Just wanted to wish you farewell my friend, I’m sure you’ll be delighted I’m gone as you’ll finally have a bit of peace to study now. I hope you’ve fun when Alex and co. come over on their hols but remember he’s a married man now so don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!!
Take care,
Ruby
Rosie,
Greetings from Hawaii!
As you can see there was a change of plan! My crazy wife decided that Hawaii would be a far nicer resort than Ireland, why on earth I have no idea!!
The weather is fantastic, the hotel a dream (I’ve taken the liberty of stealing a few things for you from my room which should be enclosed in the package. A shower cap and bath gel all the way from Hawaii! I hope the cap fits).
Restaurants are great too.
You’re probably delighted we’re not coming over as now you finally get a bit of peace and quiet to study. I hope Kevin leaves you alone and stops annoying you about your mum. I think she’s right.
Lots of love,
Alex, Josh, Theo (and dare I say Bethany)
Rosie,
Hello from Cyprus.
Weather nice. Hotel nice. Food nice. Beach nice.
Hope you’re enjoying your summer of silence and study. (If Steph and the rest of the troop don’t invade your home. By the way we need to talk about Mum scattering Dad’s ashes.)
Kevin
Hello from Disney World!
Hi sis, having a brill time. Feel like I’m ten years old! Met Mickey Mouse yesterday and we all had to get a photo with him (as you can see I look slightly star struck. Pierre was a little worried about me). The kids are in heaven, there’s so many things for them to look at I think they’re going to make themselves dizzy! There’s so much to do here that we decided to stay an extra few days so unfortunately we won’t be able to stop off in Dublin on the way home like we’d planned.
Hope the studying is going well and that you’re enjoying your peace and quiet. Don’t let Rupert from next door drag you to the National Concert Hall anymore, just tell him you need to study.
Lots of love,
Steph, Pierre, Jean-Louis, and Sophia
Hi Rosie,
I called around earlier but you weren’t here so I thought I’d leave you this note. I’m going away for a few weeks with the choir I sing in, we’re going to sing for the people of Kazakhstan. We’re touring the country and I’m really looking forward to it.
I’m closing the shop while I’m gone so you’ll be pleased to know that there won’t be any noise coming from either the shop or the flat while I’m gone. You should be able to study now that we’re all away. I’ve left my key with you in case there are any emergencies.
Good luck with the studying, enjoy your peace and quiet, and I’ll see you when I get back. Maybe by the time I’m back you’ll have asked that Internet guy from downstairs out on a date. I think he likes you—he keeps asking after you.
Rupert (from next door)
Rosie Dunne,
You have an outstanding bill of €6.20 owed from the last time you were here to use the Internet. Please pay it immediately or we will take legal action.
Ross (from the Internet café downstairs)
You have entered the Relieved Divorced Dubliner’s Internet Chat room
There are currently no people chatting
Buttercup has entered the room
Buttercup: Ah not these guys too, they’re not supposed to have lives . . . where the hell is everyone?
CHAPTER 45
You have an instant message from: TOBY
Toby: I bet you had a salad sandwich for lunch again.
Katie: How do you no?
Toby: It’s KNOW not NO. I can see the lettuce hanging out of your braces again. I’m surprised you haven’t taken to eating mashed foods by now or at least something you could suck through a straw. Solids are a bit of a no-no.
Katie: This time next week you won’t be able to slag me anymore. For the end of an era has come. The braces are coming off. After three and a half years behind bars, my teeth, my now straight teeth may I add, will be free.
Toby: Well it’s about time. I can’t wait to see how they come off.
Katie: Not gonna happen.
Toby: Why not?!
Katie: You didn’t think that I’d take three and a half years of listening to your annoying metal mouth jokes lying down did you? This is my revenge. Next week I’m bringing my mum with me and she can take a photo for you.
Toby: Ah Katie, don’t be ridiculous! You can’t do this! I’ve been to every single one of your appointments and you leave me out for the final one, the biggest one of all? I need to see them come off.
Katie: I think they’ll teach you that stuff at college Toby, I don’t think you need to worry at all. You don’t actually need to no everything before you even study it at college. The general idea is to learn it there.
Toby: Well I haven’t been accepted yet have I? I could screw up in my exams and not get enough points for the course.
Katie: You’ll get in Toby.
Toby: The points are really high Katie.
Katie: You’ll get in.
Toby: Trinity College is really popular though, what if I do get the points but then so do hundreds of other people? Then they’ll raise the points even higher.
Katie: You’ll get in.
Toby: We’ll see. Have you figured out what course you’re going to do yet? You better decide soon because we need to fill out our CAO forms soon.
Katie: The stress of it all. How the hell are we expected at the age of 16 (and 17 in your case) to decide what we want to do for the rest of our lives? The decision is next to impossible. Right now all I want to do is get out of school, not start planning to get into another one. You’re lucky you’ve always known what you want to do.
