“She’s not welcome here,” I say calmly. “Give our food back.”
Jocelyn shrugs. “Make me.”
I use my wand to make the food reappear.
Jocelyn zaps it and makes it disappear.
I bring the food back.
Jocelyn makes it vanish.
Appear, disappear, appear, disappear.
Finally I snap. With my wand high above my head, I lift Ollie’s giant apple pie and let the whole thing drop on Jocelyn’s head. She screams. “Score!” I shout.
“Gilly, don’t start with her,” Kayla says, growing nervous. She’s still a bit jittery around villains. I can’t say I blame her. She was blackmailed by Alva for years, forced to help the evil fairy in exchange for information on the whereabouts of her missing family. (Who are now trees. It’s complicated.)
“I’m fine!” I say, but while I’m laughing, Jocelyn is conjuring. Smack! A piece of pudding pie flies into my face.
“How does the pudding taste, Cobbler?” Jocelyn taunts. “I bet you guys could never afford pudding in your boot.”
“We can now, while you’re an orphan with an evil sister in lockup.” I shoot a cherry pie at her face. It explodes and covers her with cherries. Hee. I look to Kayla for approval, but that “orphan” comment leaves her cold. Okay, maybe that was a bit harsh. I’m so busy staring at Kayla that I don’t feel the crackle ’til it’s too late.
“My hair!” I screech as my head begins to glow for a second, then stops. I feel my hair. It’s all still there. I exhale. “Ha! Your spell didn’t work!” I sing out.
“Um, Gilly?” Ollie asks. “Did you always have a purple streak in your hair?”
I pull the front of my hair forward and gasp. A deep purple stripe is now running through my long, brown hair. Jocelyn bursts out laughing.
“Change it back!”
Jocelyn shrugs. “Can’t. I didn’t spell you. I cursed you. It can’t be undone.”
“Why you…” Zap! I send a vat of chocolate ice cream raining down on her head.
“Enough!” Ollie says as a wall of dead fish smacks him in the face, leaving a slimy trail on his light-brown skin.
“You can’t do that.” Jax sounds funny holding his nose. He quickly conjures up a massive bowl of cooked spinach, which hits Jocelyn with a loud splat.
Soon food is flying through the air like hail. Broccoli is raining from the rooftop. Mashed potatoes create walls we can use as barricades. Radishes hit Kayla in the head and give her welts. We’re so busy conjuring up food that we don’t hear the sound at first.
KABOOM!
The noise and the low rumble that follows are enough to make us all jump.
Kayla wipes stew from her hair. “What was that?” She sounds worked up.
Jocelyn spits out cherry pits that have appeared in her mouth. “Don’t get your wings twisted. I’m sure Professor Biggins just misfired a potion he was working on.”
“If there was a reason to panic, the alarms would have gone off.” I listen carefully.
KABOOM!
This time the sound is so loud that we grab each other to keep from falling.
WOO-OOH! WOO-OOH!
The school security system is going off. Seconds later, our wands disappear along with the picnic, Maxine’s swan boat, magic carpet, and my comfy clothes. My dreaded uniform is back, but that’s not my biggest concern. I know what we’re all thinking: the last time the alarm tripped was when we had a break-in from Alva.
“I’m going,” I say and head toward the courtyard door.
“So am I.” Jocelyn tries to beat me to the doorway. We each try to push the other out of the way.
I push her back. “You just want the distraction to help your sister escape the dungeons. I’m not going to let you help her!”
“Try to stop me!” Jocelyn pushes me so hard that I fall. I quickly jump up and follow her into the hallway. It’s chaos. Students are running in every direction, but I follow Jocelyn’s food-splattered dress. I can hear my friends calling me, but I don’t stop.
“Students, this is Headmistress Flora speaking.” I hear Cinderella’s formerly wicked stepmother’s voice ring out from the castle’s mirrors. “Please proceed to your dorm rooms. We have the situation under control. There is no cause for alarm.”
A hallway switches in front of me, but I dive through it and land right on top of Jocelyn. We’re somehow outside again—the new hallway leads us to the school lake.
KABOOM!
“Ouch!” Jocelyn yells as my friends fly out of yet another hallway, dropping onto the same grassy patch near the water.
