“No,” he said, covering her hand with his own. He wrapped his fingers around hers and then took her to his heart.
He looked into her eyes.
She could not look away.
And then he was back, his body hard and hot against hers, his hands everywhere and his lips everywhere else. And her nightgown— It no longer seemed to be covering quite so much of her. It was up against her thighs, then pooled around her waist. He was touching her—not there, but close. Skimming along her belly, scorching her skin.
“Gregory,” she gasped, because somehow his fingers had found her breast.
“Oh, Lucy,” he groaned, cupping her, squeezing, tickling the tip, and—
Oh, dear God. How was it possible that she felt it there?
Her hips arched and bucked, and she needed to be closer. She needed something she couldn’t quite identify, something that would fill her, complete her.
He was tugging at her nightgown now, and it slipped over her head, leaving her scandalously bare. One of her hands instinctively rose to cover her, but he grabbed her wrist and held it against his own chest. He was straddling her, sitting upright, staring down at her as if . . . as if . . .
As if she were beautiful.
He was looking at her the way men always looked at Hermione, except somehow there was more. More passion, more desire.
She felt worshipped.
“Lucy,” he murmured, lightly caressing the side of her breast. “I feel . . . I think . . .”
His lips parted, and he shook his head. Slowly, as if he did not quite understand what was happening to him. “I have been waiting for this,” he whispered. “For my entire life. I didn’t even know. I didn’t know.”
She took his hand and brought it to her mouth, kissing the palm. She understood.
His breath quickened, and then he slid off of her, his hands moving to the fastenings of his breeches.
Her eyes widened, and she watched.
“I will be gentle,” he vowed. “I promise you.”
“I’m not worried,” she said, managing a wobbly smile.
His lips curved in return. “You look worried.”
“I’m not.” But still, her eyes wandered.
Gregory chuckled, lying down beside her. “It might hurt. I’m told it does at the beginning.”
She shook her head. “I don’t care.”
He let his hand wander down her arm. “Just remember, if there is pain, it will get better.”
She felt it beginning again, that slow burning in her belly. “How much better?” she asked, her voice breathy and unfamiliar.
He smiled as his fingers found her hip. “Quite a bit, I’m told.”
“Quite a bit,” she asked, now barely able to speak, “or . . . rather a lot?”
He moved over her, his skin finding every inch of hers. It was wicked.
It was bliss.
“Rather a lot,” he answered, nipping lightly at her neck. “More than rather a lot, actually.”
She felt her legs slide open, and his body nestled in the space between them. She could feel him, hard and hot and pressing against her. She stiffened, and he must have felt it, because his lips crooned a soft, “Shhhh,” at her ear.
From there he moved down.
And down.
And down.
His mouth trailed fire along her neck to the hollow of her shoulder, and then—
Oh, dear God.
His hand was cupping her breast, making it round and plump, and his mouth found the tip.
She jerked beneath him.
He chuckled, and his other hand found her shoulder, holding her immobile while he continued his torture, pausing only to move to the other side.
“Gregory,” Lucy whimpered, because she did not know what else to say. She was lost to the sensation, completely helpless against his sensual onslaught. She couldn’t explain, she couldn’t fix or rationalize. She could only feel, and it was the most terrifying, thrilling thing imaginable.
With one last nip, he released her breast and brought his face back up to hers. His breathing was ragged, his muscles tense.
“Touch me,” he said hoarsely.
Her lips parted, and her eyes found his.
“Anywhere,” he begged.
It was only then that Lucy realized that her hands were at her sides, gripping the sheets as if they could keep her sane. “I’m sorry,” she said, and then, amazingly, she began to laugh.
One side of his mouth curved up. “We’re going to have to break you of that habit,” he murmured.
She brought her hands to his back, lightly exploring his skin. “You don’t want me to apologize?” she asked. When he joked, when he teased—it made her comfortable. It made her bold.
“Not for this,” he groaned.
She rubbed her feet against his calves. “Ever?”
And then his hands started doing unspeakable things. “Do you want me to apologize?”
“No,” she gasped. He was touching her intimately, in ways she didn’t know she could be touched. It should have been the most awful thing in the world, but it wasn’t. It made her stretch, arch, squirm. She had no idea what it was she was feeling—she couldn’t have described it with Shakespeare himself at her disposal.
But she wanted more. It was her only thought, the only thing she knew.
Gregory was leading her somewhere. She felt pulled, taken, transported.
And she wanted it all.
“Please,” she begged, the word slipping unbidden from her lips. “Please . . .”
But Gregory, too, was beyond words. He said her name. Over and over he said it, as if his lips had lost the memory of anything else.
“Lucy,” he whispered, his mouth moving to the hollow between her breasts.
“Lucy,” he moaned, slipping one finger inside of her.
And then he gasped it. “Lucy!”
She had touched him. Softly, tentatively.
But it was she. It was her hand, her caress, and it felt as if he’d been set on fire.