Toby: Only thanks to you and your manky teeth. Anyway, you’ve known what you wanted to do for longer than I have. Be a DJ.
Katie: I can’t study that in college though, can I?
Toby: Who says you have to go to college?
Katie: Everyone. The career guidance teacher. My mum. My dad. All the teachers. God. Rupert. Sanjay even said I should go and that he will take care of Mum for me.
Toby: Well I wouldn’t listen to Sanjay because he’s got (scary) ulterior motives. I wouldn’t listen to the career guidance teacher either because his job is to take you for half an hour every week and discuss college courses to his heart’s content. Do you think he really cares what you do? Who cares what Rupert thinks, your dad is only agreeing with your mum, and your mum is only saying you should go because she thinks you want to. And don’t mind God, as your mum always says, he’s only having a laugh.
Katie: But Mum has worked so hard to finally get around to studying what she wants and it’s been such a struggle for her to get to the final year. Now I have the opportunity to go to college, because let’s face it if I study really hard from now until June we both no I could do well. I’ve nothing in my way, nothing to hold me back, and I think Mum thinks I’m jumping for joy at the idea.
She wanted this opportunity so much at my age and I kind of got in the way and now it’s my turn and I’ve nothing in the way. For her this is a big deal, for her I’m a really lucky person. Meanwhile I just can’t think of anything I would be bothered studying for another four years of my life. It sounds like a prison sentence. Dad said that I could go over to him for the summer again and work in the club behind the bar for a few nights a week. Sugar will train me on the other nights. He says if I really want to do it I might as well start taking it seriously.
Toby: He’s right.
Katie: Well you don’t sound like you’re going to miss me too much!
Toby: Of course I won’t. If you don’t go, then I’m the one who has to listen to you moan for the rest of my life. Apart from that, you should look at your mum as being the perfect example, she missed out on her chance when she was your age and now she’s only months away from
finally reaching it. You on the other hand have your dream on a plate right in front of you.
Of all the mothers in the world yours is the least likely to be pushy about college. She’s only encouraging you because she thinks that’s what you want.
Katie: You’re right. I never thought of it like that.
Toby: I’m always right.
Katie: It’s our final year Toby. Who new we would ever get here? After all those days of detention, I will finally never have to wear another tie again. For you dear Toby, your tie-wearing days are just beginning.
Toby: No more double computer class on a Monday morning and I can assure you that if I get into college I will not be wearing ties.
Katie: Brown cords and long hair then, and you can listen to Bob Dylan all day while you’re flaked out on the grass, man. I’m actually beginning to think that double computer class on a Monday morning could actually be easy compared to moving away from Mum and Grandma. Oh my god, what about John?
Toby: John has legs, he’ll be able to walk on to a plane, sit down, fly to Ibiza or wherever you may be, get off the plane, and see you. I noticed you didn’t mention me there. Will life be that easy without me?
Katie: Yes of course it will. No but honestly, aren’t there any dentistry colleges in Ibiza?
Toby: Not where you’re going, unless you include extracting people’s teeth using your fist.
Katie: Well then I guess it’s Ibiza for just me and Dad then.
To Katie and Rosie,
Good luck to the both of you in your exams, I’m praying for my girls.
Love Mum/Grandma
To Rosie and Katie,
Good luck!
Love Steph, Pierre, JeAN-LOuiS, and Sophia
To Rosie and Katie,
My best friend and goddaughter, best of luck in your exams. You will both excel as you always do. Let me no how the first one goes.
Love,
Alex
To Rosie,
After these exams can you start going out again? You’re becoming an awful bore and an intelligent bore at that which is even worse. The quality of conversation with Teddy and Gary is declining week by week and last week I was forced to listen to hours and hours of “discussion” about whether the Aston Martin DB7 is as good or as fast as a Ferrari 575. Oh yes my family likes to get down to the nitty-gritty and discuss the important things in life.
I know I encouraged you to go for this degree but if you fail these exams this year and have to repeat I’m giving you the official warning that I have the firm intention of making a new friend. One that won’t be so ambitious. You do know that ambition was Macbeth’s downfall don’t you? (It was either that or the crazy wife.)
So absolutely no pressure there. Good luck,
Ruby
To Mum,
Here we go, in a fortnight we’ll both be free.
Best of luck,
Katie
To Katie,
Good luck honey, thanks for being my study partner. No matter how you do I’m proud of you.
Love,
Mum
Exam results: Rosie Dunne.
Student number: 4553901-L
Course: BA in Hotel Business Management
Recognized by Irish Hotel & Catering Institute (MIMCI) & Catering Managers Association of Ireland (MCMA)
Subject Grade
Accounting B
Computer Applications and Data Summary B
Economics B
Hospitality Ethical and Legal Studies B
Financial Control and Marketing B
Human Resource Management A
Enterprise Development A
Languages (Irish) A
Tourism and Hospitality Industry Studies A
Graduates qualify for membership for a period of professional internship in the hospitality industry.
