He expected Cora to recoil at that. Even within the community, saying a role-play that simulated nonconsensual sex turned your crank was often looked at warily. But he wasn’t going to feed Cora a line of bullshit. He dared a glance at her.
Cora’s fingers were threaded in her lap and she visibly swallowed. “Rape fantasy.”
He nodded. “Essentially. I wasn’t down for anything overly violent. Delivering pain isn’t my thing, but force and physical restraint were going to be major components. And the mindfu—” He caught the word before it slipped out, edited. “The mind warp of it all.”
That was what had always held the appeal for him the few times he’d acted out that dark of a scene. That feeling of holding all the power, of putting his sub in the mindset of total helplessness. It could be freeing as hell for both sides. That total acceptance of normally unacceptable desires all within the safe confines of a scene. Not that he’d ever experience that again. Even if he wasn’t on sexual lockdown, he could never go there again. Couldn’t leave himself that vulnerable to anyone or enjoy that kind of scene anymore.
He cleared his throat. “As I’m sure you can imagine, it’s not the type of scene to take lightly or mess around with. There’s a lot of pre-work. I had her sign a contract with all the limits and safe words, everything spelled out. Multiple parachute cords for both of us to pull if things didn’t feel right or go the way we wanted. All the things we were supposed to do. But we never met face-to-face. Because—”
“That would’ve ruined the stranger element,” she said quietly.
“Yeah.” He ran a hand over the back of his head. “So, I went forward with the scene, assuming both of us were on the same page. I met her at a bar and took her back to a hotel like planned. We got along fine. She seemed comfortable. She was supposed to resist me once we got to the room. I was supposed to get mean and not back off unless she gave me the signal or said one of her safe words. She never did. We went through with the scene. I provided aftercare and then I left. I thought everything had gone as planned. But a few hours after I left the hotel, the cops showed up at my door. She’d claimed I’d raped her and denied that there’d been any previous discussion or planning.”
Cora’s lips parted. “But the contract . . .”
“She said she’d never signed one. Said I was just a guy she’d met at the bar. And when I provided a copy of the contract, it wasn’t her real name on the document. I had no way to prove she’d been the one to sign it. I had never met her. I had no idea if she was the woman at all.” His stomach twisted, the memory of that always bringing back that sick feeling. “For a little while, I wondered if I had actually raped someone. Picked up the wrong woman and enacted some role-play she hadn’t known was going on.”
“Jesus.”
He peered up, that old torment rolling through him. “That was the worst part. Prison I could handle, but thinking I’d hurt an innocent woman? I didn’t know how I could live with that.”
“Had anyone else met her before?”
“Yeah, the head of the group. He’d gone over the contract with her, recognized her as the woman who’d made the request, but he hadn’t watched her sign it. The prosecution tore him apart on the stand. Made it look like he was just covering for a friend. And who wants to believe the head of some BDSM group anyway? Kink isn’t understood or respected out in the vanilla world, especially around these parts. So the prosecution brought up all the ‘sinister’ things about kink to scare the jury—sadism, age play, humiliation. After that, I didn’t have much defense in the case. They demolished my character, exposed my personal life, made my lifestyle look as dangerous as possible. There was never a doubt I’d go to prison.”
She shook her head, what looked to be real empathy there. “So how’d it get overturned?”
He smirked and looked down at his hands. “Ren and his hard head. I’d still be there if he hadn’t continued to hire investigators and lawyers. The guy wasn’t going to give up on me even when there were times I didn’t have any fight left.” He rubbed the center of his palm, remembering how dark his thoughts had gotten at some points, how he’d started coming up with ideas of how he could end things in prison. The only thing that had stopped him was knowing how much it would hurt Ren. “Eventually, one of the PIs dug up that Holly, the woman, had been an escort in the past and that shortly after I went to prison, she went from living in a one-bedroom place on the bad side of town to a big house in an exclusive suburb in Florida. She’d had some type of windfall that no one could trace. We kept uncovering stones and that’s what broke the case.”
He could still remember that visit with the lawyer. We’ve got something. Hayes hadn’t let himself believe the words at the time. His future had looked like a black hole and he’d been afraid to let any light shine through, to even grasp onto a thread of hope.
“It was almost two years before we had enough. But when Holly realized she could get arrested for lying on the stand and false reports, she came forward and admitted that she’d been paid by someone to set me up. She said she’d been threatened and was terrified not to go through with it. That she’d feared for her life.”
“Paid by whom?”
Hayes clasped the back of his neck. “That’s the million-dollar question. She gave a description of the guy who approached her, but it was so generic that we’ve got nothing to go on. And most likely, the person who approached her isn’t the guy but just a guy who knows the guy or whatever. This wasn’t some amateur job. And if she knows who it really is, she’s not telling.”
“Or is afraid to tell.”
“Yeah.” He lowered his head. He still felt that stab of guilt over Holly. Even if she had set him up, she’d probably been desperate for money. So desperate that she’d let herself go through that rough scene with him to get it. Taken his bruises, taken his body into hers. He felt sick thinking about it.
