"I see," Ricky replied still holding the brace.
"Well, right now things are tough. I can't sit here listening to you talk like you are. You need to get your ass up to Tommy and ask him what you need to ask him. Do you get me?"
Ricky lifted the brace into the air in front of him, and studied all of the pins and turn screws. He nodded at Bobby. "You're right."
"Of course I'm right, you dumb shit!”
Ricky cracked a smile. He laid Bobby's brace onto his lap and nodded again and wiped away at his eyes to keep himself from crying.
"You're right," Ricky said again. "It hurts."
"I know it does, man. I know. But you need to talk it out."
Ricky nodded again. "Talk it out," he repeated. He looked at Bobby, and Bobby could see that Ricky really feared having to face Tommy with questions about Tommy's dad.
"Yeah, talk it out." Bobby moved over and put his arm on his friend's shoulder. "I'll take you. I wish they'd let two of us visit at a time so I could be with you the whole time."
"No, it’s alright. I think I need to do this on my own," he said, but Bobby wasn't sure he believed Ricky was up to it just yet.
"But I will still be the one that takes you up there."
"Damn right you will," Ricky said and smiled.
CHAPTER 42
Sarah sat at the window inside the Bistro at her usual spot and listened to Simon go on about his flowerbeds.
"Oh, I've waited long enough. If he thinks he's done and is going to get away with it like this, I'm sorry, because I just won't have it," Simon uttered. He was distraught over Jens response to having finished the repairs to his flowerbed damaged by the cattle.
"But I thought he fixed it months ago," Sarah responded.
"Fixed it? Fixed it? All that Jens did was have his guys come over and spread some dirt over the hoof marks in the lawn and flowerbeds before the snow came down. It looks utterly terrible now that the snow has receded. All lumpy and bumpy. Oooh!"
"I'm so sorry, Simon."
"And he says that's how it was before the cows got in. I am so angry right now."
Sarah wanted to snicker, but she knew how important the garden was to Simon. "So what's your plan?"
"My plan is to see Jens make good on this, that's my plan. Why should my poor plants and lawn have to suffer from the likes of him?"
"That really doesn't sound like a plan."
Simon stopped his prancing about and pointed at Sarah. "Don't you go getting nasty at me."
Sarah laughed. "I'm not getting nasty. I'm just wondering how you can make that Jens guy do anything. It seems he's just trying to provoke you at every chance he gets."
"Well he's doing a smash-darn good job at it, I'd say. I'm provoked, I'm irritated and I'm darn angry, and I won't let him get away with it."
"Well, I wish I could help you. I really do."
"I know you do. And I love you, darling, for caring. But you have your own things to deal with now: the new house and all."
Sarah agreed she had a lot to do with possession of her new home only weeks away, but Simon was a good man, and she wasn't about to let her new life stop her from keeping him close as a friend.
"The new house is all nearly sorted. If there's anything I can help with out at your property, I would be glad to spend some time doing so. I really don't mind getting dirty. Maybe you and I can fix the lawn up ourselves."
Simon moved closer, surprised by such an offer. "You'd do that? Come over and get dirty in the flower beds? Really? I never took you to be an earthy girl."
"Oh, I can be earthy. Just watch me. I'd like nothing better than to get my hands in the dirt with you."
Simon nearly swooned with her response. "Oh! You are a dirty girl," he replied and laughed. Sarah laughed with him. She was pleased that she had such a friend so close.
CHAPTER 43
Ricky sat in the visitor's room and waited for Tommy to enter. He rubbed his hands together and questioned whether he was going to be able to really open up and talk to Tommy this time. This was a big deal, and Ricky had no idea where to start the conversation. How much did Tommy know? Did Tommy really want to hear the sordid details of what went on in the small building in his own back yard? Did he really want to hear what took place so close to where he laid his head each night, all those years?
Ricky almost considered leaving, but Tommy was let into the room right as he shifted to stand.
