The crowd was roaring with excitement, and I was immersed in the smell of popcorn and hot dogs. Tonight was more exciting than last week. This was it. The end and their chance to win the State title. I wanted that for all of them, but I really wanted it for Brady.
I kept scanning the crowd for his father. I knew he had told his father he didn’t want him there, but I was worried he may show up anyway. This was the biggest game in Brady’s life so far. I knew his father would want to be here. Not that he deserved to be here but that he would want to be.
“I’m watching for him too,” Maggie whispered in my ear. “If you spot him, tell me quietly and I’ll go handle it.”
I nodded. Neither of us wanted Coralee to know what we were talking about. She had been excited today. Talking about the game and how hard Brady and the boys had worked to get here.
I hadn’t realized they’d all been through so much. West had lost his dad at the first of the football season to cancer, Gunner had found out his father wasn’t his father but his brother and in turn lost most of his family, and Brady had caught his father in an affair. Three starting seniors who had grown up playing ball together and building dreams all faced something hard, yet here they stood, about to play for the state championship.
I wanted it for them. So did the rest of this crowd. Cowbells were being rung. Cheerleaders were already starting up, and banners were everywhere. I tried not to let it get to me when I saw signs in the crowd that said I LOVE HIGGENS, BRADY HIGGENS IS MY HERO, and the worst one yet: MARRY ME BRADY.
I figured this was just the beginning of all that. He’d be playing for an SEC crowd next year and the female adoration would increase. Yet today . . . he’d told me he loved me.
My heart fluttered in my chest at the memory, and I wanted that. I wanted Brady. What we could have. But winter was almost here. Soon spring would come, and then with its end he would graduate and things would change once again.
“I’m not sure my nerves can handle this,” Willa said, looking over at us nervously. “And to think two months ago I didn’t care a thing about football.”
Maggie laughed. “I know what you mean.”
The three of us had changed too. Each for different reasons. Maggie and Willa had also fallen in love, but they had plans. They would go to college with their boyfriends. Build their life together. They didn’t have a daughter that came first before anything else.
It made falling in love much more complicated for me. I had been trying to protect myself, and my heart had just gone on ahead and done what it pleased. But then, Brady Higgens was hard not to love. He made it just about impossible.
Coralee reached over and squeezed my hand. “He’s looking for you,” she said.
I turned my attention to the field and Brady was there staring up at us. I waved and he blew me a kiss before running to the field house with the rest of the team. Warm-ups were over. This would all be starting soon.
“I like you so much more than Ivy,” Maggie said. “I did like the brownies, but they did not make up for her endless pointless chatter about stupid things.”
Smiling, I wrapped my arms around myself as if to keep warm from the cold wind, when I was actually holding in the warmth that being accepted created inside me. I hadn’t expected acceptance here, yet I was getting it. All because Brady Higgens had chosen to believe me. He held a power that most didn’t have and he’d used his power for good. In my world, that made him a superhero. If this town had one, it would be Brady.
Not because he was a star quarterback but because his heart was big. He wasn’t perfect, and he had made mistakes, but at the end of the day if he had to make a choice, he tried his best to make the right one. Even if it hurt to do it. That was superhero status in my book.
“Not sure what he’d have done without you through all this,” Coralee said beside me, her voice laced with emotion. “For him to see what he did and deal with it through the toughest two games of his high school career seems impossible. Him having you has made the difference. You give him strength. I have seen it this week.”
I didn’t think I’d given him anything but an ear and some advice. Because I knew what having your world fall apart felt like. Brady was strong before I came along. But if I had any part in his making it through all this, then maybe I was a superhero too. Smiling, I reached for my soda and took a sip.
“Ivy seems to have a new interest,” Willa said, pointing to the field at the sign Ivy was holding up: GET US STATE, RYKER!
I wondered if Ryker knew he was next for her. Maybe he wanted to be. She was beautiful, and she was the head cheerleader. Ivy had always been the good girl and a little overly sweet. But if she was moving on, then I was happy for her.
“Anyone want a hot dog? The smell is getting to me,” Maggie said, standing up.
“I do,” Coralee said.
I did too. I stood up. “I’ll go with you.”
Willa shook her head. “No, thanks. Too nervous to eat.”
“Want another drink?” Maggie asked her.
“I’m good for now.”
We headed down the stairs and toward the concession stand. It seemed all very normal, like I belonged here. I guessed I did now. Actually I always had. Just because others hadn’t accepted me hadn’t made me less of a person.
“I know Brady has already said this, but thanks for this week. Your bringing Bryony to visit has helped Aunt Coralee.”