Cora peered at him, expression unreadable. “This is what you meant by the dominant is as vulnerable as the submissive.”
“Yeah. I was too stupid to realize just how much back then. It was all in fun, an adventure. I never considered how much power the other person has in that kind of he-said-she-said situation.”
She frowned. He could see her brain was working, taking all the pieces and putting them together, trying to make sense of them. He just had no idea where those pieces would land. He knew it was a far-fetched–sounding story. He wasn’t sure he would believe it if it hadn’t happened to him. He wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t buy a word of it.
“You have any idea who would want to hurt you that badly? You have to have some theories.”
He tipped his head back and stared at the ceiling, rubbing his brow. “Prison gave me nothing but a cage, bad food, and time to think, so of course I have theories. But none have led anywhere.”
“I’d like to hear them anyway.”
He lowered his head to look at her and blew out a breath. “The company was booming back then. We’d taken out competitors. We had partnered with another tech company and had developed some new virtual reality technology that had big promise for the adult market. The big names in the industry were courting us, wanting to get their hands on that and a few of our other products.”
“You had things other people wanted,” she said, all business.
“We did. But we were also cocky and young. Way too arrogant. Flaunted our success. I’m sure we made more than a few enemies that way.” God knows he had. The power and money had gone straight to their heads.
“We.”
His gaze flicked up at that. “Ren and I.”
She put her chin in her hand, gaze shrewd. “But they only went after you.”
He shrugged. “If you knew us, you’d know that to come after me is to go after him and vice versa. We’ve been by each other’s side since we were seventeen. We shared everything. The business, a house . . . women. All of it
.”
Her eyebrow twitched up at that.
He wet his lips, feeling way too exposed. “So it could’ve been a case of a competitor trying to cut off the head of the snake, take out the company via me. Or it could’ve been a matter of someone wanting to knock us down a peg. Or a scorned lover seeking revenge. I’m not sure we’ll ever really know.” He sighed. “All I know is that whoever it was wanted to destroy me. And succeeded.”
She frowned at that. “No, he didn’t. At least not permanently. You’re out. You’re here.”
He scoffed, unable to hide the bitterness. “Yeah, I’m here where I can’t even talk to a female co-worker without her worrying I’m going to attack her.”
“I’m not—”
He held up his hand. “You don’t have to defend yourself on that. You’re smart. You assessed the risk and are protecting yourself. From the outside looking in, I’m red-level threat. I’m an ex-con who was charged with rape and has deviant sexual proclivities. I can’t change any of that. All I can tell you is that I’d never hurt a woman.”
“Unless she gave you permission to.” The words were quiet but packed a punch.
His eyes met hers, something tense there. “Yeah. And not even then anymore. I’m . . . not part of the scene anymore.”
Her lips parted, surprise there. “At all?”
“Not worth the risk. How would I know who to trust?” He said the words plainly but even he could hear the hitch in his voice, the sharpness.
“Right,” she said with a nod. “Of course.”
Hayes scrubbed a hand over his face, feeling drained and raw. Now she knew. Now she’d dismiss him like everyone else had. “I’m sorry if that was too much or TMI, as you’d say. I don’t normally talk about any of this, but I just . . . I wanted you to have all the information. You don’t have to believe—”
“I believe you.”
His gaze snapped upward, shock echoing through him like a sonic boom. “What?”
She leaned back in her chair, expression unflinching and resolute. “I said I believe you.”
All the air seemed to sag out of him, wonder replacing it. “Just like that?”
“Just like that. Thank you for being honest with me. I know that couldn’t have been easy to share with a stranger. But I’m going with my gut. And I believe you.”
Christ. She said it like it wasn’t a big deal. Like people took him for his word all the time. He didn’t even know what to do with that.
But before he could react, she braced her elbows on her desk, lines bracketing her full mouth. “But now we’ve got a bigger issue to tackle.”
He couldn’t process what she was talking about. His brain was still whirling. She believed him. This woman who’d just met him had listened to his story and accepted it. She had no idea what kind of gift that was. How long it’d been since anyone besides his mother or Ren had accepted his truth without question. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to . . . No. He couldn’t do any of that.
What he needed to do was listen to her. She was trying to tell him something. “What issue?”
“The person who came after you wanted to destroy you or the company. They tried to pin rape on you. What if . . .” Worry hovered in her eyes. “Hayes, I was almost raped because of your game. What if whoever set you up is coming after you again? What if they’re behind this hack?”
Every ounce of warmth from the moment before drained out of him in one sinking rush, his body going cold as ice.
What if it’s starting again?
TEN
Ren stood at his office window on Friday night, hands in his pockets, staring out at the dark parking lot. Hayes had left an hour ago with a hollow good-bye. That had been the routine all week. He’d shown up to the office every day, busting his ass and keeping his promise to not hole up in the house, but Hayes couldn’t hide the darkness that had taken ahold of him again. And Ren couldn’t blame him this time. He hoped to God that Cora’s theory wasn’t right, that whatever was going on with the system was a random thing, not something to do with Hayes. But none of them could shake off that possibility. It was keeping both him and Hayes up at night.
