Chapter Sixteen
Landen stood and walked to the mantle. He was staring at my willow tree. His anguish hit me like a ton of bricks.
“Willow,” he said solemnly, “we’ve made a big mistake.” His words were a dagger in the heart.
“Excuse me?” I managed.
He stared at the floor with disdain. “If that lore is right...then or now...and you can help those people,” he dropped his head. “That matters. It’s important.
I stood. His emotions were a brick wall between us. I reached for his arm, but he shifted away. He wouldn’t look at me. The rejection burned every part of me.
“You can’t say that—”
“You haven’t seen what I’ve seen, know what I know. Donalt’s people— those people live a life that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.”
“Landen—”
He raised his hand to stop me. “No, listen to me. It’s a virtual hell. No color, they live in identical houses, inside and out, they eat the same food, wear the same clothes, work day in and day out. They’re executed if they break the simplest law. No one smiles or laughs. It’s dark, no life. No one has a will to live.”
“How is that your or my fault?” I shouted.
He paced the floor, his hands on his head, his eyes closed.
“I stole your heart. You were supposed to stop all of that, but you fell in love with me and never looked back, and now look—how many people do you think have died because we were too selfish?”
“I am not selfish,” I bit out.
Landen turned quickly and put his hands on my shoulders. His eyes were different. The blue had changed, it was darker.
“If you have to choose between me or saving those people. Save them.”
I jerked his hands off me and stepped back, more angry than I’d ever been in my life.
“Are you insane? What are you saying? You—you want me to be with Drake!”
“Willow—”
“No. Don’t ‘Willow’ me! One minute you’re telling me that you love me and you’re going to fix everything, and the next you’re telling me to go to another man. How dare you!”
“I am not telling you to go to another man!”
“Yes, you are! Are you even listening to yourself?”
“Willow, I told you to save those people.”
“Which means I have to be with Drake! How can you stand there and ask me to pay for something that was done millions of years ago?”
“Do you think this isn’t killing me? Do you not feel how bad it hurts for me to tell you that? We have to fix what we’ve done wrong. Chara will go to war with Esterious, they will never think twice about it. People will die, Willow. They have died because of us, and will die because of us.”
“Do you happen to remember what happened four million years ago, because I sure don’t. If you do, enlighten me. Tell me why I’m cold and selfish?”
“I didn’t say you were cold.”
“Basically, you did. I know that if those stupid charts are right and I’m back or whatever they mean, then I should be the same person, and I happen to know myself well: if I stayed here, I had a damn good reason.”
“You loved me.”
“And I still love you, and if that was my reason it was good enough then, and it’s good enough now.”
“Willow, neither one of us will let others suffer so we can be together.”
“You’ve lost your mind!” I screamed.
He turned his back to me. I felt rage coursing through me. I took off the necklace with the charm and slid off the ring, then sat them on the table and walked to the front door.
“Don’t leave,” he said. “You just told me to be with Drake. To be a pawn in a game that I’m not playing,” I said coldly as I opened the door.
“Willow—”
I stormed out of the front door and down the front steps. I couldn’t find my breath, my chest hurt so badly. I ran through the field. I ran as if the demons themselves were on my heels. I didn’t stop until my breath left me. I fell to my knees and looked up; the moon was almost full. I could see the outline.
I crawled the three feet between me and the base of the large windmill, then leaned my weak body against it and raised my head to the heavens. My breath was coming back slowly.
I don’t know how long I sat there, questioning who I was, before I felt someone coming toward me. I glanced up to see a small figure on the hilltop. It was Rose. Her emotions were so peaceful that I felt that emotion seep into my soul. When she reached me, she sat down quietly by my side.
“How did you find me?” I asked.
“Libby called me. She said you were sad.”
“Did you call Landen?”
“No, I could feel you. I knew you were alone.”
I glanced to her.
“My home is right there.” She pointed to the hill she had just walked over. I smiled at myself, realizing that I’d run almost all the way to her house. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“He wants me to be with Drake. There’s nothing to talk about.”
“You know that’s not true,” she said with a smirk.
“He told me to choose him.”
“Willow, I’m sure you only heard what you wanted to hear.”
“It’s just not fair…it can’t be that black and white.”
“It’s not.”
“Then why is everyone telling me I have to choose?”
“Who is ‘everyone’?”
“Perodine, Landen—”
“Did Perodine tell you to choose between Landen and Drake?”
