“I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t want to upset you,” I said as I went to hold her.
She moved away from me and looked down. “There’s one thing I will not tolerate in a relationship and that’s keeping secrets. I hate secrets; they do nothing but ruin your life.”
I moved closer, but she still continued to back away. “Lily, please. I think you’re overreacting,” I said.
Gretchen and Sam got up from their seats. “Hey, bro, I think we should leave. Call me later,” Sam said.
Gretchen walked over to Lily and put her hand on her arm. “Don’t stress, we’re all here for you.”
When they left, my attention had immediately gone back to Lily. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and take away her pain, but she wouldn’t let me. “Lily, tell me what you’re feeling,” I pleaded with her.
She walked over to the table and started cleaning up the plates. “I feel betrayed that you didn’t tell me about this. I feel sad because I trusted you to tell me everything, and I feel angry because you knew something about my family that I didn’t.”
“Babe, seriously, don’t you think you’re overreacting just a little bit? Come on, so what if Lucky told her where you are. So what if she comes here and finds you; she’s your mom, and you should talk to her. You were with my family last night; that’s how a family should be, not full of anger and resentment. I understand what she did was wrong, but you have to find it in your heart to forgive her at some point.”
She turned around and looked at me with fire in her eyes. “Don’t you dare tell me that I need to forgive her! I told you about my family and what kind of childhood I had. She was going to ruin my life by letting me marry that cheating bastard!” she yelled.
“You need to calm down, Lily,” I said as I cautiously approached her.
“Don’t you tell me what I need to do! You have no idea what path of destruction my family has left inside me, so you don’t get to tell me to calm down.”
I was getting angry by her unreasoning, and I raised my voice to her, “Don’t yell at me. I’m not Hunter, your mom, or Brynn!”
“Since you’re so big on forgiveness, why don’t you take your own advice and forgive Charley’s dad?”
“That’s different, Lily, and you know it,” I said as I shook my head.
“No it isn’t. What you feel for him is what I feel for my mom and sister. Why is it so easy for you to tell me to forgive and forget when you can’t do it yourself?!” she spat.
“It’s a totally different situation, babe.”
“No, it isn’t, Luke.”
As I walked closer to her to tell her that everything was going to be alright, she folded her arms and turned away. “Lily, I’m sorry, but you’re being really childish right now.”
“Then leave this child alone,” she replied.
“Do you really want me to leave you alone?” I asked.
She spun around and looked at me. “Yes, I do!”
“Fine, then consider me leaving you alone. You won’t hear from me until you decide you want to talk, but I don’t know if I’ll be around when that happens!” I yelled as I opened the door.
“You’re an asshole!” she spat.
“Watch your mouth!” I yelled as I walked out and slammed the door.
I stood there for a second with my hand on the knob, listening to her yell, “Fuck you—fuck you—and a triple fuck you!”
28
Lily
Taking in a deep breath, I stood in the middle of my living room and pondered over our first fight. Hunter and I fought all the time, and it wasn’t healthy. I should’ve known then the relationship was toxic. Our fights always consisted of him having to work late and canceling plans at the last minute because of some business deal that came up. The more I thought about it, the more I knew those were just lies to see my sister or some other woman who may have been in his sights. As I sat down on the couch and brought my knees to my chest, I realized that I didn’t even know why I got so mad at Luke. I know he was only trying to help, and yelling at him wasn’t right. It’s hard for him to understand the dysfunction of a family when his is so perfect. I jumped up off the couch and ran to the door; I needed to apologize. As I pulled open the door, I saw Luke leaned up against the wall and staring at me. I threw my arms around him as fast as I could.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean anything I said. Please forgive me,” I begged, tears forming quickly in my eyes.
“Shh, babe, it’s alright,” he said as he held me tight. “I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to push you.”
I looked at him as he brushed my hair out of my face and gently kissed my lips. “Does this mean that we get to have make-up sex?” he asked.
I lightly laughed as I pulled him into my apartment, and he kicked the door shut with his foot. He broke our kiss long enough to lift my shirt over my head. A low growl came from the back of his throat when he saw I wasn’t wearing a bra. As he unbuttoned my shorts and slid them off my hips, he pushed me up against the wall.
“I don’t think we’re making it to the bedroom,” he said breathlessly.
“I don’t think we are either.” I smiled.
As Luke wrapped his mouth around my breast, I unbuttoned his jeans and slid them off his hips, wrapping my hand around his cock and feeling the extreme hardness against my palm. My body shuddered as he dipped one finger into me and then another. I tilted my head back as his lips traveled up to my collarbone, licking and light sucking my skin, sending intense vibrations throughout my body. As he lifted me up, I wrapped my legs around his waist, and he entered me with a long, hard thrust. My body tightened when his thrusts became accelerated, and I found myself moving my body with his as his tongue traveled from my neck, down my jawline, to my chin, and finally, to my lips. Our breathing became shallow, and our hearts were racing as we moved in-sync and our taut bodies gave way to the inevitable pleasure of release we both desperately wanted. Luke buried his face into my neck as he tried to catch his breath.
“I love you, Lily,” he whispered.