I wondered if anyone had asked Maggie how she was doing. “How have you been through all this?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. He’s my uncle, but until I moved here I didn’t know him that well. I spent more time with Aunt Coralee than with him. Now I know why he was rarely home.” She winced. “I’m stronger than Brady because I’ve already lived through a nightmare.”
Oh God, Save Me from the Mushy Shit
CHAPTER 52
BRADY
It was over.
My high school football jersey had seen its last game.
The smell of the fresh-cut grass, the night air cooling my overheated skin.
Next to me, the guys I’d been playing ball with since I was a kid.
This was it. It’d ended, but it wasn’t like I had always imagined it would.
West and Gunner were at my side, the crowd’s cheering was loud enough to be heard for miles, and the victory we had always planned on was in our hands.
But I wouldn’t be celebrating with my father tonight, or any night.
He wouldn’t be there when I walked off this field. He wouldn’t share in the end of an era. We wouldn’t hug and he wouldn’t slap my back and tell me good game. We wouldn’t rejoice in the three touchdowns that had made us winners tonight.
He wasn’t even here. Because he’d made a choice to rip us apart. He wasn’t the man I’d thought he was. With tonight’s dream coming true, another one was dead.
I didn’t have a father to be proud of. I looked to West at my left and thought about how he felt right now. His dad would be thrilled. I knew he was wishing he could be here now. That he had been able to live to see this night.
Then I turned to Gunner, who had never really had a father. He had lived a life of the wealthy rich kid who no one gave any attention to. All along chasing his own dreams. We were all three fatherless now for different reasons, but through it we had become men.
“We did it,” West said as we watched the rest of the team jump all over one another and pour the Gatorade over Coach’s head in celebration. I always thought it would be the three of us doing that. It was the younger guys, though. The ones who had their own dreams to chase.
“What happens now?” Gunner asked what we were all thinking in some form or another.
“We live life,” I replied.
That was the only answer I had.
“I wouldn’t have been able to do this with anyone else. We have memories that can’t be replaced out here.”
I guess all guys go through a form of nostalgia in their life. Ours was happen
ing right there on the field we had snuck out to when we were kids and dreamed about this night. All those plans and dreams had happened, just not the exact way we imagined they would.
“I’m guessing you won’t be marrying Selena Gomez now.” West smirked, looking over at me. That had been one of my dreams after winning State back when I was in middle school and we planned this night.
“Yeah, I’ve moved on from Selena. Not my type.”
Gunner chuckled. “Damn, we’ve changed a lot since then.”
Yes, we had.
“You gonna tell us why Boone wasn’t here and what happened last week?” Gunner asked. I’d expected this question. At least from these two. They’d noticed.
They were my two best friends. I’d been through life with them. We had grown together and watched one another take turns and face tragedy. It was time I told them the truth.
“Caught him with another woman. He told Mom last week after I confronted him, and he moved out this weekend. I don’t want to see him,” I said matter-of-factly. The emotion behind the words was void now. Although the pain still sliced through me.
“Damn,” West muttered.
“Fuck,” Gunner said at the same time.
Both of those replies were correct. “Yeah,” I agreed.
“How’s Coralee holding up?” West asked. He loved my mother like his own.
“It’s been tough” was all I said.
Gunner put his arm around my shoulders. He didn’t say anything. It was his way of letting me know he was there. I wasn’t alone.
“Life sure throws you shit,” West said, as if he still couldn’t believe it.
It did. But it also threw you good things. Like friends, football, and someone to love you and show you the way to heal.
Glancing over to the stands, I saw Riley with Maggie and Willa. They were all watching us and waiting. They weren’t rushing the field like the others. It was our time, and they knew we needed it. This year was halfway over. We would all graduate and move on in a few short months. But we had been lucky enough to find a reason to fight through the bad and come out on the other side.
“Last postgame field party. The night’s not over yet,” West said with a smile.
It was a two-hour drive back, and we’d all be exhausted when we returned, but tonight we had one last memory to make. There would never be another postgame field party for the three of us. The others had more time. It wasn’t ending for them. They weren’t moving on. Next year there would be new seniors. Asa, Ryker, and Nash would be the ones leading this team. They would still have the field party, and their lives would be here in Lawton.
Our era was over, and I once thought I’d be sad when it finally happened. Part of me hated to see it go, but the other part knew I had a world out there waiting on me. More memories to make and more dreams to chase.
Turning my attention back to Riley, I knew that she was in that future. I just had to figure out how to make it work and convince her it would. She was made for me. And now that I had her I wasn’t going to lose her.