They all kept searching for answers, something to reassure them. Tonight Ren had combed through all the information he’d gathered this week. He’d interviewed each of the staff to see if anyone had seen anything suspicious come down the line or if they had any theories about who would want to hack their systems. Everyone seemed genuinely shocked that there’d been a breach. Raven and Thea, Hayven’s gamemasters, had been pissed that a woman was targeted and had compiled a list of all the people they’d banned from the game just in case someone was holding a grudge.
It was a good theory, and one he’d explore, but the list of potential suspects was expanding exponentially and it was making his head hurt. Cora had reminded him earlier this week that regardless of who it was, they still could protect Hayes and the company. They just needed to make sure the hacker was locked out for good and that the system was safeguarded from future attacks. But he had an uneasy feeling that this was bigger than what they’d found so far. Nothing had come up yet. No one else had reported weird emails. But . . . Cora had almost gotten raped. If that had happened, it would’ve eventually come back on FoxRen and Hayes. It all felt a little too familiar.
He tapped his head against the glass.
A knock sounded behind him. He lifted his head and turned. Cora stood in the open doorway, bag over her shoulder and hair pulled up in a messy ponytail. “I’m going to head out. I’ve made some progress tonight on getting the email system ironclad, but I’m starting to see double.”
Ren checked his watch. Almost eight. “Wow. I thought you’d already left. You trying to get Employee of the Year in week one?”
She leaned against the doorjamb, looking both exhausted and adorably mussed in her dark skinny jeans and wrinkled white men’s dress shirt. “Maybe. Is there a prize involved with that?”
“Totally. An annual subscription to the Fruit of the Month Club.”
“Sweet! I’m all over that. I’ve always wanted monthly fruit.”
He laughed. “Seriously, though, no one’s expecting you to work this late.”
She shrugged. “I know. But I realize how much is at stake. It’s not my neck on the line, but I feel like I’m holding a ticking time bomb and I’m the only one who can disarm it. You don’t go home at five when you’re the bomb squad.”
He blew out a breath. “I hate that this has put so much pressure on you, but I can’t tell you how much it means to both of us that you’re going above and beyond. You’re a superhero.”
“Shh. Don’t blow my cover.” She gave a mock look of exasperation and hitched her bag higher on her shoulder. “And I really don’t mind. Beyond wanting to help, puzzles drive me crazy until I figure them out. Any members report emails yet?”
He tucked his hands back in his pockets. “No. We sent out a second alert, but I’m sure not everyone has checked their email yet. People tend to sign up for our game with their non-primary email.”
She nodded. “Well, at least it’s still looking like I was the only one who got doxxed. We may have caught him at the start of whatever he was planning and minimized the damage.”
“Please let that be the case,” he muttered.
“I know. Fingers crossed. But in the meantime, I’ve closed up the holes and added a few more layers of security. We’re back online for the weekend as of an hour ago. The email system is still offline, but members will be able to play again and messaging is back up. You and Hayes will also get a personal alert anytime the admin password is changed or if it’s accessed during non-work hours. I’m hoping we can get all components back online before next week.”
“That’s good news, at least. Thanks.”
“That’s what you pay me the big bucks for.” She gave him a brief smile. “Well, I??
?m going to get out of here. Have a good weekend.”
He glanced back out the window and then to her. “Hey, I need to head out, too. Why don’t I walk you down? It’s late. I’d feel better if you didn’t do that alone.”
She shifted from one foot to the other. “Ugh, I hate that I have to worry about that. But yeah, thanks.”
He grabbed his laptop and slipped it into his bag. “I hate it, too. But honestly, I could use the company. I’ve been locked in this office all day racking my brain, trying to figure this shit out, and I feel like I’m chasing my tail. I may have to install padded walls if I don’t get out of here soon.”
She lifted her brow. “Maybe you’re hallucinating and I’m not an actual person.”
He smiled. “No, then you’d be wearing a Princess Leia outfit. All of my hallucinations involve that.”
She sniffed and touched her hair where her Leia buns would be. “No way. I am so a Han Solo.”
He laughed, happy for a little levity after such a shitty few days. “You’re right. What was I thinking? You have hot space cowboy written all over you.”
Her lips lifted at the corner. Like she didn’t quite believe him. He’d noticed that was her go-to when he attempted any type of flirting. Dismissal. Like she thought he was fucking with her. But he couldn’t tell if that meant she wasn’t interested or if she just assumed he flirted with everyone.
Okay, so he was a notorious flirt, but with her, he actually meant it. He liked that he made her a little nervous, but that she wasn’t afraid to stand her ground and spar with him. She’d been a bit of a wreck when she’d first come to the office but that hadn’t prevented her from negotiating terms with him about the job. And she’d been a beast this week under a monumental amount of stress. Not to mention she’d learned about Hayes’s background and had tackled it head-on, asking Hayes up front what the deal was instead of whispering behind his back to get the story from others. It was the same combo that had intrigued him at the party. Bold and tough but with this underlying core of vulnerability. It captivated the hell out of him.