I stood on the pier and watched Vicki go. I had to wonder if I was making the biggest mistake of my life. She’s pregnant with my child, my child… a little boy. I let her step off the end of the pier before I put my hands in my pockets and began walking in the same direction. The lawyers tell me that there is no way of knowing yet. If I want a relationship with the child, I can have them order a DNA test after the baby is born. If I want a relationship with my own child? What kind of man would I be if I didn’t want that? When I say I do want a relationship with my child, they start talking about money again. What kind of man worries more about money than the woman who is bringing a new life into this world? This was done all wrong and I’m just not sure how to fix it. I know now that what I should have done was talk to Vicki and asked her about the test. I should have kept the lawyers out of it. I should have followed my gut instincts about her and trusted that she wasn’t out to get anything from me. But I’d trusted my instincts about Cassandra too and look how that turned out. It was an ironic thought, considering that I was going home to her.
About a month after I found out about the baby, Cassie had come to me and said she made a mistake. She said that she loved me and she wanted me back. My suspicions were that she finally realized that she wasn’t going to get anything more out of me than the original pre-nup had designated. Getting back with her was something my lawyers had pushed for because they were actually worried if she got the right judge, she might. I don’t love her anymore, but I did let her come back. If I analyze them now, I know it was for a few reasons. The first one was that as a man who ran a multi-national company, I was forced to attend a lot of benefits and dinners and social gatherings. I’m ashamed to admit it, but since Cassie grew up in a similar world as I had she fit in at those things and she knew how she was expected to act. The other reason I took her back was my own behavior. When I was doing the partying and sleeping with different women every night, I knew that it was detrimental to my wellbeing. But that had been an easy way for me to deal with being alone and the stress of the divorce. Taking Cassie back would solve both of those problems. The third, and probably the most realistic reason that I allowed her to come back was because I wanted Victoria. I wanted her so badly that I’d lay awake at night thinking about her… I’d catch myself sitting in meetings thinking about her… I’d look for her everywhere I went. I almost didn’t believe it was her today, I thought I’d seen her so many times before. I’d let my attorneys convince me that she was a gold-digger and I’d convinced myself that she was no good for me. Being with Cassie would be another deterrent to me to keep me from pursuing her.
Seeing her today brought all of those feelings rushing back. I didn’t just want to be a part of my child’s life… I wanted his mother. What I was supposed to do about that, I wasn’t sure.