“I’m sorry,” she said, yanking her hand away.
“Don’t apologize,” he ground out, not because he was angry but because he could barely speak. He found her hand and dragged it back. “This is how much I want you,” he said, wrapping her around him. “With everything I have, everything I am.”
His nose was barely an inch from hers. Their breath mingled, and their eyes . . .
It was like they were one.
“I love you,” he murmured, moving into position. Her hand slid away, then moved to his back.
“I love you, too,” she whispered, and then her eyes widened, as if she were stunned that she’d said it.
But he didn’t care. It didn’t matter if she’d meant to tell him or not. She’d said it, and she could never take it back. She was his.
And he was hers. As he held himself still, pressing ever so softly at her entrance, he realized that he was at the edge of a precipice. His life was now one of two parts: before and after.
He would never love another woman again.
He could never love another woman again.
Not after this. Not as long as Lucy walked the same earth. There could be no one else.
It was terrifying, this precipice. Terrifying, and thrilling, and—
He jumped.
She let out a little gasp as he pushed forward, but when he looked down at her, she did not seem to be in pain. Her head was thrown back, and each breath was accompanied by a little moan, as if she could not quite keep her desire inside.
Her legs wrapped around his, feet running down the length of his calves. And her hips were arching, pressing, begging him to continue.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he said, every muscle in his body straining to move forward. He had never wanted anything the way he wanted her in that moment. And yet he had never felt less greedy. This had to be for her. He could not hurt her.
“You’re not,” she groaned, and then he couldn’t help himself.
He captured her breast in his mouth as he pushed through her final barrier, embedding himself fully within her.
If she’d felt pain, she didn’t care. She let out a quiet shriek of pleasure, and her hands grabbed wildly at his head. She writhed beneath him, and when he attempted to move to her other breast, her fingers grew merciless, holding him in place with a ferocious intensity.
And all the while, his body claiming her, moving in a rhythm that was beyond thought or control.
“Lucy Lucy Lucy,” he moaned, finally tearing himself away from her breast. It was too hard. It was too much. He needed room to breathe, to gasp, to suck in the air that never quite seemed to make it to his lungs.
“Lucy!”
He should wait. He was trying to wait. But she was grabbing at him, digging her nails into his shoulders, and her body was arching off the bed with enough strength to lift him as well.
And then he felt her. Tensing, squeezing, shuddering around him, and he let go.
He let go, and the world quite simply exploded.
“I love you,” he gasped as he collapsed atop her. He’d thought himself beyond words, but there they were.
They were his companion now. Three little words.
I love you.
He would never be without them.
And that was a splendid thing.
Twenty
In which Our Hero has a very bad morning.
Sometime later, after sleep, and then more passion, and then not quite sleep, but a peaceful quiet and stillness, and then more passion—because they just could not help themselves—it was time for Gregory to go.
It was the most difficult thing he had ever done, and yet he was still able to do it with joy in his heart because he knew that this was not the end. It was not even goodbye; it was nothing so permanent as that. But the hour was growing dangerous. Dawn would arrive shortly, and while he had every intention of marrying Lucy as soon as he could manage it, he would not put her through the shame of being caught in bed with him on the morning of her wedding to another man.
There was also Haselby to consider. Gregory did not know him well, but he had always seemed an affable fellow and did not deserve the public humiliation that would follow.
“Lucy,” Gregory whispered, nudging her cheek with his nose, “it is near to morning.”
She made a sleepy sound, then turned her head. “Yes,” she said. Just Yes, not It’s all so unfair or It shouldn’t have to be this way. But that was Lucy. She was pragmatic and prudent and charmingly reasonable, and he loved her for all that and more. She didn’t want to change the world. She just wanted to make it lovely and wonderful for the people she loved.
The fact that she had done this—that she had let him make love to her and was planning to call off her wedding now, the very morning of the ceremony—it only showed him how deeply she cared for him. Lucy didn’t look for attention and drama. She craved stability and routine, and for her to make the leap she was preparing for—
It humbled him.
“You should come with me,” he said. “Now. We should leave together before the household wakes.”
Her bottom lip stretched a bit from side to side in an oh dear–ish expression that was so fetching he simply had to kiss her. Lightly, since he had no time to get carried away, and just a little peck on the corner of her mouth. Nothing that interfered with her answer, which was a disappointing “I cannot.”
He drew back. “You cannot remain.”
But she was shaking her head. “I . . . I must do the right thing.”
He looked at her quizzically.
“I must behave with honor,” she explained. She sat then, her fingers clutching the bedclothes so tightly that her knuckles turned white. She looked nervous, which he supposed made sense. He felt on the edge of a brand-new dawn, whereas she—
She still had a rather large mountain to scale before she reached her happy ending.
He reached out, trying to take one of her hands, but she was not receptive. It wasn’t that she was tugging away from him; rather, it almost felt as if she was not even aware of his touch.