“Holy shipwreck!” Ollie says, pointing to something in the distance on the water. I hear a commotion and shouting. “Duck!”
We drop to the ground just in time to see a cannonball whiz past our heads.
“Um, guys?” Kayla’s frown deepens. “What’s a pirate ship doing in the lake at Fairy Tale Reform School?”
CHAPTER 2
Ye Be a New Teacher in Town
Jocelyn and I stop fighting long enough to take in the giant pirate ship that has appeared in our school lake. The worn, wooden ship is so large it takes up almost the entire body of water. A tattered black-and-white flag bearing a skull and crossbones is flying high along another flag with a crest full of swords. Dozens of pirates race around the ship deck pulling ropes and they’re calling out orders that I can’t understand.
The mer-folk at school seem just as bewildered as we are because their heads start popping up around the lake to see what is going on. They point to the creepy serpent-headed gold figure carved into the prow of the ship, and then many disappear again below the dark waters.
“Land ho!” A pirate with a telescope yells from the ship’s crow’s nest. “We’ve arrived at Fairy Tale Reform School, captain!” A giant anchor is quickly tossed from the side of the ship and almost clocks a mer-boy in the head. Then I see a group of pirates lowering a gangplank.
“I can’t believe it.” Ollie is freaking out below me. (He’s kind of short, swarthy, and a tad stocky…much like the pirates coming off the ship.) “I really can’t believe it! Do you know whose ship that is?” he asks, starting to wind up like one of my little brother’s toys. “I’ve always wanted to see it. It’s legendary. Legendary. The pirate ship I was on is nowhere near as big as this one!”
Ollie’s in FTRS because he used magic tricks for monetary gain. (I have to say, his sleight-of-hand maneuvers are amazing.) He says he learned everything he knows from his time as a stowaway on a pirate ship, but a lot of classmates say his pirate claims are tall tales. He’s never been able to offer any actual proof that he was a short-term pirate.
“You see that large patched hole in the side of the ship?” Ollie asks. “They got hit racing away from the Royal Navy after pillaging the gold taxes the navy had collected from a port. The Brits never caught up with them, and legend has it the pirates used the gold to buy their own island.” Ollie sighs. “That pirate knows how to make things happen.”
“Who are you blabbering about?” Jocelyn snaps.
Ollie looks stunned. He points at the lake. “You mean you really don’t recognize the ship?”
The gangplank drops with a thud right in front of us. Pirates begin disembarking, swinging their swords menacingly in the air.
“Um, guys? Should we get out of here?” Maxine asks as I hear a slurp sound from behind us.
“Ah, he’s finally arrived and, of course, with much fanfare,” I hear a familiar voice say in her classic clipped tone. It’s a voice she uses right before shipping students off to detention. “I thought I told him no cannon fire on school grounds!”
Our teachers have arrived. Headmistress Flora (a.k.a. the former wicked stepmother of Cinderella who runs our school) leads the way, accompanied by Professor Wolfington (a.k.a. the Big Bad Wolf). Madame Cleo (a beautiful mermaid who is the sea siren that gave the Little Mermaid all that trouble) swims up to a nearby rock at the water’s edge.
Pro
fessor Wolfington sees me and gives a wolfish grin. “I see our new colleague has a welcome wagon. Hello, students.”
“Professor Wolfington!” Maxine says with glee. “You’re back!”
He scratches his scruffy beard, which is tame compared to his long mane of wild hair and the dark fur on his hands. “You didn’t think I’d stay away forever, did you?”
“We weren’t sure you’d be able to come back after getting all…” Maxine bears her ogre teeth and gnashes the air while making her hands like claws. “You know.”
Maxine means Professor Wolfington went full-blown Big Bad Wolf werewolf-style at the fifth anniversary ball to help save us from Alva. The rumor around school was that once our history teacher transformed to his dark side again, he could never return.
“Miss Maxine, everyone has setbacks now and then, but with discipline and reflection, we can continue on a path of virtue.” Professor Wolfington sounds like he’s reciting from our psychology textbook Wickedly Good in 30 Days or Less.
“Maxine, it is not appropriate to question your teachers,” Headmistress Flora reprimands. Flora’s tiny eyes are dark, much like the black in her black-and-white hair, which is swept up in a bun. “Professor Wolfington’s training has taught him how to bounce back from any, shall we say, wolfish situation. Not that he needs to explain himself.”
