CHAPTER 29
RILEY
My doorbell rang an hour after Brady left. No one ever came to the door. I was hoping it wasn’t Brady and he had made it to school without getting into a fistfight with his father.
Bryony ran to the door, her face all lit up with excitement. She wasn’t used to company either, and this was going to be the highlight of her morning. Other than the fact that Brady had been sleeping on the sofa when she woke up.
I didn’t actually know the pretty brunette at my door, but I knew of her. She was Brady’s cousin. The girl who came to Lawton not talking and was now the reason West Ashby wasn’t a complete dickhead.
“Hello,” I said, knowing already why she was here. Brady’s return home hadn’t gone well this morning. It was after eight and she should be at school.
“Hi, Riley?” she said, making sure she had the right person.
“Yes,” I replied.
“I’m sorry for coming over like this, but I’m Maggie, Brady’s cousin. And I know he slept here last night. That’s not my business, but the scene I witnessed this morning has me concerned for him.”
I stepped back and waved a hand for her to come inside. Bryony was by my side, peeking up at her from around my leg.
“Come on in,” I told her.
She walked in and smiled down at Bryony.
“I wike your haywah,” Bryony said shyly.
“Thank you. I like yours too. I always wanted blond curls. You have beautiful ones.”
Bryony beamed at her. She loved her blond curls too. She often sat in front of the mirror just to brush them.
“My mother said she called the house and let Mrs. Higgens know Brady was here last night.”
Maggie nodded. “Yes, but he’s never done that before, and he smelled like beer. Which I’m fairly certain he’s smelled like before.” She paused and handed me what looked like a cake she was holding. “Aunt Coralee sent this. She said she’d been meaning to bring one over herself.”
I took the cake from her. I couldn’t tell her anything. This was Brady’s to tell. Not mine. “Tell her thank you for me,” I replied.
“I’m not here to ask you to tell me what’s going on. I just need to know if he’s okay,” Maggie said.
I could answer that. “No, he’s not.”
Maggie frowned. “I was afraid of that. Things weren’t good between him and Uncle Boone. But I’ve never seen them that way. I just don’t know how to help.”
She couldn’t. No one could.
“Trust me when I tell you that you can’t help him. He’s got to do this alone. If he needs to open up, he will; otherwise just let him be.”
She nodded. “Okay. I get that. Better than most, I guess. But I did need someone. West became my someone. I think everyone needs someone.” She paused and looked directly at me. “I hope you’re his.”
I did too. “If I am, I won’t let him down.”
She smiled and looked back at the door. “I’m late for school. I guess I need to leave before my uncle is upset with me, too. Thanks for talking. It was nice to finally meet you,” she said, then turned her attention to Bryony. “It was nice to meet you, too.”
Bryony smiled brightly up at her. Then ducked behind my legs.
We said good-byes, and I closed the door behind Maggie. She was sweet, beautiful, and she obviously got the “not to be intrusive” thing. Brady was lucky to have her in his home with him. It would help when he was ready to open up.
“Can you go to Miller’s and get me a pound of sugar? I think I’m gonna make some of my cherry cobbler for Lyla,” Grandmamma said, smiling down at Bryony. Today Bryony was going to be my mother as a child again. We didn’t have these days every day, but today Grandmamma had called her Lyla three times already. Bryony always seemed confused but had stopped arguing with her about her name.
“Sure,” I told her. “Why don’t we go see if your talk shows are on yet. I think it’s time for Dr. Phil,” I told her.
“I need to feed Thomas first,” she argued.
“Let Bryo . . .” I paused and corrected myself. “Let Lyla do that. You know she loves to.”
Grandmamma thought about it a minute, then nodded. “That’s a good idea. She needs responsibility. Never hurt anyone.”
I winked at Bryony when we had to play pretend with Grandmamma. She blinked hard with both eyes because she couldn’t wink yet. Grinning, I turned on the television for Grandmamma and Bryony headed to the kitchen to pretend to feed a cat that didn’t exist.
“I want Wywa appasauce,” she said quietly when we got to the kitchen. On the days she was confused for Lyla, Grandmamma always gave her applesauce. It had been my mother’s favorite snack as a baby. Bryony had figured this out.
“Okay,” I replied, setting the cake down, then lifted her up into her high chair.
My mind was on Brady, though. He was facing school and friends with his soul shattered. Holding a secret like that had to feel like the weight of the world was on him. I couldn’t be strong for him, though. No one could. He had to find that in himself. At least he wasn’t alone.
“Do I like Dr. Phil?” Grandmamma called from the living room.
This was a bad day. Some days were better than others. Today she was confused about everything. I walked to the door and looked in on her. “Yes. He’s brilliant and will have all kinds of good tips for you.”