Tommy lifted his hand and waved. "Ricky. Good to see you again. It's been a while."
Ricky nodded. "It has. Too long."
"Yeah. Been too long in here as well. School's almost out. Maybe once you've graduated you can come up more often?" Tommy asked pleasantly.
Ricky shrugged.
"I'll be graduating inside this place."
"In here? How?"
"Correspondence courses. I'll be done next week."
"Oh, of course. I see," Ricky replied disinterested.
"So what brings you up?
Ricky studied Tommy's disposition. He looked comfortable, relaxed and almost happy. Ricky fidgeted some more and shuffled in his chair before he spoke. "Listen, Tommy. We really need to talk."
Tommy tensed up and nodded without speaking. He sat down opposite Ricky. "Is this about what you asked me a few months back?" he asked hesitantly.
"You mean, what you asked me. You do remember what you asked me don't you?"
"Oh," Tommy said and began to feel very uncomfortable. He cast his eyes downward.
"You asked me if your dad took videos of me."
Tommy looked back up, and Ricky could see that Tommy would rather not discuss this topic.
"Well he did, Tommy. He always did. The camera was always going every time anyone went in that back office. I know that is what you wanted to hear, isn't it?"
Tommy still said nothing and looked away, deep in his own thoughts. Tommy’s distance disturbed Ricky.
"Aren't you going to say anything?" Ricky asked.
Tommy's demeanour became very serious, and he stared straight into Ricky's eyes. "I'm not sure what to say. I'm not even sure why I asked you that the first time."
"Bullshit!" Ricky shouted back. "You asked me that for a reason, and I want to know what it is. I've been thinking about why you asked me that question for months now. I came up here every single time since then wanting to ask you, but I was afraid of what the answer might be. I think you know what I'm talking about. So tell me the truth Tommy, why did you ask me that?"
Tommy shook his head despondent. "I can't."
"What? You can't? I've been going absolutely ape-shit crazy thinking about nothing else for months. It's been swallowing me up, and I don't know how much more I can take."
"It's probably best if we both just leave it alone," Tommy said.
"I'm not leaving anything alone today. It was your dad, in your house, doing these awful things to me. If there's anything else you know, then you gotta tell me, Tommy. You just have to." Ricky wiped his eyes as they began to fill with tears.
Tommy pushed his chair back from the table and stood up. He paced back and forth a few times and glanced at Ricky off and on, deeply distressed, before he finally sat back down at the table.
"Listen, Ricky," he said. The discomfort and pain was etched deep in his eyes. "What I have to say is horrible, and I'm not sure if I can even let it out."
"You have to. I need to know whatever you know. Please!"
Tommy wavered a bit more, put his head down into his hands on the table and groaned.
"C'mon, Tommy," Ricky prodded.
Tommy lifted his head back up. "No one knows this but me, okay? Jason doesn't even know what I am about to tell you, and he was there."
"Go on."
"It's more horrible than anything I could ever dream up. I just don't know if I should say it. It's something that's so bloody terrible..."
"Say it! Dammit, Tommy!
Just fricking tell me!"
Tommy took a deep breath and let it out. "There are recordings of what he did. And I know where they are."
Ricky's mouth dropped open. It was what he suspected but hoped he wouldn’t hear.
"I don't know how many, but there are recordings of others besides you," Tommy added.
"Who else?"
"Who else," Tommy repeated and nervousness fell over his face. His eyes became cold and stoic and danced about the room. "Tim for one," he said.
"Tim?" Ricky was suddenly furious. "You knew about this? And you did nothing?" he shouted.
"No! No!" Tommy shouted back and raised his hands in the air. "I didn’t find out about the recordings until after Tim was already dead. Honest."
Tommy then revealed to Ricky the horrid story of what happened the day of Tim's suicide. He went over every detail and left out nothing. He remained calm and expressionless, as he recapped all of the events to Ricky. He was careful to separate all emotion from the acts he and Jason committed. By the time he finished, Ricky knew all of the events that led up to the death of Tommy's parents and the discovery of the secret room tucked in behind the fireplace where all the recordings remained.