“She just said that I had to choose again…obviously, I chose Landen last time, and Landen thinks it’s our fault that the people in Esterious are suffering, that Monica is de-”
I couldn’t even say the word before tears hit me like a flood. Rose wrapped her arms around me and let me cry, rocking me back and forth.
“It’s not either of your faults. Everything has its reason, and you need to take this grief and use it as your weapon.”
“Why am I being punished for the day I was born?” I asked, trying to dry my face.
“Why do you think you are?” Rose asked, genuinely surprised.
I sat up straight and shook my head in frustration. “Ever since I came to Chara, all I’ve heard about is the stars and moon alignments; it decides how you learn, what your insight is, and apparently dictates what your fate is. What is the purpose of living if it’s already chosen for you?”
Rose let her shoulders droop; she understood why I was so angry. She shifted in front of me on her knees and gently placed her hands on my shoulders.
“You’ve misunderstood why Chara looks to the heavens,” she said softly.
I looked up at her and brushed my hair out of my eyes.
“Chara’s foundation is love. We learn about our planets to help us understand who we are. If you love yourself, then you can love others more powerfully.”
“Then why am I asked to pay for something that was done so long ago?”
“You chose this path. You were chosen by this path,” Rose said with certainty.
“Rose, you aren’t making any sense,” I said, lowering my head.
“Yes I am. You’re just not listening to me,” she said, a little louder than I expected.
I looked up at her quickly.
“At any moment, you can change your destiny. Your thoughts lead the way. Your soul is old, and you’ve chosen this path so often that it has now come to you at a younger age than ever before. So, it’s natural for it to feel forced upon you.”
“Are you telling me that it doesn’t matter that August is walking around with a birth chart that says that I’m Aliyanna? That I selfishly left others behind to suffer?”
“I’m telling you that you are Willow Haywood, and Willow Haywood decides her fate, not the stars,” Rose said, lowering her head and looking up at me. “Listen to me, you have the strength to do this.”
“I have to have
Landen. I don’t care if he doesn’t want me. That means I’m as selfish as he said I was.”
Rose reached for my face and ran her hand across my cheek, then stared at me, smiling, pride coursing through her.
“You have the heart of a woman, and a woman’s heart is the strongest thing in any dimension. We love without reason, and we can turn a heart of stone into water.”
“What am I supposed to do?”
“You follow your heart. When you do that, everything will find its way. The woman who began this world knew that, and so do you.”
“I didn’t go back. I stayed here, and so many have suffered.”
“Do you honestly believe that your soul didn’t have a reason for staying in Chara at the start of time?”
I tilted my head and let my mind try to conceive what would have stopped me. Rose smiled as she felt me calm down.
“Today, you do not have one. Go back with Landen and right what is wronged, side by side.”
“He doesn’t want me. He wants me to be with Drake.”
“Now, I doubt that,” Rose said, standing. She smiled over her shoulder at me as she walked over the hill in front of her house. I sat stunned for a moment. What was my reason? A moment later, I felt a strong emotion of love and knew Landen was coming to find me, and he was coming fast.
In the distance, in the light of the moon, I could see Landen running in my direction.
I was so mad at him.
So freaking in love with him.
I ran to him.
I was running home, where I belonged.
When we reached each other, our bodies collided with powerful force. His lips found mine and as they moved with mine you would have thought it was the air we were breathing. He was holding me so tight, it almost hurt.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it. I love you, and I would die before I let you leave me for anyone. I love you, Willow. I’ve loved you from my first breath.”
“I love you.”
We fell to the ground, holding one another. In the field of beautiful flowers surrounded by darkness, under a moon that was nearly full, we loved each other. At that moment we owned the night. The flowers were our bed, the warmth of the summer air and the stars were our blankets, and the rhythm of our passion was serenaded by the distant sounds of nature.
I wanted to crawl inside of him and hide there for the rest of my life. I wanted to forget who I was, who I am, and what was still left to be done.
Once back at our house, in our room, Landen reached in his pocket and pulled out my necklace and ring. He clasped the necklace around my neck. I felt a tingle as the medallion touched my chest. He gently reached for my hand and slid the silver ring on. It hummed and brightened as it rested on my skin. He looked deeply into my eyes; my window to his soul was opened again, and the blue was breathtaking. I lost myself. If it were possible, I think I fell deeper in love with him.
“We’ll do this together, me and you,” he said softly.
I wrapped my arms around him and closed my eyes, knowing that I’d never choose anyone above him. I wouldn’t let any one get hurt because of us either.