She nodded and covered her legs with the afghan we kept on the sofa. She had made it years ago. “He’s a handsome thing, ain’t he?” she commented. She said this every day when she watched him.
“Yes,” I agreed, grinning, then stepped back to the kitchen to pour Bryony some applesauce. I was sure I would be told to go get some more at Miller’s for Lyla later today.
“Go pawk?” Bryony asked.
“Yes, we will go later today, after your nap,” I assured her. It was getting colder every day, and I dreaded when we couldn’t go to the park anymore. Bryony needed a swing here at home, so she could go to the backyard and enjoy herself for shorter amounts of time. The biting cold that was to come would keep us from walking to the park. She would hate that.
This Was the Only Weapon I Had
CHAPTER 30
BRADY
Nash Lee was sitting in the desk next to mine when I walked into class. He wasn’t grinning like normal. Which meant I was about to get drilled about not being at workout this morning. West was the only one who didn’t mention it, and I had Maggie to thank for that. Everyone else was worried I was sick. That damn game was all they could think about.
“You good?” Nash asked as I sat down beside him. Same exact question I’d heard from Gunner, Asa, and Ryker. No, I was not fucking good. I’d never be fucking good again.
“Yeah,” I lied, not saying anything else. I never missed a practice or a workout. They all had at some point. So why couldn’t I miss one without the damn inquisition?
“Coach was worried.”
Coach had been waiting on me the moment I walked in the door this morning. I was aware he was worried. He, too, thought I was sick. He was ready to send me home to rest. A place where I didn’t want to be. A place full of lies and deceit.
My father hadn’t been there when I’d come out of the bathroom this morning. I’d almost expected him to be, but he had left for work. My mom had looked beyond worried, but I couldn’t explain any of this to her. I wasn’t sure how I ever would.
“You just never miss.” Nash stated the obvious.
“I did today” was the only response he was getting. Jesus, couldn’t they all back off? I didn’t drill them when they missed. I respected their privacy.
Where was my respect, dammit?!
“Rifle said he saw your truck at Riley Young’s. He was whispering it to Hunter, and I shut it down. That shit ain’t true, but they’re spreading crap and I wanted you to know. I can handle it if you want.”
Rifle Hannon was a sophomore and didn’t even know the real details about two years ago. He’d been in
middle school, for crying out loud. He might be a good tight end, but he needed to keep his mouth fucking shut about me if he wanted playing time.
“I was there. But it’s no one’s fucking business,” I said, looking straight ahead. Nash was my friend, but I was past caring what everyone thought of me. Of my choices. They sure acted as they pleased. Got drunk at the field party, fucked around with girls at school, took nothing seriously but football. I was tired of being the good one. I wasn’t trying to make my dad proud anymore. I did not give one fuck.
“Gunner won’t take that well,” Nash said, as if I needed reminding.
I turned to him then and made sure he saw the look on my face. The one telling him just how many fucks I did not give. “I don’t need Gunner’s permission for shit.”
Nash’s eyes went wide and he nodded. I was surprising them all. And I didn’t care. My team’s feelings were no longer important to me. Friday night wasn’t important to me. After the game wasn’t important to me. My family was a joke. My mom, who deserved a man to love her and be good to her, was the only real thing in my life. That and my friendship with Riley. The others could kiss my ass.
When the class started, Nash thankfully fell silent and I tried to focus on what was being said and not ways to handle my father’s sins. By the time it ended, I wasn’t sure what the assignment was or anything we learned. My head wasn’t there. It was at my dad’s office, where he’d ruined my life.
I attempted to make it through the next class, and when it was a replica of the first one I gave up and walked out the front door to my truck. I headed for the park. At some point Riley and Bryony would be there, and I’d be waiting. It was the only place I could go.
Gunner would hear about Riley before the day was over. I didn’t care. He could get angry all he wanted. Fact was, his brother was a douche bag and needed to be called out for what he’d done. I wasn’t protecting that asshole anymore. If Gunner wanted to, then fine. His brother had fucked him over too. And I understood that shit about family coming first, but if I could hate my father for his sins, then Gunner could hate his brother and recognize the fact that he’d lied.
My phone lit up and I glanced down to see West’s name on the screen. Picking it up, I read, You need me?
I’d say he wouldn’t understand. I could throw the phone down and say fuck it and ignore him. But he’d lost his dad recently and that hadn’t been easy. He understood pain. He’d lived through it before me. I got why he kept it to himself now. Not having to talk about it was easier.
No. But thanks, I replied, then drove out of the parking lot. I wasn’t hungry and doubted I would be again.
Here if you need me was his response.
I appreciated that. But I wouldn’t need him. I needed my dad to be the man he pretended to be. I needed my dad not to have fucked that blond woman. That’s what I fucking needed.