“I love you too, Luke,” I replied as tears filled my eyes.
He looked at me and softly kissed each eye. “No tears.”
I smiled as I unwrapped my legs from his waist, and he gently lowered me down. Luke pulled up his boxers and jeans. As he handed me my clothes, I heard my phone chiming. I quickly got dressed, and I walked over to where my phone sat, noticing there was text message from Sam:
“Is everything good between the two of you? Because the wall was vibrating, and if it wasn’t from the two of you, then it had to be a minor earthquake!”
I couldn’t help but laugh out loud as Luke walked over, and I handed him my phone. He shook his head and responded back:
“Dude, don’t you have anything better to do than listen to us have sex?”
Luke grinned when he read Sam’s reply:
“Bro, when a fucking picture falls off the wall, what the hell do you want me to think?”
“I’m going to go change,” I said as I walked towards the bedroom.
“And I’m coming to watch.” Luke smirked as he followed behind.
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door, and he quickly turned around to answer it. “I’ll get it, babe, it’s probably Sam.”
Just as I pulled my white sundress from my closet, my body started to tremble at the familiar voice I heard in the next room, my heart beat out of control, and my hands began to shake. I took in a deep breath before walking into the living area and facing my mother for the first time in over a year. I stopped dead in my tracks as I saw her standing there, staring at me.
“Hello, Lily,” she said in a mild-mannered tone.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” I asked; then turning to Luke, I put my hand up and said, “If you tell me to watch my mouth, you’re out of here.”
“I wasn’t going to say anything,” Luke said as he stood by my side.
She stood there in her beige pant suit, looking at me. Her long, brown-dye
d hair still looked the same, but her face had aged quite a bit.
“I’ve missed you so much, baby girl.”
“Don’t you ever call me that!” I said sternly as I put up my finger in disgust.
“Please, let’s talk. It’s been far too long, and I want to talk to my daughter.”
“Maybe you should have thought about that before you let me spend a year planning a wedding with a lying, cheating bastard!”
Suddenly, out of nowhere, Luke spoke up, “I think that both of you need to get everything out in the open, but here’s not the place because it’s too easy to start screaming and yelling. I’m taking the both of you out to lunch to a restaurant, where you will do nothing but embarrass yourselves if you raise your voice. That way you can talk calmly.”
“Thank you, Luke,” my mother said.
“If you think for one second I’m going anywhere with that woman, then you’re delusional!” I yelled.
“Come on, babe, we need to talk,” he said as he lightly took hold of my arm and led me to the bedroom. “We’ll be right back, Mary,” he said.
As we walked into the bedroom, Luke pulled me into an embrace. “Listen to me, if you ever want her to leave you alone, then you need to talk things out with her. Just listen to her; ask her questions, get your answers, and then be done with it. If you still want nothing to do with her after you talk, then you can walk away with no regrets.”
“I can’t, Luke. You don’t understand,” I said as I began to tremble.
Instantly, he broke our embrace and placed his hands on each side of my face. “Close your eyes, and take in a deep breath, babe.”
I did what he said; then I slowly opened my eyes. “Feeling better?” he asked.
I nodded my head, and he kissed me on the lips. “I’ll be there with you. I’ll be there for you, and I’ll be there to catch you if you fall. You’ve suffered enough, and you need to do this. Ok?”
“Fine, I’ll go. Just let me get myself together,” I said.
“That’s my girl.” He smiled, kissed me on the head, and walked out of the room.
***
Luke pulled into the parking lot of a restaurant called The Garden Bistro. I was still unsure about this, but I had Luke there to help through it if things got rough. We walked into the restaurant and were promptly seated at a table. I stopped to see which seat my mother was taking because I didn’t want to sit next to her; then I took the seat across. As the waitress greeted us and handed us our menus, she asked us for our drink orders.
“I’ll have a melon ball, please.” I smiled.
Luke looked at me with knitted eyebrows and then looked at the waitress. “Doesn’t that have vodka in it?” he asked her.
“Yes, it does,” the waitress replied.
“No melon ball for her. She’ll have a glass of red wine.”
I looked at him, cocked my head, and then looked up at the waitress. “Just bring the bottle, please,” I said as I sighed.
I looked across the table at my mother as our eyes met and she took that opportunity to begin her sad attempts at changing my mind about her. “I miss you, Lily. You have no idea how hard this has been for me since you left.”
I felt the fire starting to rev up in my body. “This has been hard on you?” I asked as I raised my voice, and Luke grabbed my hand. I took in a deep breath because I wasn’t going to embarrass myself or him. I made a promise to him, and I was going to keep that promise. Just as I was getting ready to speak, the waitress set the glass and bottle of wine down on the table. Luke grabbed the bottle, pouring some into my glass. I took a sip and asked my mother the question that I’ve wanted the answer to, “Ok, mother. Why? Why didn’t you tell me about Brynn and Hunter?”
She looked down at her glass that held her gin and tonic. “They both promised me they’d end it, and I thought that they had. You already had trust issues with men, and I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“Once a cheater, always a cheater. You of all people should know that!” I spat.
I could see the tears beginning to form in her eyes. Luke looked over at me. “Lily,” he said.