“Does next year scare the shit out of you?” Gunner asked.
“Yeah,” both West and I said in unison.
We all laughed and I motioned my head toward the girls. “But we have them. And I don’t know about y’all, but if I can be promised Riley will stay with me through it all, I’m not nearly as scared.”
Gunner stopped walking, “Shit. You’re already in love.”
I held her gaze. “She’s really easy to love.”
West groaned. “Oh God, save me from the mushy shit.”
I slapped the back of his head. “Don’t act like you’ve not been mushy before. And I had to watch it happen with my cousin.”
“He’s got a point,” Gunner agreed.
We walked toward the girls and they entered the gate and met us halfway. This was a much better dream than the one I’d come up with when we were twelve. Much better.
It Was a Part of My Story
CHAPTER 53
Four months later . . .
RILEY
Spring break hadn’t been a week for me and Brady to spend together. It had been a week for him to go to the University of Alabama and be given a tour of the college he would be attending the next four—or five years, if he got redshirted. I was happy for him, and watching his dream come true was amazing, yet it meant he was closer to leaving me. Leaving Lawton. His life would change.
So would mine.
I had finished my online high school career two weeks ago, and I was applying for jobs in Nashville. It was only a one-hour drive, and until I could afford a place for me and Bryony to live, I was going to pay a sitter here in Lawton and work in Nashville while attending Nashville State Community College. They offered many online classes, so with my parents’ help I could make it work with Bryony.
Talking about all this with Brady hadn’t really come up. Christmas had been difficult for him because of his father’s absence. In late January he had agreed to have dinner with his father, and although he wasn’t forgiving his dad he agreed to once-a-month dinners. Nothing more.
The divorce was final at the first of this month. That had been another hard time for Brady and his mom. It had been the real end.
With all that going on in his life, I didn’t want to bring up my plans. They would just remind us that our time was coming to a close. June would roll around and he’d be leaving at the end of it for Tuscaloosa. I would then begin preparing my new life. My new job, whatever it may be.
I had applied as a bank teller, as a receptionist for several lawyers’ and doctors’ offices, and I had also applied for a job at the Nashville State Community College library. It would give me a discount on my tuition if I got that job that would make up for the fact that it was less pay.
Waiting to get a job was the hard part. I had two interviews next week. One with a family law office and another with a pediatrician’s office. My parents were being very supportive and helpful. They even offered to pay half the day-care costs for Bryony. She was going to love being with other kids during the day. Reminding myself of that was the only way I could handle the idea of being away from her all day.
All of this was something I needed to talk to Brady about. He was coming home tonight. He was planning on me and Bryony eating dinner with him, his mom, and Maggie. Bryony loved going to see Ms. Coralee. She was already asking me when we would go over there.
I was ready to see Brady. I’d missed him this week, but the absence had just been a taste of what was to come. He talked as if we would stay together when he left. But I knew that wasn’t going to happen. I couldn’t do that. It would hurt too much. Being with him made me happy. However, lately I stayed sad thinking of the future.
I didn’t want to live sad. Breaking it off and moving on was the only way I would be able to heal and find happiness. Telling Brady that, however, seemed more difficult with each passing day. He’d texted me about the campus and how awesome it was. He called me every night to talk about next year and the things he couldn’t wait to show me.
In his head we would work long-distance. I would come visit when I could and our phone calls would be enough. Maybe his heart didn’t ache being apart from me. With all the excitement of the new college and the legendary football team he was going to be a part of, I tried to understand him.
It didn’t make my heart hurt less.
When I thought about life without him I would take Bryony on a walk and enjoy her. It reminded me I was a mom and I had a beautiful daughter. Feeling sorry for myself was stupid and shallow.
I glanced down at Bryony as we strolled out of the park, and her eyelids were already growing heavy. She’d played hard today. There had been several kids out enjoying the sunshine. The more she had to play with, the better, as far as she was concerned.
“Riley.” A familiar voice said my name. The timbre and who it belonged to registered in my head, but with it came panic. Something I hadn’t felt in a while. Something I never wante
d to feel again.
I inhaled sharply and reminded myself that I was strong. I wasn’t defenseless anymore. I’d known this day would come eventually. But that didn’t prepare me for it actually happening.
Lifting my gaze, I met the steel-blue eyes that were shaped so much like my daughter’s. The way his eyebrows arched and even the form of his nose looked like hers. Breathing was becoming difficult.
“Is this her?” he asked.
What did her mean exactly? Was this the daughter he’d given me unintentionally? The child he claimed wasn’t his?