The park was only four miles from the school. I parked and waited in my truck. It was only noon, and I knew it was after lunch and Bryony’s nap that they came here. But I had nowhere else to go. I laid my head back and closed my eyes. Silence was good. Here I had no questions and I wasn’t expected to perform.
Friday night I wasn’t sure I could play. My heart wasn’t in it and I no longer cared. The idea of how angry my dad would be made me want to skip it. Just leave town and hide. Make him feel some pain. Some disappointment. It was nothing compared to what I was dealing with.
Problem with that was I would let others down. West, who never missed a game, even while his dad was dying. My mom, who was my biggest fan. My coach, who had worked with me since junior high and believed in me. This town. Although it wasn’t perfect, they weren’t all to blame. That was all on my father.
I’d play the game. But winning it was another matter altogether. I didn’t think I had it in me. My drive for success was gone. I feared it always would be. My dad had made my life about him. I wanted to let him down. I wanted to destroy him like he’d destroyed me. This was the only weapon I had.
But could I hurt others to use it?
For the Moment
CHAPTER 31
RILEY
Brady’s truck was the first thing I noticed when Bryony and I strolled up to the park entrance. He was supposed to be in school. This wasn’t a good sign. Bryony pointed at his truck, remembering it, then waved as if he could see her.
I wasn’t sure if I should walk over to him or just go into the park. We were a secret, I thought. But at this point maybe we weren’t anymore. Or maybe he didn’t care. If he didn’t care, that meant he was giving up on the game. The championship. I got where his head was. I understood it, but he’d regret that later. I had regrets and I wished I didn’t. I wished someone had helped me see things differently.
I went ahead and took Bryony into the park. Brady could come talk to me if that was his choice. We needed to talk. Especially if he was giving up on his dream. But talking here wasn’t the best idea. Putting Bryony in his truck and riding around wasn’t happening either.
I bent down and let Bryony out of the stroller, and she squealed with delight and headed for the small slide she loved so much. I took my normal seat on the bench closest to the slide and watched her, although my thoughts were with that truck parked outside the gate.
Footsteps let me know he was headed my way, so I turned to see him. He looked lost. Defeated. Confused. And I wanted to just hug him. A guy like Brady with the life of dreams he had lived so far wasn’t emotionally prepared for this turn of events. It was unfair, but then so was life. Finding that out sooner rather than later would help him. It may not feel like it at the moment, but one day he’d understand.
“School too much?” I asked as he stopped beside me then sat down.
“Yeah” was his response.
I didn’t say more. He had come here looking for me. That was obvious. If he wanted to sit in silence, we could do that, too. Whatever worked. He knew what he needed.
“I can’t focus enough to play Friday night.”
I had been afraid of this.
“But all I can think is, West played when his dad was dying of cancer. He played when his heart was breaking. How can I not do the same? For him if no one else?”
“I think you just answered yourself. West is your best friend. You respect him. He didn’t let the team down when his world was falling apart.” I didn’t add and neither will you because he had to make that decision.
We sat in silence for a few minutes. He was thinking. I let him.
When he finally spoke, he leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees. “I want to hurt my dad. This would hurt him.”
As much as I understood that, I also understood regret. Something Brady didn’t know about yet, but he would eventually. “Is hurting your dad more important than not letting West down? The team? Yourself?”
He ran his hands over his face and groaned. “No. They don’t deserve that.”
I agreed with him completely.
“Then you know what you have to do. There isn’t really a question. It’s how will you focus on the game and do it? You need to figure that out.”
He turned his head and looked at me. “Will you come? I’m going to need you after the game.”
I hadn’t been to a game in two years. I wasn’t sure this was a good idea. “The others, the town, they won’t like it.”
“I don’t care what they like. If you’re there, I can win. I can remember what is important. But I need you there.”
Facing this town and all the people in it wasn’t terrifying anymore. I wasn’t the same young girl they had run off. I was strong and I knew the truth. To me that was all that mattered. They could believe what they wanted.
“Will my being there hurt the game because of the others?”
He shook his head. “I’ll have West, and if we need to, the two of us can win that game.”
Then I’d go. “I’ll be there.”
He let out a sigh, and a smile that didn’t really meet his eyes curle
d on his lips. “Thanks. That’s going to help.”
I wanted to know how he’d handled his dad this morning, but if he wasn’t going to talk about it I wasn’t going to ask. He needed his space and I was there to give it to him. I would only enter the space he needed me to.
“I cursed at my dad today. More than once.”
No wonder Maggie had come over. I thought about telling him, but I didn’t. She could tell him if she wanted him to know. I wasn’t getting involved in the family dynamics.
“I’d say you could sit with Maggie, but she’ll sit with my parents. I don’t want to see my dad when I look at you.”