tell Grendelmeier what happened.”
“He can’t help.”
Raj tapped his pen on his knee for a while and then opened his textbook. For several minutes, he drew triangles, wrote equations, and calculated answers using some kind of black magic that I didn’t have. I drew a flower like the one Allie drew in history class.
A faint murmur of voices came from the schoolyard. Raj leaned over the window. “Hey, there are people down there.” He stood and scanned the yard. “And an ambulance.”
I stood next to him. “Probably another broken ankle. This is why I don’t play sports. I have enough trouble getting through school without broken bones.”
“Sit down, Mr. Maddox.” Sneds walked to the window and closed the blind. He turned to the class. “Who can tell me the unknown angle in the first problem?”
I whispered, “Gordie’s been gone for a while.”
“Maybe he went home.”
“I’ll go find him.” I raised my hand and pointed at the door.
Sneds looked at me and then surveyed the room. “Anyone?”
The classroom chatter grew louder.
“Quiet please, class.”
In the row in front of us, the twins whispered to each other, staring at Maali’s phone and glancing back at us with mouths open.
I leaned forward. “What?”
Maali’s brow wrinkled, her eyes flicking between her phone and her sister. She shook her head slowly.
“What?” I demanded.
She held up her phone with the message:
OMG Gordon Radford jumped off the fire escape!
6. A Dream and a Fear
Raj and I crossed at the traffic lights, walking slower than usual, and climbed the concrete steps. Hospitals and doctors were something I tried to avoid, but this was a different kettle of hell. I gripped the frozen handrail. “What do you say to someone who tried to kill himself?”
An absent look on Raj’s face was joined by a shrug.
The sliding doors opened and warm air rushed over us, filling my nose with the stink of bleach and Lysol. A chubby lady in a floral dress and purple hair sat behind the reception desk. She must have used lacquer to make her hair go that high.
I approached the desk and waited for her to look up. “We’re here to see Gordie. Gordon Radford.”
Adjusting her glasses, she tapped the keyboard and squinted at the screen. “He’s in casualty ward – room 455. Take the elevator behind you to the fourth floor and follow the signs.”
Raj leaned over the desk and looked at her screen. “Is he okay?”
“No idea, sugar. You’ll have to see for yourself.” She clicked the mouse and the browser switched to Facebook.
I walked to the elevator, my stomach churning with each step.
Following, Raj dug his hands into his pockets and gazed at the diamond floor tiles. “I wish he’d told us he was going to do it.”
I pressed the up-arrow button. “I had no idea he was that messed up.”
The elevator dinged and the doors sprung open. Raj stepped in. “What did Grendelmeier say?”
“Not much. He said the ambulance took him here and we could visit.” I pressed the “4” button. The doors closed and the elevator jolted and rose.
Searching the walls and ceiling with his eyes, Raj said, “Hospitals give me the creeps. It’s the smell… and all the sick people.”
The elevator slowed and let out another ding. We stepped into the fluorescent glare of a cleaned and polished mint green hall lined with stainless steel carts and machines that beeped every few seconds. Half way up the hall on our left, Gordie’s folks stood next to a closed door. I tapped Raj’s arm and nodded in their direction.
The urge to get back in the elevator was enough to make me pause. Before I could change my mind, Gordie’s mom waved at us and clutched her husband’s hand.
I cleared my throat. “Hi.”
She opened her mouth to speak, but instead buried her face into her husband’s shoulder and sobbed.
With his arm around her, Mr. Radford said, “Gordon’s injured, but he’ll be okay.” He handed her a Kleenex. “Boys, we’re having trouble understanding how this happened. He came home after a fight yesterday, and today… ” His brow wrinkled. “What’s going on at that school? Is Gordon using drugs?”
Raj shook his head. “Gordie wouldn’t take cold meds if he had a cold.”
“Cannondale’s just different to Notre Dame,” I said. “It’s harder.”
Mr. Radford rubbed his brow. “He’ll be leaving that school as soon as–”
Mrs. Radford wiped her tears and touched my arm. “You can go in and see him, boys.”
Mr. Radford nodded sternly, and he and his wife walked to the elevator.
With my hand on the door handle, the expression on Raj’s face changed. “What?” I asked.
“Should we have gotten flowers or something?”