After drifting to sleep, Landen made good on his promise, and we went to Marc’s house. We found him pacing the floor in his room, wanting to go, daring to see if he would be able to get away with it. Landen walked over to his bed pulled back the covers, and Marc jumped with a startle. I reached for the light and turned it off. He walked slowly to his bed and laid down stiffly. We sat against the wall and watched him stare at the ceiling.
“I still feel her,” Marc said into the room. “I’m not crazy. I will find her one day,” he finished.
I could feel the words hit Landen like a ton of bricks. “Why is Marc alone?” I thought.
Landen stared at Marc with compassion. “The urge to look doesn’t come until at least the age of twenty, but for some it comes much later. Some say it’s because those have a purpose to fill,” Landen explained.
“You think he hasn’t looked because he’s still looking for his mother?”
“He remembers her more clearly than Chrispin. I can see how his search for her would cloud over the urge to want to find his soul mate.”
“Doesn’t he realize when he finds her that she’ll make him stronger?”
Landen glanced at me letting that sinful grin emerge before wrapping his arms around me. “He knows we’re not meant to be alone. He just needs his time.”
After Marc drifted to sleep, we made our way to my father’s house to check on Jessica and Hannah. They were both in the guest room, sound asleep. There were no demons; our plan to protect them had worked.
Before leaving, we checked in on our little princess, Libby. Her eyes were closed as they fluttered back and forth. I pulled the blanket up over her shoulder. Just as we went to leave, she said, “How many?” We looked quickly at her to see her still sleeping. “What color?” she said, a little louder.
We passed a curious look, careful not to move or wake her. “What do I say?” Libby said turning in her bed.
“Will Willow come home with Landen?” Her face squinted together, then she lay silent.
Stunned, we didn’t move, waiting for her to say anything to answer the questions she’d asked.
Libby never moved again, but we rested our souls in her window seat, watching her sleep, waiting for her to say or do something, knowing she could very well hold the key to every question we’d ever had.
At daybreak, a knock on our front door woke us. We heard footsteps coming in the hall and up the steps; we knew it was Marc. Landen grudgingly pulled the covers over us, letting our bodies wake up before arguing with him.
“Ahh…so how does it feel having someone come in your room and scare the hell out of you?” Marc said as he walked in our bedroom door.
Landen threw a pillow at him. “It was for your own good, and you know it,” he said, wiping the sleep out of his eyes.
“Look, as I was lying there last night, I realized something,” Marc said.
“What? That I was right?” Landen said.
“No,” Marc said, throwing the pillow back at Landen. “You said you could control where you go, right?” Landen nodded, squinting at Marc through the sunlight. “So you could beam yourself right into that palace and take that star back, couldn’t you?”
“Jason thinks they’d be able to hurt us,” Landen corrected.
Marc’s enthusiasm faded as he walked over and sat on the edge of the bed.
“Hey, do you mind? Can we have a minute here?” Landen said, pushing Marc off the bed with his foot. Marc looked at me and blushed a little before leaving the room, giving us a chance to get dressed. Landen looked at me and shook his head in disbelief.
“The best part about getting through this is the idea of having you all to myself.”
Even though I knew he meant it, I still laughed at his new observation.
Downstairs, Marc had laid out breakfast for us, and he stared at Landen and me as we ate. Every once in awhile, he would start to say something, then hesitate and look out the window.
“Say it,” Landen said as he finished his breakfast and pushed his plate away from him.
“This doesn’t freak you out?” Marc said with a burst of air coming from him.
“What part?” I asked, making light of his perspective.
“I just think, Landen, you and I have seen a lot of crazy stuff over the years, but nothing like this, like the two of you,” Marc said.
Landen shifted in his seat, giving Marc a stern look and a sideways glance at me before he answered.
“I don’t know why you’re so surprised. I’ve known you my whole life. You knew about the dreams and the intent I could see.”
“That doesn’t mean that I knew that you were really out walking around with Willow somewhere. Where did you guys meet anyway?”
We glanced at each other; we’d never even tried to figure out where we went.
“We don’t know,” Landen said as he st
ared into my eyes.
“We’ve been to a lot of places, you’ve never seen the place awake once?” Marc pushed.
Landen leaned back in his chair and stared forward as the memories danced across his eyes. I felt him remembering all the places that had brought him joy.
“I’ve never been there awake. I’m sure of it,” he said finally, staring at me again.
“Are you ready for this? I’ve watched that world tear my father apart,” Marc said, calling Landen’s attention back to him.
“It doesn’t matter if we’re ready or not, it’s here,” Landen answered, reaching over and squeezing my hand.
