mother’s mistakes, and Miller’s dark past have brought me to now. And though this situation is destroying us, it’s ultimately making us as well. ‘I’ll tell you something else that’s not impossible for me,’ Miller continues, like he’s getting a thrill from torturing William, making him live through his regrets. He points a blind finger in my direction. ‘Fatherhood. I have no fear because no matter how fucked up I am, no matter how scared I am that some of my screwed-up genes will pass down to my flesh and blood, I know Olivia’s beautiful soul will eclipse it.’ He looks across at me and steals my breath with his sincerity. ‘Our child will be as perfect as she is,’ he whispers. ‘Soon I’ll have two bright beautiful lights in my world, and it’s my job to protect them. So, Anderson –’ his face hardens and he returns his attention to a silent William – ‘are you going to help me, or am I taking on the immoral bastard alone?’
I wait, full of apprehension, for William’s answer. He looks just as taken aback by Miller’s little speech as I’m feeling. ‘Get me another drink.’ William sighs heavily, pushing his glass towards Miller. ‘I’m going to fucking need it.’
I catch the bar to steady myself, my relief making me dizzy, and Miller gives a sharp nod of respect before pouring William some more scotch, which he knocks back just as fast as the first. Th
ey’ve both fallen into business mode. I know I won’t want to hear any of the plotting, and I know Miller won’t want me to either, so I step forward to excuse myself before I’m ordered to leave. ‘I’m just going to use the toilet.’
Both men turn worried looks onto me and I find myself spilling my desire to remove myself. ‘I’d rather not hear how you plan on dealing with Charlie.’ I refuse to let my mind go there.
Miller nods, stepping forward to brush my hair off my face. ‘Just wait here for two minutes while I make a call. Then I’ll take you down to my office.’ He kisses my cheek and leaves quickly, not giving me scope for objection. Damn him! The conniving bastard! He knows I don’t want to be alone with William, and the resistance it takes not to run after Miller nearly floors me. My legs are twitching, my eyes are darting, and my restless heart has set off on another nervous skip.
‘Sit down, Olivia,’ William orders gently, gesturing to a stool next to him. I’m not sitting down and getting comfy because I don’t plan on being here for long. Two minutes, Miller said. I hope he means it. Thirty seconds have passed already. Another ninety, that’s all. It’s minimal.
‘I’d rather stand.’ I remain in place, exuding as much confidence as I can muster. William shakes his head tiredly and goes to speak, but I shut him down with my own question. ‘What’s impossible?’ I ask, standing firm. Even though I don’t want to know about their plans to deal with Charlie, I’d still rather talk about that than broach the subject of my mother.
‘Charlie is a dangerous man.’
‘I’ve figured that,’ I retort shortly.
‘Miller Hart is a very dangerous man.’
That soon snaps my cocky mouth shut. My mouth opens and closes repeatedly as my brain tries to form words and load them to speak. Nothing. I’ve seen Miller’s temper. It’s probably one of the ugliest things I’ve ever witnessed. And Charlie? Well, he filled me with dread. He exuded nastiness. He carries it around on full display, intimidating anyone he encounters. Miller doesn’t. He hides the violence lurking deeply within. Fights it.
‘Olivia, a powerful man who is aware of his power is a lethal thing. I know what he’s capable of, and so does he, yet he buries that deep down. Unearthing it could be catastrophic.’ A million questions burn my brain as I stand like a statue before William, absorbing every little scrap of information. ‘Unearthing it will be catastrophic.’
‘What do you mean?’ I question, though I think I already know.
‘There’s only one way to free himself.’
I struggle to think it, let alone say it, my throat closing off in an attempt to stop me from uttering such an absurd statement. ‘You mean Miller has the capability to kill.’ I feel sick.
‘He’s more than capable, Olivia.’
I gulp. I can’t add murderer to Miller’s ever-growing fucked-up résumé. And now I’m weighing up the merits of a conversation about my mother – anything to try and make me forget what my mind has just been subjected to.
‘Olivia, she desperately wants to see you.’
The change of conversation catches me off guard. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ I blurt, my fear transforming into anger. ‘Why did you lie to me? You had me alone on more than one occasion and instead of doing the decent thing, telling me my mother wasn’t dead, that she was back in London, you centred all of your efforts on breaking me and Miller. Why? Because that selfish bitch told you to?’
‘Hart insisted you shouldn’t know.’
‘Oh!’ I laugh. ‘Yes, so you managed to tell Miller she’s back but didn’t think that perhaps I ought to know? And since when have you listened to him?’ I shout, incensed. My anger is running away with me. I know damn well why Miller held him back, but I’ll cling to anything to validate my loathing for William and his reason for sticking around.
‘Since he’s had your best interests at heart. I might not like it, but he’s more than proven how much you mean to him, Olivia. Taking Charlie on spells it out loud and clear. He’s making every decision with you at the forefront of his mind.’