YES! YES! YES! YES! YEEEEEESSSSSS! ALEX I DID IT! I FINALLY DID IT!!
Rosie I’m so happy for you! Congratulations!
FROM: Rosie
TO: Ruby
SUBJECT: Let’s celebrate!
Now we can definitely go out! By the way, Katie is coming out with us too so get your dancing shoes on (of course in your case I don’t mean that literally. No one wants to see salsa shoes in a nightclub). She did brilliantly in her exams and got accepted to a few college business courses but she’s going to stick to her original idea of trying out DJ-ing.
Toby got enough points for dentistry in Trinity College which is wonderful news so overall everyone is happy, happy, happy!
You know when I was 18 I missed out on going to Boston and I thought my world had ended. While all my friends were partying and studying I was cleaning dirty nappies. I thought my dream was lost. Never in a million years did I think that I would be able to share this special moment with my teenage daughter.
Everything does happen for a reason. I’ll just be so sad to see my baby go away. The day I’ve been preparing for has finally arrived, Katie is spreading her wings and moving on and I must do the same. I think I might be close to gathering enough money to buy that train ticket out of here.
Rosie Dunne is leaving the station and moving on. Finally.
Rosie Dunne, Principal Julie Casey,
Apt. 3, St. Patrick’s Primary School,
Northstrand
Dublin 1,
Ireland
Dear Rosie,
Congratulations on your recent exam results, you have proved yourself to be a true achiever and should feel proud.
Keeping my promise, I am delighted to inform you on behalf of all of us here at St. Patrick’s Primary School that your services are no longer required. Your contract with us will not be up for renewal in August.
We are sorry to see you go but you have to. My retirement was one year later than planned but it was worth hanging around to see you succeed. Rosie Dunne, you have been the longest project of my life, my eldest and longest-serving student, and although we may have had a rocky start and an even rockier middle, I am so glad to see you succeed at the end.
Your hard work and dedication are an inspiration to us all and I wish you all the best for the future. I do hope you keep in touch and I would love to see you attend my retirement party for which you will receive an invitation shortly. I ask that you forward on an invitation to Alex Stewart too.
After years of separating the two of you it would be nice to see you both in the same room again after so many years. I do hope that he can make it.
Congratulations again.
Keep in touch,
Julie (Big Nose Smelly Breath) Casey
Katie,
My baby girl is moving away! I’m so proud of you, love, you are so brave to be doing this. Make sure your dad doesn’t forget to feed and clothe you.
I’ll miss you so much, I loved having you here with me but I hope I’m welcome to visit you lots!
If you need me, just call and I’ll come running.
Lots of love,
Mum
Dear Brian,
This is a huge responsibility, please take care of Katie and don’t let her get up to anything stupid over there. You know what eighteen-year-old males are like, you yourself were one. Keep her away from them as best you can. She’s over there to learn, not party and make babies.
Let me know everything that’s going on with her. Even the stuff she’s afraid to tell me. A mother needs to know. Please listen to her and be there for her all the time. If you even sense that something is wrong and she won’t confide in you, just let me know and I’ll subtly find out.
And last but not least, thank you so much for giving my baby, our baby her dream.
Best wishes,
Rosie
Dear Rosie Dunne,
Congratulations on completing your BA in Hotel Business Management.
We are pleased to inform you that your professional internship in the hospitality industry will be undertaken at the beginning of August. Each graduate’s employment has been randomly selected
and chosen by a computer without discrimination or prejudice and all jobs are on an equal par with one another. Once a placement has been made the graduate cannot change or demand another.
The contract of twelve months is for the position of assistant manager and is to be held at the Grand Tower Hotel in Dublin’s city center.
You are to begin on Monday, 1st of August at nine a.m. For more information regarding your placement please contact Cronin Ui Cheallaigh, manager and owner of the Grand Tower Hotel. The phone number, details, and map of directions to the hotel are provided overleaf.
We wish you luck in your new venture and hope it brings you success in the future.
Yours sincerely,
Keith Richards
Hotel Business Management Course Director, St. Patrick’s Primary School Night Courses
Alex: Very impressive Rosie, the Grand Tower Hotel? Sounds very prestigious indeed.
Rosie: Oooh I know! That’s what I thought! I’m not familiar with the hotel though are you?
Alex: Oh you’re asking the wrong person Rosie. Every time I’m back in Dublin some new building, office block, or apartment block has popped up where there was nothing. I don’t no where anything is anymore. You should go down and take a look yourself.
Rosie: No! I couldn’t do that! What if they caught me snooping around and then I arrived the next day claiming to be the manager. They’ll think I’m a freak.
Alex: A freak? No. Interested and eager? Yes.
Rosie: Nobody likes an eager beaver Alex. After we hung up the other night, I was thinking and do you know you’re losing your accent?
Alex: Rosie I have been here 20 years. I’ve spent more years here than in Ireland. My kids are American; I have to keep up with the lingo! (Irish expression added entirely for you.) Of course I’m going to lose an accent.