“What? It’s the truth. Dad promised you that he wouldn’t see other women, but he did anyway, and he did it until the day he died. I remember walking past your bedroom almost every night and hearing you cry yourself to sleep. How could you live like that? How could you want that life for me, your own daughter?”
Mary took in a sharp breath. “You put up with certain things when someone is your life and consumes you. I know Hunter loved you, and that’s why I didn’t tell you. You deserved to have a good man love you after what your father put you through.”
As I couldn’t comprehend where she was coming from, I blankly stared at her. “I have a question for you mother, and I want you to be honest with me… Are you on drugs?”
“Lillian Grace Gilmore! How dare you speak to me like that!” she spat in a loud enough voice that managed to turn a couple of heads.
“Lillian?” Luke smiled as he asked.
“I was named after my grandmother. Be warned that you are never to call me that!” I said sternly as I held up a finger to him.
The waitress walked over with our food and sat our plates down in front of us as I got ready to spit fire back at my mother.
“Brynn misses you; she’s torn up over everything that has happened,” she said calmly.
I finished the last of my wine, grabbed the bottle, and poured more into my glass. “She’s broken up? What about me? Don’t you even care how this has affected me? Why is everything about you and Brynn? What about my feelings and what happened to me? Jesus Christ, Mother, sometimes I think we aren’t even cut from the same cloth.”
She looked at me, and a single tear fell from her eye as she quietly spoke, “We aren’t.”
In that instant, every part of me froze. My pulse starting racing, and I felt my throat constricting.
“What the hell, Mary!” Luke said as he looked at her.
As I glanced at Luke, I got up from my seat. “I need to get out of here,” I said as I grabbed my purse and ran out of the restaurant.
I had only made it to the parking lot when I needed to stop to try and catch my breath. My legs felt like lead, and they didn’t want to move anymore. My stomach was tied in knots, and I wanted to vomit. Luke came up behind me, placing his arms around me, but I broke away from him.
“Don’t, because if you do, I’ll lose it, Luke, and I can’t lose it!” I started raising my voice.
Suddenly, I heard my mother’s voice in the distance. “She was only seventeen years old and a baby herself.”
As I started to take a few steps forward, I stopped and turned around. With sarcasm I responded, “Let me guess…you swooped in and saved the day!”—raising my voice—“Or better yet, her life!
“The two of you aren’t going to do this in the middle of the parking lot,” Luke snapped. “Get in the Jeep, and we’ll go back to the apartment where you two can talk about this.”
As much as I hated her at this moment, I needed to hear everything she had to say. I couldn’t spend the rest of my life wondering about the truth Mary had kept hidden all these years. As hard and painful as it was going to be, I needed some answers.
“Luke’s right. Let’s go back to my apartment; I want to hear about what a lie my life has been.”
The three of us climbed into the Jeep, and Luke drove us back to my apartment.
29
We walked into my apartment, and I immediately took out a bottle of wine. As I was taking a glass from the cupboard, my mother looked at me and said, “You seem to drink a lot. Do you have a drinking problem?”
I gasped as I set the glass on the counter. “Considering everything I’ve been through in my life, I should have one.”
She shook her head and sat down at the table. Luke sat down across from her, and I stayed at the kitchen counter.
“So, go ahead and tell me how my whole life’s been a lie,” I said.
She cleared her throat as she began to speak. “I had some problems, and the doctors told me that I would never be able to conceive a child. You have no idea how much that devastated me, because the only thing I wanted was a child with Johnny. I started drinking a lot, I stayed in bed all day, and I isolated myself from the world. One night, Johnny came home with this seventeen- year-old girl, Allison. He told me she was pregnant with his child, and that she’d agreed to give us the baby. Her mother was a prostitute and a drug addict, and her father had run off after she was born. She could barely take care of herself, let alone a child. So, Johnny paid for her medical care and after you were born, he gave her money to start a new life.”
Her eyes filled with tears as she continued. “I know you’re probably to going ask me why I stayed after that. It was because of you, Lily. I may not have given birth to you, but you were my baby, my daughter, and you were a part of Johnny, which made you even more special.”
I gulped before throwing back my glass of wine. I closed my eyes and Luke got up from the table and walked over to me.
“Lily, are you alright?” he asked as he put his hand on top of mine.
“I raised you, Lily. You’re my daughter, and you cannot say otherwise! I loved you and nurtured you. I took care of you when you were sick, and I was there for you when you cried, while your father was out playing his shows and having sex with any woman that looked his way.”
Luke tightened the grip on my hand. “Mary, I think Lily’s heard enough.”
As I removed my hand from his, I looked at him. “It’s ok, Luke. Let’s go sit down.”
I walked over to the table and sat across from my mother as I actually had a moment where I felt incredibly sorry for her. “Mom, please just tell me why you were going to let me marry Hunter if you knew about him and Brynn. All I want is an honest answer.”
Mary looked at me with pursed lips as she tilted her head. I could see the pain in her eyes as she spoke to me. “You seemed happy with Hunter, and I couldn’t ruin that for you. All I wanted was for you to be happy. I know I was wrong, and I should have told you when I first found out,” she said as she shook her head.