“It’s fine, Flora,” Professor Wolfington says pleasantly. “I took some time off for reflection, and now I’m back to meet my interesting new colleague.”
“What be ye all caterwauling about?” asks the heavyset pirate approaching us.
He’s dressed in a dingy jacket and ripped pants; a sparkling silver sword hangs from the leather holster on his hip. His head is covered by a beat-up pirate hat with a little skull and crossbones stamped on the front. His long, bushy hair is almost jet-black, and his full beard has several beaded braids that swing as he talks. “Wolfie, good to see you.” The two shake hands, and I notice the pirate’s fingernails are almost black. He turns to Headmistress Flora, who could not be dressed more differently than him in a button-down dress with a full petticoat.
“Flora, you sly lassie, me thinks ye didn’t give me the real tale on this school of yers,” bellows the pirate. “This castle be way bigger than ye described. Ye must have stole a few galleons along the way to build this beauty, eh?”
“I assure you, Mr. Teach, no galleons were stolen for this castle’s construction.” Headmistress Flora extends her long, slender hand to shake his dirty one. “Welcome to Fairy Tale Reform School. We’re thrilled you’ve decided to join our staff.”
He pats his full belly. “Sure. It be time I take a short break from the seas,” he says. “Too many be on me tail for me fortune.” He winks at Ollie.
“Some of which Mr. Teach has donated to Fairy Tale Reform School’s after-school activities,” Headmistress Flora says hurriedly. “Children, please meet your new psychology professor, Mr. Edward Teach.”
“Flora, don’t be so formal!” he says. “I prefer to be called Blackbeard.”
“I knew it!” Ollie says, extending his hand to shake Blackbeard’s. “It’s an honor to meet you, sir. Ollie Funklehouse, from Pete the Cheat’s crew.”
“Pete the Cheat?” Blackbeard thinks for a moment. “Never heard of him.”
“Blackbeard the pirate?” Maxine interrupts, almost stuttering. “But you’re…you’re…you’re…”
“Dangerous?” Blackbeard wipes his nose with the sleeve of his jacket, then lets out a burp so foul I want to run away. (He doesn’t say “excuse me” afterward either.) “Was a bit of a beast before,” Blackbeard says, scratching at his beard and hitting some of the beads in the process. “Depends on whom ye ask. But the lovely Madame Cleo over there showed me the error of me ways. Ain’t that right, love?” He points to the stunning mermaid I’m used to seeing inside a giant aquarium where she teaches charm classes (and moderates detention). This afternoon she’s sunning her scales on a rock.
“Eddie, you’re such a love!” Madame Cleo giggles, her tail swishing back and forth as her hair changes from blue to purple to hot pink. “I knew if I visited your ship enough times for a cup of tea, you’d see the error of your pirating ways. And he did,” she tells us, taking a starfish from the water to hold her hair in a side ponytail. “His men have seen a total change in him, which is why he makes such an excellent choice to teach students about feelings.”
“I didn’t think piracy and expressing feelings actually went together,” Jax says, and we all look at him in alarm. Is he really questioning the most fearsome pirate Enchantasia—and the world—has ever seen? “No offense,” he adds.
Blackbeard stares at my friend before he lets out a loud laugh followed by a burp.
Madame Cleo tsks. “We still have to work on his manners,” she mumbles.
Blackbeard claps his meaty hand around Jax’s back. “I like this lad! Ye’re all right, matey! Are they all this brazen?” Blackbeard asks Flora and Wolfington. “We should get along swimmingly in me classroom. I’m going to run a tight ship.”
“It’s not your classroom,” Jocelyn snaps. “It’s my sister’s.”
“Was your sister’s,” I correct her. “When you plot with a villain to destroy our royal court and try to burn down the school you work for, I assume you lose your right to teach reform school.” I look at Jax. “Am I crazy or correct?”
“Correct!” Ollie seconds.
“Miss Gillian, this is neither the time nor the place for this type of behavior!” Headmistress Flora stares at me for a moment. “And since when do you have a purple streak of hair?”
“Gillian Cobbler?” Blackbeard interrupts her. “Yer bravery be legend in these parts. Such courage for a wee lass! Ye must be part pirate!”