Marc leaned back in his seat, seeing that he wasn’t going to talk us down from whatever we faced. “You’re my purpose,” he said.
“What?” Landen said, surprised.
“My purpose…is to keep you safe,” Marc said in a hushed voice.
“Marc—”
“No, Landen. Seriously, I know what I’m talking about. I remember when you were born, looking at you and knowing that I was supposed to protect you.”
“You were just being a good ‘brother’…you feel the same for Chrispin.”
“No, that’s just it. Chrispin is my baby brother, and yes, if I was there and he needed me, I’d keep him safe, but with you I feel like I’m supposed to make sure that I’m there to protect you,” Marc argued.
Landen sighed deeply and shook his head as Marc finished his explanation. “Listen, I want you to put what you just told me aside and clear your head…find that feeling and follow it. We all need someone, you aren’t meant to be alone.”
“I know that. I just have to do this first, so if you’re ready, then bring it on,” Marc said with an uncanny boyish grin.
Through the kitchen window, I saw Libby in the valley; she was picking flowers, and she had a basket almost too large for her to carry. As I focused on her, I could feel her urgency. Landen followed my stare, and so did Marc. “I wonder what she’s doing out so early,” Marc muttered.
“Something’s wrong,” I said to Landen, pushing back from the table, not losing sight of her. As Landen and Marc followed me, my quick walk turned into a sprint. “Libby, what’s wrong? Libby? What’s wrong?” I screamed. Libby jumped as she heard me, and relief filled her eyes.
“Willow, help me find the blue and green ones,” she ordered.
“What?”
“Willow, hurry—blue and green, I need lots.” Libby was now frantically searching the ground, looking at all the flowers.
“Find blue and green ones, hurry!” I yelled at Landen and Marc as they approached, and the three of us searched the ground frantically with Libby. Once her basket was full, she took off in a sprint toward her house, and we all followed her.
As we approached the house, I counted the emotions around me; beyond us, I could only feel two. I ran past Libby up the stairs to Hannah and Jessica’s room. My stomach dropped before the door even opened. There was something wrong. The room was without emotion. Libby pushed past me and opened the door.
From the doorway, I could see the blue tint of their skin as they lay in the same place we’d seen them last night. Marc took one look, then ran down the hall, screaming my father’s name.
Libby sat the basket on the floor between the beds and began pulling the petals off the flowers and putting them on Hannah’s chest. I looked at Landen, and we both rushed to her side to help her.
“Put them everywhere, Willow,” Libby ordered.
My father and Marc came crashing into the room; just like Landen, I could feel my father’s dread when his eyes fell on Hannah and Jessica’s bodies. We all knew that they weren’t breathing, and my father knew more. The basket was empty now, and the girls were covered in blue and green petals. Libby looked over them once, picking up a few loose petals and putting them on the girls’ chests.
“Okay, say this with me: land and will, will and land,” Libby said to Landen and me.
In a sacred trance, we did as she ordered and said, “Land and will, will and land,” in unison with Libby, repeating it over and over. Seconds later, I felt a burst of energy coming from Hannah and Jessica at the same time, and my ring and necklace warmed against my skin. I closed my eyes, and a numbing emotion swept through my body. As it passed, a dizzy feeling caused me to open my eyes, gaining balance. I looked at Landen and could see he felt it, too.
As Landen and I stood paralyzed by each other’s stare, my father rushed to the girls’ sides. We didn’t notice Libby dancing in place, my mother rushing in at the last moment, or even the overwhelming fear coming from Marc and my father as they looked back at us from the girls’ bedside.
Hannah and Jessica’s chests began to rise and fall, but their eyes never opened, and they didn’t move.
“Jason, what happened?” my mother demanded, taking into account that the girls were covered in flowers. My father kept his stunned look, staring at Landen and me.
“Jason? Willow? Somebody talk to me!” my mother shouted.
“They were sleeping too far away. The flowers helped Willow and Landen bring them back to the right sleep,” Libby answered, giggling.
“Libby, sweetie, why don’t you go and get some breakfast. I’ll be there in just one minute, okay?” my mother said, pushing Libby out of the room.
“Dad, are they okay? Look, are they okay!” I demanded, trying to get his attention away from Landen and me.
He slowly turned to look at Hannah and Jessica, shaking his head as he took a second look. “They’re fine, for now,” he said quietly.
“Were they…? Were they…?” I tried to ask if they were dead.
“Yes…for a while,” he answered in a low tone.