I have no counter for that, leaving silence for William to fill.
‘Everything your mother did was for a reason, too.’
‘But it was you who sent her away,’ I remind him, realising the moment the words slip past my lips that I’m wrong. ‘Oh my God! You lied, didn’t you?’
His pained expression spells a thousand words, and he remains silent, only substantiating my claim.
‘You didn’t send her away. She left! She left you and me!’
‘Olivia, it’s not—’
‘I’m going to the toilet.’ My fast response is indicative of my deduction. Speaking of her won’t help at all. I speed off, leaving behind a man in clear emotional turmoil. I don’t care.
‘You can’t run away from your mother forever!’ he calls, making my angry feet skid to a shocked halt. Run away?
I swing around violently. ‘Yes!’ I scream. ‘Yes, I can! She ran away from me! She chose her life! She can go to hell if she thinks she can step back into mine when I’m finally over it!’ I stagger back, my fury making me unstable on my feet, while William regards me carefully, warily. I can see his torment, but I have no compassion for him. Now he’s trying to fix things with Gracie Taylor – though I have no idea why he would want that selfish bitch back in his life. ‘I have everything I need,’ I finish more calmly. ‘Why is she here now? After all this time?’
William’s lips press together, his eyes hardening. ‘She had no choice.’
‘Don’t you start!’ I yell, disgusted. ‘You had no choice; she had no choice! Everyone has a choice!’ I remember what Gracie said at the Society – I’ll be damned if he’s going to strut into her life and toss every painful moment I’ve endured all these years to shit! – and suddenly everything comes together. The obviousness of it is almost stupid. ‘She only came back because of Miller, didn’t she? She’s using you! She came back to take away the one true piece of happiness I’ve found since she abandoned me. But she’s got you to do her dirty work!’ I almost laugh. ‘Does she hate me that much?’
‘Don’t talk stupid!’
It’s not stupid at all. She couldn’t have her forever with William, so I shouldn’t have mine with Miller? ‘She’s jealous. She’s blinded by jealousy that I have Miller, that he will do anything so we can be together.’
‘Olivia, that’s—’
‘Perfect sense,’ I whisper, turning slowly away from my whore of a mother’s ex-pimp. ‘Tell her she can go back to where she came from. She’s not wanted here.’ My calmness shocks me, and William’s inhale of hurt breath tells me he’s just as stunned by my hard-heartedness. It’s a shame neither of them considered the hurt and damage I would endure all those years ago.
I drag myself across the club, not looking back to assess the hurt I’ve caused. I plan on curling up on Miller’s office couch and shutting out the world.
‘Hey.’
I look up as I’m weaving through the corridors below Ice and see Miller walking towards me. Lucky for him, I haven’t even the capacity to lob a few choice words at him. ‘Hey.’
‘What’s the matter?’
I manage to give him a really? look, and he backs down immediately. Good move. ‘You look tired, sweet girl.’
‘I am.’ I feel like all life has been sucked out of me. I walk straight into him and use what’s left of my energy to crawl up his body and cling to him, locking every limb around him. He accepts my need for support willingly, turning and trudging back the way he came.
‘I feel like it’s been too long since I’ve heard your laugh,’ he says quietly as he lets us into his office and transports me to his couch.
‘There’s not much to be so over the moon about right now.’
‘I beg to differ,’ he disagrees, taking us down to the squidgy leather, me beneath him, but I don’t release my hold of him. ‘I’m fixing things, Olivia. Everything will be all right.’
I smile sadly to myself, admiring
his valour but worrying that by fixing problems, he’ll be creating others. I also consider the fact that Miller can’t make my mother disappear. ‘OK,’ I breathe, feeling my hair being twisted until it’s tugging at my scalp.
‘Would you like me to get you anything?’ he asks.
I shake my head. I don’t need anything. Just Miller. ‘I’m fine.’
‘Jolly good.’ He reaches behind him and starts to push my legs from his back. I don’t make it difficult for him, despite wanting to remain attached to him forever. My muscles go limp and I puddle beneath him in a useless heap. ‘Take a nap.’ His lips meet my forehead and he pushes himself up, immediately pulling his suit into place before he offers a small smile and strides away.
‘Miller?’
He stops at the door and pivots slowly on his expensive shoes until his stoic expression greets me.
‘Find another way.’ I don’t need to elaborate.
He nods slowly but unconvincingly. Then he leaves.
My eyes are incredibly heavy. I struggle to keep them open, and as soon as they close, Nan’s face pops into my darkness and they’re snapping open again. I need to check in. Rolling onto my side, I find my phone and dial, collapsing to my back when it starts to ring.
And ring.
And ring.
‘Hello?’
My brow bunches in response to the strange voice on the other