“Gilly?” Ollie cries, insulted. “But we all helped save—”
“Maybe I am part pirate!” I wonder aloud, a bit pleased that a pirate as famous as Blackbeard has heard of me. Wow. I’m famous! “I’ve never been very good at following the rules.” Wolfington coughs. “But I’ve never done anything evil—unlike Harlow.”
“That’s the Evil Queen you’re talking about,” Jocelyn says. “Show some respect.”
“Don’t you mean the former Evil Queen?” Jax asks innocently. “I thought Professor Harlow transformed so she could teach here. Oh, that’s right!” He claps his hand against his uniform pants. “She was secretly working for the enemy.”
Flora tries to intervene. “Children, this is not a conversation we need to bore Mr. Teach with.”
“How do we know you aren’t still working with her now?” Kayla asks, also ganging up on Jocelyn (which I’m enjoying since it’s usually the other way around). “I don’t understand why she’s still allowed to go here,” Kayla says to the headmistress. “She helped her sister capture us!”
Jocelyn’s face is purple. “Flora knows my innocence just like she knows Harlow’s.” Jocelyn appeals to Blackbeard. “Alva tricked her! Harlow is just misunderstood.”
I snort. “‘Misunderstood’ is code for ‘prone to be bad.’”
Blackbeard slaps Wolfington on the back. “What a group of scallywags. This be a fun gig! I can tell.”
Jocelyn turns her palm upward as a small swirl of purple smoke begins to spiral around her fingers. “Take that back or you’ll regret it!”
“Bring it on,” I say, courting disaster. “Show our professors why you should be locked up in a dungeon like your sister.”
“Illegal use of magic!” I hear Miri’s voice and wonder where a mirror is. Oh! I see it on that large oak tree over there, disguised as a squirrel burrow. Smart.
Jocelyn ignores Miri’s warning and aims a purple fireball at me. I don’t move. If she hits me, it will hurt, but at least Jocelyn will finally be seen as the villain-in-training I know she is.
“Gilly, duck!” Kayla cries in panic, but I won’t do it.
Instead, Maxine dives on top of me, knocking me to the ground. We watch as the fireball hits a pirate
on the gangplank who’s unloading one of Blackbeard’s trunks. The pirate yelps, dropping the trunk in the water.
“Me treasures!” Blackbeard yells.
“I’ll get them, darling,” says Madame Cleo, giving us a look. “Even if I did just apply a seaweed conditioning treatment to my hair.” She dives below the water.
“Look what you’ve done,” Jocelyn says. “You’re always thinking of you, you, you! Like you’re some hero! You just got lucky.”
Madame Cleo pops out of the water with the trunk and hands it off to a pirate who wades into the water. “I think I caught it before anything got wet.” She glares at us, her pink hair turning fiery blue. “You children should be ashamed. Failing to listen to your teacher, illegal use of magic, fighting on school grounds. Detention for everyone!”
Blackbeard’s laughter is loud and deep. “Not necessary, Madame. This group has spunk. I like it!” He grabs Jocelyn and me by the backs of our uniforms, which I hope rip because I despise these blue jumpers. “Ye two need to get this aggression out. Me thinks a duel will do nicely.”
“A duel?” Jocelyn and I say as another cannon blast echoes around us.
“Mr. Teach, I must insist we not have cannon fire on the school grounds.” Headmistress Flora sounds like she’s losing patience.
“Me men didn’t fire, Flora ol’ girl.” Blackbeard motions to the pirates scurrying by us with trunks and, alarmingly, chests full of weapons. “They all be busy getting me wares to me new quarters. The ship be empty.”
KABOOM!
Another cannonball comes whirling toward us, causing Blackbird to drop me and Jocelyn and dive onto the ground with the rest of my teachers and friends and the bewildered pirates.
“Blimey! What be those vile beasts?” Blackbeard asks.
Gargoyles! A whole mess of smelly, winged beasties are suddenly hanging from the ship rafters, climbing the crow’s nest, and swinging from the sides of the pirate ship. Their large, scaly wings flutter open and closed as the furry beasts jump up and down and fly around the ship. I hold my breath, waiting to see if they come after us. Those claws mean business.