“I cannot sneak away and allow Lord Haselby to wait in vain at the church,” she said, the words rushing out, tumbling from her lips as her eyes turned to his, wide and imploring.
But just for a moment.
Then she turned away.
She swallowed. He could not see her face, but he could see it in the way she moved.
She said, softly, “Surely you understand that.”
And he did. It was one of the things he loved best about her. She had such a strong sense of right and wrong, sometimes to the point of intractability. But she was never moralistic, never condescending.
“I will watch for you,” he said.
Her head turned sharply, and her eyes widened in question.
“You may need my assistance,” he said softly.
“No, it won’t be necessary. I’m sure I can—”
“I insist,” he said, with enough force to silence her. “This shall be our signal.” He held up his hand, fingers together, palm out. He twisted at the wrist then, once, to bring his palm around to face him, and then again, to return it to its original position. “I shall watch for you. If you need my help, come to the window and make the signal.”
She opened her mouth, as if she might protest one more time, but in the end she merely nodded.
He stood then, opening the heavy draperies that ringed her bed as he searched for his clothing. His garments were strewn about—his breeches here, his shirt remarkably over there, but he quickly gathered what he needed and dressed.
Lucy remained in bed, sitting up with the sheets tucked under her arm. He found her modesty charming, and he almost teased her for it. But instead he decided just to offer an amused smile. It had been a momentous night for her; she should not be made to feel embarrassed for her innocence.
He walked to the window to peer out. Dawn had not yet broken, but the sky hung with anticipation, the horizon painted with that faint shimmer of light one saw only before the sunrise. It glowed gently, a serene purplish-blue, and was so beautiful he beckoned to her to join him. He turned his back while she donned her nightgown and then, once she had padded across the room in her bare feet, he pulled her gently against him, her back to his chest. He rested his chin on top of her head.
“Look,” he whispered.
The night seemed to dance, sparkling and tingling, as if the air itself understood that nothing would ever be the same. Dawn was waiting on the other side of the horizon, and already the stars were beginning to look less bright in the sky.
If he could have frozen time, he would have done so. Never had he experienced a single moment that was so magical, so . . . full. Everything was there, everything that was good and honest and true. And he finally understood the difference between happiness and contentment, and how lucky and blessed he was to feel both, in such breathtaking quantities.
It was Lucy. She completed him. She made his life everything he had known it could someday be.
This was his dream. It was coming true, all around him, right there in his arms.
And then, right as they were standing at the window, one of the stars shot through the sky. It made a wide, shallow arc, and it almost seemed to Gregory that he heard it as it traveled, sparking and crackling until it disappeared from sight.
It made him kiss her. He supposed a rainbow would do the same, or a four-leafed clover, or even a simple snowflake, landing on his sleeve without melting. It was simply impossible to enjoy one of nature’s small miracles and not kiss her. He kissed her neck, and then he turned her around in his arms so that he could kiss her mouth, and her brow, and even her nose.
All seven freckles, too. God, he loved her freckles.
“I love you,” he whispered.
She laid her cheek against his chest, and her voice was hoarse, almost choked as she said, “I love you, too.”
“Are you certain you will not come with me now???
? He knew her answer, but he asked, anyway.
As expected, she nodded. “I must do this myself.”
“How will your uncle react?”
“I’m . . . not sure.”
He stepped back, taking her by the shoulders and even bending at the knees so that his eyes would not lose contact with hers. “Will he hurt you?”
“No,” she said, quickly enough so that he believed her. “No. I promise you.”
“Will he try to force you to marry Haselby? Lock you in your room? Because I could stay. If you think you will need me, I could remain right here.” It would create an even worse scandal than what currently lay ahead for them, but if it was a question of her safety . . .
There was nothing he would not do.
“Gregory—”
He silenced her with a shake of his head. “Do you understand,” he began, “how completely and utterly this goes against my every instinct, leaving you here to face this by yourself?”
Her lips parted and her eyes—
They filled with tears.
“I have sworn in my heart to protect you,” he said, his voice passionate and fierce and maybe even a little bit revelatory. Because today, he realized, was the day he truly became a man. After twenty-six years of an amiable and, yes, aimless existence, he had finally found his purpose.
He finally knew why he had been born.
“I have sworn it in my heart,” he said, “and I will swear it before God just as soon as we are able. And it is like acid in my chest to leave you alone.”
His hand found hers, and their fingers twined.
“It is not right,” he said, his words low but fierce.
Slowly, she nodded her agreement. “But it is what must be done.”
“If there is a problem,” he said, “if you sense danger, you must promise to signal. I will come for you. You can take refuge with my mother. Or any one of my sisters. They won’t mind the scandal. They would care only for your happiness.”
She swallowed, and then she smiled, and her eyes grew wistful. “Your family must be lovely.”
He took her hands and squeezed them. “They are your family now.” He waited for her to say something, but she did not. He brought her hands to his lips and kissed them each in turn. “Soon,” he whispered, “this will all be behind us.”