When Tommy was done, he simply stopped talking. Ricky stared at him in angst, and revulsion spread across his face. Ricky turned himself away as tears crawled down his face. He couldn't bring himself to look at Tommy. He didn't know what to do, so for the moment he removed himself from the table and walked about the room to collect his thoughts.
He finally sat back down and wiped his eyes. "So there are recordings of me floating around out there? Damn it, Tommy! Damn it!" He wanted to reach over and slug Tommy, but he knew it wasn't his fault. "What if someone finds them? No one can see them!"
"No one can find them. They're all hidden away in the house."
"You don't know that! Someone might have already found them! Shit Tommy! Shit! Shit! Shit! I'll die if anyone finds them."
"No one is going to. No one knows that hiding place is even there."
"There've been all kinds of people going through that house. It's been up for sale for weeks now. Maybe somebody already found them."
Tommy tried to reach out to Ricky, but Ricky pulled himself away.
"I gotta find them!"
"You can't. The house is all locked up, and there's a security system throughout the house. You won't get in. You and I are the only two who know that room even exists," he said. "Well, Jason too, but he doesn't know about the recordings inside."
"What the hell am I supposed to do then?"
Tommy shrugged. "Do nothing. It's all safe and no one's going to find out."
"I can't just do nothing. As long as those recordings are out there, I won't be able to think of anything else. Shit, Tommy. There must be a way I can get in."
Tommy shook his head from side to side. "No way."
"You have a password! I can use your password!"
"It won't work without a key to the front or back door. The alarm is triggered upon opening the door and you have thirty seconds to disable it, and I don't have a key anymore."
"I'll break a window."
"Same thing. If the front door is not opened with the key and an intruder enters through one of the alarmed windows an alarm is triggered immediately. You'd have to magically pop yourself inside the house without opening any of the doors or windows, and then you'd be able to turn off the alarm. No way in Ricky."
Ricky objected, but he finally agreed to let it rest. He walked out of Spy Hill extremely distraught and promised Tommy that he would be back up soon. Something had to be done about those recordings.
CHAPTER 44
Jason walked quickly down the hall towards therapy room 117. He looked forward to leading another group session. He felt his self-confidence had grown from having to put himself out front. When he was younger, he would always watch Tommy before he made up his mind about things. He looked up to his big brother and found himself constantly asking himself, "What would Tommy do?" The hesitation and internal query had slowly started to change inside him with the therapy sessions. Interacting with the new boys made him feel like he was respected in his position in the group and that his opinion mattered. Sometimes a few of the boys would lash out at Jason or mock him as he talked, but Jason never saw it as a personal attack. Jason concluded that these boys were simply hiding behind the protective attitudes they wore like shields, and he learned how to respond to them.
Jason's enthusiasm for today's session suddenly diminished when he entered the room and looked at the six boys who were ready to participate. Two of them were new inmates, but one of the new boys caught him completely off guard. It was none other than his nightmare from high school, Doug Fisher, or Doogie. The last time he saw Doogie, he had bust Doogie's lip open in defence of his friend Tim. A long suppressed anger rose in his belly, and he could feel his face flush as he looked at Doogie. He quickly turned away and acknowledged Marilyn with a smile and a nod, and then took his seat amongst the group.
Marilyn quickly went through the usual preamble and released the group to Jason. Jason swallowed hard. He knew this was going to be a difficult session. He glanced over at Doogie to see him grinning and nodding his head as if he was ready to speak.
"Uh, hi everyone. If you don't know me, my name is Jason, and I'm here to lead today's session."
"Well I'll be damned, Jason!" Doogie blurted out. He kept on grinning and followed up with a short laugh. "I thought yous were locked up in some dark pit somewhere."