“Only if you wanna ask him out on a date.”
I pushed open the door and stepped in. Gordie lay on a metal-frame hospital bed, his right leg plastered and strapped, and his right elbow and forehead wrapped in bandages. The black eye, split lip, and splinted finger Kyle gave him accessorized his new look. He gazed distantly out the window at the gray sky, unaware or uncaring that he had visitors. This wasn’t supposed to happen, not to someone as naive and unthreatening as Gordie. A lump formed in my throat.
With a gentle click, Raj closed the door and Gordie rolled his head toward us. He let his eyes adjust, and then turned back to the window. Raj nudged me closer to the bed. I leaned over to catch Gordie’s eye. “Hey.” My voice sounded out of place, like a comedian at a funeral.
No response. I circled around to the other side of the bed. “You okay?”
A groan creaked from Gordie’s throat, his voice weak. “Four broken bones… a shattered ankle… monster headache.” His eyes focused on me. “I’ve been better.” He shifted his leg and winced.
“Shit, Gordo.” Raj stepped around the bed to the window. “You didn’t have to do this. Lucky you landed in a pool of your own ankles.”
In moments where tact was needed, Raj had a way of going pathologically in the other direction. I gave him a look.
He shrugged and slumped into the visitor chair. “On the up side, maybe Kyle will leave us alone now.”
Gordie adjusted his pillows, wincing.
Never in my life had I been so lost for words. As far as I could tell, the right thing to say in this situation didn’t exist. No amount of sensitivity and platitudes would make any difference to how he was feeling.
Raj lifted the bed remote and said, “I bet you did it just to get them off our backs. I’d high five you if I didn’t think your arm would break off.”
Gordie gave a weak smile and turned away. “I hate high fives.” He closed his eyes. “I just wanted to show them what they did… show them what it meant.”
In a twisted way, I understood how it made sense to him. He couldn’t beat them in a fight, so he wanted another way to hurt them. Problem was that Kyle and his crew would quickly forget, but not the people who care about Gordie. Raj let out a breath and put the remote on the bedside table.
I sat in the visitor chair and leaned over the bed. “Your folks are pretty shaken.”
Closing his eyes for a moment, Gordie appeared to be thinking. “My dad feels guilty about losing his job.” He opened his eyes and continued without looking at us. “After this, he’d prefer I was locked up in San Quentin than go back to Cannondale.”
Raj examined the plaster cast on Gordie’s leg. “At least prisons have guards. I’d feel safer at San Quentin – better food too I bet.”
“What’d the doctor say?” I asked.
Lines appeared on Gordie’s brow, like speaking was using more brainpower than usual. “I’ll be here for a few weeks, and then on crutches for a while. I won’t be competing at Field Day next month.”
Raj opened a drawer in the bedside table. “You must be de
vastated. I guess your Olympic career’s on hold too?”
Almost smiling, Gordie gazed out the window.
“You’re staying at Cannondale?” I asked.
He took in the view out the window. “It’s either that or drop out, at least till my old man gets a job.” He ran his fingers over his elbow bandage. “My parents live in a bubble – they have no idea what goes on in the real world.” His mouth opened to speak and then closed again. “I know what I did this morning was stupid. It just seemed like everything was… I never used to have to worry about being beat up all the time.” He half-rolled toward me and winced. “When I woke up on the concrete, I didn’t know if I was still alive. I mean… I thought maybe I was dead.” He closed his eyes.
“You’re not about to tell us you had a religious experience?” Raj asked.
“No, nothing like that. It’s just… I realized that when I do eventually die, I’ll be dead for a long time… billions of years… longer than that. Can you even imagine? It’s a really long time to be dead. The tiny amount of life we get is… tiny, if only for how little it is.” He stared out the window. “I also realized leaving my parents is the worst thing I could do to them. Anyway… whatever, I’m glad I didn’t die.” He turned to me. “I can't stop bad things from happening, but I’ll figure something out.”
I put my hand on his shoulder. “I’m glad you’re okay, Gordie.”
“Me too. It’s hard enough without being outnumbered by those guys,” Raj said.
Gordie’s mouth smiled, but his eyes didn’t bother. “You’re screwed if you think I’m any use to you. You know they won’t stop, right? Not even for this.”
The room fell into silence.
“I know