“What is this? Why flowers? Why did you say that?” my mother asked frantically.
“Libby told us to. We saw her picking flowers; she only wanted blue and green. Is that myth true? Did we hurt them by bringing them here?” I asked, feeling sick to my stomach.
“I don’t know if it’s our world, or if it’s something that was spoken over them. They’re fine now,” my father said, looking over Landen and me again.
“Are you sure?” I asked, looking at Hannah and Jessica.
“Their hearts are weak. Somehow they started to beat again, but they aren’t beating the way they’re meant to; it’s like they’re on life support.”
“The flowers,” Landen whispered. My father looked at Landen and nodded.
“So we have two choices? We take them home and let demons dance across their chests, or we leave them here barely alive?” I said through my teeth.
“They are very alive, and they shouldn’t be—you brought them back,” my mother said calmly.
“Did you know you could do that?” Marc asked.
“We have no idea what we can do,” Landen answered, pulling me to him.
News travels fast with an energetic little girl proud of her morning’s accomplishments. Rose and August came to my mother’s house first. My mother was frantically fixing breakfast, trying to keep her mind busy. The only sound in the kitchen was the clanging of pans and plates
Brady, not hearing the news of the morning’s events, strolled in the back door, beaming with excitement and slapping Marc on the back as he smiled proudly at him. “You guys aren’t going to believe what happened,” he announced to the room, but his words fell on deaf ears, so to speak.
His frustration grew with our blank expressions. “Did you guys hear me? I have good news, not just good news, amazing news.” While he spoke, Felicity slid in behind him, giving way to Chrispin and Olivia.
When Olivia came in the room, her eyes met each of ours for the first time, and we knew she had her sight back. She then ran to me and hugged me tightly, laughing out loud.
“Oh my God—how—what happened?” I stuttered.
“It’s amazing…this whole place is so beautiful,” Olivia said, not hearing my questions. We all stared in shock, looking at a grinning Chrispin, waiting for an explanation.
>
“You told her, didn’t you?” Landen asked.
Chrispin grinned, then walked over and pulled a stunned Landen into a bear hug. “You were right. I was stupid for waiting. I told her as soon as we got back, and this morning when she woke up, her sight was back…it’s amazing.”
“What did you say to him?”
“That he was an idiot,” Landen thought, with a smirk.
“Well, this is certainly uplifting compared to the morning that’s transpired,” August commented.
“What happened?” Brady said as his smile fell.
The room fell silent. Felicity eased over out of Brady’s way and started helping my mother cook breakfast. Chrispin and Olivia stared with the shell of a smile on their faces.
“The girls are sick,” my father said finally.
“What do you mean?” Chrispin asked.
“We don’t know if it’s Chara or something that was said over them in Esterious, but right now they’re on the edge of life,” my father said.
“So we take them back,” Chrispin said blankly. As the words left his lips, the demons flashed before my eyes, and fear suddenly filled me. Landen and Rose looked at me simultaneously.
“You don’t know what we saw. If you did, those words would have never left your lips,” Landen said kindly, looking at me with all the compassion his body possessed. Chrispin’s regret was immediate. Olivia’s emotion fell, and her tears followed.
“After breakfast, I’m going to call Ashten, and we’re going to look for Livingston. Whoever wants to come is more than welcome,” my father said, looking at Landen and me.
At the gates of the string, we all stood dressed in black. The only traveler to stay behind was Rose. The string was calm by our home, but as we walked on the current changed to the point that you had to push forward with each step. The hum was so deep; you could feel it in your soul. Just before the passage, Clarissa whispered instructions to Dane. Landen used our gift to prepare me.
“You can’t smile, not even your eyes, and we can’t touch. You and Clarissa must lead. It’s illegal for a man to walk before a woman, it’s the only respect the women in this world have.”
I wanted to ask why, but I was too busy burning his simple instructions into my memory.
“Keep your left hand in your pocket—rings are forbidden here.”
“Then I’ll take it off.”
“No, it’s protecting you. That and the necklace are the only reasons you are not feeling my anxiety about having you here.”
I did as he said, not wanting for one instant to feel his pain; it was almost as bad as being separated from him.
“Keep pace with Clarissa. She’s going to lead us to the courtyard. Today is the day that Donalt speaks to the people of Esterious. If Livingston is here, he’ll be in that crowd. We have to leave after that. It’ll be too easy for them to see us as out of place.”
Before stepping into the passage, I turned to Landen.
“I love you,” I thought.
“You’re mine, Willow. I will always love you.”
Chapter Seventeen