"I'm right here, just like you are." Not to be bested by Doogie's attempt to control the room, Jason quickly responded with his own demonstrative attitude. "Your lip is looking better than the last time I saw you."
Doogie lurched in his chair; fury etched itself deep into his face. He thrust his finger out towards Jason. "Yous better watch yourself Oliver. Remember what I promised yous last time."
Jason smiled, turned to the rest of the group and responded in a calm, controlled voice. "What Doogie's referring to is a little scrap we had last time I saw him. I actually know Doogie quite well. We went to the same high school. Bust him a split lip the last time we met." He looked over and grinned at Doogie. The rest of the group looked over at Doogie with a bit of awe for Jason's boldness.
"Fuck yous, Jason!" Doogie shouted. He stood up, moved a step towards Jason and clenched his fists. "This is a pretty small building. Not too many places to hide in here."
"Okay everyone!" Marilyn interjected loudly. She would normally let the group talk but sensed the danger of a serious escalation. She stood up and pointed to Doogie's chair. "Remember there is no violence allowed during these sessions. I warn you now that the aggression you are exhibiting will NOT be tolerated. Please sit back down, Doug.
"It's Doogie!"
"Okay, Doogie, if you wish. This is a session for open discussion, but it must remain controlled. You may feel emotional but you cannot act out aggressively according to how you feel." She looked about the group. "Do you all understand? Being here is a privilege, not a punishment. If you will not control yourself, you will be removed, and you will not get credit for being here today. Let's all take a deep breath, sit back and move on in an organized fashion."
The group turned towards her, and one by one nodded. Doogie reluctantly did the same and sat back down. He continued to stare Jason down, visibly infuriated.
"Jason, please continue," Marilyn commanded.
Jason proceeded to lead the group as he would in any other session and simply ignored Doogie and any comment made by Doogie for the rest of the session. Doogie attempted to derail Jason's authority in the group, but even though some comments struck deep inside Jason, he refused to react and didn’t let his emotions cause him to respond to Doogie's outbursts. His control, although somewhat weakened by not responding to Doogie's outbursts, soon filtered throughout the room where many of the
boys responded to Jason's direction in a positive way. With Doogie, it became a silent war of implied commentary between them. Jason won handily with the support of the group… this time.
CHAPTER 45
Bobby and Rickey were nearly back to Bluffington before Ricky gave up any hint of what happened inside Spy Hill with Tommy. Bobby could see Ricky was terribly upset when he got in the car and knew immediately that Ricky had finally asked what he needed to ask Tommy.
It was a silent drive of forty-five minutes before Ricky let out a huge sigh and began to speak, but his voice came out in a high squeak from the emotional strain. He stopped and started over, but a quiver in his voice remained. "It's not very good, Bobby."
Bobby only nodded and let Ricky say what he needed to say.
"I asked him. I really did ask him this time." He wiped his nose on the back of his sleeve and stared off into the distance out the window.
"Uh huh," Bobby replied.
"It's not very good," he repeated. "I really don't know what to do now."
Bobby sensed the huge burden Ricky now carried. "Is it okay if I ask what Tommy said?"
Ricky remained silent and continued to stare out the window for another kilometer of open highway. They were on the country road just outside of Bluffington. The leaves were beginning to bud on many of the trees creating a soft dust-like coat of green within the grey forest of denuded branches. It was a promise that the rebirth of another cycle of summer was on its way.
"There are tapes. Or maybe not tapes, but recordings of some kind. CDs maybe. I don't know."
"Oh," was all Bobby could offer back.
"Tommy told me where they are."
"The recordings are of you in the… uh..."
"Yes. Recordings of me. Tommy told me there are others too. Tim was one of them."
Bobby was uncomfortable now. Things had suddenly changed a lot. It seemed this story could never just go away, and only continued to simply get worse. "That explains a lot."
"It does, doesn't it."
"Where are the recordings?"
Ricky let out a snicker. "Right in Tommy's old house, just four doors down the road from yours, believe it or not."